Author's Notes: Chapter edited and corrected by Scott Fellman.
Freya POV - Day 22 since Bella joined Miach
"What do you mean the minotaurs are dead?" I asked Ottar, frowning. That... had been a crazy plan from the start. No risk, no gain. Even with all the obstacles that damned abomination was putting in my way when it came to helping Bell, Bell had grown wonderfully over the past few weeks.
I can see it, he's stuck in some personal matter; that encounter with the minotaur is a mark from his past that has become a thorn in his confidence.
He is supposed to defeat the symbol of his past with his own hands; Ottar is supposed to train and guide a minotaur, enough to serve as a push towards Bell, to help him on his path.
"They are, Freya-sama. Following your order, I found the... optimal way to help Bell Cranel with his advancement. The plan was to train a minotaur, to make it... a challenge enough to serve as a baptism, a test for him to leave his past behind." Ottar said without hesitation, without a trace of emotion in his voice.
"And what went wrong? Did any family get rid of the minotaurs?" I asked, frowning. Ottar seemed to doubt it.
"The first time, I found a minotaur easily and started the plan. I gave the minotaur a weapon, a weapon it learned to use. The next day, I went down again, but the minotaur was dead," Ottar said with a grimace.
"Dead? Are you sure? How do you know it was the same one? " I asked curiously.
"The weapon I'd given the minotaur was stuck in the floor of the 17th floor, next to a minotaur horn," he said without hesitation. "I thought it was a coincidence, so I grabbed the next minotaur and started over."
"Today I checked the Minotaur's evolution again, but... I found the same situation. The Minotaur's sword was stuck in the floor of the 17th floor with a Minotaur horn, only this time, there was a note in the sword's hilt." Ottar said cautiously. I could see him take a small note out of his pocket and hand it to me.
I felt a pang in my instinct; I already knew exactly what I was going to find on that paper. I had a very strong feeling that I knew what I would find written on it. I gritted my teeth and snatched it from Ottar immediately, opening the note.
"Greetings, disgusting goddess, I saw your little captain playing with the minotaurs. I wanted to play with them too. I hope you don't mind.
The Abomination."
"That damned abomination!" I growled furiously, crumpling the note into a fist. I stood up, completely enraged. "Getting in my way again! How dare she?! " I yelled angrily, pacing back and forth.
I quickly started thinking of a solution. It had to be a minotaur; there was no doubt about it; it was what was holding Bell back. Another monster wouldn't do. Send someone else? No, that abomination was surely watching the minotaurs. If it saw anyone from my family near them, it would continue eliminating them.
Hire someone from another family? Charm an adventurer? No, too risky. Kidnap and bring a minotaur to the surface? Too conspicuous, everyone will notice. No, it has to happen in the dungeon; it has to be by 'chance,' nothing that could link the accident to my family.
I bit my lip hard.
Perhaps… perhaps I didn't have. Is there any other option than to stay still and watch from afar? Watching Bell progress on his journey without me being able to help him? That… sounded awful. But it wasn't like I had a choice. The abomination had nothing against Bell; on the contrary, I saw her several times training him and teaching him to fight at Miach's request, so she wasn't blocking Bell on purpose.
No, the abomination was doing it to annoy me. I gritted my teeth.
I absolutely hated her. She'd pay for this, I would, I'd find a way -
I froze completely still, my head spinning so hard I could hear it crack. I ran toward the window and pressed myself against it. I began to look at the entire city.
I could see it, in the distance, something bright. Like an enormous white light rapidly approaching Orario. My eyes widened as I gazed at the unknowable phenomenon.
The light enveloped all of Orario like a gust of wind. I couldn't help but shudder completely when the light engulfed me.
"No!" I screamed as the light passed by, stretching out my hand almost desperately trying to grab even the tiniest glimmer of light, but it slipped away so fast it was impossible.
"Goddess-sama... what... what was that?" Ottar asked, looking around, completely alert.
