Finding Might Guy was harder than expected. Mostly because I had assumed that tracking down a guy in a loud green suit and a bowl cut who bellowed "Dynamic Entry" when he showed up places and screamed about the flames of youth couldn't possibly be that hard. But I had neglected to remember one thing. Konoha was in a huge fuck off forest.
Briefly, as I stepped further into the trees, I wondered if Lee and Guy's jump suits were some kind of camouflage. Maybe they'd picked the color because it blended with the leaves. Of course, moments later I felt the ground shudder and heard someone scream "YOSH!", which kind of called that whole line of thought into question. Sighing, I turned and headed towards the sound, my guard up in case someone chucked a cliff at me or something.
Which turned out to be pretty prescient, because as I stepped past a tree into a clearing, I caught sight of a boulder sailing right toward me like a cannonball. I wasn't too upset, I just raised a hand and lazily waved it through the air, creating a faint afterimage of chakra as I stirred the unseen current.
Rather than stop or slow down the approaching boulder just swerved in midair, slipping past me to shatter a tree on its way through.
"Yosh!" shouted the same excited voice from earlier. "What a magnificent display of martial prowess! Truly such a skilled taijutsu master must be burning with the eternal flames of youth! Gai-Sensei! We have a visitor!"
"Well spotted Lee!" came a cheerful voice as a carbon copy of bowl cut sporting green clad youth (shit, now I was doing it, wait, no that wasn't one, goddamn it) emerged into plain view, a wide smile exposing bright white, perfectly even teeth. "Greetings friend, what brings you to our most youthful training ground? Have too come to explore the springtime of your youth under the direction of Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast?"
The kid's eyes sparkled with awe. "Guy-Sensei!" he all but squealed. "That was truly a most youthful greeting! You're so cool!"
Guy gave another bright grin and a thumbs up, and I winced as an image of a sunset appeared behind him. "But of course, Lee! Many people don't know this about me, but I am Konoha's coolest jounin! Others are simply deceived by the suave countenance of my most formidable eternal rival. But I am even more hip than he!"
"I…I came to train," I said weakly. I was rethinking this. Did I really want to subject myself to this full time? Just to get my hands on a technique that would in and of itself, potentially kill or cripple me? How much pain was I willing to endure for my goals?
A sigh sounded from behind them. "You know," said a teenage girl with buns in her hair. "You could have saved yourself. There was a brief moment of possibility, a window to escape, right up until that moment just then when you used the T word. If it's any consolation, though I know it won't be, you can take some comfort in the fact that everything that's about to happen to you is entirely your own fault."
"I feel like you don't know what the word comfort means," I said dryly. "But…thank you? I recently graduated from taijutsu training with a master, and I need good sparring partners. I heard that Might Guy is the most skilled taijutsu user in the leaf. I'd love to train with you." I looked at Guy firmly, meeting his eyes directly. "Would you be willing to allow that, Master Guy? Oh, right, I'm-"
"Kai Mikado," he finished without hesitation. "Of course, I know the names of all my youthful fellow shinobi. Especially members of our esteemed gate guard. After all, you're the first line of defense for our home."
I blinked in shock. That was…really nice, actually. I hadn't expected that. Although given his father's position as the eternal Genin, it made sense he was more willing to ignore hierarchical bullshit. Still, I found myself unexpectedly touched. "I…yeah. Yeah that's me. Thank you so much. These must be your students, right? I've heard great things about the illustrious Team Three." Like he's just demonstrated, a little personal warmth and recognition went a long way.
Sure enough, the girl (obviously Tenten) and the silent brooding white eyed boy behind her (Neji of course) perked up just a bit. Lee, to my complete lack of surprise, all but jumped for joy. Guy beamed with pride. "That's right! My cute little Genin are the pride of Konoha. In fact…you said you came to spar, yes? Perhaps a bit of a demonstration might be in order. As a splendid leaf shinobi, perhaps you might demonstrate your capability?"
Normally, I'd have been terrified. Lee was a fucking monster, and while I suspected I was something of a hard counter to Neji, their teamwork was flawless at this point. The Hyuuga prodigy might not be FRIENDLY, but he was competent, and he knew how to slot into a formation he'd seen a thousand times.
In this case though…I was eager. More than just proving myself to Guy, this was my chance to prove myself to ME.
Since I'd gotten here, I'd been training my entire ass off, working around the clock with Bang to become stronger. But I didn't have PROOF. I didn't know that I could survive here. Bang wasn't from this world, and as good as his approval felt, it didn't mean I could hang in this world. Sure, beating up a bunch of fourteen year olds might not sound like much, but THESE fourteen year olds were different.
Honestly, I suspected that Guy had either deeply underestimated his students or deeply OVERESTIMATED my standards as a leaf Chunin. But either way, I was lucky he'd been accidentally right in this case. "That sounds like a lot of fun," I said warmly. "Just a friendly spar, right? I wouldn't feel right going too hard on your Genin. Not to disrespect your skills, of course, but you don't become a Chunin of the leaf through luck." Which was a categorical lie, because I definitely had. Hana and our teammate Maruten had carried my ass. The Akimichi had even become a Tokubetsu Jonin recently, and that was no mean feat.
Despite being MOSTLY well intentioned, however, the comment did not endear me to the younger ninja. Tenten looked ready to spit fire, Neji was glaring even harder, and even Lee looking mildly put out, which I suspected was the Lee version of swearing eternal vengeance.
Guy didn't even notice. "Of course!" he said excitedly, clapping his hands. "I'm anxious to see your skills, my friend. While I do know all of our shinobi brethren by name, I'm afraid I don't have the time or memory to memorize all of your youthful capabilities. It will be good for my cute little Genin to see what a Chunin of the village can really do!" Yeah, I'd suspected that.
Still, I walked out into the clearing slowly, readying myself for combat. "I'll do my best to put on a good show," I said confidently, allowing myself to ease into my flowing water stance.
"What an interesting style," murmured Guy curiously. "It reminds me a bit of gentle fist."
