Ginny and Ron, in a fit of pique, sat on opposite diagonal corners, completely ignoring each other.
The others wisely steered clear of the sibling squabble, but thankfully, Luna managed to steer the conversation back to summer holidays and the new Hogwarts professors, preventing the compartment from turning into an icy wasteland.
Still, Ginny wouldn't utter a word to Ron, not even casting a glance in his direction.
"Who do you think will come after Professor Moody resigned?" Neville's round face was etched with confusion. "I mean... everyone knows that post is cursed..."
"A champion from the Ministry of Magic," Cohen declared. "Everyone knows about the terrible relationship between the Ministry and Dumbledore right now, so it's highly likely Fudge's lover will be sent."
"Pffftahahahahaha—" Luna burst into an exaggerated fit of giggles, trembling all over like a bush with a squirrel trapped inside. "Fudge's... lover—hahahahaha!"
They soon understood why Luna found it so hilarious. She'd been clutching a copy of The Quibbler, and the third page of that issue featured an article titled, "Minister for Magic Cornelius Fudge and the Goblins: A Secret Love Affair."
The article exposed Fudge's secret identity as a "Goblin Slayer" and was accompanied by a drawing of Fudge throttling a goblin. Mr. Lovegood had also included a section explaining "why goblins are still allowed to operate Gringotts," revealing a scandalous underground romance between Fudge and a rather well-endowed female goblin. It was supposedly her influence that tempered Fudge's murderous urges towards goblins after he became Minister for Magic.
"I'd actually be quite willing to believe that's a true report," Cohen remarked after borrowing the magazine and finishing the article. "Fudge's taste might really be exactly like that."
"That female goblin looks like a pink toad," Harry said, peering over.
"Who doesn't love a pink toad?" Ron said, stifling a laugh. "Imagine, Fudge needing to find a warty, pink-dress-wearing goblin every day, telling that goblin in his room, 'Hurry up and tell me I'm the most accomplished Minister for Magic in history!'"
---
### Arrival at Hogwarts
As evening drew near, they finally caught sight of the distant Hogwarts Castle. As dusk settled, the train gradually slowed. Students on board became boisterous, everyone scrambling to gather their luggage and pets.
Cohen and Hermione had to go maintain order, so they left the compartment early.
"Oi, oi! Hats belong on your head, not your backside!" Cohen admonished a first-year. "Stand up straight!"
"I remember you doing that when you first started," Hermione chuckled.
"Which means I'm now perfectly qualified to criticize them!" Cohen said with satisfaction. "Professor McGonagall certainly criticized me back then – and you! Yellow-haired boy, no kissing girls!"
"She's my sister!" the little yellow-haired boy retorted. "And I wasn't kissing her; she kissed me!"
"Even worse, that's practically incest!" Cohen declared. "Be careful, or I'll drag you off to Azkaban when we get off the train!"
"Oh, for heaven's sake..." Hermione sighed, turning to another section where it seemed two first-years were getting into a fight.
By the time the train fully stopped, Cohen had already caught two arguing students, four fighting, and three first-years trying to jump off the train early to secure their spot at Hogwarts.
"You lot are far too restless. If you're in Gryffindor, I'll definitely sort you out," Cohen said menacingly to the group of children. "I'll feed all of you to the Dementors."
"What are Dementors?" asked the yellow-haired boy who had kissed his sister, curiously.
"They're black cloaked monsters! They eat people!" another boy in the group shrieked in terror.
"Don't be silly, Flick. Dementors eat happiness and souls; my dad told me," a bespectacled boy explained to the terrified Flick.
"Flick?" Cohen frowned.
That name sounded familiar. Like a dying old man...
Wait a minute—
Phrick!
Cohen remembered: the leader of the "Love Snake TV" in the Greek temple, the retired priest, Phrick.
"What's your name?" Cohen asked the little Flick.
"G-Godfrey, Godfrey Phrick," little Phrick stammered, unsure of Cohen's intentions, reporting his name timidly.
"Do you have a grandfather who just came to Britain from Greece over the summer?" Cohen asked.
"Uh... how did you know?" Little Phrick asked.
"I met him when I was traveling in Greece. He seemed like a decent fellow," Cohen replied. "You can mention that you met Cohen next time you write home."
This way, he could keep real-time tabs on when that old water snake would be going to its last supper.
After disembarking, the prefects needed to lead these students to the teacher in charge of the boats – usually it was Hagrid, but he hadn't returned from France yet. So, they saw a new, unfamiliar teacher.
It was a witch, with a prominent chin and impeccably trimmed hair.
"You're..." Hermione frowned.
"Your new Care of Magical Creatures professor. Just call me Professor Grubbly-Plank," Professor Grubbly-Plank said curtly.
"First years! Line up here! All first years, follow me!"
Once the first-years had been taken away by Professor Grubbly-Plank, Cohen and Hermione finally had a moment to search for an unoccupied carriage.
Harry and the others were waiting for Cohen and Hermione by a carriage pulled by Thestrals.
"Who was that lady teacher?" Harry quickly asked Cohen and Hermione. "Hasn't Hagrid come back from France yet—he hasn't settled there, has he...?"
"No, he must have something important to do in France," Hermione said, recalling that Dumbledore had missed dinner that day because he "had to go to France." It seemed Hagrid's mission in France wasn't going smoothly. "That lady teacher is Professor Grubbly-Plank; she'll be teaching Care of Magical Creatures while Hagrid's away."
"Don't lick my hand—I'm loosening your reins!" Cohen swatted away the Thestral that was stretching its head towards his hand.
After getting into the carriage, it creaked along the road. The shadow of Hogwarts Castle grew closer, the towering turrets appearing even blacker in the darkness – though occasionally, lights would flicker on, perhaps house-elves doing their final cleaning for the students' arrival.
Arriving at Hogwarts Castle, they flowed with the crowd into the Entrance Hall, crossed the flagstone floor, and entered the brightly lit Great Hall.
They could immediately see the pearly-white ghosts floating by, and the professors sitting in a row at the staff table.
"Look, the new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor!" Lavender Brown, standing behind them, pointed in a direction.