***
Li strolled out of the city with 4 people trailing behind him.
[Systemmaker System
Mission Complete!:
Reward: System Lucky Draw x3, ACME Co. Qi Location Device 3008
Extra reward: System Lucky Draw x2 x3]
Good.
[Systemmaker System
Quest Notification:
Name: Establish a sect
Description: A sect without a base is a sandwich without the bread! You need to find an appropriate location for your sect and put down your disciples there! Construct a simple wall to complete the mission!
Tip #1: Use your system lucky draws and give them to your disciples
Tip #2: Use your ACME Co. Qi Location Device 3008 to spot a nice spirit vein
Reward: System Lucky Draw x10
Time Limit: 2 hours
Penalty: The host loses the privilege of having life!]
...
[If you all mighty wise revered host Li does not repine for this mission, he withholds the right to possess the ability to veto it in exchange for the application of the efficacies of the penalty outlined in the quest notification which was hitherto promptly rendered out to you all mighty wise revered host Li.]
Who made this system? Can I choke them to death?
"Alright! New disciples!"
Li called out to the people he had scammed.
"Sect master had approved our request to build a new branch! To help with our affairs, I have a device I carry with me at all times!
"This is a very high-tier artifact, capable of scanning Qi!"
Li took out the ACME Co. Qi Location Device 3008.
He held it out forward and it started beeping.
"That way!"
The disciples were silent throughout this whole process, too excited to speak.
***
Approximately an hour later.
The Qi Location device was screaming in binary repeatedly.
"Here!"
The disciple that had the proud look before suddenly spoke up.
"Senior Li, could you repeat the name of the sect, please? I do not wish to get it wrong."
Li realized he couldn't bullshit out of giving the sect a name forever.
"It is the...
"Zuihao sect!!!"
"Zu... zuihao, as in,.. the word 'best?'"
"Of course!!!"
Li was not creative.
All the disciples were stunned.
"A-actually s-so arrogant... we must be a super strong sect. Of course, their name is very well known everywhere, of course, of course!"
"Ah, I've... never heard of it..."
"..."
"..."
"Nor have I, actually..."
"Me... neither..."
"..."
"..."
Li stepped in to save them from this awkward situation.
"Ahem That is normal! We are from very far away! If our name hasn't circumnavigated the world, that's to be expected!!! Keeping expectations realistic is very important!!!"
He then quickly steered the topic.
"Now, to establish our branch here, I am going to need you to take something called a 'system'! It will guide you through your evolution as a cultivator! You will be very strong!"
'Ok, system, save me here.'
[Systemmaker System
Host: Li Minglüe
Realm: Fanren
Active Missions:
-
Items:
- System Lucky Draw x9
- ACME Co. Qi Location Device 3008]
'Use System Lucky Draw!'
[System Lucky Draw: ...dun]
[System Lucky Draw: ...dun dun]
[System Lucky Draw: ...dun dun dun]
'Come on already!!!'
[System Lucky Draw: * - _ - * - _ - * ]
'What is that weird expression?'
[System Lucky Draw: Earned nothing! Tough luck!]
'...'
'Use all remaining 8 too, please...'
[Dun dun dun dun dun dun]
[Results:
- Escape System (*)
- Sophistry System (**)
- Dirt-eating System (-) x3
- Dirt-eating System Deluxe (*)
- Scamming System (*)
- Big Stick System (*)]
What? I thought I was getting systems, not whatever these piles of junk are.
Dirt-eating system deluxe? Really, system?
There's even the non-deluxe version, 3 times, which isn't even a one star! It's a minus!
It's in the negatives!
Li exited out of the system.
"Alright! I have some options for y'all to pick from!"
The disciples were ecstatic.
"I'm excited!"
"What're they gonna be?"
"Am I going to become an unparalleled giant in the world of cultivation?!?"
"Since they are a good sect, they can spare some low-value goods for us, right??"
Li just told them the options available verbatim, minus mentioning the stars ordeal.
Silence.
"Why are all of these options... uh..."
"Uh,.. who... in the world..."
Li realized the disappointment hanging out in the air.
"Ahem These systems may look weird or exotic at first glance, but I guarantee you they are great! You will definitely become strong with them!"
'Just probably not in the areas you want to become strong in...'
That proud disciple was the first one to pick.
"I, He Wufa, will pick the big stick system!"
"Alright!"
He Wufa immediately felt his brain being massaged aggressively from all sides simultaneously.
After, he saw the prompt appear in his vision.
"Woah!!! So cool!!!"
