Holli hit the ground with a thud, lying there while she tried to suck air back into her lungs. Her thoughts were still a little scattered, but they had started to clear back when Erimond summoned Corypheus's dragon. Something about coming face to face with a dragon will do that. Wish she didn't know that.
"Where are we?"
Holli looked up to where Stroud was standing sideways on quite a high narrow rock jutting out of the ground. Maybe she wasn't as clearheaded as she thought.
"We... we were falling."
Upside down on another rocky outcropping stood Hawke, staring about in wonder. This was so freaking Labyrinth. Holli got up, not wanting to be the only one lying down.
"If this is the afterlife, the Chantry owes me an apology. This looks nothing like the Maker's bosom," Hawke said.
Holli snorted in amusement, drawing a smirk from Hawke.
"No, this is the Fade," Solas said, appearing from behind the rock Hawke was on.
"Solas!" Holli offered a wide smile, pleased and relieved to see him, almost skipping to his side.
"You're hurt," he said, taking her chin in hand. Her lip was split, and the side of her face was heavily bruised. He could also see dried blood on her neck. They were small injuries, easy enough for him to heal.
Her shoulders sagged in relief as his magic washed over her, the bruising and swelling evaporating. Even her mind gained a lot more clarity than it'd had. Had it all been a concussion?
"I'm pleased you still live," he told her, a gentle smile on his face that faded quickly when he addressed the others, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder. "Holli opened a rift. We came through... and survived."
It had been a desperate attempt to save them, probably not the best idea, but the only one she'd managed to come up with in her strangely addled panic.
"I never thought I would ever find myself here physically..." He breathed. "Look. The Black City, almost close enough to touch. Cole, how does it feel to be back home?"
Holli hadn't even noticed he was here, but now that she could see him, he looked panic-stricken.
"I-I-I can't be here. Not like this, not like me!"
"It's all right; we'll make it right," Solas tried to assure him.
"This place is wrong. I made myself forget when I made myself real, but I know it wasn't like this!"
Holli took his face in her hands, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "We'll find a way out," she promised.
She hated to see him looking so afraid. She let his face go and pulled him into a tight hug, tight enough to ground him. His arms wrapped tightly around her as well, as if he was afraid he would float away if he let her go.
"It's wrong, Holli," he mumbled into her hair. "I shouldn't be here."
"I'm so sorry. We'll get out."
"It's not how I remember the Fade, either. Perhaps it's because we're here physically, instead of just dreaming," Hawke said. He looked down at Holli. "The stories say you walked out of the Fade at Haven. Was it like this?"
"I don't know," she replied, brushing Cole's hair out of her face. "I still can't remember what happened the last time I was here."
"Well, whatever happened at Haven, we can't assume we're safe now," Fenris growled out. "There was a massive demon right on the other side of that rift Erimond was trying to make you open, and there could be others."
"In our world, that rift was nearby, in the main hall. Can we escape the same way?" Stroud asked.
"It beats waiting around for demons to find us," Hawke said. "Let's go."
"While I'm grateful to still be alive, darling," Dorian said. "You couldn't have just conjured a giant pillow for us to land on instead?"
"Sorry," Holli tsk'd. "I must have had the mark on the wrong setting."
"Don't listen to Sparkler," Varric told her. "Ungrateful sod."
"Did I not expressly say, 'While I'm grateful'?" Dorian argued.
"And then completely shit all over it with the rest of your sentence," Varric chuckled.
Holli let Cole go; he reluctantly parted from her, but he maintained a death grip on her hand, interlacing their fingers as if that would be more secure.
"This is fascinating," Solas remarked as they followed Hawke. "It is not the area I would have chosen, of course. But to physically walk within the Fade..." He let out a contented sigh.
"I don't suppose you have any words of warning for this part of the Fade?" Hawke asked.
"Why would I ever voluntarily come to this part of the Fade?" He asked. "The demon that controls this area is extremely powerful. Some variety of fear, I would guess. I suggest you remain wary of its manipulations and prepare for what is certain to be a fascinating experience."
"Is that why I can't change it, Solas?" Holli asked. "Like I did that one time? Because a demon controls it?"
Holli had been trying to at least make their surroundings a little more easy on the eyes, something a bit more comforting. She had thought perhaps her mind was still too unfocused to manage it.
"That is the dominant reason," Solas replied. "It is also different when we dream. Those are more akin to... pockets, designed for dreamers. This place is not."