His ruminations were cut off, however, when his students, who had surrounded me in a triangle, rushed in all at once. I took a deep breath, let it out, and then…body flicker.
Allsight was my biggest asset here. My expanded field of view and improved dynamic vision was a huge asset. With my body flicker active, I had the time to turn my head to either side, which, combined with my flawless peripheral vision, let me take in their entire formation.
Points of contact. First: Lee, approaching from the front, head on attack to draw my aggro. Second: Tenten in my blind spot, scrolls out, to lay down suppressive fire. Third: Neji circling to find a gap to slip through, threading the needle to take me out between the others. It was a good plan. Simple. Well rehearsed. I fucking DEMOLISHED it.
First was my footwork. My flowing water steps were serpentine and so graceful they were almost a dance. Tenten's rain of weapons peppered the ground where I'd been standing, but I was already gone. I moved forward towards Lee, who despite his experience in sparring, was NOT used to being met head on when he attacked.
I slipped past his blurring kicks, my body weaving beneath and around his attacks like a cobra, and I left my back open as I did. Neji, unable to resist, slipped in, fingers, blurring as he aimed to strike my tenketsu while I was distracted, even as Lee spun into a scything kick aimed at my skull.
My hands moved like living things, each one taking a different path as my footwork carried me between the attacks. My palms gracefully redirected Lee's kick and Neji's strike. I guided the kick past my head and around, hooking it into a downward strike into Neji's collar bone with some english on it, even as Neji's palm strike slammed into an off balance Lee's solar plexus, knocking the wind out of the green clad boy.
Lee doubled over, gasping for air, and I swept down, shifting my hands with his rotation to sweep his whole body into an unwilling front flip, his sole remaining heel coming down on top of Neji's back as the other ninja was forced down on all fours by the strike to his collarbone, the two of them crashing to the ground in a tangle of limbs.
My feet moved again, flowing as I drifted out of the path of a rain of kunai. Except this time, I didn't JUST move. I swept them up in the flow of my technique and spun, using my body to increase the moment as I shot them back at Tenten with all the added power of centrifugal force. She snarled, whipping out a giant scroll and jerking it open, clearly about to do…something. But before she could, a hand landed on her shoulder.
"I think that's enough." Guy said kindly. "That was a wonderful showing, you three. You kept your heads and approached thoughtfully and with purpose. There's no shame in being outdone by a superior opponent. And you as well Chunin Mikado. A masterful performance."
I nodded solemnly. "That means a lot coming from you, Master Guy. I'm afraid I don't get to shine much in my duties. I'm not good at much besides taijutsu. It felt good to show what I'm capable of." I bowed to the trio of disgruntled Genin. "And it helped to have such excellent sparring partners. My taijutsu style relies on redirecting force. If you weren't so formidable I wouldn't have had much to work with."
That seemed to placate them. Guy looked thoughtful. "I'm surprised I hadn't heard of such a skilled taijutsu user. But I do know how being a specialist can be limiting. You said you recently finished your apprenticeship? I'd love to meet your master."
"My grandfather returned home after my training, I'm afraid," I said wryly. "He was only visiting for a while to pass on his art."
Bang's presence was a problem to explain…when he was still here. Now that he was gone, it wasn't like they could investigate. A random shinobi (and they would assume he was) coming into the village was odd, but he was gone so there was no reason to dwell on it. Guy seemed to just gloss over it, sighing sadly. "A pity. But still, I believe my cute little Genin have a lot to learn from such a youthful Chunin comrade! I would love to have you continue to spar with us, perhaps next time you and I could go a few rounds?"
I was…wary of that offer. But since that had been my goal, I couldn't really complain, I just smiled agreeably. "Sounds fun. Do we start now?"
Guy just laughed heartily. "My friend, don't be silly. It's still early. This was a youthful diversion, but at the beginning of our day, we don't do sparring. We do CONDITIONING. Now, come along everyone, a hundred laps around the village, on your hands!" I…may have made a terrible mistake.
AN:// It's genuinely hard to write Guy and Lee without flanderizing them slightly, because they just kind of ARE. But I tried to keep the core of decency and genuine comradery there under all the youth and enthusiasm lol.Last edited: Dec 3, 2025 Like ReplyReport Reactions:Grislyfrostbite, Hiroshima911, Morathi and 1,168 othersMalcolm TentDec 3, 2025NewAdd bookmarkView discussionThreadmarks Chapter 7 New View contentMalcolm TentMonkey with a typewriter.Dec 4, 2025Add bookmark#325I was in agony. Not pain. Not discomfort. Agony. The kind of suffering people write songs about, dedicate sonnets to, compare to the death of beloved family pets. The kind of pain that half convinced me someone had partially flayed my skin and started shoving miniscule hot pokers INDIVIDUALLY through each of my nerves.
Of course, they hadn't done any of that. No one had done anything to me at all. I'd done this shit to MYSELF.
Guy and Lee were a fucking SICKNESS. They had infected me with some kind of masochistic psychic disease, and even now, lying in my own sweat and tears (which I could swear were tinted red), I STILL wanted to get up and keep going, for SOME reason.
But I didn't do that. I pulled myself up, slowly, using the nearest tree, enjoying the gentle reprieve of the bark scraping off layers of skin as it distracted me from the soul destroying hate fire of the twisted abomination of 'hard work' I had inflicted on myself at the behest of the green clad lunatic I was trying to impress.
"YOSH!" Lee shouted, pumping his fist in the air. "Another youthful day of tr-"
"Don't!" I wheezed. "Please don't. Just…let me die. In peace. Please do me the favor of making sure my last experience on this planet isn't listening to you make a speech."
Tenten giggled. "Yeah, I remember that. Don't worry, it goes away. You get used to the pain, and it even starts to motivate you. Once you accept that Guy-Sensei knows best, it gets easier to turn off your head and just kind of go with it."
"That's brainwashing," I said flatly. "You are describing the process of brainwashing."
She shrugged. "I was worried about that for a while too, but Guy-Sensei told me not to worry about it, so I just decided it was fine." The sparkle in her eye told me she was messing with me, so I refrained from engaging further and started ignoring her.
