---
Outside Konohagakure.
Two figures slowly approached the village gates.
"I haven't been back in almost two years," one of them said.
"Yeah," the other replied. "Doesn't look like much has changed."
"Well~well! It's only been two years after all," the first one replied, grinning. "Right, Naruto?"
"That's right," Naruto chuckled. "This time, I'm here to gather intel with you. Though, let's be honest—I came to drag Sasuke back again, and we still made zero progress, you damn Pervy Sage."
"Oi! I told you not to call me Pervy Sage!" Jiraiya yelled, flailing.
"Alright, alright!" Naruto waved him off playfully. "I know, I know... Pervy Sage!"
"You little bastard…" Jiraiya muttered under his breath before sighing. "Anyway, go say hi to your girlfriends already."
"Yosh~!" Naruto stretched his arms and yawned. "I won't bother you while you collect research material, you damn pervert."
"You little shit!"
---
Hokage Tower – Office.
"Yo! Tsunade Darling! " Naruto suddenly shouted as he barged in, causing Tsunade to jolt up from her seat.
Her eyes widened when she saw the tall figure standing in front of her. His body had matured—lean, muscular, and draped in a loose-fitting royal cloak. For a brief second, the image of the Naruto she remembered overlapped with the one before her.
"You brat!" Tsunade exclaimed, storming over to him. She grabbed his collar, yanked him forward, and pulled him into a tight hug. "Welcome back!"
Naruto grinned and hugged her back with a chuckle. "I'm home."
But Tsunade quickly pushed him back and smirked. "Now that you're back, let's get to work."
Naruto blinked. "Huh? Wait, seriously? Shouldn't there be some warm welcome first? A touching reunion, maybe a cup of tea?"
"I've had your teammates waiting long enough," she said, still smiling as she returned to her desk.
Just then, there was a knock at the door.
"Come in!" Tsunade barked.
The door swung open, and in walked Shikamaru and Temari.
"Naruto?!" Temari gasped, eyes wide. Without hesitation, she ran over and leapt into his arms.
Caught off guard, Naruto awkwardly raised his hands before settling them around her shoulders. "Hey…"
"Tch. Troublesome women," Shikamaru muttered from the side. "By the way, when did Naruto get back?"
Still under Tsunade's watchful eye, Naruto gently helped Temari to her feet and explained, "Just got here. Thought I'd come see the Hokage first thing."
"Hmph." Tsunade scoffed and looked away.
"Hah! Looks like you've gotten a bit smarter," Shikamaru teased. "At the very least, you've changed."
"Yeah, yeah," Naruto said, brushing him off with a grin. "Like hell I'd get stuck with you as a teammate."
"Huh? Teammate?" Shikamaru tilted his head. "I was just delivering documents…"
Naruto chuckled and turned toward the window. "Could it be you then, Kakashi-sensei?"
"Forgive me," Kakashi's voice came from the open window as he dropped in gracefully. "I'd like to live a little longer, if you don't mind."
He tossed a mission scroll onto Tsunade's desk. "Mission complete."
"Damn you, Kakashi!" Tsunade fumed. "Use the door like a normal human being!"
"Yeah, yeah," Kakashi laughed and scratched his head. "Next time, I promise."
"None of you are ever worry-free," Tsunade sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Why the hell did I agree to become Hokage?"
Meanwhile, Naruto leaned toward Kakashi, eyeing the familiar orange book in his hand. "Kakashi-sensei, you really haven't changed at all…"
Naruto reached into his cloak and pulled out two thin, neatly sealed books, tossing them to Kakashi.
"Huh?" Kakashi's lone eye widened.
Naruto whispered smugly, "Third limited edition of Icha Icha Paradise... and The Legend of the Dragon Warrior."
Both of them cackled mischievously. "Oh hey hey~"
Tsunade glared.
A large lump immediately formed on Naruto's head. He staggered out of the Hokage Tower, rubbing it in pain as the group walked through the village streets.
"Dammit! Why is it always me getting hit?!"
"Hey! Isn't that—!?" someone shouted from behind. "Brother!"
"Huh?" Naruto turned around.
From the far end of the street, two small figures came running—Konohamaru and a younger Sakura.
"Yo, Sakura-chan!" Naruto greeted cheerfully, flashing his trademark grin.
Sakura came to a stop, eyes wide, cheeks flushing pink. Naruto was now a full head taller than her, his matured features giving her heart a strange jolt.
"So handsome…" she mumbled, unable to look away.
Blushing furiously, she stammered, "Naruto-kun… have I… become a little more womanly?"
Naruto gave her a big thumbs up. "Don't worry! You're still the exact same as before!"
Sakura froze. Her heart dropped like a rock.
"…Oh."
"Brother!" Konohamaru called out, stepping up confidently. Ever since Naruto had encouraged him back then, Konohamaru had looked up to him as a role model. He had sworn to become Hokage one day—and now, he was determined to surpass his "big bro."
"Watch this!" Konohamaru shouted. "Sexy Jutsu!"
Puff!
A naked woman with exaggerated curves appeared before them.
Jiraiya's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "HOOOOO~!"
Shikamaru quickly turned away. "I'm not looking. Not looking…"
Sakura and Temari had twin black lines across their faces.
"What do you think, Big Bro? Is she curvy enough? Seductive enough?!" Konohamaru asked eagerly, poofing back to normal.
Naruto laughed, "Konohamaru, I'm not a kid anymore. You shouldn't be using that kind of jutsu anymore."
Konohamaru lowered his head in disappointment.
"Seems like he's lost a bit of that idiocy," Shikamaru said to Sakura with a smirk.
"Not just that," Sakura nodded, "he's become more handsome… and even pervier."
"Mm, I agree," Temari added, "but I'm sure he's also learned a ton of new jutsu. I bet he's way stronger now."
Naruto suddenly grinned wickedly.
"Your Sexy Jutsu is outdated! Let me show you my newly developed technique—Harem Technique 2.0: Real-Time Subscription Service.com Edition!"
Everyone blinked.
"…Huh?"
Poof!
A flash of smoke erupted as Naruto activated the jutsu.
"You moron!" Sakura immediately slammed her fist into his face, sending him flying into the pavement. "And here I was about to feel girly and special!"
"You dumbass!" Temari yelled, poking his cratered form with her fan. "You just had to ruin it!"
Shikamaru facepalmed. "Nope. Definitely hasn't changed…"
Jiraiya watched the whole scene unfold, hands on hips. "Single life is the best! Long live being single!"
He shook his head. "With strength like that and that terrifying momentum... it's like Tsunade raised a second version of herself."
Naruto lay in the hole, being strangled by both girls, eyes staring blankly at the sky.
"…Didn't they say women in love are gentle? What the hell is this?"
He began contemplating life.
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