i go to the entrance door, open it and get out the apartment. The old woman's apartment door is also decaying. And the building's entrance door has its window broken. Down near the door, i see thousands of pieces of glass and thousands of drops of blood. i look at my right hand. The bandages cover my whole arm, but there are spots of blood inked everywhere. It's more red than white. These losses of control are starting to put my life in danger.
i get out of the building. The sky is of a dark blue, it's starting to get brighter. i look at the phone, nothing, no battery left. Dammit. i start running around the cemetery until i arrive at the entrance. This is the street that i drove on with George. After that, i drove…in that direction to the train station. i look at a building that seems familiar and run towards it. Here i think i took a right. On the left street i see a taxi coming towards me. i have no money on me but i wave him to stop. Taxi stops and i open the door on the right side.
"Excuse me, i have no money, but if you could tell me in which direction is the train station i'd be very grateful."
The taxi driver looks confused at me, he seems tired, then he looks at the road ahead of him, opens his finger and points it towards a street.
"Here at the intersection you do a left, you then walk two more streets I think and then right at the roundabout… From there you should be able to see the station. Or see who you ask from there, there must be a gas station in that direction also."
"Thank you very much."
i close the door of the car and go. The car stays stationed a little while, giving me the sensation he has second thoughts about leaving or taking me in, but i find out immediately his decision. The car turns around and leaves.
i took a left at the intersection, walked three streets until i got to a roundabout. There i saw a gas station on the right. i walked to the gas station where i asked a man that was filling up his car, where the station is. After that man's guidance i walked one more street and on the right was the train station.
i get in the station and then right on the platform. On the timetable it showed the train will arrive in 6 minutes. It was a Regio train, it will take a while until i get home, and i have no money on me. In 6 minutes the train arrives. i go in and climb the stairs to the upper level and sit on the first chair near the stairs. Three with three chairs face to face, facing inside the train, with the back to the lateral walls of the train, the rest of the chairs in the train cart are two on each side, facing the front of the train. From this chair i can watch over both doors of the cart and run if i see the train conductor.
Less than half an hour later i hear the cart door opening, i look down the stairs and see the conductor entering this cart, he's coming from the last one going to the front. i thought he'll come the other way around. i quickly and lightly get up the chair and walk backwards slowly. i'm crouched and ready to hide behind the first row of two chairs. The door closes and i see a small portion of the conductor's head down the stairs, he's going forward to check the level below first. i wait for 30 seconds and go down the stairs slowly, step by step, until i get down. i peek from behind the stairs to see into the lower level of the cart, and i see the conductor with my right eye. He's at the end of the cart already. There aren't many passengers. He finishes with the last and goes up the stairs at the other end of the cart. i was alone on the upper level, i hide on the stairs, between the levels but peeking up, still with only one eye. He notices too that the upper level is empty and goes back down. i peek on the lower level of the cart again and see the door to the next cart closing. i dodged him.
i go on the lower level of the cart and sit down on the first chair after the stairs. i'll stay here, eyes on that door, to see if he comes back again later. The cart shakes a little but continues going. As if it hit a speed bump. But it's shaking more and more, and the vibrations become more intense and more frequent. It comes to the point in which the whole train is moving violently, ready to derail. The lights in the cart are flashing on and off, windows start breaking. The cart is sure to come off the tracks, the whole train, but it keeps going, seemingly faster than before. The window near me breaks spraying me with small pieces of glass. i see the mountains shaking, the trees coming down on waves of earth. i see the tower, up on the top of the mountain, is very small, for now. All stops.
The roar that pulverises the rest of the windows of this cart announces a wave even longer of violent earthquakes. The tower is rising. i look outside the window and see up on the mountain, the tower growing in height insanely fast. People aren't surprised at all about the tower. They were expecting it. They treat it as something normal, thing that shocks me. i get up from the chair, with both of my hands holding myself by the two headrests on the side and start walking towards the end of the cart, trying to maintain my balance. Above the cart door, i see the W.C. sign, it's green. i get out of the cart and in the toilet. i close the door, lock it and prop my hands on the lateral walls, trying to hold myself in place, to make myself static.
