Mrs. Anozie believed strongly in the importance of education. She worked tirelessly to support her children as a single mom raising four kids, a challenging feat, considering she had once been a housewife.
Even so, she was so vehemently opposed to the idea of Olaedo quitting school that they argued for weeks over it. At one point, she refused to speak to her daughter for a whole month.
Usually, Olaedo would back down in such situations. But this time, she stood her ground. Eventually, they reached a compromise: Olaedo promised that once her company was running smoothly, she would return to university.
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Five years had passed, and though life had improved, she had never made it to university.
Olaedo and her family had endured too much hardship. She had sworn never to feel so helpless again, yet here she was on the brink of a fake marriage just to escape debt.
When her mother picked up the phone, she choked back tears.
"Mom? How are you?"
Mrs. Anozie's cheerful voice instantly picked up on her distress. "Yes, honey? I'm here. I'm fine. Are you okay?"
Olaedo hurriedly calmed herself.
"Yes, Mom, I'm okay. It's good that you're fine too. Do you guys need anything? I can send more money."
Mrs. Anozie shook her head helplessly. Olaedo had ensured they never lacked anything since she started her business. "Dear, we are fine. If there's anything we need, it's to see you. You haven't visited in over a week. We know things on your side are busy, but we also need to know that you're okay, eating and sleeping as you should."
"I know, Mom. Don't worry. There's something I need to ask you." Olaedo decided to ask quickly, knowing she had kept Chibuzor waiting too long already.
Mrs. Anozie sensed the urgency in her tone. "Go on, dear. Ask."
"Mom, I was having a discussion with a friend today, and she mentioned someone she knows is considering a marriage for practical reasons rather than love. It got me thinking, do you think it's ever okay to marry someone purely for financial stability or as part of a mutual agreement, even if love isn't involved?"
'What a strange question,' Mrs. Anozie thought, suddenly worried. 'Who is this friend? Or has Olaedo gotten into trouble? I would better ask.'
"Olaedo, who is this friend of yours?"
Olaedo winced. She knew deceiving her mother would not be easy. "Mom, you don't know her. Could you please answer the question?"
Mrs. Anozie decided to hold off her questions for now. She would probe more when Olaedo visited in a few months. "Okay, but we'll talk about this friend when you come home. Concerning your question, marriage is meant to be a one-time thing, 'till death do us part.' Because of that, your friend needs to get it right the first time. Financial stability is part of a good marriage, and I wouldn't advise anyone to marry without it. However, mutual agreement is even more important, it holds a marriage together longer than money or even Eros love, in some cases."
Olaedo blinked. "Really? Why is that?"
"Many marriages today fail because the couple doesn't know how to communicate effectively. They speak but don't COMMUNICATE. Open communication builds trust, understanding, and intimacy. It also helps partners resolve conflicts and respect each other's needs and boundaries. Without it, there can be no mutual agreement. A couple that communicates well can stand the test of time."
"But, Olaedo, remember this, any relationship without love is worthless. Love ranks highest, it must not only be romantic feelings, though. That's where people get it wrong. There are four types of love in the Bible, they are Eros which is romantic or sexual love, Storge, this is familial love, like between a parent and child, Philia, which is friendship or comradeship, and Agape, this is unconditional, sacrificial love, like God's love for us. A good marriage needs all four kinds to survive."
"Wow..." Olaedo whispered.
Mrs. Anozie nodded. "1 Corinthians 13 says that without love, everything is worthless. That's why love is the greatest commandment. You should read that scripture later and reflect on it. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you understand it because the Spirit of God brings life through the Word. If your friend isn't sure what love is, those scriptures will help her clarify it.
"She needs to ask herself if she feels all four types of love for her partner. She might only feel one for now, and that's okay, but she must work on building all four BEFORE marriage. Before is the keyword."
Olaedo's doubts started to clear. But one question lingered. "Mom, what if it's urgent? What if she doesn't have time to develop all four? Could she marry now and work on the rest later?"
Mrs. Anozie frowned. "No, dear. She must not. Anything missing before marriage is even harder to develop afterward. It's only in rare cases that couples manage to build everything after the wedding."
"Besides, you don't prepare for war during the battle, you prepare before. Your friend must not rush. Being rushed into marriage by one's fiance/é is also a major red flag. No responsible and mature person would rush into something as serious as marriage."
"And remind her of this. Developing Eros doesn't mean engaging in premarital sex or anything that could lead to it, like kissing, inappropriate touching, staying late together, or cohabiting. Do you understand, honey?"
"Yes, Mom. I'll go tell my friend now. Greet everyone for me, please. Bye, Mom." Olaedo quickly ended the call, trying to keep her voice steady and emotions hidden.
As soon as the call ended, she leaned against the wall, feeling drained. Her mother's words echoed in her head: marriage without the four types of love and open communication was a no-go. Financial stability mattered, but not as much as these.
She thought about her brief interaction with Chibuzor. He offered financial stability, and they could manage Philia through friendship and comradeship. Communication might come with time. But love? True love? She was not sure.