Winter in the Land of Fire was usually very mild, with some years bringing no snow at all, yet this December promised to be a white one. The village was already covered in a blanket of freshly fallen snow, which the children outside the Hokage Residence were busily rolling into balls to build snowmen. Winter was not the busiest season for mission ninja, so many of them had taken to using their unique talents (Fire Style: Great Fireball Jutsu!) to clear the roads and alleyways of excess snow.
"Haah…"
Sakura took a long, steady drink from her teacup and let out a contented sigh as warmth spread through her body. She watched the snowflakes dance beyond the windows over her cup, savouring the comfort of her little corner in the Hokage's office and doing her best to shut out the sounds of Lady Tsunade arguing with her guests in the background. The village's IT crew were also there; they were setting up a few television screens on the Hokage's desk, and they were busy at work plugging them in.
Much to Sakura's relief, the village's internal problems seemed to have settled over the past weeks. Danzō had relinquished the Hokage's throne with surprisingly little fuss, and while Sakura found it rather suspicious that he had abandoned his life's ambition without so much as a squeak of protest, she could hardly complain about Lady Tsunade being back in charge of the village!
Naturally, the investigation into the Fifth Hokage's assassination attempt had led nowhere under Danzō's reign, as Sakura was fairly certain he had been the one to give the kill order in the first place, and by the time Lady Tsunade resumed her post, the trail had grown entirely cold.
The only thing to come out of the whole debacle was the Hidden Leaf's denouncement of the Hidden Stone, which in turn prompted Ōnoki to issue his own sternly worded statement refuting the accusations and denouncing the Hidden Leaf in return.
Nothing major like war came of these denouncements, but as usual, it was the little buffer states, such as Amegakure and Kusagakure, who suffered, finding themselves victims of sabotage and incursions into their territory by Iwa-nin… yet, mysteriously, many who ventured into the Hidden Rain's lands vanished without a trace.
And so, it was under this anxiogenic atmosphere that the empty-headed idiots leading the Five Great Countries decided their lands' respective shinobi villages needed to calm down and stop arbitrarily heightening political tensions… which was why Lady Tsunade was currently entertaining a few distinguished guests in her office:
The Land of Fire's Daimyō.
Sidenote: Useless figurehead. Considerably inbred. Holds the country's purse strings.
Attending the meeting via remote satellite broadcast.Look, mum, I'm on TV!
…
Shibuki.
Sidenote: Leader of Takigakure, the Hidden Waterfall Village. Weakling. Closet pervert.
Attending virtually.
…
Terumī Mei.
Sidenote: Ex-Mizukage candidate of Kirigakure, the Hidden Mist Village. G-cup. Perpetually single and ready to mingle. Biological clock ticking down fast.
Also attending virtually.
…
Jiraiya.
Sidenote: Toad Sage. Openly perverted. Enemy of women everywhere.
Present. Wouldn't miss this gathering of buxom women for the world.
…
Manyū Munakata (and his wife Kyōko).
Sidenote: Head of the Manyū clan. Currently unemployed. Wife wears a J-cup bra.
Both attending in person.
…
Nadeshiko Shizuka (and her attendant Tokiwa).
Sidenote: Young mistress of the Nadeshiko Village. F-cup and E-cup, respectively.
Both attending in person.
…
Manyū Sakura.
Sidenote: Ample of bust. Eye candy. The protagonist of this story. (Specifically in that order of importance.)
Would rather be elsewhere, but was tricked into attending in person after being offered a baked sweet potato.
…
Uzumaki Naruto.
Sidenote: The real protagonist of this era. Brighter than he appears at first glance… which is not very, unfortunately. In love with Sakura.
Attending in person after randomly wandering into the Hokage's office because he was bored, then decided to stay because Sakura and Jiraiya were there.
…
Shizune
Sidenote: Master of poisons. Makes a good cup of tea. Flatty. (Make what you will with that information.)
Was attending until a few minutes ago, but stepped out briefly to check if her Rinne Festival cookies weren't burning in the oven.
