When my consciousness found me again, I was in free fall, plummeting through the darkness into a place that was hard to describe. Distortions where magic and reality melded were everywhere, reminding me of the prison I was in for six thousand years.
What the—
Before that thought formed, I found myself on solid ground. The fall didn't hurt, and a soft growl left my lips as I got onto my feet. Whoever brought me here didn't care if I could handle it. Once on up, the darkness around me lifted, allowing me to assess my surroundings.
This is…
Again, I was in a familiar place, surrounded by cherry blossom trees as pink petals floated by me. The only thing that broke the immersion was the sky, devoid of color, leaving an empty white space.
Where am I?
Taking a step forward, I gazed towards the side, only for my eyes to widen spotting someone I longed to see. Rem stood in the distance, humming a lullaby while picking some petals from the ground.
My feet couldn't move fast enough as I instinctively went for her. The only thing that stopped me was when I hit a massive invisible wall that almost knocked me out of my feet. She was so close, yet so far from me.
What—
I couldn't finish that thought as my focus was on her.
"Rem!" I screamed louder than ever, wishing for her to turn around, but she never did.
She continued picking up petals as if she hadn't perceived anything.
"Oi! Rem!" I continued to try to reach her, yet the response remained the same.
Why won't you turn to me?! Rem! Why?!
My emotions burst into a flurry as I slammed a fist into the wall that held me from her. At that moment, it was almost as if she had heard something, prompting her to stand up and peer around.
"Huh? Who's there?" The little Luma asked, shifting her eyes to each side.
Her question filled my heart with hope as hearing her voice urged me forward.
"Rem! I'm right here!" I yelled, smashing my fist into the wall again.
The desperation in my voice was so apparent as it cracked, wishing she was in my arms at all costs. Yet Rem…
"I thought I heard something, but maybe I'm going crazy." She mumbled, placing her hand on the tree next to her. "Why is he taking so long?"
"What?" I breathed, realizing she had turned away from me.
"That won't work, wolf." Someone from behind me announced as their voice sent shivers running through me.
That… You… You were…
I turned around to see Midna, the same bird from before, staring at me from one of the trees surrounding us. She appeared to be stuck on my side of the wall, too.
It was you…
Even though that bird was the last thing I wanted to hear, she knew more than me. After all, she had been in Rem all this time. This was an opportunity to learn more about her, too.
"What?" I muttered as she pointed her black wing back to where Rem was.
"Look. You think she heard you, but it wasn't you. Well, technically." She informed, snickering soon after.
My gaze followed her wing, and I saw someone who appeared to be me walking toward Rem. It was shocking, especially since the actual me stood beyond the barrier that held us apart.
"What?! Oi... Rem!" I called out to my beloved as she turned to the façade and smiled at him ever so brightly.
Seeing her react to another man like that made me want to smash everything.
"There you are! Why did you take so long? I was lonely." Rem pouted, running to him before hugging him tightly.
My blood boiled as every fiber of my being wanted to murder the man in her arms. Even if it was me, that fake had to go.
"Sorry, I lost track of time." The phony replied, touching her cheek.
What are you doing?! You're mine... Fucking mine!
"It's fine. At least you're here with me, wolf." Rem giggled happily, tugging herself to meet his lips, prompting me to slam my fist into the wall that separated us.
I slammed my fist into the wall that separated us.
Can't you tell that isn't me?
The words I read in her journal echoed as I realized she…
No... You wanted this even if it was fake.
"Oi! That isn't me, Rem! I'm right here! You don't need that fake!" I snarled, but it was like screaming into the void.
"Rem!" I screamed again at the top of my lungs, only to prompt Midna to sigh behind me.
Fucking piece of shit!
"She'll never hear you from this side of the wall," the goddess said calmly as I turned toward her.
"Shut up! You probably want her there for her body!" I snapped, realizing I held no power there.
Even though I should've been shining like a glowing star, my body had no hue, which meant I was cut off from the moon's power while in there.
"Oh ho, aren't you lovely, just like I remembered you to be." Midna chuckled, shrugging in response to my hostility.
She couldn't care less about it, but I could barely control myself. It was just like that bastard warlock who kissed her.
