How do I even begin, when I was about to cry, standing there like a clown, literally and figuratively, with no way to fix it.
———
The queen dowager stood by the window, staring at the cloudy sky.
"My mind is heavy today," she said softly.
The eunuch stepped closer. "What troubles you, my lady? Is there anything I can do to help?"
She did not look away. "The kingdom is in danger. My son rules well, but his worries are many." She sighed.
The eunuch approached the Queen dowager gently.
"May I suggest calling the royal clown? You have not smiled in a while."
"If that will bring some life back to this place, then do so," she said.
The eunuch bowed and sent word, but soon returned with bad news. The clown was gravely ill.
The queen dowager frowned. "Send for the court physician at once. Until then, find someone else who can lift my spirit."
Yunhe Town
Mei hurried alongside Yú Jin, who was nearly half-jogging beside her, laden with bundles meant for the teahouse.
"Can you move a bit faster?" Yú Jin huffed, shooting Mei an exasperated look. "I'm running late, and Madam Hua will have my head if I'm late again."
Mei laughed, dodging a merchant's cart that rattled by. "You're always running late, Yú Jin. Maybe it's time to get yourself a rooster to wake you up early."
"Maybe if I could afford a rooster," Yú Jin retorted with a grin. "Or a friend who could actually hurry."
They approached a crowded junction when a commanding voice boomed above the chatter. The town crier sat on a horse addressing the crowd.
"An opportunity from the palace!" he declared, his voice reaching every corner of the square. "By order of the Queen Dowager, a substitute entertainer is needed at the palace immediately. The royal clown has fallen ill."
Mei slowed down, looking at the crier with sudden interest. A job in the palace?
"Mei!" Yu Jin's voice cut through her thoughts as she turned to see her friend waving impatiently. "Honestly, Mei, I'm going to get an earful because of you. You know how much Madam Hua hates waiting!"
"Yú Jin....." Mei began, glancing back toward the crier.
"I know that look on your face, but don't even think about it... we're already behind!"
"But…
"No buts Mei!" Yu Jin tugged at her arm. "no time to waste! Whatever it is can wait till after you've helped me carry these things!"
"I... I have to check something," Mei said, barely able to hide theexcitement in her voice as she looked at Yu Jin. "I won't be long."
Yu Jin groaned, shifting the bundles in her arms. "And who's going to carry all this to the teahouse?" Her face fell as she glanced at the sacks of herbs and packages stacked in her arms. "Do you expect me to haul it all alone?"
Before Mei could reply, a stranger passed by, a man about their age carrying an empty basket.
She quickly approached him. "Excuse me, sir! My friend here is in a hurry, and she's carrying quite a load. Would you be able to help her?"
The man glanced between them and smiled, taking the larger of the sacks from Yu Jin. "Of course, happy to help."
Yu Jin raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed but all the same grateful. "Fine, Mei. You owe me for this one!"
"I'll make it up to you, I promise!" Mei shouted, grinning as she dashed toward the town crier. "Thank you, Yu Jin!"
She reached the crier just as he was rolling up his scroll.
"Wait!" she called out breathlessly. "About the palace job… where can one apply?"
The crier looked her over, nodding as if sizing her up. "You're interested, then?"
To be summoned by the queen dowager herself would mean much money and before she knew it, her mouth was moving. "I can perform acrobatics and juggling. Please, allow me to entertain her majesty in the clown's stead."
The guard considered her petite frame dubiously. "Very well, join the other volunteers."
Mei's heart pounded with excitement as she walked behind the others towards the imperial palace.
Mei's pov:
I stood in the grand reception hall, feeling so small among the whirl of talents before me.
A plump eunuch overseeing the audition proclaimed, "Her Majesty seeks amusement in this dreary hour. Impress us with your talents and you may lighten her spirits!"
I took a deep breath as the resonance of the eunuch's voice drifted in and out of focus, his words mingling with the anxious energy already in the air. The grand reception hall felt suffocating despite its size, and the presence of the other performers did little to calm my nerves, a juggler deftly spinning clubs, a singer letting her voice soar, a mime frozen in mid-gesture, each more skilled than the last, made me question why I was here.
I got restless, scrambling for any semblance of confidence because i had no real experience.
What could I offer? How could I compete? I hadn't trained like them, but I had watched enough street performers to copy their moves, or so I hoped. It would only take a moment, I told myself. Just enough to make her laugh, maybe smile. I had nothing else but desperation. I had to succeed.
The queen dowager, they said, had not smiled in months. If I could make her laugh, I might earn her favor and the coin that could change my life.
Each time the eunuch called the next performer, I died a little. Every act was grander than the last but her face stayed cold, she never reacted.
