Naruto was busy all day, so busy that he occasionally had a clone fill in for him even during his prison time.
The guard's room wasn't large, a four-person dorm. Tie Zhu didn't dare to rummage much, only checking his own area.
Besides a bottle of wine wrapped in kraft paper found under the bed and the duty roster, he didn't find even a single piece of paper.
Sitting on the bed, holding the wine, he glanced at the clock. It was almost time to get off work. Tie Zhu felt he should do something, or he'd be exposed sooner or later.
He got up and went into the bathroom, first pouring the wine down the toilet and flushing it away, then refilling half the bottle with dwarf's wine. Items from the warehouse could be thrown into the small space's trash bin. As long as the wine was sent away before it reached his throat, it didn't count as drinking.
Because Kushina wouldn't allow drinking.
Even though his mom had been gone for fifteen years, Naruto was a good boy; he had to listen to his mom. As for not letting her get hurt, that was impossible; she got hurt the day he was born.
He just didn't know if this mom counted as his biological mom, stepmom, or biological stepmom.
Once ready, Tie Zhu activated his secret technique, "Nine-Second Death," to raise his body temperature. When his face was flushed, he had Kurama stop the increasingly rapid chakra.
He practiced his drunken swaying in front of the mirror, waiting for them to return.
About ten minutes later, the sound of the door opening echoed. A few seconds later, the older prison guard's voice came, "Shouhei, where are you?"
Seeing no response, he smelled the faint scent of wine in the room, followed the scent to the bathroom door, "You're..."
"Flush..."
Tie Zhu pressed the toilet flush button at the opportune moment, then swayed left and right as he pushed the door open, squinting as if trying to discern who had arrived. He then exclaimed, as if suddenly understanding, "Yo... Old Brother... you're... back."
Then he pretended to fall.
The older guard quickly supported him and led him back to the bed, saying with a hint of displeasure, "You little rascal, I went through all that trouble helping you get leave, and you're secretly drinking in the dorm."
Tie Zhu leaned against the railing, his hands waving unconsciously, his voice fluctuating. "I... I'm... happy!"
The older guard shook his head at his state, picked up a water cup, and walked to the water dispenser to get water. "Still happy, after how you were last night and drinking again today, I think you're tired of living."
Tie Zhu continued, "It's because of this... that I'm happy, Old Brother. You don't know how many times I... came last night... hehe, it'd scare you... a full thirteen times."
The older guard, halfway through filling his cup, ran back. "Really? You, of all people?"
He knew what this kid's usual stamina was like. In the middle of the night, two creaks from his bed and he'd be fast asleep. Thirteen times?
"You're not talking nonsense because you drank too much, are you?"
This wasn't the first time; it used to be like this too. This kid loved to brag when he drank.
Tie Zhu wiped the corners of his mouth, lingeringly saying, "You just don't know how amazing that girl is. Yesterday, I was done, but then I got excited and bit her, and guess what? My stamina recovered!"
The older guard asked suspiciously, "There's such a thing?"
"I wouldn't lie to you, would I?" Tie Zhu, still feigning drunkenness, "If you don't believe me, go try it yourself."
Tie Zhu just wanted him to go, then he would have a clone take his shift, and also have Sasuke mesmerize him with his Sharingan to ask some questions.
"Trying isn't hard, but..." The older guard hesitated. Other things were fine, but that fat woman who managed the keys was too difficult to deal with.
At this moment, the other two roommates also returned to the dorm. As soon as they opened the door and came in, one of them took a deep sniff. "What did you two do? It smells so strongly of alcohol?"
"Nothing," the older guard said. The less people knew about this kind of thing, the better, otherwise there would be no fun left. He asked, "Kohana, are those two packs of cigarettes you hid under your pillow still there?"
That fat woman was addicted to cigarettes. Without them, she couldn't be swayed.
"You even know that?"
"Nonsense, last time you moved around in your sleep, and your pillow fell down and almost killed me."
At ten o'clock that night, the older prison guard woke up Tie Zhu, who was pretending to be asleep, "Let's go, Little Brother, you'll help Big Brother watch the door tonight."
"Mmm," Tie Zhu nodded, saying little, as too many words would lead to mistakes.
