With me finally being able to sense mana and fully being ready to learn magic, I just had to ask Jagon this question.
"Jagon, please tell me why we go hunting so often!"
He looked at me, exasperated.
"You really do want to know everything, huh? Well, you see, if we don't hunt as often as we do, the monster population will rise too much and the weakest monsters will be pushed out of the forest, consequently making them attack us."
"And what even are monsters? I've been wondering this for a while, but I don't see much difference between animals and monsters."
The bears and wolves that I've been hunting are surprisingly considered monsters, even though there's nothing monstrous about them.
But there do exist things like cats, which are considered animals. I wanted to know where the line was drawn.
"Monster and animals are technically the same thing, it's just that humans decided to give them different names. The difference between the two is the amount of mana the creature has. And, well, the more mana a creature has, the more powerful it is, and that exact reason is why humans decided to differentiate the two. Monsters are dangerous, animals are not, that whole schtick. This doesn't mean that we haven't domesticated creatures we consider monsters... it's just that they are actually dangerous if not properly taken care of."
I see, I see. So it was not a rule of the world, it was something humans made up.
'I wonder. Could some creatures I consider monsters... be considered animals in this world because they don't have much mana? For example―'
"Are slimes monsters?"
Jagon scratched his beard.
"Depends. There are things like cleaning slimes which are considered animals, but there are also cases like dokusan slimes which are one of the most dangerous monsters on the planet."
"Cleaning slimes? What do they do?"
"They eat organical waste."
Oh, so they eat piss and poop. Wait, is that why I sometimes hear weird sloshing sounds when I'm on the toilet?
'Eugh, thinking about poop makes me wanna throw up, let's stop thinking about that topic entirely.'
"What about dokusan slimes?"
"They are massive monsters that have a radius anywhere from five meters to a whopping twenty. They are extremely toxic and poisonous, bordering on acid. Not only that, but they release gases which are also poisonous. They are tough to kill, cause a lot of damage, and are generally just... a pain in the ass."
Jagon's face twisted into a grimace. It seemed like he had a deep dislike for dokusan slimes. Most likely from personal experience.
'But a radius of twenty meters... isn't that a lot?'
Yes, it was. It was a lot a lot, in fact.
It was the height of an eleven story building, while being just as wide. The scale of it all...
I shivered.
"Well, going away from that scary topic; Jagon, could you please teach me magic?"
He smirked.
"You finally asked that question, huh? Sure, why not!"
***
Magic had three tiers. From easiest to hardest, it went: Physical Magic, Concept Magic and Foundation Magic.
Physical Magic dealt with physical matter like: lightning, fire, earth, ice, wind, water, light. That specific order is the order of Physical Magic from strongest to weakest.
Concept Magic dealt with... well, concepts. Gravity, temperature... and charm, for some reason.
Foundation Magic was more unknown and weird. It dealt with stuff like: time, space and souls.
"Alright, you got all that?"
"Yep."
"Good. Now completely forget about Concept Magic and Foundation Magic."
...No.
'No.'
"No."
"What a curt rejection! But I understand you, and I was half-kidding when I said that. You see, both Concept and Foundation Magic... are extremely ineffecient for how much mana they cost, so they are never seriously used. Hell, the only reason we know they exist is because of ancient texts and Saints! We have recently started looking into Concept Magic, so that is at least something... but Foundation magic is way too costly and unneeded to properly use."
I stood there, completely bewildered.
'Huh? Bwuh?! Nguh?!'
"What- What do you MEAN never seriously used?! Have you never thought about going back in time?! That's possible with Foundation Magic, isn't it?!"
Jagon just nodded.
"Yes it is. In fact, we have once sent an object back in time."
"SO?!"
"But it took the mana's worth of twenty strongest mages in the country, the whole spell took three hours to do, the object we sent was a small hollow metal cube, and... we only managed to send it back five seconds, you know?"
"Oh yeah, that makes sense then. But just a question, how did that not cause a paradox? Like, if you saw a cube appear from nowhere, couldn't you just... not send it back in time?"
Jagon nodded.
"We did stop the spell to test exactly that theory, but... the moment five seconds passed, the extra cube just disappeared."
"Ah, I see. So if you don't actually do the spell, the extra disappears, but if you do the spell, you will only be left with the extra and lose the original."
