The ear-splitting noise of thunderous explosive shells caused a sudden earthquake in the ground, making it tremble with blood-curdling vibrations that settled in the pit of their stomachs. The serene blue sky turned into an ominous gray as dark clouds rolled in like a tidal wave, accompanied by the thick, acrid stench of gunpowder and blood in the air.
There, in the middle of the battlefield, was Sebastian crouching in fear, both feet glued to the ground, quavering while tightly holding onto the Minié rifle in his arms. His eyes were dry with tears, paired with his purplish lips that were stained like wine. His heart pounded like a drum, knowing that the step he would take would be a dance with death.
"Plea…se. Please help me!"
Sebastian regained his composure as he heard a voice in the distance. He looked in both directions to find who it was, slowly turning his back while kneeling as he hid behind a wall, afraid that the rain of bullets might hit his head.
He then frowned as the fog and smoke from the explosion covered his sight. Just a few steps away, he saw his comrade. From the tone of his voice, he knew he was in a dire situation.
"I—I COUGH! still have a pre-pregnant wi-wife at ho…home…"
"I... I can't COUGH! di-die, please… plea…se don't leave me he-here…"
He sighed with a slight smile as blood gushed from his mouth.
"I—I still ha…have to see my kid…"
Sebastian was horrified when his vision cleared, revealing his comrade bathing in his own blood. The sight of his severed legs and labored breathing tightened his chest. The man was leaning against the wall, somewhat close to them, fighting for his life as he struggled to open his eyes. Knowing that once he does closes it to rest, he knew he would never wake up.
"What are you doing?! We have to retreat!"
The comrade hiding beside him spoke irritably as Sebastian tried to leave his position.
"We've got to help him."
As he peeked out, he clicked his tongue in either hopelessness or annoyance, letting out a sigh before shaking his head.
"He's not going to last an hour… He—he's going to die!"
A smoke from the cold escaped from his mouth.
"NO. You're not God."
Sebastian's voice was firm as he stated it, as if he were determined to save the guy, though hearing it made his companion click his tongue in frustration. At that moment, as Sebastian's trembling body tried to take a step closer to rescue their comrade, he was firmly pulled back by the arm, so tight that he couldn't break free.
"Don't act like a hero! We're just merely pawns!"
"Let go!"
He shouted, struggling against his grip.
"I said let go!"
Sebastian writhed against the hold, unaware that what he would witness would forever haunt him in his mind. A nightmare he would never escape until he die.
"Plea…COUGH!...please don't leave! Plea—please don't—BOOM!"
His eyes widened in shock as the overwhelming wave of concussive force from the bomb that had fallen in his companion's direction, like a deadly comet from the sky, caused his body to vaporize from the intense heat, dismembering him like a pig's meat in a meat dicer. A teardrop escaped from Sebastian's eyes. His body was paralyzed on the ground as he was thrown from the immense impact of the bomb. All he could hear was the ringing in his ears and the blurry voice of his companion calling his name.
…BASTIAN!
SEBASTIAN!
"LORD GRACIOUS SEBASTIAN!"
Called by his father, the Duke.
"Where have your manners gone?!"
The Duke spat harshly as Sebastian sat at the dining table, looking as pale as a corpse.
It had been half a month since he returned from war, but it seemed like Sebastian was still trapped in a dark corner of his mind.
*SNIFF!*
His eyes were clouded with unshed tears, silently wiping it away with the bandages that covering the wounds and burns on his hands.
"Ha! Looks like you've left all your sanity in the barracks!"
"TSSK! STUPIDITY!"
The Duke's insults echoed harshly in the air, but he could only hiss as the Duchess looked on in silence, her gaze fixed on Sebastian, afraid to speak as if she were a mute.
As the steak was served, Sebastian's hands trembled violently as he tried to reach for the knife to cut it. When he did, nausea rose in his throat. Staring at the blood from the meat pooled on his plate, he couldn't hold back any longer, he was immediately overwhelmed, doubling over in a fit of retching.
*BLECH!*
Gasps of memories flooded his mind—the loud sirens, the echoing explosions that showered on the ground, the acrid smell of bloody corpses and gunpowder in the air, and the chaotic scenes of war replayed in his mind.
"Ahhh!! ARGH! Stop!—BLECH!"
Sebastian continued to smack his head, striking it hard with both fists, startling both the Duke and Duchess, who immediately stood up in their seats, while disappointment etched on the Duke's face.
"Sebastian!"
The Duchess called, but her voice was not enough to pull him from his senses.
Aggressively dodging the hands of the maids who tried to help him as he collapsed on the floor, struggling while covering his ears in a desperate attempt to drown out the voices in his head. His body even shook uncontrollably, while his eyes darted wildly, as if he were losing all grip of his sanity.
"How many days has he been like that?"
The man asked. Beside his shoulder boards were three star pins on his collar.
"It's been a week now, sir."
The soldier replied, making the Lieutenant general to remove his hat and nod as he strode toward Sebastian, who had been crouching in the corner of the field tent.
"Ahem."
He cleared his throat as he sat beside him.
"Does it hurt?"
He asked pointing at his visible wounds that catches his attention.
As Sebastian slowly lifted his head, the bruises on his face and the needle marks on his wrist shown, leaving the man speechless, as if the words had fled from his mind. His brow furrowed into a knitted frown, and his mouth was slightly parted.
It had barely been a week since Sebastian returned to the base, but it appeared as if he had just come back from war, with the countless bruises and wounds on his body.
"Not as much as being treated like a madman."
Sebastian's voice was hoarse, as if one word from him would make him lose his voice.
The man smiled slightly.
"I'm talking about this…"
It made Sebastian frown in confusion as he pointed at his chest. Blinking, as his swollen, reddish eyes seemed like they couldn't shed any more tears.
"You know what? There are lots of people here like you who only come here to escape things they couldn't."
He stopped, handing Sebastian the roasted potato, as he hadn't eaten for days.
"But running from your problems will solve nothing."
He nodded, signaling him to just eat, which Sebastian did, nibbling the sweet potato cautiously in his mouth.
"Do you know what makes a soldier a soldier?"
He asked, putting his hands on Sebastian's shoulder.
"If it's bravery, well… uhmm…"
He paused, making weird gestures with his hands.
"It's also right, but I think it's because they have either something or someone to protect."
"Do you think soldiers like us die for nothing?"
Sebastian darted his eyes.
"Probably?"
He answered, making the man chuckle.
"Pfft—oh kid. It is because we choose to die to protect our nation, our family, and friends."
Sebastian paused as he heard this.
"What if you had nothing like that?"
His question made the man think for a minute.
"You do."
"Maybe you don't see it or feel their love, but maybe, just maybe, one day you will have that person you're willing to give your life for."
He then took a piece of paper from his pocket, showing a picture of a girl.
"Look."
The lieutenant general spoke, showing a genuine smile that Sebastian had never seen from his father.
Seeing it made him feel like there was a lump in his throat that choked him.
"This is my daughter, Arabella."
The tone of his voice had become sweeter, as if it were coated with honey.
"She might not show how much she loves me, but I know she worries when I leave them to save our country."
Sebastian then hardly swallowed the food in his mouth.
"Do girls always look this grumpy?"
His words made the Lieutenant laugh, catching the attention of other soldiers, while it makes the corner of Sebastian's lips flicker into a smile.