My lips hurt.
My eyelids hurt.
Are my lips curled upwards?
I have no idea.
My eyelids are… not dry anymore.
What's up with that?
Oh, I see…
I'm crying.
Tears.
Uncontrollably falling down my face.
But what's with this?
I can't really see anything in particular other than her.
The rest is…
White.
"El…"
What's that?
I hear a voice.
It's a pretty familiar one…
But I can't really seem to tell whose it is right now.
"Ca…l"
It's still indistinguishable.
But ever so slightly, I think I can at least hear the tone.
It's gentle.
Worried?
Empathetic?
It seems like a mix of those.
I wonder what they're saying.
Not that I can hear them though.
"Cae…."
Now that I think about it…
Isn't it calling me?
Is that my name that they're trying to say?
Though I don't really think it's gonna reach me.
Not in this state at least, huh?
My ears are practically only there for show right now.
But then what's this?
Suddenly.
I felt something different.
Something physical, as if someone had just touched my back.
And was stroking it gently.
"Cael…"
…
I know who it was now.
I turned around to my right.
It was indeed her.
"Maia…-"
However, as much as I hated to admit this, I could tell from a single glance at her face.
All of the pain I was feeling right now.
All of my confusion.
All of my worries.
I could tell from one single glance.
I'm her little brother after all.
"…you know something, don't you?"
Yet somehow, I didn't feel betrayed.
It felt almost reassuring in a weird way.
Kind of like 'ah, at least there is an explanation for all of these weird feelings' kind of way.
Her eyes were gentle.
I knew those eyes better than anyone.
Ever since I was reborn, tut was those eyes who looked at me almost every day, taking care of me with nothing but gentleness and love.
There was no way that Maia would do anything to hurt me, unless it's for my own good.
"That's right. I do."
"…b-but you can't tell m-me…"
"That's also… right."
I sat back down.
Though I still felt like my chest was about to explode, in fact, I was in so much pain that my ears were ringing constantly as well… I felt as if this was the right thing to do.
Every time I looked over at the Commander, my body would scream at me to just get up and run to her.
But I've been putting my entire strength into holding that back.
Maia's intervention helped a lot.
Once I sat down, she took out a handkerchief, and began wiping my tears herself.
"I can't even imagine the amount of pain you're in right now."
"Honestly, this reaction is way beyond anything we expected too."
"But you're doing well. So well that I'm lost beyond words by how proud I am of you, Cael."
"…"
"Do you think you'll manage to calm down?"
"…unless you have a heart replacement, and medicine for about every type of pain you can think of, then probably not."
"I figured…"
"But don't worry.. you'll feel better, very soon."
"…how soon are we talking?"
"Hmm, let's see. I guess… right about, now?"
When she finished saying that, I felt as if another thrown was struck into my heart.
It was the feeling when someone would start a mana conversation with you.
But I could tell that it wasn't Maia, since not only were we talking outloud just fine…
But because of how painful it was. I knew this mana.
No, it would be more accurate to say that my body knew it.
But I didn't.
I started panicking.
I don't know why.
I broke into a cold sweat.
My breathing accelerated.
I was scared.
But…
"It's alright, Cael. I'm right here. Your big sister is here with you. So it's all gonna be fine."
She held me in her embrace.
Of course, it didn't magically make all of my pain, worries or anything of these negative feelings go away.
But it helped.
And about 2 songs after she hugged me…
It began.
██████████ ███ ██ ███ ██████████████ █████ ████████ ████ ████ ███ ███ ████, ██ █'█ █████ ███ █'██ ██ ██████████ ███ ████████████… ██████ █'█ █████ ████ ████ ██ ███ ███ ███ ████ ████.
I groaned.
I couldn't hear it.
I couldn't understand it.
It was almost as if it was something said in a completely different and unknown language to me.
Or even weirder…
As if this wasn't even aimed at me…
Yet I felt the emotions that whoever was meant to receive this would've felt-or I guess… did feel.