That made sense, and there were no weird copying shenanigans, but it was also weird. I mean... it was still technically possible to change history like this. But I guess that's why it's called Foundation magic and why it's so difficult and expensive. After all, changing history is one hell of a feat. It's a feat so great that it would go down in history.
'That joke was so distasteful.'
While berating myself for my poor joke, I keep talking.
"Alright, let's stop talking about all this time stuff, it's messing with my head. Let's actually get started on learning magic."
"You're finally satisfied with the amount of knowledge, huh? You're crazy, I tell you."
Jagon sighed, but then his face quickly adopted an excited expression.
"It's been a while since I've taught magic. Let's get this started shall we?"
He stretched and made a shit-eating grin.
It was pretty bizarre to see such a hulk of muscle stretch, honestly.
"Magic's nothing too complicated. The first stage of it, at least. For now, just repeat after me."
I nod.
"Feuerinfa, God of fire,"
Immediately, thousands of question pop up in my mind. My emotions explode and my mind goes blank.
But even through all of that―
"Feuerinfa, God of fire,"
I repeat after Jagon.
Immediately though, I felt wrong. It was like... something was grabbing ahold of my mana.
I've already dealt with plenty of feelings of wrongness though, so I just ignore it.
"give me your aid."
"give me your aid."
The mana inside of my body moved, escaping outside. Instinctively, I turn on mana sensing, allowing me to sense my mana that is now outside my body.
"Create the fire to set everything alight,"
"Create the fire to set everything alight,"
My mana started weaving itself in complicated ways.
"and so graciously allow me control of it."
"and so graciously allow me control of it."
Until it stabilized into a complicated shape.
I stared at the shape in confusion, amazement and... a feeling of wrongness.
It felt so... weird to not be in control of my own mana. It was almost like being puppeteered. No, it was exactly like being puppeteered.
And I did not like it one bit.
'Haha! So what? There are only a few things I hate, and yet, I keep being surrounded by them. That's just another one to the pile.'
I turned to Jagon in confusion. The complicated shape made of my mana was still floating in front of me, but no spell was cast and nothing had happened.
He smirked.
"Only the last step is left. You just have to make the shape do one full rotation without changing its structure. After that, the spell will be cast."
"Does it matter what kind of rotation it is?"
"No. It just has to be one full rotation. Doesn't matter if it's horizontal, vertical or diagonal."
"What about rotating it half in one direction and then rotating it half in the other direction?"
"That also works. You can even do it in opposite directions if you want to. Back and forth so to say."
"I see."
That said, rotating this... it was going to be difficult.
That's because I was not controlling the shape as a whole, but I was controlling individual parts of it.
Keeping the shape perfectly whole while doing all of that was going to be hard. But if I just concentrate and take it slow...
The moment the rotation finished, my mana condensed in on itself and a small flame appeared in midair.
I could feel the mana I put into the spell slowly burning away as the flame continued existing.
I tried to pour more mana into the flame... but I couldn't. The flame just continued burning away the mana first put into it, not accepting any mana put into it after the spell was completed. Eventually, once all of that 'startup' mana ran out, the flame disappeared.
'How interesting...'
So I couldn't put more mana into the spell once I actually cast it. That... is something I can take advantage of. More accurately, I could take advantage of the fact that no one can put more mana into their spells, and of the fact that everyone knows that no one can put more mana into their spells.
"So, how was it?"
Jagon's voice made me refocus on reality.
"Pretty cool, really weird... and I hated the fact that it didn't rhyme."
Jagon heartily laughed.
"Well, you can thank humanity for that! We were the ones who dissected how the chant worked, what words needed and didn't need to be said, which words could be replaced with shorter ones and all of that goodness. Its original form does rhyme."
"Can you tell me the original form?"
"Nope, don't remember it."
"Shame."
'So it's not "don't know", it's "don't remember it", huh?'
It's surprising that at some point Jagon knew the original version. He didn't seem like the kind of person to care about that kind of stuff. Perhaps when he was younger―
'Ah, but my hobbies aren't important right now. What's important right now is learning magic.'
It seemed like in this world, magic worked by: Creating a shape made of your mana and then rotating it 360 degrees.
Saying certain words in a specific order could create a shape for you, but rotating is something you had to do yourself no matter what.
