"Well, guys, have you bought and hoarded everything that you will, might, or may need?" I asked the troublemakers of the group while looking at suitcases, bags, boxes and even trash bags full to the brim and taking up the entirety of the living room.
"Luna, will 20 pounds of different teas be enough for you to last an entire month?" I sarcastically asked the lusty elf.
She had the goal to actually think before answering. "While the amount should be sufficient, the variety is a bit limited."
"Fine, whatever. Next up, Pain, just how many sex toys did you buy?"
"All I could find." The dragon answered with a lewd smile. "Now I just need an unsuspecting victim to test them all on, but seeing as this world doesn't sell slaves, I'll find someone on the other side."
"Did you buy anything else?"
"Why would I?"
I was about to pop a vein. "Okay then… Moving on. Alpha?" I looked at the half filled back pack at her feet. "You might want to buy more. I mean, is this enough for you?"
"I neither care for what I wear or where I sleep, so I don't need much." She answered.
"Low maintenance. Admirable. Next up, Lilia…" I looked at her two large suitcases. "Phone, extra phone, extra, extra phone?"
"Check." She saluted as if this was a military equipment check up.
"Chargers?"
"Check."
"Enough sugary snacks to last a lifetime?"
"All here, sir." She opened one of the suitcases that was filled to the brim with sweets.
"A tooth brush and paste?"
"I'll tell my sister that I forgot."
"Good kid."
"Thank you, sir."
"Power banks?"
"All twenty fully operational and charged."
"An emergency generator for the event that you exhaust all of your power banks?"
"Ready and operational. I made sure it works and that I am able to operate it by myself since you're too stu-busy to help."
"You almost slipped up there, but good save."
"Thank you, sir." Lilia smiled. "I also procured a tank of fuel."
"Did you download your favorite anime, you tube videos and cartoons?"
"... I'm ashamed to admit that I haven't thought about that yet, sir. I'll do it right away."
"Hurry up, since we're leaving today. Oh, and why did you start calling me 'sir' today?"
"It seemed fun."
"Good. Always remember what I told you…"
"If it's fun - do it, if it's not fun, don't do it, sir." She saluted again.
"Good girl, you'll become a fine grown up, just…"
"Never tell my sister about anything that you teach me."
"Good. You truly make me proud." I dried an imaginary tear. "Now go to your room and start downloading. Dismissed."
"Yes, sir." Another salute and she was running off.
"Now then, where is Liz?" I asked the remaining ones. "She should have finished packing by now."
Pain shrugged.
"She had forgotten to buy something and is shopping right now." Alpha replied.
"You know that I keep you two just so that you could protect her, don't you?" I asked the two dragons. "I mean, I get Pain slacking off, but you too, Alpha?"
"It's a peaceful world." Alpha's voice was deadpan. "The probability of someone getting hurt on the street in this country, in this city, at the current hour is…"
"Fine, fine, fine." I interrupted. "I'll forgive you this once, just spare me the statistics."
The doorbell rang. "This must be her." I said, walking towards the door. When I opened it, to my great disappointment, instead of a pretty red head, I was greeted by an old man. "What do you want, Galahad?" I asked.
"Aren't you going to invite me in?" He asked.
"I am going to close the door in exactly five seconds, if you don't give me a reason to keep it open in that time."
"Isn't our friendship a good enough reason?"
"We're not friends. I just use you as a free babysitter and a money bag. Goodbye." I began closing the door.
"Wait, kid, not so fast, I have something to discuss with you." The old man put his hand in the doorway.
"The last guy to do this lost four fingers, so think carefully." I said, looking at his hand, but continuing to close the door.
"Okay, hear me out…" He pulled out his hand, but placed a black briefcase in the same doorway. "These are the ownership documents and stocks of the former Long corporation, Everything that I was able to buy up. I thought that they might interest you."
