After three excruciatingly long hours, the baby's head had finally begun to crown— and not a moment too soon. Between using her chakra to delicately shift the baby within Lady Kyōko's womb and kneading healing yang chakra to stem the woman's blood loss and ease the tension in her pelvis, Sakura was so utterly drained she no longer had the luxury of sustaining her hypnotic Saimingan.
"The baby's finally coming!" said Sakura encouragingly. "Push! Come on, breathe with me— hee, hee, whoo!"
"Hee hee whoo your mother!" the red-faced kunoichi screamed at Sakura. "The moment the baby's out, I'm going to slice off those fat tits of yours and force-feed them down your throat! Somebody hand me my bloody sword!"
Nevertheless, Lady Kyōko did as she was told and pushed with all her strength. Slowly but surely, one hour later, she delivered a wrinkled, pink, and dripping baby, who slipped into Sakura's waiting arms. One agonising second later, the infant drew its first breath and began to wail.
"Chakra Scalpel Jutsu!"
A short blade of chakra formed at Sakura's fingertips, and with a swift motion, she severed the umbilical cord, uncoupling the auxiliary attachment from the main unit. She lovingly cradled the baby to her chest, before remembering she had to check if it was healthy, and whether it was a boy or a girl.
"Congratulations!" said Sakura, lifting up the newborn to check its undercarriage. "It's a girl!"
By any measurable standard, newborns were, without question, ugly little gremlins— but in that moment, Sakura couldn't help finding this one somehow endearing. Its cries, which ought to have been irritating beyond reason, were instead making her nipples tingle.
"Are you planning on handing me my child over any time soon?"
Lady Kyōko's tired but impatient voice roused Sakura from her trance.
"Let's get you to your mum," Sakura told the baby softly, as it reached for her chest with its tiny hands. "Nothing's going to come out of those... unfortunately."
Sakura wrapped the baby in warm towels and handed the small bundle to its rightful owner. She couldn't help but stare as Lady Kyōko pulled up her top and brought the baby to her breast. The plaintive cries stopped almost at once, replaced by soft, rhythmic suckling.
In that moment, realisation washed over Sakura, making her feel as if one of Kurosuki Raiga's thunderbolts had struck her. She had just found the answer to the age-old question that had stumped philosophers for centuries.
Why do men love boobs?
Because they are there!
And why are they there?
Because breasts… exist to feed babies!And what are men, if not large, hairy babies? Instinctively, they cannot help but let their eyes roam freely over the tall mountains or flat plains of women's chests!
As Sakura's understanding of the profound meaning of life deepened, her template progress, which had been stagnating for years, skyrocketed from 22% to 47%.
…
Meanwhile, Munekichi (busty female guard and glaive-twirling demoness), Lord Munakata (Lady Kyōko's husband, who had woken up two hours ago), Naruto (resident idiot) and Sasuke (edgy aura farmer) were sitting by the door and washing white linens in a wooden basin, bored out of their minds.
After all, there were only so many times they could watch Sasuke use the Great Fireball Jutsu to boil water to disinfect washcloths before the novelty wore off. And as any good ninja knows to read between the lines, they were only just realising what Sasuke had understood a long time ago: they were just being given busywork to keep them out of the way while Sakura worked.
Until at last, the unmistakeable sound of a baby's cry rang out through the thin, rice paper membrane of the sliding shoji door.
"Finally!" shouted Naruto, leaping to his feet, excitement written all over his face.
"Stop, you idiot," said Sasuke, catching him by the wrist as he reached for the door. "Sakura will let us in when—"
Crash.
Right on cue, Sakura's piercing scream rang out, accompanied by the shattering of glass, cutting Sasuke off mid-sentence. Without hesitation, Naruto punched a hole through the door and leapt through, while Sasuke neatly sliced an opening into the paper with his kunai— only to be met by a solid wall of buzzing wings and chittering mandibles.
Kikaichū!
"Pfft!" spat Naruto. "It's full of— pfft— bugs!"
Sasuke's fingers instinctively formed the seal of the snake, but he immediately stopped himself. There were people in that room, including but not limited to Sakura. He couldn't fire a technique such as the Great Fireball Jutsu indiscriminately indoors!
"Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
Without thinking, Naruto filled the entire room with his clones' bodies, pushing away the mass of flying insects through their sheer volume. The cloud of displaced Kikaichū buzzed angrily overhead, clacking their mandibles as they swarmed the Shadow Clones, popping them one by one with their bites and stingers.
"Lightning Style: Chidori Senbon!"
Blue electricity crackled in Sasuke's palm.
His Sharingan spun rapidly as he marked his targets, and with a flick of his arm, he unleashed a storm of lightning needles at the bugs, skewering them and frying them from the inside out, causing a great number of them to fall lifelessly to the floor. With one last angry hum, the surviving insects gathered into a swarm and fled through the shattered windows.
"And good riddance!" the Shadow Clones chorused, waving their fists angrily at the fleeing insect cloud.
"Milady!" came Munekichi's panicked voice.
"Kyōko!" shouted Lord Munakata as he rushed inside. "Kyōko!"
Sasuke looked around wildly until he spotted a few of Naruto's Shadow Clones kneeling beside an ashen-faced Sakura, who sat in a corner trembling and clutching her knees, lips twitching and forming soundless words. Judging from her vacant, unfocused gaze, she was probably in a state of shock, dissociating from reality as a trauma response to her entomophobia…
Reading her lips with his Sharingan's insight, Sasuke found that she was muttering the same words over and over again… sister, help me. Which was odd, because as far as he knew, Sakura didn't have a sister. But before he could ponder the question any further, a faint voice reached his ears.
"Our child," Lady Kyōko croaked weakly at her husband, pointing outside. "The insects…"
Sasuke rushed to the window and peered out. The black swarm had already passed beyond the courtyard's bounds and was now hovering over the peasants' homes by the rice fields. If he leapt out now, using every last ounce of chakra to spam the Body Flicker Jutsu, he might just catch up in time…
"Stop right there!"
As Sasuke was about to jump onto the windowsill, a group of kunoichi armed with katana and kusarigama flooded into the room and held their blades to the Shadow Clones' necks. In the street below, more Manyū clanswomen were gathering, armed to the teeth with teppō; including arquebuses and hand cannons. If Sasuke jumped out of the window now, he would undoubtedly be shot full of holes…
"Wait, you don't understand!" the real Naruto began explaining. "We heard screaming, ya know, and then— oof!"
The nearest kunoichi slammed the butt of her sword into Naruto's temple, the impact making him see stars and dispelling his Shadow Clones. Another moved in, binding his wrists with her kusarigama's chain while he was still dazed.
Seeing no way out of this situation, Sasuke grimly raised his hands above his head in surrender.