Concerned reader: Author why were you gone for so long even after you said you were fine with updating now?
Dipshit author1101: Dude, you don't wanna know. Oh the horrors…
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"I'm curiosity."
The fake James said, his entire lower body gone at this point. "Oh yeah, you totally shouldn't go through this big ol' golden door behind me, trust me it's soooooo bad."
He says as he waggles his fingers at me, and disappears entirely.
… I'm starting to think James has some kind of mental illness or something.
Regardless of my thoughts on his mental health, I slowly walked up the stairs, the golden door becoming more and more domineering as I stared up at it. To be honest, it reminds me of Adam in a way. Hopefully James will never be Adam.
I soon reached and opened the door and what awaited me and my bated breath was just darkness… I'm really starting to hate black today.
I walked in and the door automatically closed behind me, already trapping me in here like some cheesy horror movies that the other exterminators showed me while I was in Heaven. Those damn things were so–
BZZT
My monologue was cut short by a buzz in the distance. I turn on my flashlight and quickly swivel around myself, checking everywhere I could before my eyes fall upon a lone desk with a single laptop on it.
Was that there before?
It doesn't matter, I walked over to the laptop and it turned on by itself, showing me some sort of chatboard.
G0ldil0ks: Are you Brit-Brit?
Yuh, lol, who dis? 🤔🤔🤔:Brit-Brit
G0ldil0ks: That doesn't matter,I need you to do something for me
Y would i wanna do that? I don't even know u:Brit-Brit
G0ldil0ks: Your online name is based after the name Brittiny, a name you got from your dead sister who went missing 6 months ago, your address is 1616 Varmel Road and your real name is Stacy.
G0ldil0ks: I don't give a damn about your feelings, do this favor for me and I'll leave you alone.
…Okay:Brit-Brit
I tried to read a little more, but something stopped me, I could feel a presence behind me.
"Vaggie… Don't you know how to greet a man when you're inside of him? Turn around and shake my hand…" Was that James?
"... Okay."
I slowly turn around and reach for his hand and—
BBBZZZTTTTT
"HAHAHAHAHA! The old 1,000,000 volt taser in the hand trick, gets them every time!" He said while laughing while I was standing there coughing up dust while my body was charred black.
This is worse than that time he was losing his shit over numbers.
—----------------------------
"IDIOT! YOU. ARE. AN. IDIOT, JAMES!" I yelled at James who was currently dying laughing on the couch.
"How do you even find this funny!?" I was halfway to tearing my hair out as he tried to gain his laughter under control. Before I exploded on him again, Angel Dust sauntered into the room.
"Hey Vagina, what're you yelling for, it's barely noon?"
"IT'S NOT–"I take a deep breath and try to calm down. "Just look at him and count to 8."
"... Okay." He looks at James who was sitting up straight with a completely neutral face.
"1"
"..."
"2."
"…"
"3."
"..."
"4."
"..."
"5."
"..."
"6."
"PFFFT."
"...7"
"AHAHHAHAHHAH"
He laughs like the dumbass he is over two numbers, what's so damn funny about 6-7? He's a moron, through and through.
—----------------------------
…What the fuck was that? Why did I just see that???
I couldn't dwell on it for long as soon James had wrapped his hand around me and pulled me into him. "So what do you usually do around these parts? You always go into the minds of incredibly handsome black men"
I clicked my teeth, attempting to say something before he suddenly put a finger up to my mouth. "Wait, we can't have a conversation like this. Wait one second."
SNAP
James snapped his fingers and the dark space we were shattered, the pieces crumbling around us to reveal.. A city?
The buildings were all tall and surprisingly light blue as well, cars speeding on the highway in front of us much faster than what I think any cars are normally supposed to go.
And with all of this, for some reason there was this song playing in the background that I could barely hear. I was about to ask what it was, but James decided to grab me and started to fly.
Yes, I said fly. He just started to float off the ground and zoom into the air. The flying part wasn't that shocking to me, I usually flew when I was still an exterminator angel but as far as I knew, nobody in hell that wasn't extremely powerful could fly.
"So tell me, Vaggie Waggie, why are you here? I'm pretty sure Angel Dust would rather have someone inside of him rather than me, even if you're a woman." I swear sometimes I think James likes pissing me off because he wants to get pegged or something.
…Why the fuck do I think that!?
I shake my head. "Listen James, I don't even know why I'm here, I just wanna get out."
"So you want to get out, huh? Well to do that, you gotta do something for me." He said, one hand on his hip and the other pretending to stroke an imaginary beard. I honestly don't know how he was doing that while we were flying, but I'm just gonna accept it at this point.
"What do you want, James?"
He didn't say anything, simply dropping us down in what seemed to be an abandoned wasteland, rocks and mountains surrounding us while sand was at our toes. He walked a few feet away while I was dropped face first right on the sand.
I never liked sand, it's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.