That said, chanting didn't seem necessary.
'If I just make that shape on my own, I don't have to chant... most likely.'
I decided to try just that. Using all the previous effort I had spent on trying to manipulate mana, I tried my best to recreate the shape.
But...
"I don't remember it."
The shape was too complex. I had seen it only once, and even then, I had not analyzed it, only marveled at it.
I could remember certain parts, but only a few.
"Of course you don't remember it! If you could remember a shape just after staring at it for a few seconds, you would be beyond a prodigy!"
It was only then that I realized that I mumbled out loud and that Jagon heard me. That said, I mumbled really quietly. Was this guy constantly using Body-Strengthening on his ears?
'Doesn't matter. I have to learn magic.'
Even if I couldn't remember the shape, I at least remembered the chant.
"Feuerinfa, the God of Fire, give me your aid. Create the fire to set everything alight, and so graciously allow me to control it."
My mana started weaving itself in complicated ways... but broke down at the last second.
'Eh? Did I... mess up somewhere?'
But I'm pretty sure I said everything correctly.
"Almost Faun, almost. Instead of "allow me to control it", it's "allow me control of it". Pretty similar, but still different."
I could feel my eye twitching. Just because of that small mess-up, the whole thing broke down?
'But wait, this gives me a couple of questions.'
If I stopped mid-chant, could I finish the rest of the shape by myself, or would it collapse in on itself the moment I stopped chanting?
That was something to try after I actually memorized the shape though.
And so, with Jagon's remark... I failed again.
But hey, can you blame me? The chant was short, but it was annoying. It didn't rhyme, it used weird combinations of words and overall it sounded bad.
I did it perfectly the next time though.
As I looked at the shape, trying to memorize all of its parts, another thing stuck out to me.
"The mana I put in is slowly being... dissolved?"
Even when I haven't actually activated the spell itself, the shape was slowly losing mana as well. It was a slow process, but a process nonetheless.
'So I can't keep this up forever either... No, let's think about this.'
In the first place, why was the shape losing mana?
When I actually cast the spell, the mana was used as fuel for the fire, so that made sense. But why was mana being lost now?
If there could be a reason... it would be that my mana was slowly being converted into ambient mana.
Just like ambient mana was being converted into my mana inside my body, the reverse was happening here.
'Now the real question. Can I stop that from happening?'
To do that, I'd have to understand why it was happening in the first place. And, well, the answer to that was easy.
My mana was being mixed with ambient mana and slowly becoming less and less concentrated, to the point that it became so different from my mana, that I couldn't control it anymore.
But just like when I learned to sense mana outside my body, I could sense mana that was not fully mine if I just concentrated. Thus, it would not be impudent to say that I could control mana that was not fully mine either.
So I focused. Sensing mana that was not quite mine. Understanding mana that was not quite mine. Controlling mana that was not quite mine.
I focused, more and more. It was difficult, beyond difficult... but not impossible.
I grasped that elusive mana―
My eyes opened to the familiar sight of my ceiling.
'Huh?'
I couldn't understand what was happening. My mind felt like jello and my memories were a bit hazy.
I pushed through that haziness and arrived at a conclusion.
'I pushed myself too far again.'
Now that I thought about it... why did I think I could do it?
Just sensing that kind of mana previously made me have a nosebleed. Why did I think that controlling it wouldn't have any repercussions?
"Hey, you. You're finally awake."
I recognized Jagon's voice, but didn't even have the strength to turn my head to look at him. I had really overdone it this time.
"I'm not sure what you did back there, but you had blood pouring out of your nose like a waterfall. Not only that, you didn't even react to when I called you. I had no choice but to knock you out."
Ah, so it could've ended up even worse. Was my focus so intense that even my instincts of self-preservation had taken a back seat? To the point that I couldn't even faint?
'That's worrying. Extremely worrying.'
If I pushed myself that far again, without anyone nearby... would I even survive?
"Thanks."
Surprisingly, talking didn't feel that taxing. That was at least one good thing about my current situation.
"As if a thanks can fix what you did. You probably got a Mind Overload, y'know?"
"Eh? Really?"
He sighed, and I could guess what kind of expression he had on his face right now.
"You thought too much. Too much level of too much. And since you thought too much, your brain has to rest now. It's basically the same as straining a muscle."
