Noah let out a helpless sigh after receiving a message from Phanes.
"She's really so impatient… a complete workaholic. It's like she thinks she's just another cog in the machine of the universe—zero interest in enjoyment. Even when she plays games with me, it's like she's carrying out a mission."
Honestly, Phanes was too lawful. She conducted herself like a walking protocol, determined to execute every task with flawless order.
As if pleasure, relaxation, and leisure had nothing to do with her at all.
Buer softly offered comfort, "Please don't be disappointed in Sister Phanes, my lord. It's exactly because she strictly upholds her will that the current universal order is so pristine."
Noah shrugged. "I'm not disappointed. I just know there's no chance she'd tag along with me on a casual stroll. Let her wait a while—nothing needs to be done all at once."
Phanes wanted to resolve every outstanding matter all at once. Watching her work was exhausting—she seemed like she had cosmic-grade OCD.
In her eyes, the Teyvat Universe was now so strong that no amount of chaos could threaten it, so it made sense to tie up every loose end in one go.
But if she actually did that, how much strain would it put on the gods and beings of the Main World? Quite a few might reincarnate from the sheer pressure.
Oh… and in Phanes' eyes, the gods weren't even truly "alive." Just tools. If a tool breaks, you just replace it. Simple.
That wouldn't do at all.
The Main World had only just become so lively—he wouldn't let her roll everything back to square one.
Better to let her stew in discomfort for a while.
When Phanes received Noah's reply, her brows furrowed and she visibly tensed.
Her gaze turned toward the Main World and Human History.
With no tasks to perform, she felt a constant itch, like Noah was teasing her just out of reach.
She grit her teeth, sat back down, and hugged her ears.
On her routine patrol through space-time, Istaroth witnessed Phanes' awkward fidgeting and couldn't help but burst into a honking laugh.
But before she could finish—smack!
A whip of fate formed from Human Realm Force lashed her side.
"Owwwww! That hurt!"
Istaroth screamed, tears bursting out.
No doubt about it—she got whipped for laughing at Phanes.
There wasn't even a mark, though, so she had no evidence to complain to the Heavenly Principle.
She muttered to herself, calling Phanes a petty ice queen—just like Asmoday.
No wonder Master barely hangs out with you. Pfft~
...
Meanwhile, Liyue's Food God Tournament was still going strong.
The festive atmosphere would last an entire month.
Outside of Wanmin Hall's jurisdiction, the rest of Liyue Harbor was running as usual—just a bit more celebratory.
It wasn't just Wanmin Hall that was bustling. Even Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, far removed from the festivities, was unusually lively.
Among its various odd services, several unique ones drew particular attention.
Of course, these didn't appeal to gods.
They attracted pre-gods—quasi-divines who had not yet ascended, and those extraordinary individuals who had lit two or three Constellations.
Also among them were the so-called 'Immortals' who had lit their fourth Constellation but couldn't reach godhood.
These 'Immortals' weren't like the ancient, naturally formed sages of Liyue's past who could live for millennia.
They were once ordinary mortals who had cultivated to light four Constellations but hit a ceiling before apotheosis.
Their longevity might be a few times that of normal people—at best, around a thousand years.
So they valued 'legacy' greatly. If they died unexpectedly, they worried their descendants wouldn't be able to inherit their wealth and affairs.
Which is why Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's post-mortem will-writing and funeral services were booming.
After all, the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor Community was comprised of underworld emissaries capable of traveling directly to the Underworld.
When extraordinary beings or Immortals died, they wouldn't immediately reincarnate. There was a waiting period, during which they could settle their affairs via Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.
As one of the major communities within the Liyue Pantheon, Wangsheng Funeral Parlor housed many gods—most of whom possessed underworld-related authorities or worked in such fields.
Though the face of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor appeared to be a single Middle God, its behind-the-scenes backing was incredibly formidable.
The Geo Archon, the Sovereign of Liyue himself, often disguised as a mortal, resided here, enjoying birdwatching and opera.
What's more, even the errand-runner for Hu Tao wasn't ordinary—it was a Upper God.
And for the veteran gods of Teyvat, this one was quite a familiar figure.
"Hey there! Friends from across the pantheons, come and see the latest promotional deal from Wangsheng Funeral Parlor!"
"Introducing our brand-new Couples Funeral Package! Just as the name implies—if a married couple dies together, we only charge for one! Super economical and super worth it!"
"And of course, we also offer sibling packages, mother-daughter packages, mother-son packages, father-son, father-daughter, sister bundles… you name it!"