Disappointment.
Hurting.
And almost a little anger.
Then it continued.
█ ███ █████ █████████ ████ █ ███ ████, ███ █ ███'█ ██████ ███ ██ ███ ██ ████ ██████ ██ ██████, ███ ██████… █████ ███ ████ ████ █████ ███ ████ ████? █'█ ███ ████████ ████ ████ ██████ ███ ██ ███ ██████ ██ ███, ███ █ ███'█ ██████ ████ ███ █████████ ███ ██ ███████ ███, █'█ ████ █████ ██ ████. ███ █ ███'█ █████ ██████ ███ ██ ██ ████ ████, ████ ██ ██'█ ███ ████ ██████████████ ████ ████ ███ ████ ████ ███.
This time, even stronger emotions flew into my heart.
Denial.
Sadness.
Overlapping with the previous ones.
Neither one of them disappearing or overpowering each other.
They were all in perfect harmony…
Of pain.
███'█ ███ ██ █████ ██████, ███ ████ ████ ███ ██ ███ ███ ████ █████ ██ ███ ██ █████ ██ █████ ██████ █████, ███ ████ █ ██████ █████████ ██ ██ ██████. █████ ███, █████'█ ██ ████ ████████ ██ ███ ████ ████ █████ ██ ██████ ██ ████ ███ ██████ ████ ████. ███ ████ █████… ██ ████-██, ████ ████ █ ██ █████ ████ ███ ████ ████ ████ ███, █'█ ███████ ██ ██ ██ █████ ██ ███████ ███████, ████ █████ ██████ ██████ █ ████ ██ ███ ██████████ ████.
Happiness.
Guilt.
Regret.
█ ████ █ █████ ███████. █ ████ ████ ████ ███ ████ ███ ███. ███ ██ ████, █████ ███ █████ ██ ████ █ ████ ██ ██████ █ ██████ ████ ████ ███ ██ ███, ███ ████████… ███ ██████, █████ ███ █████ ███ ██ █████ ███ ███ ████████ ██ ███ █████? █ ███'█ ████ ██ ███ ███ ███ ████ █ ████ ██ ████ ████ ████. ████ ██ ██'█ █████ ██ ███████ ████ ████ ███ ████ ████ ███.
Resignment.
Understanding.
████'█ ███████ ██ ██████ ███ ████ ███████████ █ ████ █████ ███, ████ ████ █ ████ ███ ███ ████ █████ ███ ██ ████ █████, ███ ████ ██████ ███'██ █████ ██ ███… ███'██ ███ ███. ███ ███ █ ████ ██ ████ ███████, ███ ██ ███ ████.
And lastly…
Loneliness.
Suffering.
Acceptance.
And… Relief.
The instant after those last few unrecognizable words, I instantly felt the pang of relief, as if I was hit with it by a train.
My breathing had slowed down, and the same went for my heartbeat. I don't think I was sweating anymore either, though I was still trembling a little.
"How's it? Are you feeling better?"
"…yeah."
Though honestly… I still felt something off. Rather, while I was still relieved and almost calmed down… I felt an undertone of melancholy. But it wasn't my own. I have no idea where it came from, but I just know that even if I was the one feeling it, it was directed towards myself, or anyone present in this room for that matter.
But compared to the pain I felt earlier, this barely recognizable undertone of melancholy was anything but a problem. I felt as if it would disappear soon enough either way.
As Maia kept gently stroking my back and hair, most of my negative emotions had begun to or almost completely faded by now.
"For the record though, I also have no idea what you were told, in case you're curious."
"…but you know I couldn't understand it, huh?"
"My-… I guess I misspoke there."
"…am I going to get an explanation any time soon?"
"I can't tell you that much, since I myself don't know. I'm not the one who can or should tell you after all."
