I always thought I had it all under control.
That all I needed was someone
a man who'd love me just enough,
want me with a kind of hunger
that mirrored my own.
Someone possessive in the softest way, not to cage me,
but to show me I was his choice,
again and again.
I believed that would be enough.
And then… you came.
And I gave you everything.
Not because I had to ,
but because my heart didn't know any other way.
Even knowing it was short-term.
Even knowing I'd be the one to walk away first.
I still poured into you.
Physically. Emotionally.
I was there.
There for your silences.
For your outbursts.
For your sadness,
your laughter,
your exhaustion.
I became your anchor ,
the one person you could collapse into
when the weight of your world
grew too heavy.
But when I asked for the same ,
when I needed your voice
to quiet the noise in mine,
when I needed your arms
instead of your absence ,
suddenly, I was too much.
Suddenly, I was selfish.
Dramatic.
Annoying.
Suddenly… my love became a distraction.
And I didn't want to see it.
Didn't want to admit it.
But now, I feel it all.
My foolishness… laughing at me.
Mocking me for thinking love meant balance.
That what I gave would ever be returned.
That hearts work like scales shared even, fair and equal.
Today is just another day,
and yet again…
my reality is knocking on the door
of my emotional world.
It's tearing through the illusions I built
just to keep breathing.
I always thought my heart was a source of freedom ,
my right to love,
my proof that I was human.
But now, I don't know if it's a gift
or the cruelest trick.
I ache.
My heart aches.
And louder than that,
my mind laughs.
It laughs at the girl who thought
love would save her.
And yet…
even as it mocks me,
it still screams clarity ,
a truth my heart refuses to hear.
Maybe help is further than I thought.
Maybe healing feels impossible.
Because the hardest part of this pain
is knowing…
No one can save me but me.
And that…
might be my hardest battle yet.