On a makeshift platform outside the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor Community's massive gate—comparable to a public square—Hu Tao stood, arms full of flyers, passionately promoting her latest discount campaign.
The crowd lined up for posthumous services looked visibly uneasy.
If they didn't already know that the hall's quirky young goddess led things, they would've assumed she was cursing their whole families to take a one-way trip to the Underworld.
"Would anyone like to try one?"
"How about you? It's super affordable!"
"N-no thank you, Lady Hu Tao…"
Everyone she approached quickly fled in panic. She was the emissary of the Underworld, after all—who wanted to tempt death? And drag their whole family down too?
Seeing them flee, Hu Tao sighed in disappointment. "Ahh~ This plan flopped too. Guess I'll have to revise it."
"It's such a good deal though… why insist on paying for the boring old expensive packages?"
"Even I know humans are most sensitive about death, Lady Hu Tao."
A middle-aged man with blue skin passed by, carrying a basket full of seafood—octopus, squid, and the like. Beside him walked a similarly blue-skinned woman.
Hu Tao tilted her head in surprise. "Eh~ Osial and Beisht? Off for more groceries? Why is it always octopus and seafood? Didn't Zhongli already glare at you and say not to bring those again?"
"And didn't I tell you? Zhongli hates seafood with long tentacles."
Osial smiled faintly. "Do you know why I insist on cooking seafood every meal?"
Hu Tao shrugged. "Revenge against Zhongli?"
Osial, in the most aggrieved tone, said something surprisingly bold: "It's true I can't beat him—but I just can't take it lying down. So I annoy him in return. That's the only way I feel at peace."
He had watched, wide-eyed, as the Teyvat world evolved into something beyond comprehension. And the golden god who had defeated him—Morax—had grown even more terrifying than the Heavenly Principle of old.
Had Morax simply killed him, he wouldn't have minded.
But no—Morax released him, saying a mere Upper God like him was no longer a threat.
He was instructed to just raise fish outside Liyue Harbor.
Seriously?! Just kill me! Don't just ignore me like I'm some nobody.
He looked down on me. Completely and utterly.
Osial seethed.
But seething was all he could do.
He had no interest in building up his forces. All he could do was watch the universe evolve around him.
He had gone straight to Hu Tao to join Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, and his wife, Beisht, had "coincidentally" learned from the Director what Morax feared the most.
Perfect. Then he went to Wanmin Hall to study culinary arts for two months and smoothly took over Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's daily meals.
He made octopus, squid, and tentacled seafood every single day.
Watching Zhongli force down the dishes under the gaze of staff, face dark with discomfort—he felt overjoyed.
Pure bliss. A satisfaction that reached the heavens.
Serves you right for masquerading as a mortal among the people of Liyue in what you call "incognito patrols."
And hey, everyone said his food tasted great.
What could Morax do, scold him for being popular?
"I'm not targeting you, Morax," he'd think smugly. "Everyone loves it, that's all."
Hu Tao spread her hands. "As long as you're happy. But Zhongli said he won't be eating at Wangsheng Funeral Parlor anymore. No need to prepare food for him."
Osial froze. "W-What? Director, you said Zhongli's not eating here anymore?"
Hu Tao blinked her plum-blossom eyes. "Yep."
Osial's voice dried up. "Then where does he eat now?"
Hu Tao shrugged. "There's plenty of places to eat in Liyue—I wouldn't know."
The basket in Osial's hands fell to the ground. The joy drained from his face.
All his fun? Gone.
Hu Tao added, "Oh right, make extra today. Thanks to Xiangling's Gift Game, Liyue Harbor has tons of guests from other pantheons. If some can't make it to the venue, they'll be dining here."
Osial: "Director Hu, I don't want to cook anymore."
Hu Tao immediately frowned, hands on hips. "You volunteered! And now it's too late to switch out!"
Osial: "Well, I'm done anyway."
Just as Hu Tao opened her mouth to argue, her eyes caught sight of a familiar figure. She looked over in surprise.
"Well, well—Brother Noah! What wind blew you over to my humble Wangsheng Funeral Parlor?"
She stepped past Osial to greet him, her gaze flicking to the gentle woman beside him. "You must be that Archon from Sumeru…"
She trailed off, blinking as if to say: "What should I call you?"
Buer smiled. "Just call me Sister Buer. No need to be formal."
This girl had her husband's aura on her—someone deeply cherished by her lord.
Hu Tao, ever sprightly, replied, "Ah, Sister Buer then. Pardon my earlier impoliteness."