But, all is muffled now. The shakes, the noise, the roars and the metallic bangs. i still hear them but, they are far from me. As if they can't touch me here. i get my hands off the walls, i can stand without help. i look in the mirror. i'm pale, whiter than a dead, my eyes are black from not sleeping and i look like the soul is missing entirely from me. i'm broken by hunger, dried from thirst and mentally finished. The gaze is of an insane man. i don't understand. i don't recognize.
i don't understand…what should i believe from all these things? i let the water run in the sink and wash my face. The face feels so dry, the lips, all is so harsh and abrasive. i wipe my hands on my shirt, i jump. i touched a bruise of mine. i pull up my shirt. They look even bigger and bloodier and fresher and uglier. They didn't start to heal, and i didn't even let them, but they're looking so much worse. i'm looking so much worse.
i look again in the mirror, the way i look now, transformed by the circumstances. Consumed by the events. i look so dead. i need help. A brutal shake manages to get past the protection that the toilet offered me and it smashes my whole body to the lateral wall. The light stops too. i land back on my feet, in front of the mirror, in its reflection i see the 'EXIT' sign, it lights up. In the mirror, is not me anymore. It's Him.
"A little more! Live!"
"Remember me!!!"
The floor turns into a watery light up mushy puddle. Another roar, another huge shake takes me completely by surprise and i throw myself with my face into the mirror. The light comes back. Stuck to the mirror, i open my right eye, i see the cracks in the glass, i see them so close, and a thousand of eyes. i'm at an eyelash distance from a shard pointing straight at me. i close my right eye, feeling the shard with the eyelash, and pull back my head, so very slowly, as to not make any new cut on my face. After enough shards fell of the mirror, and off my face, and i got back to a safe distance, i open my right eye again. The mirror is broken, and at the point of impact there's a hole big as my head. i hope i didn't fucked up my face that bad. i'm afraid to open my left eye. i feel the eyelid, it's cut, the eye too. i feel like i'd have thousands of small, minuscule shards in my eye, and if i move it or the eyelid, all of them will also move and plough away.
i try to look in the mirror, just by moving my head, and my eye not at all, to see how bad are the wounds, if my left eye looks compromised… But i don't understand the image in front of me at all. i only see thousands of me wounded and full of blood, with the eyes…eye full of desperation and completely devoid of any power and help and hope… i don't want to look anymore.
i lower my head above the sink and start putting water slowly on my face. i touch my skin very softly, to feel where the wounds are, and to feel if i have any pieces of the mirror left in me. After i wash my face well and massage softly my wounds, especially the left eye, i get my head up again to look in the mirror. The face is clean, but drops of water turn red as they touch the wounds and drip down on my face turning it all red again, little by little. i open my left eye slowly. i feel the eyelid pulling thousands of minuscule particles of glass against the eye. They are dragged across my whole eye. i almost got it wide open. And when i do open it to the fullest extent…
Red.
Red is the colour that dominates my sight. The entire white of my eye is gone, covered in blood. i get closer to the mirror and choose a bigger shard to look into. i see thousands of striations, scratches on my eye, that are not red but burgundy. These, cracks in my eyes all pulsate out blood. my blue iris is a little lighter in colour than the red that covers my entire eyeball. Thousands of cracks in my left eye with which i see thousands of cracks in the mirror that reveals my face, cracked a thousand times by the scratches. i look like a demon, a monster, a creature not terrifying, but so broken and destroyed that it has not one speck of normality left in, and that was possessed by a diabolical beast. i look like a nightmare for monsters.
i close my eye, i don't want to see so much destruction anymore. Ouch, but i have to keep my red eye, my left eye, open, as if i move my right one, the left follows and scratches on the interior walls of the eyelids. i turn to the bathroom door, it looks different. It's of…different colour, faded. i open the door…
All comes back to…the abnormal from earlier. The earthquakes, the noise, the constant feeling of dread and fear and lack of significance. An orange reddish light hits my eyes. It's the sunrise. An old man was standing at the door, smoking and looking left and right. i put my hand on his shoulder.
"Excuse me…"
He turns back instantly, drops the cigarette and lets a small sound out, even the sound got scared and died instantly, some kind of faint cry for help. He got mad and terrified.