"Then…"
I gulped as hard as I could, as if I didn't want to admit it. But I still went ahead and finished my question.
"Is it… The Commander?"
I was hoping she'd deny it.
I really was.
After all, while I still felt an inconceivable amount of happiness and affection towards her, I felt as if I shouldn't act on any of them.
Maybe it was better if we stayed apart. Maybe it would also make her feel better, if she wasn't facing me now.
I'm not sure why I felt this way. But I don't think that it was possible for me to find out, no matter how hard I tried. Shut unfortunately or not I guess? My hopes were shattered by her answer.
"It is."
"I see…"
"Me and our parents are gonna actually go and have a chat with Mio after the trial. Wanna tag along?"
I had doubts about it.
Part of me wanted to accept right away, without any thought.
I want to talk to her.
I want to hold her.
I want to look at her from closer than anyone else.
I have so many questions to ask her.
But on the other hand? I'm scared.
What if she doesn't want to see me?
What if my feelings are onesided?
What if it would only hurt her to see me?
But at the same time, I think that I had decided before I even realized it. It may be selfish for me to go with it, but I don't think I can hold back beyond the length of the trial. If anything, having a guaranteed opportunity to speak to her alone, had calmed me down almost instantly.
"Yeah. I do."
"Alright then."
She let go of me, as we both faced forward. I guess we were inside a barrier? That may explain why I could only see Maia and the Commander, and everything else was just white.
"In case you were wondering, this barrier is so no one would see you break down. From the outside, it just looks like we were sitting quietly to everyone else. I'll take it down now though. Are you ready?"
"I figured that much. Thanks though. I'm ready."
"Ah also, due to the time dilation within this barrier, only about a few seconds have passed outside of it, so don't worry, you didn't miss out on anything."
"Talk about convenience, huh?"
"I know right? I'm taking it down now."
"Got it."
And surely enough, my vision went back to normal. I was seeing the whole courtroom once again, and everyone inside of it… including Her. sitting on her seat with a serene smile, which felt so familiar as if I've been staring at it an endless amount of times. What was the last thing she did again? Before the barrier was put up… oh yeah, she hit that hammer thingy on the desk. So that means…
Yeah, I expected this much…
I glanced over at the king, who was so red that you may as well put a tomato next to him, and he'd be brighter in color. I would be embarrassed too though if I was in his place. Not only did he crash out, but he got teleported back into his seat and asked if he's done whining. All of that while being transmitted live to the entire kingdom. This time I may actually feel a little bad for him- yeah, nah, I still don't. But you got the point.
"We're all gathered here today for a really important occurrence. As everyone around the kingdom, and the continent already knows, my Lieutenant is an Ashford. But of course that's a little problematic right now, isn't it? So old man, what do you have to say about that?"
"Hmph! There's nothing to say, other than the fact that she's as filthy as her family, Great Sovereign. I am quite bewildered by the fact that you've chosen her as your aid."
"I see. But let me ask you one thing instead. What's the most important requirement for becoming a Recruit, Sentinel or a Lieutenant?"
"That's…."
"Do you perhaps not know? Or should I give you some time to think, hm?"
"No… I know the answer… It's Strength."
"Correct. Do you think that everyone in this institution has a clean record then? Whether it's a recruit or someone higher up."
"Of course, I am aware that some individuals may have a questionable past-"
"Then why are you dragging the line at My Lieutenant? She has enough strength to maintain her position, doesn't she? Not to mention, she's not problematic either."
"But Great Sovereign-"
"No need. I get it. After all, the matter with the Ashford family is really serious. I was just trying to make a point. Though not everyone has a clean past, and you shouldn't judge their current selves because of it in most cases, I'm aware of the difference between Maia and an average Recruit. So with all that being said."
A few papers appeared in her hand out of thin air, which she began swiftly reading through.
"I'd say that it's time to actually get started on the main purpose of this trial. Finding out Whether the Ashford family is a bunch of treasoners or not. Old man, state your case as the offender."
