This was how his first love ended. He didn't resent Do-Yung. How could he ?
It had been obvious that Ma-Ri only had eyes for his tall, handsome friend. Na-Kyum only allowed his crush to grow because he had been certain his friend didn't reciprocate those feelings. He should have asked.
Not that he had any hopes that the beautiful Kim Ma-Ri would have ever looked his way. She was way out of his league. Still, his heart had shattered at the scene.
He hadn't even known Do-Yung did… those things. Somehow, the feeling of growing apart from his best friend, of not keeping up with him, that had hurt almost as much, if not more, than hearing Ma-Ri cry his name out. The feeling of not knowing Do-Yung anymore kept growing no matter how much he fought against it.
So when Do-Yung found him and hugged him, let him hide his pitiful sobs in his chest, it had soothed the pain. His Hyung was still here. He had left his girlfriend to comfort him and Na-Kyum shamelessly took it as a confirmation that Na-Kyum was still his brother, that he took priority. They still had each other's back.
Ma-Ri grew apart from the group after that but Do-Yung brushed his questions off every time, saying she had moved on to another guy. Na-Kyum never found out who it was.
The next and last year they went to school together, it happened twice more. But it was only the third time that Na-Kyum realized something was wrong.
He tried to ask hyung about his love life, tried to learn more about it because Na-Kyum couldn't understand when he saw them. They spent all their free time together. How was it possible for him to date ? He stopped when he realized Do-Yung was probably embarrassed of him. The more time passed and the wider the rift between them became. Na-Kyum remained petite and average while Do-Yung became the object of every girls' desire. he drew attention everywhere they went and Na-Kyum grew more and more self-conscious with time.
Fate seemed to be working hard on his case. It forced him to see it. It became clear the two only other times he caught Do-Yung with a girl. They were both girls he had had a crush on. Nothing big but he found them pretty. After seeing them climax in his hyung's arms though, he could never look at them again.
It bothered him that Do-Yung became something of a womanizer but he couldn't say anything about it. Because truth was he only ever caught him these three times and the rest of the time it seemed like he had no interest in anyone. Even those girls never dared to approach him again afterward. Also, he didn't want to sound jealous, dreaded the day he'd finally annoy Do-Yung and push him away. Yes, he had been attracted to those girls but it didn't matter. It wasn't important next to his relationship with his brother.
His relationship with his brother was so important for him, he cried the first time he had a dirty dream about him.
He had pleaded with Do-Yung to stop their sleeping arrangement. They were too old, the bed was too small. Do-Yung's large built almost took all the place and Na-Kyum had to sleep in his embrace every night. It made it awful to wake up to wet pants. Na-Kyum would never forget the horror of finding out he had spent in his pants in the morning with his hyung mumbling good morning in his ears. He couldn't even remember the dream he had. It happened often enough that he asked the nurse about it. She assured him it was normal but wouldn't look him in the eyes. It was dreadful.
It was still manageable until he started dreaming about his hyung. He hated himself for it. Cursed his dirty, broken brain. They were family. How could he… ? And yet, almost every night, he met up with him in his dreams. He hated himself for clinging a bit longer to the oblivious teenager in the morning.