A/N: If you haven't read Fate/Inhuman yet, go and do so. It's better than this.
-
"Give me your phone."
Caren held out her hand.
I stared at her, and then at the mobsters occupying the front seats. Stupefied, I even forgot about making sweet love to their ugly faces with my fists in this cramped cab. By the time the thought came back, a better idea had struck me.
"And why should I do that, Miss Caren?" I leaned back into the mouldy seat, arms crossed behind my head again.
"It's boring to watch idiots hit each other impotently. Ah, I apologise, I lost myself for a moment."
Wordlessly, I fished my phone from my pants and flicked it her way before once again turning to the mobsters glaring at us. Magi mobsters were an intriguing thing. I wanted to know all I could before I sent them on their merry way.
"So then, gentlemen-"
"Woah, this contact list is sad." She interrupted me again. "Six contacts? Three are emergency services. One is your mother. One is your professor... and one is just... wifey?"
Wifey was Luviagelita of course. Girl actually had me feeling some type of way. I'd even dialled down my NY-style swearing just for her, because she'd once said that it was beneath me. Those words were pretty inspiring.
Her eyes widened slightly as genuine surprise flashed across her face at the realisation. "Someone is willing to love you except your mother? Ah, how merciful our Lord is, even sexual deviants like you have someone destined for them."
"...At this point, I feel I probably should do some deviant things."
"Are you finally going to rape me?"
What in the actual fuck was wrong with this girl?
Genuinely. Even the fucking mobsters were completely flabbergasted by the batshit insane words that left her mouth. They exchanged uneasy looks, shifting comfortably in the front seats. Suddenly, she put an arm around my neck and snapped a pic.
"This is going to be for my before and after."
...
I steepled my hands and inhaled deeply, genuinely concerned.
Why were these church folk like this?
Then, I made the smart decision to push everything she did out of my mind to instead focus on the mafiosos that... also looked genuinely concerned, pursed lips and all. I unrolled my sleeves and put a hand to my chin.
"You guys are magi, right?"
"Yeah, so?"
"Well, let me give you a lesson then." I cracked my neck, channelling my inner Waver. "You should be familiar with Projection. That wasteful basic magecraft most magi refrain from using since the product is usually subpar and fades away. The one where you use a mental image to shape magical energy into the material composition of an object?"
One of them nodded confusedly.
"Well, those magi may be right. But damn if the spell doesn't let you have some fun."
With a grin, I held a hand to my shoulder, and then another a bit farther, as if I was gripping the handle of something invisible.
"Projection start."
Od and Mana coursed through my circuits, mixing together and taking the shape of a certain cylindrical modern weapon. They'd brought guns to a fistfight. So, I brought a-
"Is that a fucken RPG?"
"Yep." I popped, grinning further.
"You'll blow yourself up too!"
I didn't answer. This made them panic further.
According to my studies, the average magi had no chance whatsoever of surviving even a gunshot to the head, a rocket to the face then... Yeah, I could understand their fear. But I wasn't the one who'd picked this fight. They were dirty mobsters anyway, weak people who hid behind violence and unfairly took from innocent, hard-working men just to feed their greed and egos.
"Wait! Wait! This is why I tell you to be smarter with your words!" One of them started suddenly. He punched the guy who'd pulled a gun in the face before raising his hands in surrender. "We're not here to fight, man. You guys contacted us!"
...What?
I tilted my head.
"These vermin are the Holy Church's contact." Caren explained casually, fingering my phone. "The Scladio Family based out of New York City. They're from the homeland... well, at least the leadership from what information was made available to me. The organisation takes in everyone... and we exchange favours from time to time. They're spread out all across the country, even the government."
...
"I heard the boss has contacts in the Vatican." One of the mobsters shared, nodding.
...Actual New York Mafiosos with magi among their ranks that had ties with the Catholic Church, ties deep enough that they were helping out with surveillance. It wasn't like they were low-level crooks either. No, these guys were supposed to be genuine Italian mafia.
Man, this world was so awesome.
"Look, I don't know who you people are supposed ta be, but one of the capos came down to see ya. I don't think it's a good idea to keep him waiting. We'll take ya... just put down the fucken RPG."
You know, I blamed the whole misunderstanding on Caren... except that didn't seem to bother her at all. She even gave me a smug smile, only the barest hint, but then again, her face was bland as hell most of the time so even that was something. The sadistic psycho definitely enjoyed it too.
"Before we go, can you do the line?"
"What line?" He narrowed his eyes.
"Oh come on man, you know the one, the one with the offer."
The black-haired mobster fixed his neat moustache and closed one eye before holding up a hand in 'that' way, with the thumb, the index and the ring fingers pressed together. He pulled his head back, then,
"I'm gunna make him an offer he can't refuse."
His partner threw his hands up, groaning, "Ah you fucken butchered it! Lemme try."
-
I expected them to drive us to a manor, or at least an apartment, instead, they drove around the port right into some warehouse yard with a water tower standing nearby. Amusingly enough, there were two snipers stationed on it. A few conspicuous-looking black sedans were parked off to the side and men in suits eyeballed us the whole way as we rolled up to the main doors.
Meanwhile, I'd hit it off with the mobsters I almost ended up giving up free facial reconstruction surgery via rocket to the forehead. They understood all the references, and were more than happy enough to entertain. They did keep quiet about their business though, and all I ended up learning was that the head provided finance and location for magi research. Since that was all those obsessive nerds really wanted, they, in turn, served the organisation as manpower.
Also that they'd subsumed all other similar (mafia) organisations and become one large unit with its teeth sunk into every corner of the states.
When the car stopped, I stepped out into the cold and took a deep breath before turning around and holding the door open for my partner. Caren was... still busy with MY phone, for some reason, snapping pics left and right.
It really felt like she was up to some hella devious shit again but I was too engrossed with the magic mafia to even care.
"Do the other thing. Do the other thing." I pleaded with the driver.
His partner pushed open one of the sliding steel doors of the warehouse.
"Just when I thought I was out..." He held out his hands, then slowly pulled them back. "They pulled me back innnnn."
I clapped like an excited child. What man wouldn't?
This type of stuff was the dream.
But, well, jokes aside, it was time to meet a capo.
-
A couple hundred words shorter than usual, but it didn't feel right continuing it more.
Hope you enjoyed. Please freely comment your thoughts, ideas, suggestions or criticism. I thrive off engagement.