Guy meanwhile, walked over to clap me on the shoulder. "Your taijutsu is magnificent, my young friend, but it seems you still have much work to do before you enter the true springtime of your youth. Fear not, your powerful conviction has moved my heart, and I will aid you in your quest to become a splendid Jonin!"
I was torn between being moved to tears and just crying in terror and surrender, so I just nodded along. "Now then! Come along team, I believe our new friend has earned a youthful celebratory meal. To Yakiniku Q!"
That got an actual CHEER out of the somewhat laconic Tenten and even broody Neji perked up a bit. Lee, of course, shouted his enthusiasm to the sky like a bullhorn, and we all headed out of the forest.
I felt…good. Energized. I had gone through a fucking training session with THE Rock Lee. With Might Guy. It was a heavy thing, and I had to admit I was proud.
It made me laugh, because I imagined so many of the armchair warriors back home complaining at their screens about how proactive I was. "Why doesn't he just run away?" "What kind of idiot gets involved in a death world like Naruto?"
Those kinds of things always mystified me. Not because I thought I was some special snowflake of destiny who would definitely survive but because…it was fucking worth it, right?
Like so many terminally online people are like "If you went to a fantasy world, you wouldn't thrive, you'd be dead in ten minutes". And like…fucking AND? Bet. If my choices are boring mundanity and safety or awesome ninja magic and probable death, pick my ass out a coffin. Some things are worth dying for.
The chance to make my stand in the Village Hidden in the Leaves beside the number one Knucklehead Ninja and fight against the Akatsuki? The chance to train with Konoha's Beautiful Green Beast? I'd grown up idolizing these characters. Rooting for them and empathizing with them. I had been PART of this world even when I wasn't in it, and the idea that I'd let something as pathetic as the fear of DEATH of all things stop me from fighting by their side was fucking OFFENSIVE to me.
Like yes, I was in pain right now. I could die at any time. I probably fucking WOULD die. So what? The kind of person who would run off to the land of hotsprings and hide in a cave didn't DESERVE to be here. I probably didn't either. But I'd do my best to make the kid I used to be proud that I was a shinobi of the leaf. I owed the little bastard that much.
We arrived at Yakiniku Q without much fanfare, and I was excited to see it in person. I had memories of this place, of course, my teammate Maruten worked here on weekends while he was at the academy, and he used to give Hana and I a discount when we came in. In fact..
"Hey, Maru!" I called with a grin, waving to the bulky black haired form of my Akimichi teammate. "I didn't know you'd be here today! You taking time off from…whatever Tokubetsu Jonin do?"
"All the work that actual Jonin don't want to," he said dryly. "Speaking of actual Jonin, what the hell are you doing with Might Guy of all people? No offense, Kai, but you're not exactly a 'genius of hard work'." He smiled at Guy sheepishly. "I really appreciate you taking an interest in my teammate, sir. Kai might not be the most talented, but he's got a good heart. I hope you won't be too hard on him."
I laughed awkwardly. Maruten meant well, but he was woefully out of date about my capabilities. Tenten and even Neji were looking at him like he had a head injury.
Laughing, Guy clapped him on the shoulder. "Your youthful concern for your comrade is appreciated, but unnecessary. Young Chunin Mikado is a splendid taijutsu master in his own right. He's a deadly combatant."
Maruten stared at me incomprehensibly. I wasn't a taijutsu master. I wasn't an ANYTHING master. Hana and Maru had carried me through my Genin missions. The two clan kids looking out for the useless civilian. My SOLE contribution to the team had been filling our explosive tags after our sensei made them for us.
I just shrugged. "I've been working on my taijutsu for a while," I told him truthfully. "I've been getting pretty good. With almost no chakra control or ninjutsu skills I'm not good for much ELSE, granted but…something is better than nothing."
Guy's hand settled on my shoulder. "My friend, don't belittle yourself. One does not need powerful ninjutsu to be a splendid ninja. Lacking control can be addressed. Or worked around. You've already made great strides towards being a proud shinobi of the hidden leaf. Just stick to your youthful training and you too can be a hip, cool shinobi of Konoha!" He held up a thumb, grinning that shiny white grin, and the sunset from before came back.
Maru shook his head ruefully. "Well if someone like Master Guy says it, it must be true. That's great to hear, Kai. I admit I was a little worried about you out there at the gate. Not that there's anything wrong with gate duty!" He backpedaled hurriedly. "But as your teammate, I always wanted to see you succeed and join me as a Tokubetsu Jonin."
I grinned at him and offered my hand. "Well you still might. Keep my seat warm for me, huh bud?"
He beamed, clearly excited by my fighting spirit. "Hell yeah!" he all but shouted. He winced a women at the counter glared daggers at him. "Sorry Auntie!" he called sheepishly. "Hey, you kids are fresh genin right? My cousin just passed his graduation exam and has been stress eating his ass off about his Jonin placement. You guys mind if we eat with you? I'll comp your whole meal. All you can eat."
Lee and Guy's eyes lit up and I winced internally. Given how strong they were and how much they trained, those two probably ate like a herd of elephants. But then again, this was the AKIMICHI barbecue joint. They knew what 'all you can eat' could really mean.
"That sounds like a wonderful idea," Guy said with a teeth sparkle, his fist clenched dramatically in front of him. "My cute little genin can help guide your cousin into the springtime of his youth!"
"Hey, CHOJI!" bellowed Maru. "Bring your friends and come over here, we're eating with some genin." I heard a yelp and a scramble as a trio of familiar yet unfamiliar faces poked over the nearest booth. "You remember my teammate Kai?"
I gave him a solemn nod. "Sup."
Guy's eyes flared. "How hip! Chunin Kai, have you been taking lessons from my eternal rival? You must not succumb to his unyouthful ways!
"I don't know who that is. So…no," I said bluntly. I was, of course, lying. But I wanted Guy to teach me the eight gates technique, and he would only do that if he though taijutsu was all I could do. Granted, they were a forbidden secret of the leaf…but he also taught them to a ten year old, so I felt like my chances were good.