"Thanks." I pulled the briefcase inside and slammed the door shut. The doorbell rang again. Then again and again. Then it continuously rang for a few minutes. I slightly opened the door again. "What now?"
"You know, kid, when someone in the business world does you a favor, that someone usually wants something in return."
"Like what?"
"First of all, why the rush? Second of all, can I come in?"
"I'm trying to return to the other side as fast as possible, because I just found out that the Mist forest located in the kingdom of Greenwood is covered by flowers that release a mist that causes hallucinations and paranoia. Those that breathe in the mist lose all sense of direction and slowly wander deeper inside where they die a miserable death and become a fertilizer for the flowers. Pretty cool, right?"
"I wouldn't call a miserable death cool." The old man said, then added. "Did Liz dump you again and can I come in?"
"Our relationship is as solid as a rock, thank you very much." I answered. "The cool thing isn't death, but the hallucinations and paranoia, I have never experienced anything like that no matter how much poison I took, so, I'm thinking that, if I eat half of the flowers in the Mist forest, I'll get to go on a trip of a lifetime."
"What does Elizabeth have to say about that and can I come in?"
"She doesn't have to know about it."
"I see, but can I come in? I really have something to discuss with you."
I looked at my watch. "Five minutes."
"Twenty." Galahad countered.
"Ten."
"15 and a cup of coffee."
"15, but no coffee."
"... A glass of water then?"
"No."
"Fine, let me in."
I fully opened the door. "Be my guest." I took a seat on the sofa and gestured Galahad to the floor in front. "Well?"
"The thing that you used to turn me into what I am now, can you sell me some more?" He said after sitting. "There are some people in the same position as I was back then - sick and willing to try anything in order to regain their health."
"No. It would be irresponsible to give such power to just anyone."
"...The people that I am speaking of are rich." He said after a moment.
"Start with that next time. But my answer is still no."
"I see… It's a shame, but…"
"But I have something far more potent, far less painful and completely safe instead." I interrupted. "It won't make you strong, it just heals."
"...And you didn't use that on me because?"
"I needed a guinea pig."
"I could have died and the pain was unbearable."
"But you didn't and now look at you - as healthy as an ox and as strong as a tank. You should be thanking me."
"I want my money back."
"No."
"Then ten doses of the safe and painless medicine."
"Ten gold each."
"How much is that in USD?"
"Donno. Let's just wing it and say - 100 thousand."
"For ten small gold coins?"
"Don't forget the import tax of a thousand percent."
The doorbell rang again and I went to check it out. I opened it expecting to see a busty cat girl, but to my disappointment, it was a little girl and her chaperone with a bandaged hand. "What is it, Calvin, Maria?" I asked through the crack.
"Listen, Alex…" Maria began, fidgeting with her arms, as if not knowing what to do with them. "I… I wanted to thank you for saving me and to apologize for looking down upon you for all this time." She finally stammered. "And I…"
"Apology accepted." I slammed the door shut and walked back to the old man. "Sorry about that, it seems that we have a bit more time."
"Let me get straight to the point." He said, looking serious. "How many doses of this miracle drug do you have?"
"It's called a health potion and I have…" I began retrieving them from the dimensional ring and stacking onto the table. A few minutes later, the table was covered from side to side with vials of various sizes and shapes. "About this much."
"These ones are the low grade potions." I pointed to the vials on the right side of the table that were noticeably bigger and the shape and craftsmanship cruder. "These are mid grades." I pointed to the ones in the middle - slightly smaller and more intricate. "And these are the high grades." I pointed to the ones on the left side - the size of a small perfume bottle, adorned with gold and jewels."
"The low grades are fine for mostly any injury, some simple diseases and most, if not all poisons. The mid grade ones are good for most diseases and everything that the low grades are good for and the high grades are pretty much a wonder drug that cures all and extends life." I said. "Not by a lot though."
"I see…" Galahad said and began to think. "With the advancements in modern medicine the low grade ones are almost obsolete, so what would be the price of the mid and high grades?"