"Brașov?"
The old man, still shocked by my face, answers as faintly as before.
"Next one after this…"
Of course, i'm in a different train.
"Thank you."
i turn my back to the man to not scare him anymore and go to the door on the other side. The tower. It's still rising. It keeps quaking all that is around it. i would have guessed that someone like the old man behind me, who is a peasant, would be more shocked by what is happening there, by the tower, rather than my face. But yeah, news and promises that the tower is beneficial for everybody, that it will take us to the next level of evolution, they all shoved these down the throats of the masses, and they ate it. People were even donating for the building of the tower. This tower will bring the destruction of humanity, of the entire planet, and the masses don't know how to help to have it built faster.
i turn again towards the man, he's still there, back on me. i get closer to him, i see him realizing that i'm coming to him as he startles a little at each step i take. This gives me such an odd sensation, this fear that i'm inducing to this man. i put my hand again on his shoulder. This time just to see him jump again. And he does.
"Excuse me for bothering you again. Can you give me a cigarette and a lighter, i'd be very…"
The man moves quickly, a little clumsy, but he gives me a cigarette that i put in my mouth and he lights it up himself, holding his hand up so the flame doesn't go off. His eyes are everywhere but on my face. i puff three times and the cigarette is lit, the man quickly withdraws his lighter and hands, puts it back in his pocket and turns his back to me, facing his door again.
"Thank you."
He makes an approving sign with his head and bends down to put his bag on the shoulder. The train arrives in the station. He bends down again to pick up two huge buckets that seem heavier than me and as soon as the doors open he jumps out of the cart. He falls, straight on his ass, as his legs went forward faster than his weighted up upper body. He quickly puts his legs under his body, gets up with the bag and the buckets and a loud groan and walks away hurriedly.
i feel a little bad that i scared him so much. But i also laugh a bit at all that happened in front of me. He's fine. He won't be scared for life by my face, but i will be scarred for life on my face. i hope not…i'm scared of what Sarah is going to do to me, but even more, by what she might not do to me. Please, god, i don't want her to leave me. But if i don't solve the problem with the tower now, it won't matter anyway.
The train moves, the doors close, i even forgot that i had a lit up cigarette in my hand, i even forgot about the earthquakes, the shakes and the noises. i got used to it all. Or i'm so hardened already that nothing bothers me now. i put the cigarette in my mouth and pull. i take a deep, full of smoke, breath into my lungs…
Instead of, 'Ahhh, it's so good!' i feel my throat closing up, getting clogged up and i'm chocked by that breath of smoke i took. Is as if a huge hot boulder got stuck in my throat, and i cough as if i really must throw it out, otherwise i die.
i forgot that when i smoked those cigarettes, i was in a coma, it wasn't real. This is my first one, after some time. And it's also a strong one. After some five minutes of coughing and chocking i finally calm down. The cigarette is at the half of it, i put it in my mouth and pull for a second time. This time slower and not so much. i then detach and just softly invite the smoke into my lungs, with clear air pushing it from behind. i hold the smoke in, and let it slowly out through my nose and mouth. Much better. This time it went so smooth, slid through the respiratory airways. It had the effect i wanted. Calm. i wait for a few more seconds and take for a third time a smoke in, i feel again some irritation so i take a longer pause this time, for half a minute, and then puff again.
At around the sixth smoke, i get to the filter and the smoke gets hotter. i wipe the cigarette on the wall near me and throw the butt in the trash can from the bathroom. The train slows down, the doors open and i get out. Brașov. Again.
The city is waking up little by little and becoming more lively. The big and orange sun already starts throwing heat at us, luckily it's very low and shadows are cast everywhere. However, the city looks abandoned. There aren't that many cars that would roam the streets of Bucharest at this hour. i pull out my phone, dead. in front of the curb, near a drain, i notice a big puddle. The puddle was agitated, the water was forming circles on the surface, small waves.
my hearing comes back from a short numbness, my feelings also, i again got used to the rising of the tower. The noises, the brutal movements of the earth. The light poles are shaking, the cables are swinging, the trees are trembling, and the leaves are falling, all. All the streets are covered by shards and leaves and all the trees are almost bald. Only the people, unchanged, waiting calm for the tower to rise. i think the people here in Brașov are the happiest. The value of their houses will go up so much.
