"What is your feeling right now?"
Kai asked him curiously, as he turned his gazes towards the beautiful woman, though she's beautiful before but right now she even become much more beautiful to the point anyone could think that she's like a person from an illusion.
The woman looked back at Kai, and she smiled lightly, but her smiled contained a piece of helplessnes, pain, sorrow,sadness, grief, agony, relief and solace. Then a tears slowly dripping from her eyes, like a tears of falls that she kept hidden for many many years.
She put her hands in her face, trying to hide the beautiful face of a young woman who's crying uncontrollably, I could feel a lot of emotion flowing in the surrounding and all of that emotion is coming from the woman who's crying,it's complex and unexplainable like she experience something extremely dreadful at the same time, she also experience a salvation.
Then the woman slowly spoke, her voice is full of sadness, like a young woman who lost everything she loves.
"I-i-i experience a dream or maybe an illusion?, an illusion where I-i was reincarnated in a body of 7 years old kid and in the family full of love and everything a person could ever wish, as for a person like me who doesn't feel the love of her parents, then having this loving family it's like my life long dream and my deepest desired. but I remember my past like or my life here. I tried to think everything is just an illusion because of my memory from previous life or my life now"
She stopped absurbly, I feel her pain while trying to remember everything that happened in the illusion, her voice is trembling because of pain? Or relief? Or regret? I don't know.
"B-but my parents in that illusion or dream gave me the love I always wants to feel from my true parents, even though, I said in myself and promised myself. I would never feel attachment from taht world so if the trial was done. I wouldn't feel anything but ,but the love and cared they put on me is extremely real and warm to the point I start to think, is my previous life are true? Or perhaps it's just a nightmare? A nightmare I experience when I am in 7 years old. I start to doubt my memory at the same time, I'm slowly embracing my new life, a life that only dream could gave me.
In that world, I-had a two big brother and one s-sister, all of them is like my siblings in this world, their personality, looks, everything is the same. They're loving and caring sibling, they always protect me from danger. our family is also quite rich with high status so we really doesn't feel any suffering or anything in our life.
Afterward ,my memory of my previous life is slowly vanishing, as I feel more and more attached to my family, but what can I do?, they're more like my real parents than my parent in real life. And our family is so perfect in everyway possible. It's m- m-my dream life. then I reached the point where there's no turning back. My attachment in that world had already reached the point where I don't want leave. And return in cruel world.
At that time, I seriously think that my memory in this world, is just a distant nightmares, a nightmare I got when I was a kidd and I fully embraced my new life and my d-dream family
Everything is going great, I got a handsome and kind fiance basically a perfect man for me, our families business is striving steadily both my brother was married and got a child., and my sister had already become a professor in other country
Our life could be describe as perfect.
Until.
Everything goes wrong, when my father die, he die because of sudden invasion of our country enemies. he fought bravery until his death, defending our country from the other country who want to conquer us. Then my mother, because of grief and lost of her most important person, she die in the same day as my father buried. no one really knows how did she die, other say, because of she can't accept the death of my father. So she come with him.
My 2 brother and their family had also because of an accident, when they're going back after my father's funeral. even for my sister, she also die in an accident after going back from another country, when the Funeral was done, however the ship where she is riding on sunk in the deepest part of the ocean.
When that news reached me,I-i-im on the verge of breaking mentally and physically. fortunately my fiance was still there for me, comforting me and he does everything just to make me feel happy, and forget about the pain I'm experiencing.
Then in the next day he also die, no one know the reason behind his sudden death. As a result of losing every single person who I loved, my mental health had reached limit and I commit suicide.
After I die, I thought my life full would finally end but. I woke up, I woke up in the same day/months/years when I reincarnanated, in the same place as before, while my memory of the future is still there intact, at first I was wondering why did I go back in time? But of course no answer come to my mind, except the trial. So I thought, would it be possible that my trial is actually to faced my family? But I don't know, nothing could answer me. but I'm sure of one thing, with my memory of the future. I'll be able to change the enivitable fate of our family.
I was full of confidence at that time, doing everypossinle way to make our family become much more richer and stronger. Hoping for better future. but all of it crashed because even though I wasable to saved them from the same events that killed them before however, in the same day, they also die because of another reason. My father before die because of another country, so I tried to befriend that country. And I succeed, however at the day of my father's death. He die because of unknown reason.
Then all of the thing that happened before repeat itself.
But at that time, I also die in the same day as before, which is when I commit suicide. But right, now it's because of assassin.
Then like what happened before, I regress again.
And again, I'm full of confidence because I thought I could succeed now. But I'm wrong, I failed again and again.