"You shouldn't underestimate the low grade potions." I said. "While they are comparable to the treatment you can receive in a hospital, you aren't always in one. Meaning that, if you get shot or stabbed on the street, or in some remote area - when you have no time to wait and the ambulance is still far away, a low grade health potion can definitely save your life."
"As for the price - the low grade potion is ten gold, the mid grade is 50 and the high grade is 250. Ad the import tax, the handling tax, the currency exchange tax and all other taxes that I can think of, the price rises to 100 thousand for the low grade potion, 500 thousand for the mid grade potion and 2.5 million for the high grade one."
"Can I get a bulk discount?"
"This is the bulk discount." I calmly answered. "You should hurry up and buy before I think up any more taxes."
"Okay, I…" The old man wasn't able to finish his sentence before the doorbell rang and I sprinted to the door.
I expected to see a total bombshell of a girl, but, to my disappointment, it was the pizza guy. "Is this the address for…" The guy counted the boxes. "13 family size pizzas?"
"Yeah, gimmie." I grabbed the boxes and was about to slam the door shut, but the guy had the audacity to ask to be paid. "hold on a second, I'll get my wallet." I said and turned to the old man. "Galahad, take care of this please." Then turned back to the pizza guy. "My wallet is coming, now gimmie."
The pizza guy held onto the boxes until the old man came and paid. I was about to close the door again, when a soft voice addressed me. "Um… Big brother…" I looked in the direction of the sound and saw that the two from before hadn't left yet. "Big brother, I…"
"I'm not your brother." I said and slammed the door, then walked back to the living room, sat down on the couch and took out a slice of pizza. "So, you're buying or not?" I asked the old man after taking a bite.
"I'll take one of each for now to test the effectiveness and decide after that." He answered, then added. "Can I get a slice of pizza with the purchase?"
"No."
"Fair enough." He stood up, grabbed three vials from the table and began walking to the kitchen. "I'll deposit the money in a few days."
"Okay, but… The door is that way."
"I know, but since you didn't offer me coffee, I'll just make a cup for myself before I leave."
The doorbell rang again, so I went to take a look. "I swear, I'll cave in the face of the one at the door this time." I muttered to myself. I opened the door and was about to punch, when I saw a beautiful red head standing before me. "Hey, Liz, where have you been?" I asked, lowering my fist.
"I simply had to buy these spices." She said, showing me her haul."
"Okay, everyone's here, we can go now." I said and dragged her inside.
I was about to slam the door, when I heard someone crying. "Big… Big brother, I'm… I'm sorry."
"Okay." I slammed the door and went to the living room. "Gather around, my minions and subjects, for the time is near." I said loud enough for everyone to hear. "There are 14 minutes remaining until one full month has passed, meaning that we must go and fulfill my contract."
I began loading all the baggage into the dimensional ring while everyone gathered around. "Not you, Galahad, you're not invited." I said to the freeloader stealing coffee.
"Fine… Next time then?"
"No."
"..."
"Lock up when you leave."
The minute of the crossing was coming close, less than two minutes before the journey, Jane bursted out of her room. "Adam, wait! This is the plan to improve the livelihoods of the Icathian kingdom's people that I painstakingly compiled over the days, please take it." She handed me a stack of notebooks.
I looked at the notes. "What are you talking about?" I asked. "Why would I need the notes, if I am taking the one that compiled them with me?"
Jane looked stunned. "You mean… You mean you're taking me with you?"
"Naturally. Free labor."
Join me on patreon at patreon.com/BonsaiCat for early access to new chapters or buy my book 'How to rule a fantasy world' on Amazon. It's the same stuff that you read here, but I fucked up with the naming and the book is already out, so fuck it, let's go with this name for the book. I appreciate all of your support and your forgiveness for my utter incompetence. Best regards, BonsaiCat.