[Big Stick System
Welcome host He Wufa to the big stick system! You will definitely have the biggest and bestest stick to swing around!!!]
"Well then, I, Kong Jijia, shall pick the sophistry system!"
[Sophistry System
Welcome host Kong Jijia to the sophistry system! You will be able to convince anyone of anything, true or false!!!... eventually]
"I am Lian Jiuzi! I already have experience in it, so I'll pick the Dirt-eating System Deluxe!"
Li vomited blood.
Someone actually took that one?!?!?
[Dirt-eating System Deluxe
The deluxe version of the famed and loved Dirt-eating System!!! Enjoy the most premium dirt-eating experience!!!]
What?
> "famed and loved Dirt-eating System"
Did I miss a plot point?
"Fu Xushuo! Scamming system!"
[Scamming System
Welcome host Fu Xushuo to the scamming system! Easy ways to get rich for both you and your 'clients'!!!]
Li watched attentively as they picked out their systems and were introduced to them.
All the systems gave a short mini tutorial on proper usage. How to open the system, how to close the system, how to click a button, whatever the hell missions are, etc etc...
Li Minglüe then instructed the disciples very simply.
"Alright. We need to erect some simple palisades to just keep the wildlife out for now. Everyone, work! Start by chopping those trees there."
All 4 disciples obediently headed towards the little tree grove that was the only source of lumber in the area.
Being real, it probably wasn't enough for a palisade, but better than nothing.
While this was happening, Li started to formulate game plans in his head.
'Okay, I don't know what the system wants out of me, but I'll just humor it or else I may die.'
'My disciples should be fine with just the systems. All the systems are really crummy and will probably get them nowhere but better than nothing.'
'The hardest part will probably be getting the right conditions for them to use their systems properly.'
'How in the world am I supposed to nurture a Dirt-Eating System Deluxe, exactly?'
'In any case, the time limit is still ticking. I should help them so we can finish on time.'
'However, I will somehow need to look like I am a very strong cultivator so they don't getsuspicious.'
Li opened his eyes that he had subconsciously closed while thinking for 10 minutes, only to see a massive mound of wood in front of his eyes.
Li: "W- what happened???"
Xushuo: "There was a massive cart of wood by some mortals going by. I just told them I was a customs inspector and needed to conduct a routine inspection on the wood to ensure it was free of moss and whatnot. I used some large and complicated but meaningless words to convince them I just had a larger vocabulary and was thus more educated."
Li: "How did they not get suspicious after a while???"
Jijia: "I convinced them that the customs inspector had gone missing, and that the situation will be resolved promptly and that they will be compensated fairly."
Li: "Then why did they leave???"
Wufa: "I beat Jiuzi up with a stick near them while shouting about a debt he had not repaid and how much I wanted to extort someone to make up for the difference. Jiuzi volunteered, it was Jijia's idea."
Li: "??????"
Li's face was full of question marks.
'What weird demons have I recruited??????'
'How in the world did they do this in the 3 or so minutes I was sat thinking??????'
Li in fact did not take 3 minutes to think but 10.
'Wait...System!'
[Systemmaker System
Host: Li Minglüe
Realm: Lianti (stage 2/50)
Active Missions:
-
Items:
- ACME Co. Qi Location Device 3008]
'I advanced two realms! My disciples somehow gained enough XP from that exchange to fulfill their missions!'
'What!I am now a cultivator?!?!?'
***
10 minutes ago.
There were 4 mortals heading towards a forest.
Jijia: "Alright, brothers, if we just chop down the trees, it'd take us an entire year to do anything. We need other ideas. We should also aim to complete our system missions while doing this."
Xushuo: "Don't I have a scamming system?"
Wufa: "Is there anyone to scam?"
Xushuo: "Can I scam myself into thinking we have wood?"
Wufa: "No, you can't."
Jijia: "Maybe I can try convincing you that the wood exists and then you scam me to have me believe it too."
Xushuo: "But if I believe it it wouldn't be a scam."
Jiuzi: "No, no, NO! this wood-chopping is clearly meant as an exercise for us new disciples. We should just suck it up and try our harde-"
Xushuo, Wufa, and Jijia: "Shut up."
At that moment, they were all startled at some noises of clunking and wood rubbing against itself coming from a path.
Xushuo: "Ara ara~, is that someone to SCAM?!?"
Xushuo performed a series of very amateurish movements to advance towards the noise in a very uncool manner, then performed a gesture to signal to the rest of the group to advance as well.
Xushuo: "See? Fellas, 'tis a cart!"