Then I die again, and again, and again, i repeatedly die and repeat the cycle of my life for countless times, I don't even know how many times I die and regress just to saved them, probably it's countless however nothing happened, nothing change, nothing improves like their death is enevitable and will always be, they still die no matter how much effort and struggle I make, it's helpless situation.
I tried countless approach, countless different plan, scheme and anything that can saved them but everything I does is always end up futile and pointless, I watched them die for countless times without being able to do something like their fate is always set to die at that exact same day.
And i think before, if the fate doesn't allowed it, then I, myself would allow it, thinking about that it right now. It's really such a wishful thinking. I even thought before. what can a fate do on a person who can regress? So I said in myself, if you don't allowed it then I wouldn't also allowed you to exist, if I can't destroyed the fate with one strike, what about tens? Hundreds? Thousand? Hundreds thousands? Million? Tens of million? Hundreds million? Billion?
I start to change the fate of everyone, not just my family or friends but 'everyone' every living creatures in the world,but I'm already doing it before but not this wide changing level. let's just see what will happened on the fate if the fate of everyone had change?
But instead of changing, their fate had change into 'death', that is the time I realized something, The Fate is like a record, a record of someone's life from the beginning until the End, and if the Fate of that person change, there's enevitable fact.
If I were to describe the Fate in metaphorically way , fate is like a book where the life of everyone is recorded from the beginning until the end.
If we tried to change the words written into the book, then that words would disappeared however there's a twist, we cannot write something on the book even if we can change it. It's like having an eraser without pencil.
And if the Words written on the book vanished it means the end become nearer and nearer, if I completely changes their fate right now, then tomorrow,they might fated to die, because changing even a little bit of fate could potentially change everything. For example, if I change the death of someone. Then they would again die tommorow because he no longer had any script left on his book.
So I lost all of my hope, The Fate is absolute if you don't want to followed it, then it will just take the script of your life and end you. End isn't a death. But inevitable ending of your own story. It's like the fate is the reader of a book. And the book is our story or life. And if he closed the book, then our story wouldn't continue because no one was reading it.
But why-why does I need to go through this suffering? Watching every single one of my loves one to die, one by one, I don't know the reason nor would I want to know.
I also tried to leave the problem, escape the enevitable fate, however, Fate is absolute, when I tried to leaves it, she/he take every script of my life from that point until the end.
W-why? Why does the Fate doesn't do that when I'm trying to change the Fate of my family?, is it because Fate is cruel? and will always be, does it likes to watched and play with someone's life?.
Do you know?, I experience all kinds of suffering in that countless cycle of life , I was betrayed, killed,tortured,abandon,etc.
Until, I completely lost every emotion and attachment of myself in that illusion.
How did I escape the endless cycle of life? And break the illusion, you may asked? It's very simple, but I'm always avoiding it it's always in there but I don't want to noticed it until I finally lost every attachment on the world, because of tiredness of living. I just have to destroyed the illusion or rather, my dream life with using my owned hands.
The Dream of happy family,loving parents, perfect life, perfect fiance, with my siblings,etc. I killed them with my own hand but do you know when I told them this? They just smiled and didn't moved. Like they had already embraced their death in the hand of their beloved daughter."
For a moment, kai was momentarily stunned, he cannot really feel empathy before he transmigrated into Kai von azik body, but right now, he feels it, an indescribable feeling of sadness and pity for the woman Infront of him.
The woman or rather Sumian were still crying, then Kai pulled him into his shoulders and let him rest in it while patting her head, his left hand was holding sumians slim waist, it's like they are a couple now, he slowly said I'm gentle toned.
"Just cry into your heart content, I may not be able to help you from relieving the pain but I at least can lend you my shoulders and pat your head"
Kai frozed for a moments, but he doesn't stop what he's doing though he really doesn't know why does his body just casually pulled Sumian into himself and said comforting words well probably because of muscle memory, after all, that guy is known as womanizer so it's probably a natural instincts of this body.
As for Sumian, she was startled at first but the warm and comforting voice of the person make her rest her head completely on his shoulders, the shoulders of young man is filled with muscles while the scent of him is really pleasant.
The maid, which is Marie looks on his young master and on the girl who just enter the room while ago, she smirk a little then.
"Ehem, I think young master should restraint yourself from doing that, The princess, Lady Arianna would be extremely angry with you if you keep doing that with a lot of woman"
"It's not like she would cared right?"
Kai asked, trying to measured how high does Ariana seeing him. After all, there's no piece of memory he can used to estimate it.
"Can I be frank young master?"
Without waiting on Kai respond, she continued.
"Certainly, Lady Arianna wouldn't really cared about such a trivial things, especially if it is you who make it but she still value her reputation and you know what I mean right? Young master"