Walking behind him, Tie Zhu urgently contacted Kurama: "Big Fox, help me call the main body back to receive guests."
"Call him yourself next time, this old man is busy," Kurama, whose show was interrupted, sounded annoyed.
He compressed and expanded his belly, launching Naruto: "Your clone says you have guests at the prison."
Naruto: "???" What does "receive guests" mean?
"What else did he say?" Naruto asked.
"Don't know."
Naruto hammered his belly hard, enjoying the sensation of surfing: "Can you ask for me?"
"You guys are so troublesome," Kurama mumbled, closing his eyes to transmit the message. After a while, he said, "He told you to contact Sasuke first."
He grumbled, but his actions...
"Okay." Naruto sent a clone to Orochimaru's hideout, while he himself returned to the prison to wait.
The steps were similar to yesterday. After knocking out the older prison guard, Naruto took him to the small island and splashed water on him.
Perhaps the beating was a bit too hard, as he didn't wake up with the first bucket. Fortunately, he woke up with the second, otherwise Naruto, the man in this prison, would have had a head injury.
He delivered him to Sasuke and urged, "Quick, hypnotize him."
Sasuke observed the whole process. You dragged me here in the middle of the night just for this? Aren't you too idle?
Opening his Sharingan and giving a casual glare, Sasuke then glared at Naruto, saying nothing.
"Alright, you can go now," Naruto opened a portal.
Sasuke kept staring. If he wasn't weaker, he would really want to kill him.
After sending Sasuke away, Naruto turned to the older prison guard, "Now, I ask, you answer."
Naruto questioned him for over two hours, only then getting enough information. Then he had Naruko replace him and sent him to the Land of Snow as a backup.
This way, the two could look after each other, and if anything was unclear, they could hypnotize and investigate at any time, reducing the chance of exposure.
With most of the problem solved, Naruto was very happy. Lying in his cell, he hummed a tune that no one could recognize: "Iron bars, iron windows..."
Before he could finish singing, his vision suddenly went black.
"Thump!"
Kurama retrieved his cola cup, checked the bottom to make sure it was fine, then refilled it. Please stop singing. You're driving me crazy.
Naruto had a great plan, but the next day, Naruko, transformed into the older prison guard, leaned against the bed, pretending to be drunk and giggling with the half-bottle of wine left by Tie Zhu.
Kohana, curious, came over and asked, "What happened, Brother, you're so happy?"
Naruko patted his shoulder, "Little Brother, you don't know, that red-haired girl in 233..."
Naruko's idea was simple: two people looking out for each other was good, but three was better. It felt a bit unfair to leave out Moye if he and Tie Zhu were having fun. But Moye owes me a chance to appear. This is a bit difficult. Should I just copy and paste myself?
"Really?" Kohana said, incredulously. There's a woman with such abilities in the world?
"Big Brother has personally verified it, how could it be fake? If you don't believe me, go try it yourself."
"I'd like to, but that fat hag..."
"Don't worry, I've got everything covered."
The next day, Moye, transformed into Kohana, stood on the roof of the dorm building, drinking in the wind and occasionally smiling.
A guard who was good friends with Kohana saw him, walked over, and asked, "What happened? You're so happy?"
"Shinichi, you don't know, that one in 233..."
Better to share joy than keep it to oneself. It's a bit disloyal to play around with those two and not bring the other clones. Anyway, there are already three, so what's one more?
Just like that, word spread from one to ten, and from ten to a hundred. In less than five days, all the prison guards knew that there was a red-haired girl in cell 233 of the female section: beautiful, good in bed, and could heal. Go once, and she'd guarantee you'd blackout from drinking and feel like a deity.
Naruto was furious. This is what you call 'better to share joy than keep it to oneself'? You want them to line up for me?
I came here to steal the Box of Ultimate Bliss, not to be a prostitute! What the hell are you guys doing?!
On the seventh day, the fat woman in charge of the keys suddenly brought over a calendar and stuck it outside Naruto's cell door. It was densely packed with names, not missing a single day.
Naruto: "..."
Screw your calendar! Is this how a calendar is supposed to be used?
Why don't you just get an annual calendar and make me work non-stop all year?
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