Season: Autumn
Weather: Sunshine and lollipops
Day of the week: Sunday
Date: 24th March, 2024
Today, I went outside to stand in the sun. The sun was gentle and warm. Not harsh like in summer or insipid like in winter. It was just warm, cheerful and lovely. A pity the warmth didn't reach my heart or the frozen, barren, inner parts of me.
If only that warmth would soak in.
What did it feel like to be wrapped in warmth? The kind of comfortable warmth that wasn't demanding and didn't burn? I wonder...
Somebody came out to drape a coat around my shoulders and sat beside me for a while. I didn't turn my head. Didn't look to see who it might be. I didn't really care. Why should I care?
After sitting in silence for a while, they must have gotten bored. They got up and left me alone, trying to soak in the sunshine warmth with my eyes closed. Trying to re-imagine my past and past events to create a more comfortable 'cloak' of memories about myself. Maybe if I tried hard enough, my memories would turn into the lies I so desperately wanted to believe and then I could bask in that fake world I had built for myself.
Take that away. I'm not hungry. I told you I'm not hungry. Leave me alone. No. I'm not thirsty either. Go away. Leave me alone. I want to be alone.
Why should I talk when you can read? I don't feel like talking. Go away. Stop disturbing me. I don't care if the sun is going down and it's getting dark.
Yes. I've been writing all day. What is it to you if I've only written these few words all day? Are you my boss?