We all crowded into a booth, stacking in like firewood before Maru ran off and came back with a HUGE plate overflowing with beef. "Best cuts in the house," he winked at us. "To celebrate Choji's graduation. I got Auntie to bust out the premium A5. This stuff basically melts down your throat. You can eat it with a spoon."
The marbling really was fucking insane. I felt my mouth water as he passed it to me. I picked up a few slices with my chopsticks and dropped them on the sweltering grill with a hiss. There was such a high fat content that we didn't need any oil or butter or anything. The meat literally fried in its own juices on contact. The smell hit me like a punch in the nose, and I heard every other person at the table groan in ecstasy at the shared religious experience of premium A5 beef. Truly some things are universal.
Reaching down to pick up my pieces, I dropped them on a plate before popping one in my mouth, trying to shift it around and blow on it while it was already burning my tongue. Worth it.
"So, Choji," I said with my mouth full. "I have a friend in your class. Naruto Uzumaki, what happened with him, I haven't seen him lately. I know he was working hard for graduation. Did he make it?"
Choji shrugged. "I dunno. I guess. He failed the test, but then when we had the ceremony he showed up and they said he passed."
"They just felt sorry for him," Ino snorted coldly. "He's so pathetic they were afraid he'd never pass. I just feel sorry for Sasuke-kun. He has to be on a TEAM with that loser. Not to mention Forehead. Talk about dead weight." She turned to glare at Shikamaru, who was eating quietly. "Not that I don't have my own."
Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at her, then looked down at his meat, then back at Ino, then just mumbled "Troublesome" with his mouth full and ignored her. I had to stop myself from choking with laughter at the sheer outrage on her face.
We spent the rest of the evening eating and chatting. We all chowed down on premium beef until we couldn't move. It was, to be honest, one of the best nights I'd had since I got to Konoha. The only downside was that two of my favorite people weren't there. Bang was gone, and I wouldn't see him again for a long time, if ever. But I made a promise to myself. As soon as I could afford it, I'd bring Naruto to eat here. I couldn't wait to see the horror on Maru's face when he announced loudly that this premium beef wasn't as good as ramen. Sometimes, it's the little things that made life worth living.Last edited: Dec 4, 2025 Like ReplyReport Reactions:Hiroshima911, Taylor Klatt, Tsureai and 1,103 othersMalcolm TentDec 4, 2025NewAdd bookmarkView discussionThreadmarks Chapter 8 New View contentMalcolm TentMonkey with a typewriter.Dec 10, 2025Add bookmark#467My first stop the next day was Naruto's apartment. Now that I knew he'd finished his impromptu exam and gotten his shadow clones, I could officially start interfering in his training. Naruto needed a LOT of help.
Kakashi was, to be blunt, a bad teacher. Why they expected a guy who joined a black ops field team at fourteen to be GOOD at interacting with and teaching children I had no idea, but their gamble had only paid off because most of team seven were the reincarnations of a pair of fucking demigods, and other senseis had picked up the slack.
I was guessing, based on knowing his history, that Kakashi's experience with teams had colored his understanding of how to run one. His most recent team had been a group of elite ANBU who had essentially taken care of themselves with minimal direction on his part. Itachi had been a kid, yes, but he'd also been ITACHI, and Yugao was a prodigy like Kakashi himself, another early graduate.
So when you told Kakashi to run a team, his first thought was to prioritize the stuff he felt was most important (teamwork and loyalty) and let the kids handle their own training in all the technical shit that he just automatically figured out because he was a genius.
He did NOT help those kids reach their full potential. All of team seven had needed to seek out other instruction to flourish, and while I could acknowledge that at least some of that was caused by outside forces, I wasn't exactly in agreement with Kakashi's position that the will of fire was going to be the cure for what ailed them even if they hadn't had reason to seek out strength. Not on its own. So my mission here was simple. I was going to help the kid get stronger.
My desire to help Naruto came from a familiarity with his story, with an empathy for him as a person, and from a desire to see him succeed at tasks that would probably directly affect me. But I had to admit, seeing the apartment building where he lived in real life…it definitely got stronger. I'd stopped by Ichiraku and convinced Ayame to tell me where he lived (and to pass me a to go bowl of ramen as a peace offering) then headed straight there to check in, and honestly, even I felt a little unsafe in that place.
When I reached his door, I rapped on it a few times and waited. To my surprise, rather than Naruto's door, the door of the next unit over cracked open, pulling taught the chain holding the door closed as the overweight, greasy man on the other side glared out at me.
"Who the fuck are you?" he spat angrily. "What do you want with that thing?"
I looked him over calmly. "I'm from the Hokage's 'mind your own fucking business' bureau. We're doing spot checks. You failed. Now close your door and get your fat greasy nose out of my face before I rip it off yours." My tone was pleasant and jovial, but my eyes were hard as diamond as I glared the asshole down. I had no patience for stupid villagers sneering at their former leader's kid.
He bristled, and with almost no thought, my hand snapped out, two fingers shearing through the chain and stopping millimeters from his eye. He yelped and fell over backwards, clearly terrified, but rather than pursue, I held up my fingers, showing a single, small hair between them. "Sorry, you had an eyelash."
Swallowing, he stared up at the severed chain, then at my fingers, and shuddered. He desperately kicked at his door until it slammed shut and I turned back to Naruto's place and knocked again, harder.
"I'm comin', I'm comin!" snapped the voice on the other side. "Geez, will you hold on a second! I was takin' a massive dump!"
I grimaced as the door flung open. "Kid, we GOTTA talk about your mannerisms. Some stuff people just don't need to know. And you BETTER have washed your damn hands." I glared at him, and he showed me wet palms, which he then wiped on his orange jumpsuit. Which was…something, I guessed. I held out the bowl. "Got you some ramen. And a letter from gramps. He had to go out of town. Can I come in?"
He shrugged, his face going from excited for the food to sullen when I mentioned Bang leaving. "Whatever," he mumbled. "Guess I can't stop ya. Don't mind the mess. I haven't cleaned up in a while."
