The Next Day, Evening
Old Friends Bar
"Ted looks super nervous," Matthew, Lily, and Adam said, sitting together and watching Ted from afar. He was alone, fidgeting and checking his watch every few seconds.
"Hope he doesn't blurt out 'I love you' tonight," Adam teased.
"Fingers crossed," Lily and Matthew said with a helpless chuckle. "If this 'perfect match' gets spooked by that and thinks he's some flaky guy, it'd be such a shame if she just walked out."
"Isn't Ted kinda flaky though?" Adam quipped with a grin.
"Okay, enough picking on him," Lily said, nudging Adam. "Hey, while we've got time, why don't you tell us that bee lovers' story?"
"…" Adam's mouth twitched. "Bee lovers, my ass—it's The Legend of the Condor Heroes!"
"Same diff! Spill it already!" Lily pressed.
"Fine," Adam sighed. He'd promised them, so he launched into his edited version of the story.
The forbidden romance and epic vibes had Matthew and Lily gasping and oohing the whole time.
Soon, it hit 8 p.m.
Ted's "perfect match" finally strutted in, heels clicking.
"She's here," Adam said, spotting her first. He gave her a quick once-over—gorgeous, classy—and paused his storytelling to nudge Matthew and Lily.
"Wow! She's way younger and prettier than her pics!" Lily exclaimed.
"Ted's smitten," Matthew said, clocking his buddy's reaction like a pro.
"Of course he is," Lily giggled. "Even I'm swooning a little!"
"Ahem," Adam coughed. "Lily, can you chill? I know Matthew's cool with it and you're not actually going full-on girl-crush, but tone it down a bit, yeah?"
"Sorry!" Lily grinned sheepishly. "Got carried away. I'll try."
"They're chatting now," Matthew pointed out.
"Ugh, I can't hear what they're saying," Lily whined, craning her neck. "I told you we should've sat right next to them—we'd be in on the action! But nooo, you wouldn't let me."
"Please," Adam groaned. "You're already causing a scene from here. If we were next to them, you think this Anna Taylor wouldn't notice you? Who's on the date—Ted or you?"
"But I wanna know what they're talking about!" Lily huffed.
"Just ask me," Adam said with a smirk. "Lip-reading's not exactly rocket science."
"Then read it already!" Lily demanded.
"They're just small-talking," Adam said, watching their lips from a distance. "Ted's playing up their shared interests to impress her. Man, he's simping hard—like a total puppy."
"It's working, though, right?" Matthew countered.
"Yep," Adam nodded, seeing Ted and Anna cracking up nonstop. "The Lonely Hearts Club's matching system's got some logic to it."
Shared hobbies? If they line up enough, even if romance flops, you've still got a solid friend.
Take Howard and Amy from The Big Bang Theory. They barely spoke one-on-one before, and when they teamed up for that scavenger hunt, it was awkward as hell at first.
But their mutual love for Neil Diamond? That broke the ice. They ended up belting out his songs in the car, ditched the game, and hit a bar to sing duets in front of everyone—total blast!
That's The Big Bang Theory for you.
In any other show, Adam bet Howard and Amy would've sparked up like crazy.
Honestly, back in his old life watching that, he'd been sweating for Sheldon, terrified the writers would pull some dumb, messy twist.
Don't say it's impossible!
If Howard hadn't met Bernadette, he'd have been wild enough to try anything.
He'd hit on Penny nonstop right in front of Leonard.
He even stuck a pinhole camera in Penny's place once!
If the mood struck, would he turn down Amy?
And Amy? On that work trip with Bernadette, she'd let slip she was kinda into Howard's type too.
Why?
Sheldon was way too passive—wouldn't even play along!
Howard, though? Over-the-top flirty. For someone like Amy, whose hormones were always on edge, that vibe was tempting. Totally normal.
Emmm.
Of course, Bernadette secretly had a thing for cute, dorky Sheldon too—wanted to "teach him a few tricks."
Everyone's got their tastes.
People chase perfection—it's human!
Thankfully, this was The Big Bang Theory. After Amy and Bernadette spilled their fleeting crushes, they shut it down and forgot about it.
Otherwise, cue the avalanche of soap-opera nonsense.
"Huh," Adam said, pausing as he read their lips.
"What's up?" Lily pounced.
"Anna's a grade school teacher in town," Adam said, surprised. "Monica's family lives here too."
"A teacher!" Lily's eyes lit up even more. "Grade school teachers are the best!"
She was a preschool teacher herself—she'd totally hit it off with Anna.
With Robin gone, Lily felt like she'd found a new bestie candidate.
"Not bad at all," Matthew agreed.
He'd married a preschool teacher, and if his best bud Ted snagged a grade school one, their kids' early education was set!
"Oh no, trouble," Lily gasped. "Matthew, look!"
"Damn!" Matthew cursed, spotting it too. "It's Barney. He must've heard Ted's meeting his 'perfect match' here and came to mess it up."
Outside the bar's glass window, Barney stood watching Ted and Anna laugh, adjusting his tie with that classic Barney Stinson smirk, heading for the door.
"Don't sweat it," Adam said with a grin. "He's not ruining anything."
"What's your plan?" Lily asked, worried.
"Nothing," Adam said, still smiling.
Matthew and Lily stared at the entrance. Barney swaggered up, oozing charm, and reached to push the door open.
Then—bam!
A huge, buff bouncer blocked him.
Barney argued, clearly pissed, then pulled out cash—$20, then $50, finally $100.
But Franklin's magic failed him.
The bouncer didn't budge, grabbed Barney by the collar, and tossed him out like a ragdoll.
"What the—how?!" Lily yelped. "That makes no sense!"
Normally, at exclusive spots, bouncers secretly took bribes to let people in.
Even flirting worked—Lily once flashed her shirt in public and got waved through, no problem.
Her trick was straight out of Penny's playbook—those skimpy, see-through tops that scored free drinks. Same vibe!
"You blacklisted Barney, didn't you?" Matthew guessed.
The bouncer rejecting cash? Only one explanation: he couldn't take it, or he'd be fired.
Old Friends Bar was open for business—banning someone meant Barney was persona non grata.
"Did I do wrong?" Adam asked, laughing.
"It's kinda shady… but damn, this time you nailed it!" Lily grinned.
Barney showing up would've tanked Ted and Anna's date for sure.
He hated Ted chasing "perfect matches" or "soulmates." He wanted Ted single forever, his eternal wingman tearing up New York's dating scene.
(Chapter End)