"I don't know!" I said desperately. I went to the window and looked at the point where it had originated. I saw it: a huge, bright light on the horizon. No… it wasn't a light, I could tell immediately; there was no doubt.
What I was seeing was a soul. A soul so immense that I could see and feel it from miles away. It was the greatest soul I had ever seen in my life; even the gods seemed dwarfed by such a soul.
The color of that soul was completely white. I could barely see it from so far away, but… it was beautiful, wonderful.
It wasn't transparent like Bell's, a transparency that represented a formless purity and potential, with the capacity to grow without limits and adapt to any danger, completely sincere and without guile. The soul of a hero.
No… this soul was… white and yet it wasn't. It looked white, but I quickly realized that was because it was the only thing I could perceive; it was the only aspect of that soul my powers could reveal.
But it was more, much more. It was everything and nothing at the same time; no, it was NOTHING, and yet it could become EVERYTHING. It was light without form or border, completely infinite, ever-changing, so full of life, ever-growing.
It wasn't just one color I was seeing; it was all the colors and all the imaginable shades at once. So many colors, every existing and non-existing possibility, superimposed and united in a single immeasurable luminescence that swallowed everything. This light represented the infinite possibilities of what that soul could be.
I wasn't even sure if I was seeing the soul of a mortal anymore, if it weren't for my ability, pushed to its absolute limit, being strong enough to notice it. Still, I could barely discern it; it was definitely a mortal, whoever the possessor of said soul was, was mortal, and that made it even more wonderful.
That a mortal could possess a soul in that form was… immeasurable, completely impossible, something I'd never heard of, I didn't even understand how it could happen. I wasn't even sure if it was a soul; it seemed like something more… primitive, something more… primordial, somehow.
Something more unfathomable than the gods I was used to seeing, no, this… this was different, but I hadn't the slightest idea what it was. A fragment of the world in the hands of a mortal? A piece of the universe condensed into a mortal soul?
I knew absolutely nothing about that soul, but I did know one thing… that it was there, and that I couldn't tear my eyes away from it. A raw, uncontrollable instinct surged within me. I wanted to make it mine, possess it, have it respond to me, have it exist for me, like so many other souls I had created over the centuries.
No.
No… that wasn't what I really wanted. It was the complete opposite. For the first time in my entire life, it was the complete opposite. I wanted that soul to envelop me, to possess me, to consume me, and to make me completely its own.
I-
I blinked for a few moments and looked at the horizon. The soul… the soul had suddenly disappeared. Where is it!? Where the hell did it go?! I stared in horror at the horizon as I searched for the missing soul.
Without hesitation, I allowed my divine mirror to form and began searching for the soul. No, no, no, no, no. I can't let it disappear like that, into nothingness.
"Goddess-sama?"
"Silence, Ottar!" I snapped as I continued searching for mile after mile, stretching far from Orario in the direction of where that soul should be.
I don't know how much time passed—hours, minutes, days—while I desperately searched for that soul. Just feeling it again would be enough, but there wasn't a trace of it, not the slightest hint, no matter where I looked desperately.
Then I finally felt it. No, I was enveloped by it. My eyes glazed over as my soul completely enveloped me. For the first time… I felt whole.
With all my mental strength, I concentrated on the origin of that soul.
It was… a person, someone who had left the dungeon. The moment it stepped outside, I could sense it again. I had no idea how it had vanished into the distance just to leave the dungeon, but it didn't matter.
It was here in Orario, and that was all that mattered. I used my Divine Mirror to track the soul, and I finally found it.
It was with a group of adventurers, but I ignored them, no, I couldn't even bother trying to look at them, the only thing I could concentrate on was that soul, only on… on her.
It was a woman; I could barely see her, but it wasn't as if it mattered. I was sure she would be perfect, like her soul. The woman turned and looked directly at me. I could see her eyes shining like stars as she stared at me, as if she knew I was watching her, as if she could see me even through a divine mirror.