Out of thin air, James manifests a golden bell that floats above his hand for a second before taking it and attaching it to his ear. "Simple really, all you gotta do is take the bell from my ear and I'll let you go, ease-peasy."
"...Really?" I ask while rubbing the sand off of me.
"Yes, really, just take it."
….He's gonna move, isn't he? He's gonna move and laugh at me and say some stupid shit like 'You tHOUgHt iT wAs tHaT eASy?' Well, I won't give him the motherfuckin' chance!
My legs tensed up and I took a deep breath in before launching like a rocket at him. Back in heaven, I was one of the fastest, second to only Lute and third to Adam. No way he's gonna dodge, especially not at such a close range–
"Did you get him?"
…Huh?
When I came out of my mind, I saw myself reaching for nothing while James was looking over my shoulder with a hand on his chin and in a deep thinking expression. I waste no time, turning around and reaching for his ear only for him to lean slightly back and make me miss entirely.
Y'know what? Fuck the bells, I just wanna wipe that smug grin off his smug fucking face!
I lash out with a jab, missing at first but following up with adjusting my feet and going in for a punch in his throat with my middle finger extended, intending to mess up his Adam's apple, only for him to casually swat my hand out of the air.
"Vaggie, why're you trying to attack me, you only need to grab the bells–"
"Shut the fuck up!"
I level my glare at him as I drop into a basic CQC angel stance. Since we can't take damage outside of angelic steel, our style is mainly about going in and dealing as much damage as possible while disregarding our safety.
Back a few hundred years ago, some sinners insisted on having one good match before they went on, so us exterminators were prepped for combat outside of our weapons, though now most sinners just run away screaming like pussies, no honor.
All of this is to say: I'm gonna fuck him up.
"Vaggie I–"
"Shut up!"
A blocked kick to the jaw and a missed elbow strike.
"I"n tired of your bullshit, James,I'm tired of you being a fucking idiot every single time I walk in the room, I'm tired of you targeting me."
I knew I was getting sloppy, but I didn't care, I was lulling him into a false sense of security with only striking so far.
I quickly feint with an overhead swing, only to sweep his legs from under him, straddling him. I pinned his arms down to the ground while glaring at him.
"I'm tired of your shit, Adam!"
…I misspoke.
"I see… You think of me as Adam, correct?" James said, he was purposely trying not to make eye contact with me, looking to the left.
Fuck, fuck fuck! Why did I say Adam, why did I lose my temper, why do I even associate James with Adam!?
They're both just assholes who just love making me mad, they love eating, they both have women close to them, they both love other girls…They both like someone else.
They both didnt even consider me as a love interest...
They both are people I really like…
"Vaggie."
His voice pulls me out of my musings. I look down to see James staring up at me with a loose smile.
"Can you get off my lap, your fat latina ass is crushing my dick right now…"
…What?
…What!?
I jump off of him and look disgustedly at him while he starts to hoot and holler with laughter.
"Finally, I never thought you'd stop angsting!" He gets up and rolls his neck before reaching for the bells. "Look Vaggie, I wanted to have some fun with you, maybe dick around with you a bit, but I can tell you aren't in the best state of mind right now."
He walks towards me, pulling me up and making me stick my hand out. "Whenever you want to get over whatever you're going through, you just come back here, okay?." He said with a sweet smile before placing the bells in my hand.
"Oh yeah before you go, it's love." He says, reaching a hand in his pocket to pull out a small wooden ring and placing it in my hands.
"I am James's love, Vaggie."
Before I could say a thing, black spots filled my vision, my mind felt like it was underwater and after that? Total darkness…
*** Scene transition***
HUFF HUFF HUFF
I woke up like a bat out of hell, sweat dripping down my body as I quickly scanned the area. I was still in my room, still in my bed, still in the hotel.
Was that all a dream, was I in James's soul at all, was I just hallucinating?
Well, my questions would get an answer as soon as I looked down at my hand and saw a small wooden thorn protruding out of it.
I totally scratched my hand, trying to get rid of it even though it wasn't uncomfortable at all. Screw it, I'll just go ask James downstairs.
I quickly go through with my morning routine as I soon find myself downstairs with Angel lying about on the couch watching TV with Amery, Charlie not being downstairs yet and Nifty… Being Nifty.
Yet there was no James.
I was about to ask where he was before the loud hum of an engine interrupted me. It quickly roared twice in succession before everyone went to the doors to check it out, Charlie quickly teleporting near us.
What we all saw outside was a large matter black motorcycle, it's sleek black paint reflecting Hell's sun.
Though what surprised me more was the person who was on the motorcycle, being… James.
He was wearing a leather jacket and pants both being the same color as the motorcycle along with a sleek pair of sunglasses on his face.
"Hey Nifty get a dress or something on!"
Hey pulled down his glasses, his soft yellow eyes staring at Nifty before giving a wink.
"It's date night."
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THE END