Now, it's a fake me! Unacceptable!
"Don't pretend to know what I want, wolf." Midna declared, flying toward me and landing on my arm. "You know nothing of what I'm doing."
A sharp growl left my lips. "What do you want?"
"Me? I don't know, wolf." She breathed, shifting her eyes towards Rem, who happily talked to the façade. "It's a pity the stupid girl is using the space for this when it was created for both of you to connect, not to lock herself up like this."
What? You both created this for us?
"You both did this?" I glanced at the black bird as she nodded.
Unlike before, all her red features were blue, probably because she wasn't merged with Rem.
"Yes, only a god can create this. At first, it was a space she created in her loneliness." She paused, shifting her gaze back onto me. "But I wanted to appease her, so I pulled your soul here when you were stuck in the in-between. One perk I have as the former goddess of death."
"What? Why did you do that?" I asked, narrowing my eyes as she snickered upon hearing me.
"Because, believe it or not, I care for Rem. So, I let her use my power to create this while I brought you here. Though, it was her strong desire to run away that turned this plane into what it is now." She paused, gazing away from me.
"I feel for her the same as those other useless gods do for their halves, but I also remember my past agony, and unlike them, I'm not bound to her will." She added.
I grabbed my forehead, unable to digest anything.
So, everything Rem wrote was real.
"If that's true, then why can't I remember anything from our time together?" I continued my query.
Midna turned to face me with those blue orbs of hers. "Because what you were experiencing was the future, and I couldn't let anything that may have deprived Rem from existing. So, you had to remain ignorant all the while the girl loved you more than anything in this world."
At that moment, I saw red.
So, it's all your fault that I can't remember anything? Not even Rem's face? Unforgivable!
"You're a heartless bitch!" I snapped, throwing Midna out of my arms as she recovered quickly before flying by me and circling me like a vulture.
"Well, I don't expect a mortal like you to understand how fickle time can be. You should be grateful that she exists and I brought you together." Midna began.
I huffed. "I don't owe you a single thing."
"Hmph! Defiant as always. You're lucky the circumstances have changed." She declared, hovering on top of me. "To reach her, you must recover what I took from you."
I rolled my eyes at her. "So, you're going to make me remember?" I growled as the moment that left my mouth, a ring of blue flames formed by my feet.
Fuck! You—
"What are you doing?!" I questioned, unable to move from where I was.
"Silence! I called your soul here for this purpose! You'll bathe in the fires of truth, Alijah Lyrac! No, Valdios! You dare call me a foe, even though we've been through so much together!" Midna commanded the flames to engulf me.
"Our memories may be lost to the circle of reincarnation, but hers aren't!" She made no sense, yet I was powerless to stop her.
As the flames consumed me, I thought they would burn me alive, but they didn't; instead, a floodgate of stolen memories opened in my mind.
"Hey, who… Why are you here?" A young Rem asked as I remembered the first day I met her.
Ah… I…
From there, all the memories flowed through me in chronological order. I felt like I had relived each one that I experienced. However, the point came when I couldn't tell what reality was and what a memory was.
The gaps in my mind were being filled with my little Luma, and before I knew it, I found myself on the floor, tears streaking down my cheeks.
If only I had known how precious you were to me!
More memories flowed through me as I remembered the moment I grabbed her by the neck in that lake and treated her so poorly.
If only I had known when you kissed me for the first time.
I finally understood why she was so desperate to save me and why she was so scared when she kissed me in that cave.
I... No...
Memories clashed together as I was suddenly back on the day she was under me after I drank Wyatt's drug.
If I had known...No… Nothing changes the fact that I hurt you in so many ways. It can't be excused… I… I forgot everything and pushed aside the familiarity I felt while with you!
Like the time she hugged me in the tavern, I could've sworn that wasn't the first time she held me like that, and it wasn't.
I...
My heart was being torn apart with each moment I relived. I had held her for many years, yet I quickly overlooked it, thinking it was Lilith with whom I shared those moments.
I failed you, Rem! I'm so sorry!
"Don't let yourself be consumed by guilt, Valdios! This was for her benefit!" Midna declared, flapping her wings faster as the inferno became more intense.