In front of me, on the asphalt, i notice how my shadow is lengthening? It's stretching in height, so much and so fast…i make a step to my left and see my normal shadow, coming from behind the one that looks like is still stretching up the street. The shadow continues, on the entire street, and up on the building at the end of it, and even more, stretching on other houses further away. i turn around to see the source of this shadow. i see the sun, just now out from behind the mountain. And in the middle of the sun, a black string, a stripe. The tower, it's so tall that the top already passed the clear skyline.
i start walking towards the tower. i don't know what i could do there, or if i'd even be able to get past the security. i'll try to go in and then to find a way to sabotage it. After i walk along small streets between houses and buildings, i finally get on a bigger street. The street is long and leads straight to the mountain and above it, the sun and the tower. As i walk on the street, i see the tower perfectly, i see it being in a continuous movement and vibration, i see it how it's still rising.
The tower starts tipping suddenly until it stops violently at 90 degrees. All is shaking, especially my head. my image is in a complete unclarity. i'm not running anymore. The whole world is rotated to the left, 90 degrees. i look at my feet, the image focuses a bit, under my feet i see a house. i look to my left, i see the asphalt from up close. Very close. i'm pinned down to the ground, face stuck to the asphalt. But i didn't felt when i fell, i'm not feeling anything now either, now that i'm leaning on a side.
i try to get up but i can't. i have no more strength to raise up my legs. A loud noise comes out of nowhere. A horn, long and loud.
"Move away from the road, junkie!"
It's a driver, fallen on a side, i block his entire lane. He revs up his engine and leaves in a hurry going around me very close to my head. i should get out off the street. i keep trying to prop up onto my hands but it's useless. my legs are completely useless now. i turn on my stomach and look ahead of me, i see the curb, and the open gate to a garden where something is being built. In front of me i have many obstacles, concrete blocks, piles of old and rusty scrap metal, a mini mountain of sand and other tools, and then the curb, the safe place.
i head that way. i crawl on my forearms, with frequent pauses in which i wait for cars to go around me, but i'm slowly moving forward towards the curb. i can't see the destination though, as i keep my head down, eyes on the asphalt under me. i barely have any strength to move my hands, much less drag my body with me.
i feel the asphalt rubbing on my body, my abdomen, but i feel something else besides this. Tingles. i don't feel them on my body, on my skin, but inside, in my stomach, and they accentuate. As i'm panting from my effort, i see how i'm breathing out smoke. Exhaling smoke. i smell it with my nose, it's cigarette smoke. i feel it too coming out of my stomach. i put my hand on my abdomen to press a little. i barely touch it and i feel this infernal pain. i'm so hungry, in fact, this is more than that, it's basic surviving. i must eat something now, or i die. i have to survive. To live!
It seems that i finally broke. my whole body is sweating up from every pore, i'm numb and it pains me absolutely everything, all at the same time. This anguish… i prop myself back in my hands, fully extend them and push myself forwards. i fall and hit my chest and chin pretty hard. i feel my chin cold, i look under it, drops of blood on the asphalt, of course. Where do i not have a wound? i put my hands again under me and push myself forwards again. This time i quickly draw my right hand under me and fall on it. It still hurts. i crawl some more centimetres and see the scrap metal pile near me. i grab them and pull myself towards them. i advance helping myself with the scrap metals and boulders and other construction items and i almost reach the curb.
i'm terribly hungry, i start smelling food, i don't even know what food it is, it seems to be meat or something. Rough smell. i want to eat that meat. i can't resist any longer. i keep crawling forwards in my arms, but they start slipping from under me. The asphalt is sandy now. More and more. It must be the sand mountain, i'm getting closer to it and to the curb of the sidewalk. And the sand keeps getting more denser and deeper under me. i push myself forwards, careful to not slip and make unnecessary moves. i don't have the energy and force to make inefficient moves.
i look up, i'm close, at one jump away from the curb, i jump for it, but my hands slip and i go straight to it, head first, and i hit…