Though it was pretty obvious that he was annoyed, he still stood up from his chair and coughed into his fist twice to clear his throat, then began.
"Around 20 years ago or so, it had come to my attention that there had been some undignifying business going on in my Kingdom. I had asked around amidst all of the higher ranking nobles to find out what the source is, holding up countless meetings… however, it was the person that I had the most trust in, the late Ashford Great Duke, that had been the sketchiest within our meetings."
"Not only was he avoiding questions regarding financial matters, but he even tried to change the subject every single time finance was brought up at any meeting. Would you not have gotten suspicious in my place, Great Sovereign?"
"I guess so? After all, finance is probably the second most important council discussion topic besides legislative ones."
"Right? Which is why, although it pained all of us as we thought of him as our brother… We began investigating. Our first thought was that he may have been involved with the dark market, or some kind of tax evasion scheme at worst. But when we couldn't find any leads towards any of those kinds of sketchy sites, we decided to take a different approach, and ask for someone else's help."
"And that someone else was…"
"Indeed, the previous and late Garek Commander before yourself. It was under his investigation, alongside the late Rafael Captain that we had finally found some type of lead."
"And those were?"
"They were records of unregistered letters, which were hidden by a third party unknown to us personally at the time, although his name is surely familiar to everyone here."
He took a dramatic break, clearly trying to build up tension. I'm not really a con artist, but I'm pretty sure that it should be a common technique among them. When you're telling a completely bullshit story, at the very least you should add some dramatic pauses between your words, so whoever is listening will be focusing more on what you're about to say, rather than questioning the crap you've already said.
"It was a long lasting series of letters regarding the importation and trade of not only financial aid, but also countless supplies… from outside of our continent. And the individual with which the late Great Duke was doing all of this with… was none other than the Dragon Prince Alduin himself."
The entire courtroom gasped. But of course, why wouldn't they? Besides the fact that they were all con artists as well, his name alone did have that kind of effect. And honestly, just remembering him gave me shivers running down my spine. That time, he had completely overpowered-no, he wasn't even trying to fight me. He was just toying with a little kid that he was intending on killing either way.
If it wasn't for Maia…coming…back...?
Wait a minute. Maia wasn't the first one to come, now that I think about it…?!
I instinctively turned around towards her, with a shocked expression as it had finally hit me.
"Say…Maia."
I whispered, since that was the appropriate tone while someone else is telling some random made up story to a judge in court.
"When Alduin left… I'm not sure if you know, but right before he left, he seemed in quite the rush. He even clicked his tongue, and said 'damn monster'… was he talking about you… or the person that came before you?"
Maia seemed really surprised by my question.
"…I see. You've connected those dots on your own already."
"So that means…"
"That's right. The person Alduin was scared of… wasn't me."
I turned back around, not replying. There was no need for one. It all made sense now. Why did I not question it until now? It felt just so natural that it didn't even really cross my mind, but thinking about it, it all makes sense now. Maia was first easily overpowered by Alduin and thrown outside of the barrier he made, after he chopped both of her arms off. Then just someone scares him off enough for him to straight up leave, but he leaves a bunch of dragons and wyverns behind. Then some random unknown person… with purple aura and eyes appeared, instantly taking care of the dragons, and giving me my sword out of nowhere. And lastly, the first thing Maia says after coming back a lot stronger, and killing the Wyverns the first person left behind is that she'll become the Commander's Lieutenant.
How was I so stupid back then?
When you lay it out flat, it's more than obvious what had actually happened back then. Which means…
It was probably back then that it had already been decided that no matter what happened, Maia would've become Her Lieutenant.
The person who had saved me, scared Alduin off and gave me my sword when our village was attacked by him… was most likely-no, without a doubt… The Commander of The Sentinels. Mio herself.
