By day, Rani was the talk of the palace—part swan, part mystery, and full-time best friend to the Empire's sassiest princess. By night, Raja, in his tight ninja onesie and black eyeliner stolen from Durdhara's vanity kit, became a shadow moving through the underbelly of Pataliputra's fortress.
"Rani, do you think love is real or just well-seasoned delusion?" Durdhara sighed, twirling a pomegranate seed in her wine.
Raja, applying mehendi on her feet with near-divine accuracy, smiled demurely. "Only love reveals the truth, dear. And sometimes truth wears high heels and stabs you in the back."
"Oh gods, you are so wise," Durdhara cooed. "I want to adopt you."
"Oh gods, please don't," Raja whispered under his breath.
That night, while the princess snored like a sleepy buffalo, Raja slipped out of his quarters and into the dark corridors, now dressed like an assassin with a fashion sense. With a hand-drawn map of the palace and a bunch of talismans jingling in his pouch, he began scouting for secret passages.
For three nights, he mapped out guard rotations, trapdoors, and what seemed to be a hidden chamber used exclusively for storing royal socks.
But on the fourth night, something… odd.
A figure—tall, hooded, and moving with the grace of someone with dark intentions and maybe an unholy backache—emerged from a bookshelf that swung open like it had feelings.
Raja, with the stealth of a cat on tiptoe and the spirit of an over-caffeinated squirrel, followed the stranger through the secret passageway.
The corridor snaked for what felt like forever, its walls dripping with the kind of moisture that made you question your life decisions.
Eventually, the passage opened into a jungle cave, lit faintly by phosphorescent moss and foreboding vibes. The hooded figure slipped into what appeared to be a bear's den, which was concerning because the last time Raja fought a bear, he ended up married to its cousin in a parallel timeline. (Long story. Do not ask.)
Inside the den: piles of skeletons. Human. Some tiny.
"Oh great," Raja muttered. "Skeletons. That's not suspicious at all. Just your regular bone-themed interior design."
Then things got worse.
In the center of the cave lay a circle carved into the stone, pulsing with demonic energy. The hooded figure stepped into it, drew a dagger, sliced his arm, and let blood drip into the circle.
Raja blinked. "That's not a good sign."
The blood began to swirl, glow, and hiss like it was being microwaved by evil itself. And then—from the blood—emerged a figure.
A tall being, horns curling like licorice, skin the color of dried nightmares, and eyes that twinkled like someone who just loves taxes.
Raja gasped softly, clutching his chest.
"…That's Mephisto," he whispered. "Oh... fuck me."
"Nanda,"Mephisto boomed, stretching like he had just crawled out of bed and world-domination yoga.
"Lord Mephisto," the figure now revealed as Dhana Nanda, the emperor himself, dropped to his knees. "Forgive the delay. The soul you requested—the untainted, pure one—I have found her."
Mephisto chuckled, like a demon who just found a coupon for 50% off damnation. "Go on."
"She goes by Rani," Nanda said proudly. "My daughter's favorite entertainer. Her voice melts minds, her dance bends knees, and her art? Divine. Her soul? Radiant. Purest I've ever seen—confirmed by your dark detection technique."
Mephisto grinned. "Very good. During the coming Red Moon, I shall descend and claim her soul myself."
And with that, he vanished in a plume of black glitter, leaving Dhana Nanda alone—and Raja hyperventilating behind a boulder made of skulls.
Raja sprinted back through the tunnel like he was being chased by IRS agents. Once outside the passage, he summoned Aizen the Crow, his top-tier Kasugai agent, via a whistle that sounded like a hiccup.
"Go get Gurudev and Chandra,"he whispered. "Emergency. Code Black Chai."
At Tea O'Clock in the Philosopher's Caravan, Vishnugupta and Chandra stumbled into the hidden chamber beneath the tea house looking like sleep-deprived pandas.
"Raja," Chandra groaned, "this better be about me finally punching something."
Vishnugupta, with hair sticking out like an exploded papaya, scowled. "If this is another poetry reading, I will curse your chai."
"Gentlemen,"Raja said solemnly, pouring hot chai into clay cups. "Sip. Then scream."
They sipped.
They screamed.
"What the actual KALI,"Chandra roared. "You're saying the king is summoning demons and planning to sacrifice you?!"
"No, no,"Raja corrected. "He's planning to sacrifice Rani. Totally different person. Legally."
Vishnugupta slammed his cup down. "So we're not just fighting tyranny anymore. We're up against soul-hungry interdimensional warlocks. Lovely."
Chandra scratched his head. "Wait... how does he know your soul is pure? That doesn't sound right."
"Excuse me," Raja snapped. "I recycle, donate to orphanages, and made a blind squirrel a hat. I am literally the Disney princess of espionage!"
"As always, I don't understand single word what you say," Chandra muttered. "So what's the plan? Please say we get to burn something."
Vishnugupta stood and paced, his brain churning faster than the chai pot.
"Here's what we do. Chandra—you're going to become a hero."
Chandra blinked. "I... already am?"
"You're going to officially become a hero," Vishnu corrected. "Join the army. Climb ranks. Win battles. Save a noble or two. Be the kind of general people write bad poetry about."
Chandra's eyes sparkled. "So I get a sword upgrade?"
"Focus."
"Sorry."
Vishnugupta turned to Raja. "And you, my boy, are about to enter a performance of a lifetime. You'll convince the entire court that your soul is so pure it farts lotus blossoms, all while pushing the princess toward falling for her future emperor."
Raja winced. "You want me to play Cupid for Chandra? Have you seen his flirting? It's just arm-wrestling and flexing."
"I can wink now,"Chandra said proudly.
Vishnugupta ignored him. "Meanwhile, I will shed my current identity and re-emerge as a wandering saint. A holy man with forbidden knowledge of Mephisto, who will 'randomly' arrive in the capital just before the red moon."
"Gurudev,"Raja sighed, "what if I can't stall them long enough?"
"You will," Vishnugupta said firmly. "Because if you fail… you're not the only one they'll sacrifice."
There was a long pause.
Then Chandra stood, stretching. "Right. Guess it's time I became a war hero."
Vishnugupta raised his cup. "To war, wit, and weddings."
Raja groaned. "If I survive this, I'm retiring to a goat farm in the Himalayas."