I felt a pang of worry. Was she... was she looking at me? Did I look okay? Did I look okay? I'd been so desperately searching for her that I hadn't noticed my appearance. Were my clothes wrinkled? Was my hair messy? She couldn't see me in any way other than perfect.
I was about to walk away when I saw her raise her hand in my direction. Then my conscience was seized; instead of feeling panic, I felt as if her soul easily grasped me and pulled me toward her.
I let my consciousness be carried away, I felt my feet touch the ground, and I could feel my soul surrounding me, embracing me with such intensity as if I were inside it, and perhaps I was.
I looked around, almost drunk from the soul that enveloped me. We were in a world. We were inside a world, inside that woman's soul. That… I had no words for it.
It seemed so real, so majestic as I looked around. Everything was imbued with that white light that formed the woman's soul. Everything around me was an extension of her soul. Every blade of grass, every moving animal, every star in the sky—everything was part of that woman's soul.
And it was wonderful.
"Freya, what a... pleasant surprise." My body trembled at the woman's words, and I turned slightly drunk to look at her. I couldn't even open my mouth to reply; a muffled sound escaped my throat when I tried.
Suddenly, my whole soul seemed to shut down, not disappear, but as if trying to hide it; it was partially successful. Finally, I recovered a thread of composure and sobriety as I looked at the woman in front of me.
I could still see and feel her soul, but it was no longer so intoxicating, so enveloping; I could barely see it, but even so, it was still just as magnificent, the formless white light was still there.
"Greetings, I don't know who you are, nor am I sure what you are, but even so, I beg you, please, let me be yours. From the moment I saw you, the moment I felt your soul, I have desired nothing else but to be yours." She said firmly while smiling broadly. I let my charm flow powerfully from my body. The woman stared at me for a few seconds before moving her hand.
My charm was completely shattered, not ignored, not resisted; somehow, my charm had been broken instantly. My eyes opened slightly.
"No thanks, now go back to your tower, goddess, and stop spying on me," the woman said dismissively.
"Wait!" I screamed in panic. "Your name, tell me your name!" I demanded immediately. The woman just looked at me before sighing.
"Serena Prince." Serena Prince, I repeated her name several times in my mind before smiling broadly.
"What a beautiful name," I said with a huge smile. "I beg you again, Serena Prince, let me be yours." I pleaded again. The woman looked at me before sighing wearily.
"No thanks...you… disgust me." Serena said without any emotion in her voice, as if she were talking about the weather. I could feel my heart stop.
"What?" I exhaled breathlessly, feeling my throat close up. Disgusting. There it was again. Disgusting she had called me, just like that abomination with Miach. The only two people whom my Charm didn't influence in the slightest, who could break it as if it didn't even exist, had both called me disgusting.
That… that was what I was? Beneath my beautiful face and charm, was I really… repulsive?
"You disgust me, you're... truly hypocritical." Serena said as she began to walk slowly.
"You're wrong! Why do you say that?!" I exclaimed in a panic, almost frantically. Serena approached me, and my legs trembled, refusing to move. She loomed over me; she was a head taller than me, so I had to look up to stare at her.
Serena's eyes showed only disgust. I felt a wave of panic rise within me.
"I won't deny it, and I'll say I'm a hypocrite sometimes; after all, I have my flaws. But you... Your whole life is hypocrisy," Serena began, pacing around me. "You have an insatiable appetite for talented adventurers, for... those souls you find 'beautiful,' and you get them at any cost—manipulation, charm, or whatever you can think of."
"You wanted to escape your golden cage in the sky, to play 'dolls' with the gods, but you only came down to the lower world and got new toys." Serena mocked me, my eyes widening.
"How?" I gasped breathlessly.
"You are so needy of love, so craving and obsessed with love, that you are a slave to that desire. You want a pure, beautiful love, something precious, but since you are unable to find it, you take and take and take any drop of any love you can find, no matter where it comes from or how you try to get it."
"You built chains and a cage around your family, just like the one you had in Heaven. You don't like being tied down by anyone, but you're tied down to the GODDESS role you created. No one in your family really knows the real YOU, and you hate it." She continued to mock me.