"Heh, you explained that way better than Angelica did."
"I am a mage, of course I'd know how to explain Mind Overload better than a priestess."
The word priestess made my brow curl upwards involuntarily.
"Say... can you tell me about the both of you? I've known you for a bit, and I have pretty good grasp of your personalities, but I don't know about your past at all."
"Kind of unfair for you to say that, ain't it? You're the one who's hiding pretty much everything about himself."
"Haha. That's true. Still, you wouldn't say no to a curious child, would you?"
Silence reigned in the room. Since I couldn't see Jagon's face, the silence felt just that more heavy.
...
"I can tell you about my past, but I... no, it would be even worse for Angelica. Alright, I'll tell you about both of our pasts."
Jagon, as the bastard he was, wanted to leave Angelica's past for her to tell, so that he wouldn't have to deal with it. But in a once-in-a-millenium show of goodwill, he decided to actually take care of that too.
Was Angelica's past so painful for her that even a bastard like Jagon couldn't leave it to her to explain? If my conjecture was correct... I'm scared of Angelica's past.
'No, I am not scared of it, because Faun is never scared. Faun only worries. I am worried about Angelica's past. That's how it should be.'
I nodded to myself.
Jagon scratched his head.
"Well, let's start with mine, shall we? My past is pretty simple. I was just your average skinny nerdy guy, before I got picked up by a powerful mage. From there on, I started learning magic and showed great potential. I went to the Magic Academy, learned a lot and finished it. From thereon, I became an adventurer to use all that powerful magic I learned, because who doesn't like feeling strong and confident? I was in a couple of parties, left a couple of parties, was kicked out of a couple of parties, that whole shabang. Eventually though, I ended up in a party with Angelica. After years of adventuring together, we naturally grew closer. And, well... what you see is the result."
'―――'
...Nothing. I might now know his past, but I didn't learn anything about him from this.
I don't know his motivations, what made him pick one path over the other, how he felt during his life.
And honestly, that was normal. Because he is entitled to keep his emotions to himself. Because why would he tell everything to a random boy he met by chance only three months ago?
Still, how to say this, it felt... frustrating. Frustrating and annoying to not know everything about him.
But most of all? It was worrying.
What if he decides to betray me because of a detail in his life I knew nothing about? What if his actions start making my situation worse, all because of motivations I couldn't know about?
I was anxious. I wanted to know everything. I needed to know everything.
Because if I don't know everything... how can I trust anyone or anything in this new world? In this world where I almost died on my first day, where I felt just how weak I was... just how can I live without worries if there's a detail that could put my life in jeopardy that I don't know about?
Hobbies? Sure, it was fun to learn about people. Yes, I did enjoy learning new things most of the time. But this was beyond that. Now, it was not just a hobby, but a necessary asset to survive.
So Jagon talking about his past so casually, not actually letting me know much about his character... I did not like it one bit.
But what could I do?
Dig deeper? Jagon might suspect me, or he might feel uncomfortable talking about it. I don't want to make others uncomfortable, and I certainly don't want to become even more suspicious.
So... I just smiled. I acted interested, and I truly was interested, but behind that insignificant truth I was hiding so many other truths that I didn't want to come to light.
With my smile that was practiced thousands of times at this point, I continued talking, making it look like nothing important was going through my mind.
"Interesting. How did you become so muscular when you mentioned being a skinny nerd though?"
"That's the fault of my teacher, the one who picked me up. Can you guess what he told me I had to be the best at?"
I thought about it for a bit and with great effort turned my head to look at Jagon.
"Staying alive?"
"Close! He said I had to be the best at running away! So, he made me run a lot. Making sure that I could run no matter the situation or terrain. At some point, I started realizing that I liked running. From that point, I just started doing regular exercises as they just felt fun. That's how I got these muscles."
With a shit-eating grin, he flexed his muscles. Ah, this guy is such a dork that it is hard to hate him. I hate him though.
"That makes sense. Running away is a valuable skill. But I don't care about you that much honestly, so tell me about Angelica already."
"Well, I hate you too. So, about Angelica's past..."
The grin and easygoing personality fully disappeared from Jagon's face. He just looked at the ground, contemplating what he was going to say.
This was probably the first time I had seen Jagon look so... downcast.
