"What about you?!"
Fernando had a feeling Cohen was joking around as usual. The kid had been carefree since they met, so Fernando turned to Rolf instead.
This Scamander kid had to be loaded—those little trinkets on him could fetch a pretty penny if sold.
"Writing my journal," Rolf said, scribbling something down. "Gotta keep a record to prove to my grandpa I ran into an emergency."
"You're about to die!" Fernando roared. "I'll burn all your damn diaries and logs to ashes! Your grandpa, your shitty autobiography—none of it matters! Nothing does!"
He was one step away from shouting, "Can you at least respect the robbers here?!"
Robbing Cohen was like eight lifetimes of bad luck, and to top it off, they were also trying to rob Newt Scamander's grandson—especially when Rolf had that suitcase packed with magical creatures.
"Alright, Mr. Robber," Cohen said, tucking away his observation journal and climbing up from a cushion in the tent. "My money's hidden pretty deep—I'm worried you won't find it. Stay right there, don't move. I'll be back with it in a sec."
With that, Cohen strolled over to his bed, popped open his suitcase, and climbed inside in full view of everyone.
"Okay, Mr. Robber," Rolf chimed in, putting away his log. "I'll grab some cash for you too. My grandpa left me a big stash of pocket money, but it's tucked away tight. You'd never find it, so I'll go get it for you."
"Oh, one sec," Cohen said, popping his head back out of the dark suitcase opening. "Mr. Lovegood, is your tent expensive?"
"What?"
Xenophilius blinked, confused. "What are you talking about? We're being kidnapped—*again*!"
"So, not expensive, got it," Cohen said, exchanging a quick "cheap, trash it" glance with Rolf before ducking back into the suitcase.
They'd talked before about what to do if they ran into dark wizards or bandits…
"Do you know what those two kids are up to?" one of the robbers asked Fernando.
"Nope," Fernando replied. "But I wanna see what kind of stunt they're pulling—*Stupefy*!"
He flung two Stunning Spells at Xenophilius and Luna, who'd been trying to make a break for it with his daughter.
"Search them for anything valuable," Fernando ordered his crew, then headed toward Cohen and Rolf's suitcases. Anyone would be curious about what those two brats were scheming by hiding in there.
*Creak—*
Cohen's suitcase swung open, and Fernando found himself staring into a pair of massive, orange-red slit pupils. A blast of hot, sulfur-scented air slammed into his face.
He sucked in a sharp breath and stumbled back several steps.
"What's wrong, boss?" one of the lackeys asked, pausing mid-rummage through Xenophilius's luggage.
"There's—there's—" Fernando stammered.
"ROAR!!!"
A pitch-black fire dragon burst out of Cohen's suitcase, growing to full size at breakneck speed. It was hard to believe something that huge could squeeze through such a tiny opening.
Cohen was perched on Norbert's neck, grinning. The magical tent's roof had melted away the second Norbert stuck half his body out, torched by a single breath of dragon fire.
"Wreck 'em, Norbert!" Cohen shouted, smacking Norbert's head.
"ROAR!"
Norbert circled the sky twice as the robbers below snapped out of their shock.
Spells shot toward Norbert—Stunners, mostly—but the four or five of them weren't enough to faze him. They just pissed him off more. First flight in ages, and these jerks were poking his belly nonstop.
"Dive straight down!" Cohen egged him on. "Smash 'em hard—Twinkle Star Crash!"
Norbert followed Cohen's instructions to a T. He adjusted his angle, folded his massive wings, and plunged headfirst toward the robbers like a missile.
While Norbert dove, Rolf's suitcase popped open with a *bang*. Out leapt a gigantic… cat, with a long, feathery tail. Before Norbert hit the ground, it darted forward, snagging every robber with its claws and tail. As they flailed in midair, disoriented by the sudden weightlessness, the big cat soared upward, tossing them high, catching them just before they crashed, and then bolting toward the river near the rainforest. With one swift move, it dumped the dizzy, puking robbers into the water.
"Brake!"
Cohen tried to stop Norbert, but when that failed, he shifted into Dementor form. He swooped in just before Norbert hit the ground, grabbing Xenophilius and Luna to keep the stunned pair from getting squashed into paste.
*BOOM!!!*
Norbert's head plowed into the dirt. He landed on all fours, thrashing to yank his head free.
"Luna! Did you see how me and the Zouwu chased off those robbers?!"
Rolf rode back on the Zouwu's back. The big cat was growling warily at Norbert.
"He's a friend," Rolf said, patting its fur to calm the feline, which had puffed up at the sight of the dragon.
He'd grown up playing with this oversized kitty, which was why he'd picked it to deal with the robbers.
"Too bad Luna got hit with a Stunner from that bandit," Cohen said, a little annoyed. "How about we wake her up and do it again? You fish those robbers out, and this time we let Norbert roast 'em with fire. Your Zouwu stole their spotlight, so Norbert's Twinkle Star Crash missed the mark."
"Uh…" Rolf laughed awkwardly.