Sometimes she really felt her luck was too good to be true.
The Geo Archon disguised himself as a regular man and worked at Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. The supreme ruler of the universe, the Heavenly Principle, was her acquaintance. Gods and pantheon lords came to drink tea with Zhongli.
And now the Overlord of the Vortex, Osial insisted on working under her.
Speaking of Osial, he was now staring at Noah and Buer, breath catching in shock. It was as if someone had poured a vat of ice water over him.
Thud. His legs buckled. He dropped to his knees.
His wife, Beisht—merely a Middle God—also knelt.
Though he had been sealed under Guyun Stone Forest by Morax's stone spear, he had witnessed many things.
He had seen Morax, that towering god, bow respectfully to this man.
And address him as Lord Heavenly Principle.
No more needed to be said. This man was surely the one who transformed Teyvat into this powerful universe—its current Heavenly Principle.
Compared to him, the former Heavenly Principle Phanes was nothing.
And the goddess beside him? The Supreme God, Greater Lord Rukkhadevata.
He had watched that ascension ceremony without blinking.
Morax could erase him with a slap. What hope did he have against her?
Hu Tao glanced at the kneeling Osial and Beisht, utterly unsurprised.
After all, Brother Noah was the Heavenly Principle.
"Brother Noah, are you here to see Consultant Zhongli? He hasn't returned yet," Hu Tao said cheerfully.
Noah waved a hand. "If I really wanted to see Zhongli, I'd just summon him here. No need to show up in person—he's not that important."
Hu Tao blinked and stuck out her tongue. "True, true. Then… did you come to see me? Hehe, I'm even less important."
Noah flicked his finger.
"Ow!"
Hu Tao quickly covered her forehead.
"Just taking a stroll, really. Thought I'd stop by and see how your 'Wangsheng Funeral Parlor Community' is doing."
"Gotta say, it's actually pretty interesting."
Hu Tao proudly patted her chest. "Of course! I racked my brains to come up with all these services."
"This isn't a great place to chat. Brother Noah, Sister Buer, come into the inner hall and have some tea while we talk."
"Hehe, I'll secretly brew some of the Immortal Tea that even Zhongli can't bear to drink."
Noah raised a brow. "Oh? Tea even that old miser Zhongli won't drink? Interesting."
Hu Tao giggled. "According to Zhongli, it's made from the Jade Leaves of the first ancient tea tree planted by the Immortals of Chenyu Valley. It only yields once every three thousand years—just thirty-six leaves per harvest."
"Zhongli only ever brews one leaf at a time and sips it for an entire day. Even when the leaf turns to mush the next day, he still won't throw it away."
"I've never seen him like that."
"Fortunately, there's still over half left. I'm sure if I brew some for you, Brother Noah, he'll be thrilled."
Noah stroked his chin. "Well, now you've piqued my curiosity."
"Great! Just wait a bit."
Hu Tao skipped away to make tea.
Noah and Buer didn't even glance at the two trembling figures kneeling at the door—Osial and Baizhe—as they followed Hu Tao into the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor Community.
Osial broke into a cold sweat. Good heavens, Hu Tao was that close with the ruler of the universe?! He thought she only had ties to Morax…
"I-I'm staying here to cook for Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. Even if I die, I'm not leaving."
...
Zhongli, carrying a cage with a thrush inside, strolled leisurely down the street, reciting ancient poetry.
"Buy wine with cassia blossoms in hand…"
Today had been unusually fruitful for him—he'd even unlocked a new type of Gift Game.
But as he reached Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's gate, he suddenly froze.
He sniffed the air.
This scent… wasn't it the Jade Leaf?
Why was this aroma wafting about? And brewed so poorly, too!
He didn't even need to use his divine sense to know—Hu Tao had just brewed the tea he couldn't bear to use.
And she'd probably used all of it.
He clutched his chest in agony.
That wasn't just any immortal tea—it subtly improved comprehension and helped in grasping Truth itself. Even Barbatos hadn't dared use a single leaf!
Zhongli's old-man temper finally flared. He didn't mind sharing it, but at least ask first!
He stormed into the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor courtyard.
"Hu Tao—"
Then he saw her serving tea to a figure so familiar it nearly split his divine core.
Clink—
The birdcage slipped from his hand and hit the ground.
Noah glanced at the stunned Zhongli.
"Well, well, old man Zhongli. Storming in like that—what are you planning to do?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
40 Advanced Chapters Available on Patreon:
Patreon.com/DaoOfHeaven