By the time my turn came, my hands were wet with sweat. I felt every eye on me as I stepped forward, my heart pounding louder than my shoes on the polished floor.
I bowed low, and felt my heart in my throat. "This lowly performer hopes to lighten your burden, even for a moment, Your Highness." 'please' I said, though I didn't say it aloud.
As I stood straight, my eyes fell on a familiar figure at the dowager's side.
Cheng? My heart nearly stopped.
I blinked, trying to understand what I was seeing. Was that really Cheng sitting beside the queen dowager, dressed in rich robes? It couldn't be.
But i knew those sharp features. I knew that look, the way his eyes locked onto mine.
What was he doing here?
I had known Cheng as a wanderer. We walked the same streets, ate in crowded markets, and fought bandits side by side. But this was different.
His robes shone under the palace lights, stitched with gold and deep blue. He sat beside the queen dowager like he belonged there.
Was he royalty?
A PRINCE.
Cheng a prince? I couldn't believe it. How had I never known? How had I spent so much time with him and never guessed? Yet looking at him now, it made a strange kind of sense.
I gripped my costume, forcing myself not to move. Had he lied to me? No, Cheng wasn't cruel. So why hide the truth?
I looked at him again, searching his face. Did he recognize me beneath the paint and bright clothes?
His eyes met mine, and I froze. Panic rose as my fingers shook.
No. Focus, Mei. This was my chance.
I took a deep breath and turned back to the crowd. The queen dowager's cold gaze burned into me as I bent into my first awkward somersault.
I felt the floor rushing up at me before I even realized what was happening. My foot caught on the edge of my costume, and in one clumsy, ridiculous motion, I tumbled forward, sprawling out in front of the entire court.
I felt my face burn as I hit the floor. The sound of my feet hitting the polished floor echoed through the hall.
A gasp from the audience was the only thing I could register before complete silence.
No. This wasn't how it was meant to go.
I lay there in shame. My heart pounded as the silence dragged on. I scrambled to my feet trying to pretend like this was part of the act. But it wasn't. I had embarrassed myself.
I could feel a tear prick at the corner of my eye, but I blinked hard. Crying in front of the royal court would be the worst ending.
"Just walk away."
"Forget this."
"You don't need it."
Those were the only thoughts going through my mind.
"You're fine"
"just keep going" I begged myself, but the lump in my throat swelled. I wasn't just embarrassed, I was devastated.
I failed. I didn't make her laugh. Then again, no one ever had. So why did I think I could? I wasn't even a real performer.
Let's face it, no one could make her smile, much less laugh.
The voice in my head kept telling me to leave now, before I ruined myself further. But I stood there like a clown, literally and figuratively.
Then I heard a soft laugh. So light I almost missed it.
I looked up.
The queen dowager was laughing.
I blinked again. Was I imagining it? Did I hit my head? But it was real. Not polite. Not forced. Real laughter.
She was laughing at me.
The laughter didn't stop there. It spread, first to the courtiers around her, then to the rest of the room. A ripple of amusement that filled the space, warm and buoyant.
I did it. Somehow, I made her laugh.
The tears in my eyes no longer felt like shame. They felt like relief.
Without thinking, I kept going. I exaggerated my clumsy moves, and the laughter grew louder. The tight pain in my chest eased.
I couldn't stop now. That laughter held me up.
As I continued, I glanced at Cheng. His eyes were still fixed on me.
Cheng's pov:
I tried to keep my expression neutral, but inside, I was no less astonished than Mei. I had recognized her the moment she stepped into the room, despite the bright, ridiculous costume and the mask of paint on her face. Those eyes. I could never mistake them. No disguise could ever mask the fire in them, She spotted me, too, and I saw the look of shock in her expression.
I knew this moment would come eventually, but not like this. Not here, not in front of everyone.
I could almost feel her disbelief through the distance between us. Her eyes were searching mine, trying to make sense of what she was seeing.
As she stumbled through her performance, tripping and flailing in a way that only Mei could pull off, she made the queen dowager laugh. Mei, the same girl who had brought laughter into my life, time and time again, had done the impossible here, too. She was extraordinary. She always had been.
I waited patiently, trying to calm my mind as the performance came to an end. I knew I would have to speak with her. I had to explain. She deserved to know why I had hidden the truth, why I hadn't told her who I really was. But more than that, I didn't want her to pull away from me. I didn't want the knowledge of my station to create distance between us.
•
The queen dowager smiled gently at Mei. "You have done well today, child. This gloomy place was in need of mirth, and your antics have lightened the atmosphere most delightfully."
"Even the stern Crown Prince seemed quite taken with your talents. It is no small feat to draw laughter from such a one as he."
Mei's pov:
Crown Prince?
Really?