"But one thrill's good enough for now. I've never crashed a dragon into anyone before," Cohen said, brushing it off. He waved his wand to dig Norbert's head out of the thick mud. "Let's put them back for now—saves us explaining to Mr. Lovegood. You're Newt Scamander's grandson, so you're fine. Me? If word gets out I've got a fire dragon, the Ministry'll come knocking."
"Totally get it!" Rolf said, nodding enthusiastically.
Truth was, they'd already broken a ton of laws. Underage wizards casting spells alone had been violated countless times. But since the Ministry's "Trace" was a sham—they couldn't tell if magic came from kids or adults—they'd never get caught. The Ministry didn't even know who was setting off magical blips all over the place.
Norbert let out a grumpy roar at Cohen once his head was free.
"Alright, alright, you had fun on the dive, didn't you?" Cohen said, rubbing Norbert's head as it nudged closer. "What's that look for? Why do I feel like you're cussing me out?"
(End of Chapter)
*The Philip Fly Tracking Log - Cohen*
**7.19**
Made it to Peru. Waiting for the rest of the team, though I'm pretty sure hardly anyone's actually gonna show up… It's 11 p.m. What kind of wizard shows up eleven hours late?
The organizers aren't even here yet. I'm starting to think this whole expedition's just a prank.
---
**7.20**
Holy crap, someone actually showed up.
His name's Rolf Scamander—Newt's grandson. He's a year older than Luna.
Newt didn't come. Rolf said he fell into the water while feeding a Kelpie and caught a cold. Old guy stuff, I guess it makes sense.
---
**7.21**
Another person rolled in this morning—a middle-aged guy named Fernando. He wasn't on the invite list. I'm betting he's the bad guy, but I didn't call him out. If this trip's just about chasing flies, it'd be way too boring without some drama.
Still no sign of the organizers. It's just the five of us: Luna's family, me, Rolf, and Fernando.
This afternoon, we found a tropical rainforest. Lucky us, it's crawling with bugs. There's gotta be at least a hundred types of mosquitoes (maybe), but good thing they don't dare bite me.
---
**7.22**
The Philip Fly's a hoax—I've accepted it. All we've got in this rainforest are mosquitoes, venomous snakes, and poison tentacles. The team should honestly pay me protection fees—I've shooed away at least thirty snakes that tried to attack our camp.
Fernando and Mr. Lovegood spent all day hunting for vulture nests, but Rolf dragged Luna and me off to look for a Nundu. He says it's because his grandpa lost one from his suitcase last time he passed through Peru. Newt's ancient and still lugging a suitcase full of crazy dangerous creatures around the world—what a guy.
---
**7.23**
Rolf's just got a crush on Luna, that's all.
Mr. Lovegood's totally clueless about it. I just watched Newt's grandson try to spark Luna's interest with all these little magical creatures he's got. Tsk tsk, human emotions are wild.
---
**7.24**
This log's about to turn into a love story observation journal.
Rolf invited Luna to check out his suitcase—Newt handed the whole thing over to him. Looks like Rolf never even went to school, but he doesn't need to. Newt didn't graduate either.
Why'd he invite me along, though?
*Update:* Got it—he's just nervous about being alone with her. For a second, I thought he was gonna trap me in there too.
---
**7.25**
I didn't invite Rolf and Luna into my suitcase because I'm competitive.
It's not because I wanted to see the shock on their faces.
And definitely not to show off.
I'm not *that* childish.
But the looks on their faces when they saw the Chimera beast and the Basilisk? Hilarious. Rolf kept bugging me about handing over the baby Basilisk to him, asking how I neutralized its deadly stare, and why one of the Chimera's heads speaks English.
His first question got shut down by Sisoko and the old Basilisk. They said if Rolf tried taking little Sophia, they'd split him in half—one snake per half.
I passed along the gist of it, and Rolf didn't dare ask again.
---
**7.26**
Mr. Lovegood shouted at noon that he'd caught a Philip Fly, but Rolf checked it and said it was just a Sadness Bug.
Rolf finally tracked down that Nundu near a barren swamp. He handed Luna and me each a gas mask.
Poor leopard's been surviving in the jungle for months—it really wanted back in Rolf's suitcase (which Rolf says Newt fully gave him).
---
**7.27**
Like a fisherman who catches everything but fish, Mr. Lovegood finds everything but a Philip Fly. Today, he discovered a nest of Occamies in a big tree hollow.
Rolf looked like he really wanted to take them back to his suitcase—hunting's not banned around here.
But Fernando finally showed his true colors after spotting those Occamy eggs. He's not just planning to snatch the eggs—he wants to kill us and steal everything valuable we've got, and—
---
"What the hell are you writing?!"
Fernando loomed at the tent entrance, glaring at Cohen menacingly.
Three or four unfamiliar wizards had appeared inside the tent—Fernando's crew. Turns out this whole Philip Fly expedition was just bait these bandits threw out.
"My diary," Cohen said. "I'm putting you in it—oh, and in the autobiography I'll write when I'm famous. Happy? You're about to be a celebrity."