Gwen Stacy adjusted her Spider-Woman mask as she perched on the ledge of a dimly lit rooftop, watching the city below with a smirk tugging at her lips. The cool night air brushed against her as she held the electric razor in her hand, spinning it absentmindedly. Her internal monologue echoed in her mind, a mix of satisfaction and amusement.
I never used to be this bold. If you'd told me a year ago that I'd be sneaking into J. Jonah Jameson's house to pull off the ultimate prank, I'd have laughed in your face. But then I met Wanda Maximoff. She taught me to act on my emotions, to embrace my mischievous side. And you know what? She was right.
She glanced at the electric razor and grinned. Mock me all you want, Jameson, but tonight you're going to regret crossing Spider-Woman.
Gwen moved silently through J. Jonah Jameson's upscale brownstone, her Spider-Woman suit blending into the shadows. She crept past framed photos of Jameson looking overly smug with various celebrities and politicians. One photo showed him pointing dramatically at the camera with the caption, "I'm ALWAYS right!"
Finally, she reached the bedroom. Jameson was sprawled on his bed, snoring loudly, his mustache fluttering up and down with each exaggerated breath. His combed-over hair glinted faintly in the moonlight.
Oh, this is too good, Gwen thought, biting her lip to suppress a laugh. She pulled out the electric razor, flipping it on with a satisfying buzz. Slowly, she approached, her eyes gleaming with mischief.
Leaning over Jameson, Gwen whispered mockingly, "Mock me all you want now, Baldy. Let's see how you handle a little makeover."
With a precise hand, she shaved off his iconic mustache in one smooth motion. Jameson snorted in his sleep, completely oblivious. Gwen suppressed another laugh as she moved on to his thinning comb-over. It took her less than a minute to leave him completely bald.
Standing back to admire her work, Gwen couldn't help but let out a soft, triumphant chuckle. "Perfect. The sun's going to reflect off this dome like a mirror."
Before leaving, she took out a small calling card she had made earlier. It was a simple spider symbol with the words Courtesy of your friendly neighborhood Spider-Woman scrawled underneath. She placed it on his nightstand and disappeared into the night, laughing quietly as she swung back into the city.
The next morning, J. Jonah Jameson's scream could probably be heard across Manhattan. The moment he looked in the mirror and saw his bare face—devoid of his beloved mustache and thinning hair—he let out a sound that could only be described as a mix between a banshee's wail and a cat being stepped on.
"MY MUSTACHE!" he bellowed, clutching his bald head in horror. "MY HAIR! WHAT MONSTER WOULD DO THIS?"
As he paced frantically, his assistant burst into the room. "Mr. Jameson, are you okay? I heard—"
Jameson spun on her, pointing an accusatory finger. "DO I LOOK OKAY? LOOK AT ME! I'M A MONSTER!"
His assistant blinked, barely suppressing a snort of laughter as she took in his shiny bald head and bare upper lip. "Uh... did you shave—?"
"SHAVE?!" Jameson roared. "I was ATTACKED! This is a CRIME! Someone broke into my home and DESECRATED me!" He held up the calling card Gwen had left behind, his hand shaking. "SPIDER-WOMAN! IT WAS HER!"
Within hours, Jameson was back on the air, his shiny bald head gleaming under the studio lights. He glared at the camera with an intensity that could burn a hole through the lens.
"This just in, folks," he began, his voice dripping with venom. "Spider-Woman—yes, that menace—has crossed the line! Last night, while I was peacefully asleep in my own home, she broke in like the criminal she is and committed an unspeakable act of violence!"
The screen cut to a close-up of Jameson's bald head, zooming in on the smooth surface. "That's right! She SHAVED me! My mustache—gone! My hair—gone! All that remains is this!" He gestured dramatically at his head. "And I'm telling you, folks, this is an assault on everything decent in this world!"
Watching the broadcast from a diner, Gwen burst out laughing, nearly choking on her coffee. "Oh my God, I didn't think he'd actually lose his mind over it!"
Wanda, sitting across from her, smirked. "You've got a real flair for chaos, Gwen. I'm impressed."
Jameson continued his tirade, his face turning red as he pounded his fist on the desk. "Spider-Woman, if you're watching this—and I KNOW YOU ARE—you're going to pay for this! You think you're funny? Well, guess what? Nobody's going to take you seriously anymore, because every time people look at me, they'll see the sun's reflection off my head, and it's YOUR FAULT!"
Gwen, grinning from ear to ear, pulled out her phone. "Oh, he's gonna love this," she said, typing out a quick email to the station.
As Jameson continued his rant, a notification popped up on his screen. His assistant rushed to his side. "Uh, Mr. Jameson, you've got an email. It's from... Spider-Woman."
"WHAT?!" Jameson shouted, his eyes bugging out. "PUT IT ON THE SCREEN!"
The email displayed in large, bold letters:
TO: Baldy McShoutyPants
FROM: Spider-Woman
Dear Mr. Jameson,
Mock me all you want, but guess what? Nobody's going to care about your little rants anymore, because every time they look at you, they'll see the sun's reflection on your head. It's like a giant "Bald Alert" beacon for the whole city! Also, I noticed you spit a lot when you yell. Maybe invest in a towel?
P.S. You're welcome for the free shave.
Jameson's face turned an alarming shade of purple as he read the email aloud. "THE SUN'S REFLECTION ON MY HEAD?! BALD ALERT?!"
He clutched his chest, gasping dramatically. "I'LL SHOW HER! I'LL—" He coughed violently, then sputtered blood from his mouth, collapsing onto the desk.
The studio erupted into chaos as paramedics rushed in to assist him. Meanwhile, the email was still displayed on the giant screen behind them, much to the amusement of the live audience.
Back at the diner, Gwen wiped tears of laughter from her eyes as she watched the chaos unfold on the TV. "I can't believe he actually fainted."
Wanda smirked, sipping her coffee. "You really are bold, Gwen. I admire your courage."
Gwen glanced at her, her cheeks flushing slightly. "Thanks. You're a pretty good influence, you know."
"Don't let that go to your head," Wanda teased. "We've still got plenty of chaos to cause."
When Jameson finally regained consciousness, he was wheeled out of the studio on a stretcher, his phone clutched tightly in his hand. Another notification popped up—a text message from Spider-Woman.
FROM: Spider-Woman
Hope you're feeling better, Baldy. Maybe consider a new look? Hats are in this season!
Jameson screamed, his voice echoing down the hallway. "I WANT HER FOUND! FIVE MILLION DOLLARS TO ANYONE WHO BRINGS ME MY MUSTACHE BACK!"
The studio staff exchanged baffled glances, but no one dared question him as he was wheeled away.
As the broadcast ended, Wanda and Gwen paid their bill and stepped out into the busy streets of New York. Gwen was still laughing as she pulled her jacket tighter against the wind.
"Five million dollars for a mustache," she said, shaking her head. "That guy's unbelievable."
"Maybe we should find it and split the reward," Wanda joked, nudging her playfully.
Gwen grinned. "I'm tempted."
Wanda smirked, her tone turning flirtatious. "You know, Gwen, I'm starting to like this mischievous side of yours. It suits you."
Gwen's cheeks flushed again, but she quickly recovered with a sly smile. "Stick around, Maximoff. You haven't seen anything yet."
The two shared a laugh as they disappeared into the city, leaving J. Jonah Jameson's chaos far behind.
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