The words repeated in my mind as I curtsied before the Queen Dowager. "I aim only to spread what cheer I may, Your Highness." I replied, trying to keep my voice even. My mind was spinning around the fact that Cheng wasn't just a prince but the crown prince.
"You are dismissed, little clown," the queen dowager said, her tone bored again, as though my presence no longer amused her.
I bowed once more before hurrying out of the royal chambers. As soon as the heavy doors swung shut behind me, I let out a long, trembling sigh of relief. My whole body felt like it had been wound too tight, ready to snap.
Crown Prince.The title still felt foreign, out of place in connection with Cheng.
I shook my head, and made my way down the corridor. I had to get out of here.
The moment I started down the hall, I heard the unmistakable sound of quick, deliberate footsteps off the stone floor. I didn't need to turn around to know who it was.
I bit my lip, glanced down the hallway for any possible escape route, and spotted a marble pillar just ahead.
I darted behind it, pressing my back against the cool stone, willing myself to be invisible, to blend into the dark.
As the footsteps grew louder, closer, I held my breath.
Cheng stepped into view, his eyes scanning the corridor, searching. His usual calm expression remained, but there was an edge to the way he moved, he was looking for me. For the bright, patchwork costume that I had so quickly discarded in my rush to escape.
I held my breath as I heard the footsteps draw closer, listening as he stopped just on the other side of the pillar. I could practically feel him.
Please, don't see me. Please, don't find me.
I watched him from my hiding spot, what would he even say if he found me? what could he possibly do to make this right? I had no idea what I would say to him if he caught me, if I could even look him in the eye after this.
Time felt slow as I shut my eyes and tried to calm my racing heart. I peeked again and saw Cheng frown, look around once more, then turn back.
I breathed out, my shoulders relaxing.
That was too close.
When I was sure he was gone, I slipped out of hiding and moved quickly. He could return at any moment.
A small smile crossed my lips as I hurried down the hall. The fear mixed with excitement. I had outsmarted the crown prince and escaped. It felt like a game, and I wasn't ready to end it yet.
As Mei turned a corner, she bumped into someone and stumbled back with a small squeak. Strong hands caught her elbows as both of them spoke at once to apologize.
"Forgive me. I did not mean to startle you… Meiying?"
He stared at her, clearly confused.
Mei froze when she recognized him. It was Prince Yizong, and she gave an awkward smile.
"I feel like I should not ask, but I have to. Why is your face painted and… in the palace?" he asked but visibly amused.
Mei explained everything, leaving out nothing, especially the embarrassing parts. By the end, even the proper prince was laughing.
"Your troubles never end, do they, Meiying?"
Mei grinned as they walked on together, chatting under the trees, while Cheng watched them from behind, unseen.
From the balcony, Xiao watched them also. Her smile faded as she took in how easily they stood together.
It was always like this. Mei never had to try. People were drawn to her as if by instinct. Even Yizong the one Xiao's heart had quietly chosen, looked at Mei freely. He smiled carelessly at her words, leaned closer, brushed her arm without thought.
Each small gesture pierced Xiao like a needle. She had tried for his attention, tried so carefully, yet nothing came so easily to her.
Xiao wrinkled her nose, watching them. Was she invisible to him? Did he truly not see her as a woman at all? Or was it that no one could ever stand beside the perfect image of Mei he held in his mind?
Xiao exhaled sharply. She knew, deep down, that Mei was not the enemy. They had grown up together. This jealousy felt ugly precisely because of that truth.
Xiao smoothed her clothes, fixed the polite smile on her face, and walked over to them.
"Mei, I'm so happy to see you again."
"I shall take my leave now so you two can have your privacy." Prince Yizong said warmly and walked away.
Once he was out of earshot, Xiao turned to Mei with a grim smile. "Please walk with me mei."
"Mei, it feels an age since we last spoke. How have you fared since then?"
"Well enough and you, xiao? How do you find your life in the royal palace?"
Xiao replied with a brittle smile. "Oh, well as can be." Her smile faltered, and Mei noticed, gently touching her arm with concern.
"Are you well?"
She nodded hastily. "Merely tired. These days test us all. Yet walking with you lightens my spirit, Mei."
"Mei, where have you been residing lately?"
Xiao suddenly stopped and faced Mei.
"At a friend's" Mei replied cautiously.
"Nonsense. You must stay with family." Xiao took her arm. "I have space aplenty. Let me lend you a room, it would ease my mind to have you near."
But mei hesitated. "I wouldn't wish to impose—
"Impose? We are sisters." Xiao squeezed her arm. "Please, I insist. You can spend a few days then leave if you still find it uncomfortable."
Seeing no easy refusal, Mei nodded slowly. "Very well. But a few days only."
Xiao beamed, hugging Mei warmly. "Wonderful!"