The dog remained safely hidden in Harry's bedroom for three days, eating his way through all their eggs and several rotisserie chickens. Harry had briefly left the dog alone in his room for a grocery run. When he came back, mama was standing arms on her hips waiting for him.
"What do you have in your room?"
"Uh-"
"Because I went up there to grab your laundry and I saw a tail peeking out from underneath your bed."
"I was bored," Harry defended.
"Show me it," she ordered and dragged him upstairs.
"Here, boy!" He reluctantly said to the obvious tail thumping underneath his mattress. The dog he'd named Spot (despite it being devoid of any such markings) happily wiggled out and grinned up at the two. "Can't I keep him? He's really well behaved and you didn't even notice!"
She glared down at the happy dog.
"Normally, I would not mind, however -" She gave Spot a look usually reserved for her victims. "That is not a dog! That is a grown-ass man! Reveal yourself."
The dog whimpered, backing up against the wall. Her wand was out in an instant and Harry's beloved pet was replaced by a thin, unkempt man with oily hair and an overgrown beard. Harry reeled back in shock. That explained the fleas.
"I can explain! I can explain! I know it looks bad, let me explain! I'm sorry." The man shouted and held out his hands in surrender.
"Hurry up then!"
"My name is Sirius Black. Harry, I am your godfather, I would never hurt you. I just escaped from Azkaban to find you, to make sure you were safe. I was supposed to be your guardian after your parents - if it wasn't for that stupid FUCKING RAT PETTIGREW." His voice was hoarse and frantic.
"Oh, yeah, I remember. We were supposed to visit you in prison." Harry said, unbothered by the whole affair.
"Hold on, Arthur told me about you. Didn't you murder a dozen muggles? Aren't you Voldemort's right-hand man?" Alabasandria asked.
"I was framed! It was all lies! I would never betray Harry's parents! That was Peter. He was James and Lily's secret keeper, not me. He revealed your location to Voldemort, and then he tricked everyone into thinking I had killed him, so he could escape. He's out there, SOMEWHERE, in his own animagus form. I will find that traitorous RAT AND KILL HIM!" The man panted with rage and exertion. Alabasandria kept her wand pointed firmly at him. For a man claiming to be innocent, he was truly acting the part of a deranged murderer.
"Right, so you escaped prison to get revenge on the guy who framed you for betraying my parents and to make sure that I was okay. But - you didn't actually murder anyone?" If Sirius had to guess the expression on Harry's face, it would be disappointment. Which was an odd thing for a child to feel about murder.
"Yes! And Peter is alive. I know where he is, I saw this in the paper just before I escaped." He pulled a yellowed piece of newspaper out of his dusty robes and showed them a photo of the Weasleys on vacation, Scabbers displayed on Ron's shoulder. He rambled on for a minute about animagi and missing fingers until Harry gently interrupted him.
"Ok, that's all easy enough to prove, isn't it? Mum and dad would know if you were lying." He looked over to his mama in confirmation, who shrugged. This was turning into an odd, convoluted scenario indeed. She'd been warned about Black in several letters from Arthur, Dumbledore, and the Ministry. Yet, if he'd had plans to kill or kidnap Harry, surely he would have done so already. As much as she loathed to reveal her necromancy to a complete stranger, it made sense to get the matter solved as quickly as possible. There was always the option to obliviate him. And, if the man turned out to be lying, and had impersonated a pet dog for malicious reasons, then she'd gladly gut him for potion supplies.
Harry summoned his parents to them. Lily was somehow absolutely coated in blood despite being a ghost. It appeared as though she'd fully embraced her new job as Death Eater Death Squad. They greeted their son warmly when the dead couple were interrupted by a low, keening whine from Black. Sirius cowered in the corner, his eyes impossibly wide. Alabasandria laughed at the sight. The poor man was handling the sight of ghosts far worse than a six-year-old Harry had. Was he about to pass out?
He did, flopping back onto the loveseat like a lifeless corpse.
"He's quite ill," she noted. "I don't think Azkaban suited him."
"Azkaban? What was he doing there?" James asked. "I'm glad you found Sirius, Harry. He's my best mate - the funniest bloke you'll ever meet, promise."
"So he didn't betray you to Voldemort?"
"What? Nope. That was Peter Pettigrew. Sirius was my brother, he would never have done such a thing."
"Well, it seems like Pettigrew framed him," Harry explained, quickly filling them in on the situation. "Oh ew! That means Ron's been living with a grown man for ages! Scabbers sleeps in his bed."
Alabasandria wrinkled her nose at the thought. "How disgusting. Don't worry Harry, we'll alert the Weasleys once they return from Egypt. I'm sure they won't mind if we kill him."
"You should keep him alive, and use Peter as evidence to get Sirius exonerated," Lily suggested.
"Yes, wonderful! He'll make such a perfect addition to your family. You'll have to tell him all about what we did to Snape, he'll love that." James cackled.
"What?" Alabasandria interrupted. "We are not keeping him. I have no use for a man."
"Mama! I think it would be cool to have a serial killer uncle! Can't we keep him?"
"No!"
....
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