The name she called me by wasn't my own, yet something about it seemed personal. Her voice was distant, as the memories were suffocating me.
Five years! I've known you for so long, yet I… I…
When I first met Rem, my entire body was electrified, yet she was a tiny, insignificant pup, so I tore my gaze away. Unlike me, the little Luma stared at me like she had seen me before, even though I knew nothing of her.
"Are you a ghost of someone I've killed that's come to haunt me?" I mumbled at her as she cocked her head.
"What? Do you see them too? That's awesome! I never knew of someone who can see them like I can!" She beamed, walking towards me.
"Stay away from me!" I growled, turning away as she glued her eyes to the floor.
The energy she radiated made me not want anything from her. I thought it was an annoying daydream I was having, but it got worse with each passing day. It didn't matter how harsh or distant I was with her, she continued to pester me, creating small banter even if it led to an argument.
Even though I never remembered what happened within them, I suddenly felt lonely whenever my consciousness drifted away from those daydreams.
No wonder... Rem, you're my everything.
However, curiously enough, every time I was in the space, my memories snapped together, allowing me to remember everything that had happened in the previous one.
"Why… Can't I remember anything that happened while in here?" I suddenly asked Rem, who scowled at me.
Our last encounter wasn't pleasant, prompting her to roll her eyes.
"I don't know, that sounds like your problem, old grumps." She retorted, puffing her cheeks.
I couldn't help but laugh at her innocence, yet I was unaware that she hid all the issues she was having with her family.
The only ignorant one was me.
Rem never told me anything, not that I cared to ask either. We called each other little stupid nicknames, refusing to give in to the other as she declared this nothing more than a dream. Every day, the girl wormed herself into my heart, more profoundly than anyone else had done.
Then came the day she kissed me as I instinctively tugged her away.
"Oi! Don't tease adults with those types of plays!" I huffed, turning away from her as my lips burned hotter than ever before.
It wasn't unusual for males to marry younger females at my time, but I had always enjoyed the attention of older females.
That's right, a child like you can never fill the void within me.
Or at least I lied to myself back then because I refused to think anyone would love me for me. At first, I saw her as this annoying kid who wouldn't leave me alone, and out of nowhere, she grew up into a slightly more mature kid. However, something in my heart lingered each time she attempted to push herself deeper into it.
Instead of taking my scolding to heart, she stuck her tongue out at me.
"You're only twenty-three, and I'm legal now!" She huffed, crossing her arms.
This little Luma left me bewildered. In Rem's era, there was a rule that adults couldn't date children—something nonexistent in mine. There wasn't a part of her that I saw differently from a child until she launched herself at me, determined to change my view.
Time had moved so fast in those dreams that I hadn't even realized two years had passed since I met her.
"Hah… You really are stupid. Maybe you'll have a chance once your breasts grow more." I scoffed, rolling my eyes at her.
To me, you were something pure and untouchable.
"I can't control that! Argh! Watch yourself, wolf. No matter how hard you make it for me, I will steal your heart! This is my dream! I'm allowed to have it here!" Rem declared, pointing her finger straight at me.
I could barely keep up, and it wasn't like I could escape her, and trust me, I tried. However, I wasn't strong enough to keep up the front. Every time our lips brushed, it felt like it warmed me up in ways I never knew existed.
It was the first time I ever felt this way about anyone. With that lingering feeling, my front quickly shattered, and it was only a matter of time before I kissed her back. Of course, I quickly backed off when it got a bit touchy.
You were so pure and loving. Now I know what I was missing every time I woke from those daydreams. No wonder I went so hard for Lilith, thinking it was her. I never imagined it was her daughter.
Fuck! Rem... Rem! I'm sorry for forgetting! I... don't know how I…
"Alijah, move past it!" I could hear Midna yell at me from the distance.
More memories flowed into me as I couldn't help but scream when it felt like I was being torn apart. Part of me didn't want to know anymore since everyone was too painful. Rem knew all this when I shoved her away.
You remembered everything while I was being cruel to you!
When I told her, she was nothing more than a hindrance when we met.
Fuck! Why did this have to happen?! Rem... I love you! Please... give me one more chance to show it!
I was losing myself in the agony of knowing I had failed her.