With a sigh, he started fidgeting with his fingers.
"So, how to say this. Angelica used to be a part of a noble house. A noble house which prided itself on its strong warriors. No matter the age or gender, everyone was a proud warrior. The only exception was Angelica herself, who was only a child at the time and wasn't too into violence. That was until... their house got attacked by demons."
"―――"
"The demons that attacked them were not only too numerous, but one of them was also extremely strong. Too strong for even the powerful Starke family to beat him. And not only that... that demon was sadistic. He didn't just kill Angelica's parents... he killed them in front of her, with Mana Drain no less."
'―――'
I had a couple of questions I wanted to ask... but what kind of person interrupts in the middle of such a story?
"After that, the only thought in Angelica's mind... was revenge. She trained harder than anyone I've ever seen before. She got into dangerous situations, just for the sake of triumphing them and becoming strong in a short amount of time. She was... crazy, to say the least."
"..."
"But then she joined our party, since we were the rising stars at the time. She didn't change her ways, but she did slowly become closer to us. But that party... didn't last too long. We got overconfident and went on a mission that was out of our league. In the end, out of the six we had, only three survived."
'...'
"I was heartbroken, but not too badly. I had already seen my party members die a couple of times, so while I was deeply melancholic, I didn't become depressed. No, the one who ended up broken... was Angelica. The death of her first ever friends must've affected her deeply. I tried my best to support her... but it just didn't work out. Eventually, we separated. From what she told me, after we separated, an old nun from a church helped her get back on her feet. She got into religion, and became capable of casting Miracles. The next time we met was when I wanted to join yet another adventurer party, and one was desperate for a mage of my caliber. I took the perfect opportunity, and it ended up being the party Angelica was in. We then adventured together, once again grew closer, and after a particularly dangerous mission that all of us managed to survive, our party disbanded. Me and Angelica realized our love for each other, moved here... and the rest is history."
...
What was I even supposed to say here? How could I even react to something like this?
Normally, these kind of outlandish stories... are just that. Stories.
But here, a real person who I've interacted with, who I've come to know, had such a past.
'And yet, she is still struggling.'
Even with such a past, her story was not over, nor was her problems. She still had some important questions that she did not have an answer to.
"I... I don't even know what to say. I am both sad and impressed. Both happy and melancholy. Just... the thought that the Angelica I know has such a past feels surreal."
Jagon smiled, but that smile seemed sad.
"Right? Such a girl's face being overtaken with rage and driven by revenge. Then being completely broken by things repeating even after she became strong. It all doesn't fit her image, does it?"
Yeah. That didn't fit at all with the clumsy and kindhearted Angelica I knew. Also, why the hell did he call her a girl?
Jagon sighed.
"Ah, I don't like this depressing atmosphere. Want me to tell you a fun fact?"
I nodded.
"The reason Angelica is so clumsy, is because she's trying to keep her strength in check. The reason she got into sewing in the first place is because it's something that requires precision and meticulousness. She thought it would be something that would help her get used to holding back... but she took a liking to it and now just does it for fun."
Huh, so her strength was so overwhelming, that she specifically had to work on holding herself back?
"A world made of cardboard..."
"I'm surprised you could come up with such a good analogy."
"What do you mean, 'surprised'?"
I overdramatically frown while Jagon snickers.
But that overdramatic frown soon turns into a real one. And... how could it not?
Angelica's past was downright depressing. I might have just heard her story, but I felt it. I empathized with her. I could guess how she felt during certain parts of her life, and those emotions made me sad.
'Well, she had a good end.'
She might still have things on her plate, but her story seemed to finally be getting into the epilogue.
She was about to have a child. Had a loving husband. Does what she wants. Is surrounded by people she likes and considers friends.
I was happy for her. Truly happy. Since forever, a true smile appeared on my face, one that showed just how happy I was for her.
...
"Hey, why are you crying?"
At that, my eyes widened. I wanted to wipe away my tears, but couldn't move my arms. The most I could do was turn my face away from Jagon's.
I stared at the wall, hoping Jagon wouldn't say anything more.
'I only had one job. I only had one flippin job!'
I was honestly scared of what would happen next. Please...please...
"So that's how it is. You are―"
Not my one weakness. This is why I hid it. I have to continue playing Faun, so please don't―
"not Faun."
Ah.