I may not have had enough reasons to connect the two before, but now I'm certain. My reaction from seeing her in the darkness back then, I remember having an erection just from her silhouette and smile. She was already engraved deep within me as an individual, I just wasn't aware. I've had a few conversations regarding her afterwards too of course, mainly with Luna, but I had no real reason to connect the two in any way.
The biggest lead at this moment was the memory of her very first entrance. Perhaps I hadn't noticed the black mixed within her aura back then because it was already dark? Or maybe I did? I don't really remember. But those eyes. Those Deep Purple eyes, shining brighter than anything else amidst the darkness of the night. And that smile which was undeniably formed from the very lips of the Commander sitting above us right now.
Those eyes that I am unable to look away from, had been my clue all along. I just wasn't able to pick up on it at the time, because The Commander's appearance is hidden to the public, let alone her aura and eye color. Honestly, there was so little information about her that I'm only now realizing how little I actually knew.
The only times I've genuinely managed to have any meaningful conversation regarding her was as I said with Luna. I'm not really sure how she knew…so much… about…..her.
Haha… how weird.
While the king sat back down, and The Commander was silently reading her papers still, I couldn't help but notice something that widened my eyes with shock in an instant. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I wasn't allowed to.
Now that I think about it…
How did Luna…
She said she couldn't come into the courtroom because only high ranking nobles were allowed in here, alongside the Sentinels and our family of course. The Commander's identity is without a doubt the biggest secret of the entire continent after all, which only higher ups know. Until her coming of age at 15, she wouldn't be made public. Pretty sure that right now her face is just blurred with pitch blackness on the screens all over the kingdom as this is being steamed live too. Her identity, personal life and all of that are very secret. Even meeting her is probably close to impossible unless you're someone in this room.
But then why… did Luna…
She said she's met her before, didn't she? Maybe I'm just not remembering this properly, and she didn't say that. Yeah, that must be it. But then…
She knew a lot about The Commander.
Even assuming that Luna never said to have met her and I'm just remembering things, the way she spoke about her was just too casual and familiar.
Almost as if…
How did she know so much about The Commander if she's not a high rankling noble? And sure, currently Luna is indeed an assistant of Maia's of some sort, and I don't doubt that by now she's probably met her before.
But she knew things about her, long before Maia became The Lieutenant, so there was no way that Luna had any previous connection to the Sentinels.
She said her family was pretty important, and rich… but if that's the case then why aren't they allowed here? Is it to protect their privacy? I don't think so, after all, you don't need to ever speak to the Commander even if you're the richest man in the world. That field is just not within your grasp, since the Royal family has more authority over the land than any rich person could ever buy. Well, probably not but regardless, when it comes to authority, if you're just a merchant or even land owner, there's no reason why you should end up anywhere near The Commander, the individual with the most power in the entire continent, even above Kings.
So then why?
Why did Luna know about The Commander before she could have any connections to her?
Why isn't Luna in this courtroom?
Maia was most likely in touch with The Commander long before she even met Luna, or became The Lieutenant.
But Maia isn't someone who spills continental level of secret information, even to her friends. Let alone someone she had just met in the town nearby our village.
Not to mention, Luna was never prejudiced against the Ashford family.
She knew things she shouldn't about The Commander.
And now that I think about it…
Didn't she only appear…
Shortly after The Commander saved us from Alduin?
With no traces beforehand?
She never talks about her family either.
And as I dry gulped in the air, as hard as I could… the final blow had reached me. When The Commander raised her face from her papers, and glanced forward… for a single split second, which felt like time had stopped for me when it happened, our eyes met.
And it was at that moment that without any more thoughts necessary, the realization had hit me like a bullet straight in the head. The reason why Luna was always so mysterious. The reason why she knew things she shouldn't. Why I felt so weird around her. Why I fell in love with her at first sight. And why… I felt the same way-no, even stronger than that, when I first saw The Commander enter the courtroom.
Luna… is Mio.