The weight of the past still lingered between them, even after their reunion. Some scars healed with time, but others needed to be handled head-on.
Arthur could feel it every time Nick grabbed him a bit tighter, every time he kissed him as if he were scared Arthur would vanish. Something was still burdening Nick, and Arthur needed to know what.
It was a quiet evening, and they sat together on the rooftop of their new apartment, the city extending below them in shimmering lights. The mild breeze conveyed the murmur of faraway traffic and the odd laughter from passersby. It should have been calm. But Arthur could feel the storm growing inside Nick.
Arthur turned to him, his fingers delicately tracing circles against Nick's hand.
"Nick," he whispered, shattering the cozy silence. "Can we talk about… that year? The year you were gone?"
Nick stiffened slightly, his grip on Arthur's hand tightening. Arthur felt the reluctance in him, the way he seemed to brace himself, but after a deep breath, Nick offered a slight nod.
"Yeah," Nick responded, his voice subdued. "We can talk about it."
Nick's Struggles
Nick let out a deep breath, his gaze fixated on the horizon as if gazing too closely at Arthur would make this tougher.
"When I left, I didn't know where I was going," he started. "I just knew I couldn't stay in Bangkok. I couldn't stay in our apartment, at our university, in the life we established together. Everywhere I turned, I saw you. I saw us. And it ached too much."
Arthur swallowed hard, his chest constricting. He had spent that entire year seeking Nick, but Nick had been running—from him, from their memories, from himself.
"I ended up in a small village in the countryside," Nick said, his voice strained. "I didn't tell anyone where I was. I hired a modest room above a grocery store. There was no internet, no TV, just… stillness. I spent my days exploring the fields, trying to clear my head. But no matter where I went, I couldn't escape the guilt and the regret."
Arthur watched as Nick squeezed his hands into fists, his knuckles white.
"I kept thinking about the look on your face that night," Nick said "The way you begged me to believe you. The way I walked away from you, thinking I was the one who had been injured. I kept replaying it over and over again, and the more I thought about it, the more I despised myself."
Arthur's fingers trembled as he sought Nick's hand, forcing it open so he could hold their fingers together.
"You were hurting too," Arthur remarked gently. "You were misled and manipulated, and you let your jealousy get to you."
Nick shook his head, his jaw clenched.
"That's not an excuse," he murmured. "I should have trusted you. I should have given you an opportunity to explain. Instead, I let my doubts and jealousy wreck everything."
His voice cracked on the final phrase, and Arthur felt the unspoken weight of it all.
The stillness stretched between them, heavy and thick with grief.
And then Nick spoke again.
Arthur had never asked about it before, too terrified of the answer. But today, with Nick leaving his heart naked, he finally found the courage.
"The fake relationship with Mia," Arthur remarked, his voice barely above a whisper. "Why did you do it?
Nick inhaled sharply, his shoulders drooping.
"I thought it would make you jealous," Nick said. "I thought if you saw me moving on, you'd realize what you were losing and come back to me."
Arthur felt like the air had been knocked out of his lungs.
Nick had wanted to hurt him. Not because he disliked him, but because he had wanted Arthur to chase him, to prove he still loved him.
"But I was wrong," Nick said, his voice filled with sadness "So wrong. It didn't make you chase me. It didn't make anything better. It just harmed you more."
Arthur swallowed hard. "And you used Mia? "
Nick sighed. "She just…agreed to the arrangement because I begged her. It wasn't real. I never had feelings for her; you know she is my best friend. I shared all my hurt with her." She warned me that it would backfire, and I didn't listen. I was just wallowing in pain at that time.
"I didn't know it would hurt you so much," Nick murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "I thought you'd just be angry. I expected you'd come find me and demand explanations. But then I heard what happened… when I heard you were in the hospital…"
Nick's voice cracked, and he hid his face in his hands.
"I almost lost you," Nick muttered, his shoulders quivering. "And it was my fault."
Arthur glanced at him, astonished by the apparent pain in his words.
"Nick," Arthur whispered softly but firmly. "I forgave you a long time ago. But I need you to forgive yourself and forgive me too."
Nick shook his head, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
"How can I? he whispered. "After everything I did? After everything I put you through? "
Arthur felt his own eyes sting, but he refused to let Nick descend more into his pain.
"Because we're here now," Arthur said. "Because we've been through hell, and we've come out stronger on the other side. Because I love you, and I know you love me."
Nick let out a broken moan, and his shoulders shook as he finally allowed himself to cry.
Arthur grabbed him into his arms, wrapped him in a tight embrace, holding him as if he could hide him from his own demons.
"I'm so sorry," Nick muttered. "I'm so sorry, Arthur."
Arthur put a kiss on Nick's hair, his own tears streaming as he pulled him close.
"I know," Arthur responded. "And I forgive you. But you have to let it go, Nick. You have to let things go so we can go forward."
Nick clung to him, his fingers grabbing the back of Arthur's shirt as if letting go would make him disappear again.
Arthur held him tightly.
"I'm here," Arthur muttered. "I'm not leaving."
They sat there for a long time, locked in each other's arms, as the city lights twinkled below them.
After what felt like hours, Nick eventually pulled away, his eyes burning but filled with something else this time—a fresh drive.
"I love you," Nick murmured, his voice firm. "And I'm never letting you go again."
Arthur grinned, running a thumb over Nick's cheek.
"I love you too," Arthur responded. "And I'm never letting you go either." I am also sorry for using Ake to make you jealous, I searched everywhere for you. I never stopped searching for you. I wanted to let you know that I know the whole truth, but you disappeared from the face of the earth. That's why I used Ake to get you back, because I was very sure that when you started seeing me on social media with someone else, there was nowhere you would not come back to me. I was very sure that despite all, you were still going to come back to me. I was angry at you, very angry that you decided for yourself that you are not good for me. Nick, we grew up together, we have been through so many things together, and you think you are not good for me?
Nick answered, You really had me there. I couldn't handle it, dude.
A breeze swept through the rooftop, warm and soothing.
For the first time in a long time, Arthur felt light. Like the ghosts of their past had finally relinquished their grip.
There was still healing to do, still wounds that would take time to fade.
But they had each other. And it was enough.