This chapter touches on emotional exhaustion and quiet moments of disconnect. Nothing graphic happens, but if you've ever felt weighed down or just… tired in a way that rest doesn't fix, this one might hit too close.
So read at your own pace. Take breaks if you need to, or skip it entirely. Noa will still be here tomorrow. And so are you. Okay? pinky swear?
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After the meal, I walked slowly back to my flat, my mind dragging behind me like dead weight. The world felt just a little too real now, and every step echoed louder than it should have. I opened the door, sat down heavily in the chair, and stared blankly at the ceiling. I felt a strange sadness. Something was missing from my Muriel. I just wasn't sure what it was. Feeling tired, I moved from the chair and lay down on my bed, eyes fixed upward. So much had happened recently, and there was still so much left for me to do. But right now, I didn't feel like doing anything. The ceiling felt empty, incomplete somehow. I convinced myself that taking one day of rest wouldn't hurt.
I lay there, thoughts gradually fading into nothingness, until eventually, I drifted off into sleep. When I woke, I immediately stared up at the ceiling again, momentarily thinking about getting up before remembering that there was no Academy today. The bed felt incredibly comfortable, stable beneath me, and my mind remained blissfully blank. I continued lying there, quietly studying the drawings and the stars scattered through it. Hours passed as I lay motionless, feeling utterly detached. I didn't feel the urge to move or do anything at all. Staying here felt right. Two days off wasn't unreasonable; it was fine to rest a little.
Another day passed, and I woke again. Still, no desire came to do anything but stare upward, my thoughts empty. At some point, I heard a faint knocking on the door, but I ignored it. I didn't feel like answering. I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed, unmoving, in peaceful comfort.
An envelope was slipped under the door, followed by retreating footsteps. I ignored it too. Opening it would mean the world would start moving again, and I wasn't ready for that. I wanted to remain where I was, comfortable and without effort. No pain from training, no sweat, no blood. Just my soft bed and silent mind. It felt so peaceful.
Another day blurred past me, another knock, another envelope slid beneath the door, but I barely noticed. My mind drifted aimlessly. I'd done so much in such a short time, and now all I wanted was nothingness. no more effort, no more suffering. I just wanted to lie quietly, undisturbed, in gentle silence.
The world grew quiet, and my thoughts went still. I could just lie there, silent as the world around me is, gazing blankly upward into nothingness…forev….
"Open up, you idiot!"
A loud shout and harsh knocking jolted me from my thoughts. I tried to ignore it. I wanted solitude, peace. I didn't want to feel the exhaustion or the tiredness anymore. I didn't want to think about anything. I just wanted to remain in peace.
Another muffled shout rang out before someone kicked the door open so violently that it crashed off its hinges. I wanted to react, but my body was sluggish and weak. Someone let out a panicked cry, "What happened to him?" and then another voice broke into tears. I felt someone moving me, but the darkness pulled me back, comforting me again as I drifted away.
When I finally woke up, confusion washed over me. The scenery had changed. I no longer saw the familiar drawings on my ceiling. Was it actually all a dream after all? Did I finally wake up? Confusion was gripping my thoughts hard. Then I noticed Shizuru sitting by my bedside, asleep but clearly troubled. I saw faint traces of dried tears streaking her cheeks.
The door opened quietly, and someone walked in. A woman who seemed familiar but was too far away for me to see clearly, especially since my vision was still blurry. I felt her sadness clearly, though. As her eyes settled on me, the sadness shifted quickly into relief, then swiftly into anger. The closer she approached, the stronger the urge became for me to shrink away from her gaze.
I thought weakly, "Ah… Ayaka. My personal childhood doctor. Man, did I screw up or what?". Although I could feel anger radiating from her, she remained quiet, carefully restraining herself. Ayaka approached cautiously, took my hand, and gently injected chakra to examine my condition.
She sighed deeply as she sat down beside me, her voice firm and controlled as she asked, "What were you thinking?"
I sighed in response, attempting to speak, but ended up coughing painfully instead. My throat felt like sandpaper. Ayaka handed me some water, instructing softly, "Drink slowly." I sipped carefully, unable to speak clearly yet.
She remained silent, staring at me with a heartbreaking mix of anger, pity, and sadness. Finally, she whispered, "How can a child carry such a heavy burden? What could have caused this? You haven't been to war or even left the village. What could possibly weigh you down like this? What were you thinking?" That last question was heavily emphasized.
I took another slow drink, coughing slightly as I finally managed a weak reply, "Have you checked the markets recently? Prices are through the roof." I forced a small grin.
My joke only made her angrier. Her hand twitched, almost as if she wanted to slap me, but she managed to hold back, barely containing her overwhelming emotions. Abruptly, she stood up, turning away as she muttered in a trembling voice, "I can't be the one healing you. I'm too attached. Another medic-nin will follow up on your condition."
Yeah, seeing a kid in that state would fu*k up anyone, I thought. I turned my head to gaze out the window, letting the gentle orange hues of the sunset softly illuminate the room while a cool, calming breeze brushed my skin.
I smiled faintly, whispering only one thing "What a beautiful world."
Shizuru stirred awake, blinking with confusion. When she saw me sitting up and gazing at the sunset, she let out a surprised cry, "Noa, you're finally awake!" Her joy quickly turned into sadness again, eyes filling with tears as she choked out, "Noa... you idiot... stupid... why didn't you answer? You're... my only friend at the Academy. I don't have anyone else to talk to like you..."
I sighed softly, reaching out to pat her head. "Now you decide to act your age," I murmured gently, allowing a small smile to cross my lips.