*Sploops into this timeline from 8/21/25.
Hey, Kid!
You as well, Folks!
I...um, lol.
I -for whatever reason- didn't see that this entry had...has? a second page! So I am going to *SLAP* it in place so that you all don't miss a beat!
(Slaps it in place!)
Again, I apologize!
(RAPIDLY TAPPING AT TIME MACHINE BUTTONS!)
See you all in a sec-
-----
Hey there, Kid!
Hey there, Folks!
I hope that this finds you all well, as always.
It's been an interesting month for me.
One of...growth.
Evolution, I suppose.
Healing is hard, folks.
Kid.
But it is VERY important.
It is soooooooo important.
Please, please, please let go of the heavy things.
Let go.
YOU need YOU.
If THEY needed you, they would still be around.
YOU have YOU all the time.
Don't forget that.
And you have ME, lbvs.
I will try to be as...constant as possible.
I know I haven't been doing the best at that, but at the end of the day, I am only human.
Or...
Am I?
Hmm.
Maybe that's why I feel so weird here amongst humanity, lol.
Bah.
I think I did something important, Kid...
I let her go.
Mentally. Emotionally.
I care about her well-being, but I can't keep loving something that tore me apart.
I wish her the best.
Needless to say, she ISN'T your mother.
If you exist, that is.
Of that, I am sure.
Had she wanted you to be a part of US, you would have been here quite some time ago, and these old journals wouldn't be rendered as they are.
Bah, again!
I need to clear this head of mine lol.
Y'all read this, and I'll go...do something or another.
I'm good, you have my word.
Enjoy!
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May 10th, 2019.
-----
Dear You.
I apologize for not having written anything for so long.
Been tough, Kid.
So tough...
Your grandpa is gone...
He passed away
May 2nd, 2:22 PM.
The world has lost a King.
A great man, indeed.
It hurts...
It's so hard to just let the pain and sadness come out...
At first, it manifested as irritation and boiling anger.
It still lingers.
I try to keep my mind busy...
To keep the reality at bay...
I know it's not healthy...but it's how us Capricorns react.
He was a Capricorn too...
*SLAP!*
I don't think that I would be here if it wasn't for your mom.
XXXXX has been my rock.
I need her.
It's scary.
But that's just love...
I'll recover from this, but for now, I just have to hold the pieces together till after the funeral.
I'll be okay...
End.
-----
A tertiary Bah...
This is all very...ill-aged?
I don't know if that is a proper term, but I like it.
He was not nearly as kind as I had projected in that journal entry.
The thing is: Nostalgia.
That's it.
One word.
Looking back, I see far more instances of negative events versus positive ones when it came to myself and my siblings, who were not directly related to him by blood...
I know that he wasn't obligated to do ANYTHING for us; nonetheless, I feel as if being a "stepdad" comes with the requirement that you treat those children just as well as you would treat your own.
I have no idea how that works, as I don't have any kids.
As much as I would love that experience, or would have loved to have that experience, you know?
The pain and anguish that I felt at his passing were very real, yet steeped in a series of unreal and rather imagined niceties.
Did he do some kind things for me and my other siblings?
Yes. More than he ever HAD to.
But it is really hard to think...to believe that all of his actions were committed out of love versus some sort of obligation to my mom.
Hmm.
It is less hard to believe that once I remember how comfortable he was with the N-word.
Hmm.
It is hard to speak to one's "greatness" or achievements when they have done such cruel and mean-hearted things to you and people that you know.
You know?
There is a reason no one talks about Hitler's "contributions to the art community" from his time in art school, lbvs.
His passing did teach me many things about myself.
Most importantly?
My sadness often manifests itself in the form of either anger or irritation.
Maybe yours does as well?
That's okay.
Just don't let it be redirected toward anyone who doesn't deserve that, yeah?
I will leave you at that, Kid.
You as well, Folks.
I hope you all have been well.
Me?
I make due, as I am sure most of us do, lol.
I love you, Kid.
You all as well, Folks.
See you all back here just as soon as I can get around to it, yeah?
I got you!
Go read something else of mine while you wait, lol.
*SLAP!*
-She was not my rock, lbvs... I was just so enamored, and infatuated, and in love with her, to see that I did not NEED her, I WANTED her.
She was not very supportive at all in this moment. I had to get up from where I was sitting and having an emotional breakdown, and go to her in order for her to THEN hold/hug me as I sobbed.
That's wild...
Not very "significant other" like, to me.
There was a lot more...love bombing going on than I had known, you know?
I was very much blinded by love and the years of trauma bonding that had gotten us to that point.
Sheesh.
I never have fully recovered from my Godmother's passing, you know?
As one last cruel joke, she passed away on my birthday.
Wild, I tell you.
I was never a fan of my birthday.
12/31 is such a universal celebration day that no one really pays attention to the individual, lbvs...
She made it so that I am not a fan even more so, the day just makes me kinda sad now.
Bah, lol.
I will leave you all at that.
As always: Safe travels, folks.
Kid.
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
Redd.
P.S. Pardon all that heaviness, Folks.
You as well, Kid.
This month has been quite...
Bah.
Lbvs.
I love you all.
We got this.
See you all soon, yeah?