…
Tonton
Sidenote: Emergency food rations. Mascot. Delicious with BBQ sauce.
Same as Shizune.
…
"Hoho, is everyone present, Lady Hokage?" queried the Daimyō, fluttering his fan despite the winter chill. "Shall we begin?"
Tsunade was at a loss as to why the Daimyō had suddenly asked her to organise a conference call between all the major and minor nations and invite the people named above.
"Unfortunately, we've received no response from the Land of Snow. At this time of year, I wouldn't be surprised if their power or communication arrays had been knocked out by blizzards," explained Tsunade. "In any case, I don't believe Princess Kazahana would have been able to attend in person anyway, given the current weather in the north. I'm aware your Excellency's heart was set on Koyuki-hime, but other than the Snow Princess…"
The Kage of the Lands of Wind, Earth and Lightning had declined to attend, as had their Daimyō, since it was glaringly obvious to them that this was a frivolous meeting. Had it been anything serious, they knew Tsunade would have called for a Gokage Summit to be convened.
"Miss Kazahana was really pretty, ya know?" Naruto whispered in Sakura's ear. "It's a shame you couldn't go with us on that mission, I know you would've liked her."
Sakura gave a noncommittal grunt as she sipped her tea.
The Land of Snow… the name rang a bell, beyond being the setting for Naruto the Movie: Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow. Didn't she vaguely recall reading about it in passing in the Boruto manga? Hmm…
"Hem, hem," the Daimyō coughed. "Well, that is indeed a shame, I'd been looking forward to seeing her in person…"
"Your Excellence still hasn't shared with us the point of this meeting," said Tsunade with barely veiled impatience.
The Daimyō clapped a hand to his forehead.
"Naturally, naturally," he said, laughing coquettishly. "Well, it has recently come to my attention that the Manyū clan, which has faithfully served my family for hundreds of years, has been reborn in the Hidden Leaf."
Sakura had a bad feeling about this.
"So, I thought to myself, why not revive that ancient ceremony that brought such joy to my court, and make it even bigger?" the Daimyō continued. "It would certainly go a long way to heal the divides between our fractured lands… even though Wind, Lightning and Earth aren't attending."
Oh no.
"The time to resurrect the Kunoichi Beauty Pageant and Talent Show has come at last!" the Daimyō exclaimed. "Fabulous rewards! Eternal glory! Peace in our time! For the first time in the history of the world, the title of Miss Shinobi Continent is up for grabs!"
"You've got to be kidding meeeee!" Sakura shouted.
Awkward silence.
"This is a waste of my time," Terumī Mei drawled. "I'm cutting the connection."
"But Milady!" a voice rang out from the television, somewhere out of frame. "Isn't this the perfect occasion to put Kirigakure(Mei) back on the map (dating app)? Investors (suitors) will line up to hand us missions (to ask foryour hand in marriage) once they see ourkunoichi (your beauty)!"
More awkward silence.
"I'll think about it," said Mei brusquely. "Also, shut up before I kill you, Ao."
"But why—"
And then the Mizukage hung up, and her television screen went black.
"Well, that's excellent news!" said the Daimyō joyfully. "Will Nadeshiko Village participate, then?"
The women of Nadeshiko Village, much like Manyū Village, possessed a special bloodline that made it nearly impossible for their women to give birth to males; but unlike the Manyū, their society was a matriarchal one. And just like the Manyū, they were all peerless beauties, and generous of bosom to boot.
"Of course not—" began Shizuka.
"Just as long as those Manyū bitches agree to play fair," Tokiwa said hotly. When her mistress, Shizuka, shot her an angry look, she merely shrugged and smiled. "Sorry, Milady, but we have to participate," she added apologetically, turning her gaze towards Jiraiya. "I'm afraid I've just identified the humanoid rubbish bin the clan head promised herself to in her youth..."
"Who, me?" said Jiraiya, pointing at himself, aghast.
Naruto rolled his eyes. Who else?