I nodded cheerfully, then stepped inside after him. I let out an internal whistle as I took the place in. It was…rough. I knew the Hokage couldn't be seen favoring Naruto in case anyone guessed who he was, but this was fucking awful. I made a mental note to start helping him fix some of this shit up.
Fishing the letter out of my pocket, I handed it to him. He put the ramen on the table and then walked over and sat down on the bed, looking lost as he stared at the envelope. "He just…left?" he asked quietly. "I mean, I know I can be annoying sometimes, but I thought gramps knew I was just messing around." His eyes started to well up. "And now you're all by yourself cuz of me, huh? I didn't mean to make him leave. I'm real sorry, Kai."
My stomach tightened, and I knelt down in front of him, clasping both shoulders. "Hey, none of that shit. Gramps got word his old student was causing trouble back home. He had to go back and handle some dojo business. In fact, aside from that letter, he even left me some martial arts forms to teach you. Of course, if that's too much work I guess you can do whatever school kid stuff they have you working on for your genin team instead," I kept my tone casual, despite the faint teasing smile I couldn't hold back.
His head jerked up to stare at me. "Wait…you're gonna teach me to fight? Like gramps was teaching you? I thought it was like a family style or somethin'? That's why he came to the village to teach you, right? Is it really ok for me to learn?"
"Not the SAME style," I admitted. He slumped a bit, but I continued without stopping. "His brother's style is a lot better suited to your energetic ass. Flowing Water Fist requires way too much patience for a spaz like you. You didn't answer though, you want to learn? I know you have your genin stuff-"
He shot to his feet, hands clenched in excitement. "No way! I'll do both! I bet gramps's brother is super strong too. I can't wait! I even learned a new jutsu I can show you!"
Literally less than a day after telling the Hokage he'd keep it quiet and he was offering to teach me Shadow Clones. Classic Naruto. To be fair, I WAS already a Chunin of the leaf, and higher ranked than him. Plus I had the chakra capacity to handle making one or two of them. "Sounds cool, what kind of jutsu is it? Is it tough to learn?" I played along, both fanning the flames of his ego and teasing it out of him.
"It's so cool!," he gushed. "It's called the Shadow Clone Jutsu! It's crazy, it makes real clones that can touch stuff and move around."
I nodded along. "Oh yeah, I've heard stories about that in some of the old books I've read. The second Hokage designed it himself. It's supposed to be super useful, because you can remember all the stuff the clones do, which makes them great for training."
He froze. "You…you can?" he said slowly. "I didn't really notice that. I mean I only used them in a fight and they popped real fast after. But you mean I can learn to TRAIN with them? Like I could have a hundred clones work out and then get super buff?"
"No," I chuckled. "I mean like you can have a hundred clones working on chakra control and you'll get better at a hundred times the speed. Shadow clones don't transfer physical damage. Conditioning with them won't do much. But they CAN help you learn martial arts faster. And a few other things. But a hundred is way too dangerous. Those clones split your chakra in half every time you make one. If you create too many you could die. You gotta be careful ok?"
He nodded quickly. "Sure, I know. Jiji told me that it's dangerous for normal people to use it. He says I can only do it cuz I have lots of chakra. Hey, do you have lots of chakra too? It might be bad to teach you."
"I do," I assured him. "My chakra reserves are A-rank. My control isn't great, admittedly, but I AM a Chunin. It's good enough."
The blonde looked relieved. "So once I teach you, you can use the clones to help me learn?"
"I CAN," I hedged. "But you need to do some serious conditioning before you're ready for the Whirlwind Iron Cutting Fist. Great uncle Bomb is even scarier than gramps is." Plus I needed to use my OWN shadow clone training to LEARN the Whirlwind Iron Cutting Fist. I didn't actually know how to do it yet. Having two other me's to dedicate their days to learning it would be a huge help. "Now, how about you teach me this jutsu you're so proud of? I can't wait to see it."
Eagerly, Naruto began explaining how to make a shadow clone…and I found myself completely fucking stumped. Given he was ELEVEN, I'd kind of assumed it would be simple. Just a twist on the clone formula somehow. But while molding the chakra didn't require much work, the actual conceptualization of the shadow clone jutsu was FIENDISHLY complicated.
He also wasn't great at explaining it, which made sense since again he was eleven. He had to repeat himself a bunch of times and demonstrate repeatedly, but finally, after what felt like an hour, I crossed the fingers of my two hands, molded the chakra and…poof. The chakra drained out of me in a flash, half vanishing and leaving me light headed for just a second before it settled, and I found myself looking a familiar pair of eyes.
Staring into my own face was weird. It was a new face, actually. Like it WASN'T, because I remembered having it my whole life. But I also remembered having another one.
Kai was surprisingly good looking. Thin and pale and kind of waifish, though my intense training for the last month had sculpted that into lean muscle. But honestly, I was kind of a pretty boy. I didn't mind. I gave it a moment, and then dispelled the clone, blinking at the brief memory of looking back at myself from the face I'd just looked at.
My head spun a bit, not with pain but just a bit of cognitive dissonance until it all smoothed out. Naruto cheered. "That was awesome! You did it so quick! You must be a super strong shinobi, I can't wait to learn from you. Believe it!"
I decided not to point out how quick HE'D learned, because I knew he would discount it. But still, I had to admit I was proud. And more than that, this was going to be a gamechanger. I'd come here early before heading to meet Guy and team three. Which meant that Naruto probably didn't have plans for today.