"Shut up." I said desperately.
"You manipulate everyone around you, your whole family, into loving you, without showing them the real you, without loving them completely because you know that love is empty, but even so, you can't separate yourself from them, because you're afraid, afraid of not being loved, afraid that even without the charm, no one will choose you," Serena said dismissively.
"You know nothing about me!" I blurted out in a panic; she laughed dryly.
"I don't know anything? So you're telling me you don't constantly try to interfere with Bell's activities? Even knowing that they could kill him? " she asked mockingly.
"Death is not the end! His soul would go to Tenkai, and it would return to heaven to follow him!" I immediately shouted defensively, Serena smiled dismissively.
"That's desperation," she spat. "The same old tricks: you manipulate him, invalidate his decisions, try to force him down the path you want disguised as help, you want him to jump through the hoops you put in front of him like a trained animal."
"An animal you'd be able to claim at any moment, right? But tell me, what would you do if it rejected you? What if it denied you?" she asked firmly.
"He wouldn't do that." I said without hesitation; she laughed mockingly.
"Don't you know? Bell Cranel has an ability, one that disables your charm. Another person who is immune to your charm. And you know, without your charm you won't be able to attract him, you won't be able to force him to love you, and you'll become obsessed."
"Finally, you will give in to the selfishness of your obsession, you will attack the Hestia Familia, kidnap Bell, and enchant all of Orario by erasing Bell from the memories of everyone, gods and mortals alike, just to have him for yourself."
"You'll believe that if Bell stays with you long enough, if you take him away from everything that binds him, he'll eventually choose you on his own, even with all your flaws. You'd build cages around Bell even more restrictive and horrible than the one you had in Heaven, just for the chance that Bell would love you."
"And that's why you disgust me, Freya, what a goddess of love you turned out to be, a tragic hypocrite born from the fear of never being able to find love." Serena spat. My mind went blank.
No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!
I… Wouldn't do that? Or yes!? No! But… but…
But if… I would do it, I had done it, Bell wasn't the first soul I had trapped that way. I could see myself doing it easily, if Bell were immune to my charm, if Bell rejected me time and time again, if Bell slipped through my fingers, I would do it. I wouldn't even hesitate to do it; I would use my charm over all of Orario, and it would be ridiculously easy to do.
A cage: I would create a cage to keep Bell locked up, trying to force him to love me without giving him any choice, and I would not regret it.
"I..." I tried to say, but the words wouldn't come out. What could I say to fix that? Words that aren't a complete lie? I bit my lip hard as I clenched my fists. "I can change," I murmured immediately, and I saw Serena frown.
"Change?" she asked, confused. I nodded.
"Yes... change, tell me what you want, the woman of your dreams, what... what you expect from me, I will change, I will adapt, I will be... I will be whatever you want." I said desperately, but still, with all firmness, I said it as a promise: I would do it, I would change. If you asked me, I would do it.
"Huh? Are you an idiot? " Serena said, pulling me out of my thoughts. I stumbled and looked at her, confused. Serena's expression seemed equally offended and disgusted.
"Huh?" I asked foolishly, and Serene made a face.
"Why on earth would I want you to change? If I wanted a perfect doll, I would have already had one. I would have grabbed anyone and modified their mind to fit all my preferences. I would have bought dozens of slaves, broken them apart, and reassembled them to my liking."
"But that's stupid, ridiculous, absurd, completely outlandish. My wives have completely different personalities; several of them are crazy enough to want to kill everything around them, while one of them is so gentle that she faints at the sight of blood."
"And that's what I love about them, that they're unique, that they're completely themselves without any fuss, that they're completely authentic." Serena said with a small, lovestruck smile. I felt a pang of jealousy as I bit my lip. "Oh, well, as much as they can be because of the seal," she muttered to herself. I frowned, but ignored it.
"B-but, y-you just said that I... that I was disgusting." I muttered, completely confused. She snorted.
