"Stop looking at me like that!"
Inside the Uzushio clan hall, Killer B stared at Akio with the most wounded expression imaginable.
"Elder, you created five hundred shadow clones, five hundred! Why couldn't you just let me finish the show before dispelling them?" B looked genuinely heartbroken. Even fake fans were still fans in his book.
Akio sighed dramatically.
"In your eyes… do I look like someone with endless years left to live?"
"Uh… well, you are long-lived…"
Akio lowered his voice.
"Even if that's true, I'd still prefer to live at least two years longer."
B: "…"
His rap career had just been slandered.
But he forced a smile anyway. "Elder, how about we host another concert? A real one this time. We'll sell tickets for real, you'll headline, and we won't need your clones to fill the seats!"
Akio eyed him.
"Oh? Hooked already? What's your angle this time?"
B hesitated, then asked quietly, "Yo… Elder, you're still single, right?"
Akio inhaled deeply and smiled, too calmly.
"What a fantastic idea. Come with me. Let's discuss this next concert… thoroughly."
B brightened and followed him eagerly.
"Your student Nagato sold five hundred tickets! If you take the stage, we could hit two thousand, no doubt!"
"Two thousand?" Akio scoffed, peering around. "Dream bigger. At least ten thousand."
"Ten thou"
B froze mid-step. He hurriedly pulled out a notepad.
"Yo! That's the spark, inspiration!"
Akio's expression went flat.
"And here's another feeling: pain."
B blinked, confused.
Inside him, Gyūki suddenly yelled, "Idiot! Run!"
"Wha....AAAH!"
"Lots of muscle… durable… excellent punching bag."
Akio dusted off his hands, looking thoroughly refreshed. He'd wanted to do that for a long time.
If Minato hadn't teleported in, he wouldn't have stopped.
"How are Nagato and Konan doing?" Akio asked.
Minato winced, glancing at B's twitching body on the floor.
"They're… okay."
Akio stiffened. Okay? What did that mean? Shouldn't Konan have thrown herself into Nagato's arms by now?
Minato clarified, "At least all five hundred spectators were your clones."
B jerked upright, defeated.
"That's not how it was supposed to go…"
Akio gave him a single look.
B flopped back down with a scream.
Akio sighed. "Young people need to sort things out their own way. I'm old; I shouldn't butt in too much."
Even as he said it, guilt gnawed at him. He suspected he may have catastrophically over-engineered the situation.
Minato: "…"
On behalf of Nagato, thank you for nothing.
Over the next few days, Akio didn't dare visit Nagato or Konan. He only checked in through Minato and Kushina.
Nagato the lonely bachelor had delivered the most awkward confession in shinobi history, crafted by two other bachelors who were absolutely the wrong people to ask for romantic advice. Thankfully, all witnesses had been Akio's clones or close friends, no outside gossip, no public humiliation.
Bottom line: Nagato had confessed.
Konan hated the method, but she hadn't rejected him outright. That alone meant she cared.
A matter of time.
At Ichiraku Akioen, Akio let out a long, relieved breath.
"See? When I play matchmaker, it never fails."
Across from him, Kushina pinched the bridge of her nose.
"You nearly split them apart."
Little Naruto made a face at him. "Dummy gramps."
Akio scoffed.
"How is that my fault? If I hadn't sent you to Konoha, Kushina, you'd never have met Minato. And you, Naruto without me, there wouldn't even be a you!"
Kushina blinked. "…Excuse me?"
Akio coughed.
"I mean, if you hadn't gone to Konoha, you'd have married someone local, and your kid might've been named Uzumaki Naruko or something…"
He sighed deeply.
"Honestly, girls are so much easier to raise. This brat's too wild."
Kushina glared.
"This is why you gave Naruto that ridiculous little topknot last week?"
"You liked it," Akio shot back.
Naruto wilted.
"Anyway," Akio continued, "didn't you have a mission today with Kimimaro and the others? Why are you free?"
"They just became genin, so they're starting with D-rank jobs. Today's assignment? Fishing at the shoreline."
Kushina smiled. "They don't need me hovering."
Akio chuckled. In Uzushio, fishing missions were practically a tradition light work, good training, and you brought dinner home.
"And you?" Kushina asked. "Why aren't you watching the Eight-Tails jinchūriki today?"
"Oh, we sparred too hard yesterday. He probably can't get out of bed."
Akio's recent hobby was beating up Killer B.
Not just because of Nagato but because he'd made the mistake of reading B's rap notebook. His eyes were still recovering.
Kushina sighed sympathetically.
"Now that Nagato and Konan are doing better… when will you let him go?"
Akio considered. To his surprise… he was reluctant.
"Jinchūriki really are built tough," he muttered, his gaze drifting toward Naruto.
"He's a child," Kushina snapped immediately.
Akio blinked.
"He's six. Time for the academy."
Kushina nodded.
"Exactly. And academy life is important. I'll put him in the best class and ask Uncle Goshō to be his homeroom teacher. He'll get proper guidance."
Akio nodded. "Yes… he needs good discipline."
Naruto looked back and forth between them, then sagged dramatically over the table.
"I wanna go to Konoha…"
Kushina scooped him up. "Konoha is full of bad people. We're not going."
"I wanna go…" Naruto muttered.
Kushina sighed and looked at Akio.
"See? This is what Danzō caused. You should've finished him off when you had the chance. He deserved it."
Akio opened his mouth
Then text flashed across his vision:
"Minor witness + major alteration to Naruto main plot:
Danzō's death.
Witness Points +30."
Akio froze.
What?
Was Kushina casting a curse or something?
Naruto grumbled, "Konoha has good people too. Aunt Mikoto, Grandpa Third… Konoha's fine. Only Akio is mean."
Kushina bristled.
"That Third Hokage isn't as kind as he looks! He set me and Minato up back then, and now he's sitting back doing nothing, he ought to"
"STOP!" Akio cut in immediately.
"One more word and I'm going to die."
Kushina: "???"
---
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