Crossing my fingers again, I focused, and swayed slightly when my chakra was cut into thirds as two other me's appeared. "Alright kid. You definitely taught me something good. Let's see if I can't return the favor. I can't get you started on the fist yet, but there's an ability gramps taught me you might like." I gestured to one of the clones. "He's gonna teach it to you while me and the other one train. It's called 'all sight'." And while he learned that, my clone would start learning the Whirlwind Iron Cutting Fist. As for me…I was going to be doing something no clone would ever be able to survive. Conditioning with Might Guy. What fun.Last edited: Dec 10, 2025 Like ReplyReport Reactions:Hiroshima911, Nathanniel, Taylor Klatt and 1,134 othersMalcolm TentDec 10, 2025NewAdd bookmarkView discussionThreadmarks Chapter 9 New View contentMalcolm TentMonkey with a typewriter.Dec 12, 2025Add bookmark#549The next three months went by in a blur. Wake up, train, guard, repeat. Thanks to my clones, I was able to grind out the rest of the Whirlwind Iron Cutting Fist and start on the combinations. It would be a while until I got even the basic style down, nevermind the cross dragon slayer style. Still, I made a lot MORE progress working with Lee and Guy.
Namely, I had become fucking SHREDDED. Their absurd conditioning had gone so far beyond the basic improvement Bang had me make. I was a legitimate monster, and I was leaning to leverage that in combat in ways I never would have imagined.
Some of the stuff Bang had done in canon had seemed pretty much impossible based on what he showed me, but once Guy had started whipping me into shape…not so much.
Plus my third clone had been working with Naruto nonstop. Aside from teaching him Allsight and the Whirlwind Fist, I'd been using his clones to drill him on chakra control. Only as much as I COULD given how lacking mine was, but I didn't have the clones to spare to work on it…so I defaulted to the tried and tested method. I taught him tree walking.
More than that, once he learned to tree walk, I made him FIGHT the clone in the trees. Flowing Water Fist was the perfect martial art for clones, and with his taijutsu level, he had no chance of popping mine. He fell. A lot. Luckily he was sturdy, and we piled leaves at the base of the trees before we started. But still, he wasn't exactly thrilled to be tossed off a hundred foot conifer repeatedly for months on end. Or at least, I hadn't thought he would be.
Except he kind of was. Naruto was STARVED for attention. The kid spoke to like three people in the world. Kakashi made a bit of an effort, but not on an individual basis. Childhood Sakura was a vindictive harpy (she grew out of it, but I had no desire to interact with that screeching mess), Sasuke was an edgelord (I was probably going to have to derail things there, if possible, because that whole trainwreck had made the world objectively worse in so many ways), and aside from them, he really only got interaction from Hiruzen and the Ichirakus.
"Alright kid," I said as I pulled him from a pile of leaves. "That's a wrap. You lasted a while today. I think next time we're going to be able to start you on waterwalking. Kakashi is still having you do D-ranks, huh?"
He grimaced. "Yeah, it's really annoying," complained, flopping back into the leaves I'd JUST pulled him out of like a dramatic teenager. "What do I get out of painting fences and finding cats?"
"Experience," I said solemnly. "We all had to do D-ranks. They suck, but they're an important step for bridging the divide between shinobi and civilian. The villagers need to know you're there if they need you. Need to be willing to reach out and contact you for whatever they need. Shinobi are weapons. Tools of peace. If we aren't accessible to the villagers, they can forget that, and if the civilians turn against us, no one is happy."
He blew out an annoyed breath. "I know. You and Kakashi-sensei tell me that every time I ask. I still think you're just trying to make us do the same lame stuff you had to do cuz' revenge."
"That's a very interesting theory," I told him kindly. "But unless you prove it you still have to do what we say." Reasonably even if he DID prove it he'd still have to do what we said, but I didn't want to demoralize him. "But you're gonna need to get going soon. You have training with Kakashi and I have to get to a meeting with Guy and tea-" my voice froze as I spotted something out of the corner of my eye. Allsight came in clutch again.
I didn't even hesitate, I triggered body flicker, then whirled out into a circling motion with my flowing water footwork, drawing a kunai and and whipping it. The movement took advantage of my body's rotation and momentum and then used flowing water to impart ALL the force into the kunai, essentially turning the damned thing into a bullet.
Which might have been useful, if the person I'd launched it at had been a normal human being. As it was, the copy ninja leaned casually to one side, his body flicker making MY body flicker look like it was happening in slow motion.
The kunai hit the tree behind him, and there was a colossal bang as the center of the trunk was blown out like someone threw a baseball through a sheet of paper. Kakashi whistled as we both came back into regular time. "Ma, what a ferocious attack Mikado-kun. You should be more careful about flinging such dangerous strikes at fellow leaf shinobi."
My eyes were wide and my pulse was thundering because he was absolutely right. If that had been anyone BUT Kakashi, it would have vaporized their fucking head. I bowed deeply from the waist. "I'm sorry Kakashi-senpai. You surprised me. I'm not used to being snuck up on, but that's no excuse. I'll do better in the future."
I was on edge. Not because of him, really, but because I was cutting it REAL close with Guy's training. My plans for surviving the Chunin exams required preparation, and that prep couldn't begin until I had the eight gates technique to trade. But Guy wasn't the type to rush. He trusted me, I was sure, but I didn't want to bring it up too soon and spook him. I'd been jumping at shadows waiting for the goddamned Wave mission to start, because the exact timespan before it happened in canon was VERY murky, and I'd let it make me twitchy.
He blinked at me in surprise. "No need to be so formal," he said with an eye smile. "Recognizing your mistake is good enough. Nobody was hurt, after all. I just thought I'd drop in to see what my cute little Genin was upto. I noticed him improving quickly as of late. He actually beat Sasuke in a spar the other day."
"Really?" I asked the blonde incredulously. "And you didn't mention it?"
He shrugged. "It wasn't that big of a deal. Once he gets his dumb eyes the Teme will just copy my taijutsu and use it to kick my ass."
"Yeah, they do that," I snickered. "But don't worry. The Sharingan can copy moves, but not familiarity. He could mimic you easy because you're new to the style. Once you've internalized it, he might be able to snag specific attacks and techniques, but he won't be able to integrate it into every movement like you."
"Insightful," Kakashi said mildly. "Not a lot of people understand the sharingan so well."
I shrugged. "I was in the academy with Itachi Uchiha. It was only for a year, but you can understand why he might've made an impression."
"I see," he said cryptically. "Yes, that does make sense. I thought I recognized you. Hana Inuzuka's old teammate. The gate guard. I hear you've been training with Guy lately. He's been very impressed. I think he used the word youth to refer to you at least eleven times last time we met up."