"I said it, and you are. You asked me why I didn't like you, and I answered you." Serena said casually, then reached out and grabbed my jaw tightly. "You're selfish, manipulative, hypocritical, obsessive, and you'd do too many questionable things, and that disgusts me, but I never said you had to change who you are." Serena mocked as she let go of me. I stared at her, speechless. "I'm sure you also have your… redeeming qualities, but I couldn't care less."
"Then why?! You want me to be myself, and I'm giving myself to you because I want to! I want to be completely yours because I want to be! " I exclaimed, feeling angry for the first time. Serena snorted.
"Is that what you want, or do you think you want it?" Serena asked mockingly. "Do you think that by being mine you'll find what you're searching for? That desire for love still roars inside you, and you think you'll get it from me?" Serena scoffed. "You seek 'beautiful souls' while ignoring all others. You want someone to accept you completely and unconditionally, flaws and all, but you never see the 'ugly' side of them. You think only 'beautiful' souls are worthy of love."
"And yet, you manipulate them, you change them to suit your tastes, and you collect them like jewels, like objects to admire until you get bored with them." She continued to mock me, making me shudder intensely.
"That's a lie, I love my family." I growled loudly. Serena just looked at me before sighing.
"Go away, Freya, I'm bored with this talk." Serena said. I opened my mouth to reply, but felt as if I were violently expelled from that world.
When I returned to the real world, I took several steps back to regain my balance, gritted my teeth as I began to walk shakily to my seat, and slumped down.
Authenticity… being myself… when was the last time I felt like myself? That I could act completely as I pleased, regardless of the consequences? I was always so afraid that the gods would kill me if I stepped outside the confines of their imposed cages and chains.
Even in the lower world, I was bound to the perception of 'Goddess'; I did not allow myself to be vulnerable beneath my charismatic goddess facade.
Syr.
That was the answer, that was ME without makeup, that was when I felt most like myself, than when I acted like a goddess, I loved my life more as a simple city girl than as a goddess, but that wasn't entirely true either, Syr was a part of me, and as Serena had stated, she was also selfish and manipulative.
If I wanted Serene to accept me, did I have to be myself? Was I ready for that? Was I capable of it? I could feel the pang of fear begin to rise inside me. Could I lose everything I had built? Could I even destroy everything I had worked so hard for, just for the sake of a tiny chance?
I clenched my teeth tightly.
I would never let fear paralyze me again.
"Ottar." I said as I slowly stood up, my gaze hardening before it softened. "Call the rest of the family, all of them." I said much more easily. Ottar bowed.
"Right away, Freya-sama. Is there a reason for the meeting?" Ottar asked politely. I looked at him and felt a pang of guilt. I could feel his love, I could feel the love of all my family members. I didn't want to abandon them. I loved them, no matter what Serena said. I loved them in my own way, but they were also a burden... a burden I was already tired of carrying.
"Yes... tell them I'm disbanding the Freya Family immediately." I said with the greatest tranquility I'd felt in a long time. I could feel a huge weight lift from my shoulders, and I could see the complete shock on Ottar's face, but I ignored it.
It was time to be selfish. I was Freya, I was manipulative, I acted for myself. Serena was right, and I would do it again. This time, completely for myself, and I would prove it.
I smiled broadly as I gazed into Serena's distant soul. What I had felt for Bell paled in comparison to what I felt looking at her now. My Odr, my true Odr, my Serena, will have no choice but to accept me.
Author's Notes: Okay, I don't even know how I got here, but I guess Freya's route unlocked?
This chapter was extremely difficult for me to write. I finished writing the next two chapters for Serena and the three for Izumi before I could even begin this chapter. I kept going over what and how I wanted to write this chapter, but I kept failing to the point where I really thought I wouldn't be able to write it at all.
Luckily, I was able to start writing it, let it flow, and finally finish it. Even so, it might be a bit confusing; if so, I apologize.
Now, I really don't know where this will end up, but for now, it seems very likely that Freya will join in. It's not completely decided yet, but it seems highly probable that it will only be written that way.