"Wrong, wrong, wrong," Cole muttered. "Wringing me out. Wrought right and rigid. Can't relax. Can't release..."
Holli squeezed his hand. "Hey, Cole?"
"What?"
"What's your favourite part of the physical world?" She asked.
He took time to ponder it, the distraction enough to even make him loosen his grip on her.
"I think... being remembered," he finally said. "I helped. I listened. I eased their pain. And then I slipped away. They needed me, but they never kept me. Not because they didn't care. Because they couldn't." He looked down at their hands before looking up at her. "But you remember. You look for me when I leave. You say my name like it matters. Like I matter."
A silence settled between them, not heavy, just... real maybe?
She squeezed his hand again. "I do remember," she said quietly, offering a smile. "You always matter."
Cole blinked, something easing behind his eyes. He didn't smile, not exactly, but he stilled. Less frayed.
"Personally, I like the wine," Dorian said a few paces ahead of them.
The others started chiming in with their favourite things about being alive, and the conversation seemed to ease some of the tension in all of them.
Though there were demons in the Fade, there weren't as many as she would have expected. And the others easily dealt with them. Holli helped. A little. Picking off a couple of smaller ones. She found she didn't much have a taste for fighting or killing, even if it was demons.
The Fade was vastly different from her one experience in it. She could see the Black City, and she knew the story of it now. Honestly, she had thought it a myth – like Heaven. But it was really there. What else was real? Was there truly a Maker? Or the elven pantheon?
"Are gods actually real?" Holli suddenly asked.
Travelling at the back of the group, still hand in hand with Cole, she was able to see everyone stop walking and stare back at her. It was mind-boggling to her that gods could exist. She knew people believed in God or gods back in her own world; the concept had always seemed foreign to her, and she had been so sure that on some level they must know it wasn't real. But she was starting to wonder. Did God exist in her world? Had Jesus? She always thought if Jesus had existed, he was just a hippie, and his miracles were exaggerated.
Being here was kind of calling a lot of what she believed into question, and she wasn't sure what to do with it.
"I mean, I've done a lot of reading, and I just kind of assumed it was all religious rhetoric, like it is in my world. But there really is a Black City. Does that mean the Maker's real? And the elven gods? Was Andraste real?"
"Did Andraste not send you?" Stroud asked.
"No. She did not. I've been very clear about that from the start," she said vehemently. "So, are gods real?"
Looks were exchanged between the group. Holli had never heard anyone deny their belief in the Maker; most people she knew here seemed to believe in him to varying degrees. But belief was different than knowing.
"Like, if we popped on up to the Black City, would we find a bunch? Or their remains, or whatever..." She trailed off.
"We are not attempting to reach the Black City, da'len," Solas said firmly, stepping closer to her as if he might need to bar her way.
"I'm not saying we should. I'm asking, if we did, hypothetically, would we really find proof of God's existence?"
Everyone's gaze sort of wandered up to the shadow of the Black City hovering in the sky.
"Where I come from we have holy texts – the Bible, the Kuran, the Sutras – that explain this stuff, like what the Chantry has. But there's no proof; where I come from, people see what they want to see. But the Black City is real. We're looking at it. And if that's real, how much more is real, you know?"
"I don't think there's any real way to answer that," Dorian said. "Just because one thing is real doesn't automatically make it all real. It truly is faith and belief."
Holli huffed. "I was hoping for something more concrete."
"Yes," Dorian smirked. "We've known that about you for some time. You're rather evidence-based. And while that is quite refreshing, not everything can be taken that way."
"That just means we don't know enough yet. That's the whole point in science – answering these questions. And if- if we found God, maybe he could fix my hand and send me home."
"Oh, Holli," Dorian said softly, resting a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Solas and I have been working on it. And we will not stop until we find a way."
She looked to Solas, who offered a slight smile, his own way of offering reassurance. Solas had told her he would help her find a way, but their sessions together had tapered off as she became busy with healing and helping Adan with his research. She hadn't known he'd gotten Dorian involved.
"Thank you, guys," she said, her voice tremulous.
She let go of Cole's hand, slinging her arms around both Dorian's and Solas's necks, pulling them down into a bit of an awkward hug. Both men stiffened at first, taken by surprise, before she felt one hand rest on her lower back and another pat her back higher up as they uncomfortably returned the hug.
"As lovely as this is, I'm not sure this is the best time and place," Hawke pointed out.
Holli squeezed tighter for a moment before she let them go, grateful beyond words.
She really would miss everyone when she left.