Snorting, I shook my head. "He's being subtle, I see. But jokes aside, I think he's mainly impressed at how far I've come with just taijutsu. My chakra capacity is high, but I have INCREDIBLY low levels of control. I've been working on it slowly, but for the most part taijutsu is all I can count on." I shrugged. "It's a hard thing to compensate for, but Guy's training has been helping a ton. I've never been so strong in my life."
"That sounds about right," told me with a laugh. "And I see you've been putting Naruto-kun through his paces too."
Another shrug. "He recovery is absurd. Made sense to put him through some conditioning while I was already training him. He's not Guy, or Lee, or even ME, but he's stronger than any of those other kids, I bet."
Because of fucking COURSE I had my demonically enhanced pseudo apprentice who was overflowing with life energy grinding workouts every time I saw him. He couldn't improve his physique through clones, but he could still IMPROVE it. Given his regen, it was absurd that Naruto WASN'T constantly working on conditioning.
"And you didn't think to ask his Jonin instructor before instituting this training program?" He said mildly, his gaze sharp.
Smiling sweetly, I just said. "I assumed if you had designs on training him properly you'd have started doing it yourself. Since you hadn't, I figured you might have assumed he'd pick up the slack on his own. I mean, I know why that's a bad plan, but to be fair, you weren't really a Genin even when you were a Genin. To be clear though, the kid needed help. Genin aren't ANBU. They don't just go intuit the technical skills that you take for granted." By the time I got to the end of that, I might have been glaring a bit, mostly because I was DEEPLY frustrated with experiencing Kakashi's brand of laissez-faire teaching first hand.
He blinked at me. "That's…huh." His brow furrowed. "I haven't been…or perhaps I have. I've been focusing on teamwork drills to the exclusion of all else, haven't I. Is he really that far behind?"
"Considering the half assed education they gave him at the academy?" I said mildly. "I'm surprised he can even mold chakra. If he didn't have access to a nearly unlimited number of shadow clones, I never would have got him caught up. Which is why next time you do a Genin test, maybe you should try TESTING your fucking Genin! Those tests aren't so they can prove to YOU that they're worth teaching, they're so you can assess THEM so you know how much they need to learn." I admit, I was yelling by this point, because Kakashi was a fucking veteran ninja and this sloppy bullshit just wasn't going to fly.
He stared at me coldly for a moment or two. "You've got a lot of guts talking to me like that." His voice was low and dangerous, like the whisper of a kunai across silk. "Do you know what I could do to you for that kind of insubordination?"
"Kill me?" I said casually. "Because you could definitely do that. You're the copy ninja after all. But I don't think you will. It's not your style. Especially since you know I'm right. You're a fantastic ninja, but you're not doing these kids justice as a sensei. Being good at doing doesn't mean being good at teaching. And I care about Naruto too much to watch you screw up his training because you don't want to share your Genin!"
That made him blink in surprise. "I didn't come here to make you stop teaching him," he chuckled dryly. "I just wanted to see who my Genin was learning from. I was GOING to tell you good job and apply for mission pay on your behalf, at least until you started yelling at me." I froze, my mouth dropping open. "Now though? Now I'm mad. So I AM going to punish you. Not with death though, with something MUCH worse."
The blood drained from my face as I tried to predict his next move. Was he going to use a thousand years of death? Put me in a genjutsu? "H-hey, Kakashi-sensei, I think you're taking things a little far, yeah?" Naruto stammered. "Kai-sensei didn't mean to run his mouth, he's just dumb like that sometimes."
"Sorry Naruto," Kakashi said vindictively. "But I'm afraid he has to take responsibility for his actions. He mouthed off to a superior officer. Kai Mikado, under my authority as a Jonin Shinobi of the Village Hidden in the Leaves, effective immediately I declare that you are to be…reassigned. To act as the Chunin assistant to the Jonin-sensei of Team Seven." He shot me a beaming eye smile. "Welcome to the team Mikado-kun." Wait…what? Like ReplyReport Reactions:Hiroshima911, Nathanniel, Taylor Klatt and 1,139 othersMalcolm TentDec 12, 2025NewAdd bookmarkView discussionThreadmarks Chapter 10 New View contentMalcolm TentMonkey with a typewriter.Dec 16, 2025Add bookmark#689"So, THIS," Kakashi said with far too much relish. "Is Kai Mikado. He's volunteered to be my Chunin assistant. Kai, it seems, is an EXPERT at training cute little Genin. He's been teaching Naruto for a few months now."
Sasuke snorted. "Just because he can teach the Dobe a thing or two, doesn't mean he has what it takes to train me."
"I'm sorry," I told him in a faux puzzled voice. "I didn't get your name. You're that kid who lost to Naruto in a spar right? Do you have a name Loser-kun? Or should I just call you loser? Because I can call you loser if you want, loser. You know, because you lost. To Naruto. Who is the dead last of your whole academy class."
Sasuke stiffened. "My NAME," he hissed. "Is Sasuke Uchiha."
"Wait," I gasped, eyes widening dramatically. "You're an UCHIHA? Like…THOSE Uchiha's?" His expression was somewhere between a sneer and smugness, but it dropped as I kept going. "Like you're related to Fuyumi Uchiha, who owns the cupcake bakery on the south side of town?"
His jaw dropped. "I…what? I'm not-" he paused. "Wait, actually I AM related to her. But only by marriage." At the confused looks from the others, he shrugged. "Her husband was an Uchiha, but he died before the massacre and she'd already moved out of the compound before the rest of the clan was killed. My mom used to take me to that bakery. She really loved those cupcakes."
"That sounds like a lovely memory, Sasuke-kun," I told him cheerfully. "I'm honored you chose to share it with me."
He blinked owlishly. The shift from confrontational mockery to polite cheer was confusing and disarming, which had kind of been the point. I turned to the third team member. "And you, miss? What should I call you?"
"Sakura Haruno," she said, straightening up. "I was the top kunoichi of my academy class."
