"Ahh~" Barbara lay in bed, and next to her was Arthur, sitting at the headboard with a relaxed expression on his face.
"Why is your body so... defined?" she asked, her hands gliding across Arthur's chest.
"That's simple. Just do 100 squats, 100 push-ups, and 100 sit-ups every day."
"Do I look like an idiot to you, Arthur?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Changing the subject... what about these red tattoos?" she asked, tracing her fingers over the crimson markings on his chest.
"Long story," Arthur replied.
"I'd love to hear it~" Barbara laughed playfully.
"I'd love to hear it~" she repeated, her fingers lazily drawing circles over the red tattoos on his skin.
Arthur let out a long sigh.
"Alright… but don't call me crazy afterward."
"Arthur… you literally defeated Killer Croc in an instant and completely wrecked Bane. I doubt your story will surprise me more than that."
He scratched the back of his head and began, his voice a bit lower.
"Okay, so... you know Gilgamesh? That ancient epic from Mesopotamia?"
"Yeah, there's a copy of it in the Gotham library."
Arthur nodded.
"Right. Turns out, he actually existed. And not only that… I'm sort of… like, his reincarnation."
Barbara blinked.
"You're… what?"
Arthur pointed at himself.
"Reincarnation. Gilgamesh. Version 2.0. Upgraded: less egotistical, less sarcastic, and slightly less arrogant."
She stared more intently at the tattoos on his chest.
"So these marks are, what… divine traits?"
"More like a cosmic reminder that in another life, I was a king who ruled everything and everyone."
Barbara rested her head on the pillow, still laughing.
"Okay. Tell me the story properly. But include the juicy parts, please."
Arthur rolled his eyes.
"Juicy? I'm recounting a historical fact, Barbara, not reading you fanfic smut."
"Makes it sound better. It'll be more entertaining."
Arthur took a deep breath and began:
"Gilgamesh—me—was the king of Uruk. Strong, handsome, and so arrogant he'd look at his reflection in the water and say, 'I'm the best part of this river.' He did whatever he wanted. The gods eventually got tired of it and sent him a rival named Enkidu."
"The wild man?"
[A/N: The appearance of Enkidu in mythology is quite... Strange...]
"Erm… Not quite. Enkidu was… strangely attractive. He looked about sixteen, with long, beautiful light green hair and a very androgynous appearance."
"Arthur, don't tell me you and—" Barbara looked at him with a strange expression.
"What kind of nonsense are you thinking?" Arthur flicked her forehead.
"Ouch~" Barbara rubbed her forehead.
"Anyway, they met, traded punches, formed a bond like in a shonen anime, became best bros, and went around fighting monsters like it was co-op mode in an RPG."
"I like this. Keep going."
"One day, they killed a certain sacred beast, and the gods were like, 'Oh, really? Okay then.' Their punishment? They killed Enkidu. Gilgamesh was devastated. That's when the identity crisis hit: 'What is life?', 'Why do we die?', 'What's the meaning of pudding?'..."
"Pudding is a valid question, actually."
"Exactly. So he set off on a journey to find immortality. Faced beasts, crossed the sea of death, and in the end… he succeeded. He found a mystical plant that granted eternal life."
"And then he dropped it?"
"Worse. A snake ate it."
Barbara's eyes widened.
"You're kidding."
"Nope. A snake. Not some divine winged serpent or anything. Just… a snake. Slithered over, gave the plant a lick, and boom—immortality stolen."
Barbara covered her mouth, laughing uncontrollably.
"Oh my god… that's hilarious."
Arthur sighed.
"After that, Gilgamesh went back home, accepted his mortal fate, carved his story into stone—literally—and learned how to live like a human. The end."
"Wow," she said with a smile. "And now he's back as a super ripped platinum blond guy."
Arthur made a face.
"Basically, yeah."
Barbara lay down again, tracing the markings on his chest.
"So, I'm sharing a bed with an ancient king?"
"With a king, a hero, a former tyrant, a demigod, etc., etc., etc."
She smirked.
"If I call you 'my king', will you look at me with arrogance or start giving speeches about glory?"
Arthur grinned back.
"If you call me 'my king', I might just invite you to sit on the throne with me."
"Was that a flirt?"
"Kind of."
She laughed, pulling the blanket over both of them.
"Alright, Your Majesty. I'll let you live another day."
"As merciful as ever, my queen. Now let's sleep."
"Very well~" Barbara snuggled up to Arthur and fell back asleep.
With a smile, Arthur settled in and dozed off as well.
---
It was still early, and Arthur was bored, so he decided to go for a walk. After getting dressed and locking the door, he left the Bella Monica Hotel and strolled through the streets of Gotham.
[Master...] Ruby's voice echoed through the earpiece in Arthur's ear.
"I know what you're going to ask, Ruby. One thing led to another and, yes, Barbara and I slept together. Okay?" Arthur said.
[That's not it, Master. Do gods really exist?]
"Oh, that. Well, the Sumerian gods probably don't exist anymore, but some pantheons, like the Greek one, still do," Arthur explained while walking.
[Seriously?]
"Have I ever lied to you?"
[Hmm… I see. Now, back to the matter of Miss Barbara—]
"Look at that crowd!" Arthur interrupted before she could finish.
Not far from him, a small crowd was lining up to enter a plaza where a performance seemed to be taking place.
After asking a passerby, Arthur found out that a famous circus was in town, and everyone was going there for the show.
"What do you think, Ruby? It's been years since I've been to a circus."
[A waste of time. You should be looking for a way for us to return home.]
(Direct hit.) Arthur thought.
"Unfortunately, I have no clue how to get back, and the only device that could take us home is out of commission."
After buying a ticket, Arthur entered the plaza theater. Fortunately, he had a front-row seat and could watch the show up close.
"This kind of reminds me of my childhood," Arthur murmured as he held a bucket of popcorn, popping some into his mouth with one hand and sipping Coke with the other.
It didn't take long for the performance to officially begin.
"That was a little underwhelming."
Just as Arthur was about to get up and leave, the host announced the final act. Since it was the last performance, Arthur decided to stay and watch.
The spotlights gathered and shone at the center of the stage.
Suddenly, a white mist spread across the stage, and a beautiful young woman with long black hair and glowing blue eyes appeared. She wore a black tuxedo with a white shirt, a white bowtie, black tights, and high-heeled boots.
Arthur narrowed his eyes slightly—there was something familiar about her. She resembled a character he knew.
"Could it be…?" Arthur had his suspicions.
The next second, the entire theater went dark. Nothing could be seen. Arthur only saw the woman's lips move slightly—and three live elephants suddenly appeared in the middle of the stage.
The theater lights returned, and everyone except Arthur stood and clapped.
That's when he realized who the dark-haired woman was: Zatanna Zatara.
"Looks like that ticket was worth it," Arthur said with a faint smile.
[...]
---
(End of chapter)
Yes, I know I acted a little strangely in this chapter.
"Hmph. If you really want to be useful, then entertain me, try to throw those pathetic power stones at me. Let's see if even your insolence can amuse a king."