I nodded nonchalantly. "How's that been working out for you?" I asked her bluntly. "Think the top spot has helped you much since graduation? Maybe you announced it loudly to an enemy shinobi and he froze up out of fear?"
She flinched at that, her eyes downcast. But I wasn't trying to bully her. "Good. That's the right attitude. Past accomplishments are in the past. It's fine to celebrate your victories, but when your past defines you, it comes at the cost of the present, and endangers your future. Don't focus on the past, or on what comes next. Focus on the present. A good shogi player thinks ten moves ahead. A great shogi player thinks one move ahead, but it's always the right move."
I was infinitely prepared for this. These kids might be disaffected child soldiers, but they WERE kids. They wanted recognition, approval, and guidance. I had a firm foundation in teaching, not just from instructing Naruto, but from having one of the best martial arts masters in several worlds personally instructing me for half a year. Bang had taught me what a good teacher could do, and despite the plot mugging me in a dark alley because I got in it's way, I was determined to do right by team seven.
Kakashi clapped his hands excitedly. "Lovely," he said with enthusiasm. " I think we're all making real progress. I can't wait to see what Kai-sensei has to teach you all. Since it's his first day, I'll be letting him take point. If you need me I'll be in that tree."
He vanished in a swirl of leaves, and sure enough, the tree he indicated rustled slightly before going still.
I rolled my eyes. "Thank you, Kakashi-senpai," I said dryly. "But sure, I'd love to teach you all. Of course, in order to do that I need to see where we stand. So we're going to be sticking with the tried and true first step in any teacher student relationship. A test."
They all groaned, and I snickered at their irritation. "Don't worry, I'm not Kakashi-senpai. My test is a bit more active than his. And much more straightforward. You're all going to show me how much that vaunted team seven teamwork can do after months of work. You're all going to fight me head on."
Sasuke perked up at that, and I walked out to the middle of the clearing. I wasn't expecting this to go well for them. Team three hadn't been able to beat me, albeit they hadn't gone all out. Still, team seven weren't on their level.
Sure enough, they didn't even have the common sense to spread out and try to limit my field of view. They formed a loose wedge shape in front of me. I waited, then finally nodded and they moved. Naruto came in head on, as usual. He wasn't reckless, he knew what I could do, but he moved quick and decisive.
His hands lashed out at me, and there was a puff of smoke as a log replaced me and was shredded by his whirlwind fist. From my new position behind him, I slid across the ground towards Sasuke, hands lashing out. His eyes widened at my speed, and he body flickered back his hands moving into a tiger seal. I knew exactly what that hand seal meant from him. "Water stream encampment," I said lazily, my hands flowing into a shield that formed a dome around my body.
Sasuke released his jutsu, a fireball the size of a small car. The fireball hit, and to his complete surprise, it SPLIT across the shield, diverting around it like a pebble in a stream. Behind me, I heard shrieks as the flames washed over the other Genin.
Snarling, the Uchiha heir drew a huge fuma shuriken, hurling it at me head on.
Snorting, I slid under it, hooking it with my hand and redirecting it around me towards Naruto, who shouted in surprise and conjured a clone to take it.
"Alright, stop," I called abruptly. "This is going nowhere. I've seen enough. Front and center, you three." I pointed to the burnt space in front of my water stream encampment. "Now, which of you can tell me what you already did wrong?"
Naruto, more used to this kind of back and forth from a teacher from our earlier lessons, groaned. "I should have checked in with my teammates. There's no point in having a team if I don't use them." I raised an eyebrow at that, gesturing for him to continue. "And…" he frowned. "I should have used clones. This was a test, not a sparring match. I was supposed to take it seriously."
"Well said," I told him with a grin. "Sasuke, how about you? What do you think you could have done differently."
He snorted. "Had stronger teammates." I raised my eyebrow again but he just raised his chin stubbornly at me. After a straight minute of staring him down, he slumped. "And I guess…I should have considered who was behind you when I was using such a wide range jutsu. In case you dodged."
I nodded, then turned to Sakura. She opened her mouth, but I held up a hand. "I don't need to hear what you think you did wrong, Sakura. I'd like to hear what you think you did right?"
Her mouth closed. Then opened again before closing with a snap. She swallowed hard. "I…um…stayed out of Sasuke-kun's way?" she tried weakly, though I could tell from her statement that she didn't believe it.
"Trick question," I told her gently. "You did nothing right." She flinched, and Naruto puffed up, glaring at me. Even Sasuke looked a little unhappy, but I held up my hands to cut them off. "I'm not being cruel. That's a fact. Sakura, you were the top academy kunoichi, right?" She nodded slowly. "Well, you're still at about that level. You don't have enough chakra to be a threat with Ninjutsu, haven't trained enough to be a threat with Genjutsu, and you aren't strong enough to be a threat with taijutsu."
Every word seemed to smash into her like a cannonball of shame, and by the time I finished talking, she looked like she was about to cry. "But that's fine." I reassured her. She looked up at me in confusion, and at least a bit of hope. "Sakura, why are you here?"
"To become a stronger ninja," she said shakily. "To train to be better."
"Exactly," I told her with a nod. "So why don't I see any evidence that you've DONE that? You are, at this moment, three months after graduating, at high academy level in almost every category of skill. But that's the same level you were at before. Why?"
"Kakashi-sensei-" she started defensively.
I cut her off ruthlessly. "Isn't you. I've had words with Kakashi-senpai about his teaching style. I agree that he hasn't been living up to his potential as a teacher, that's why I'm here. But similarly, YOU have not been living up to your potential as a student. Naruto has been training with me for months. I can tell from the wear on his clothes that Sasuke trains constantly. Both of them are significantly beyond academy level. Kakashi-senpai didn't train them, so they went out and found ways to grow. Did you?"
She was shaking now. I'd never liked Sakura much in the show. She was loud and rude and useless. But this wasn't an anime character. This was a little girl whose teacher was tearing into her for essentially being a failure, and I was sick seeing how devastated she was.
"N-no," she whispered through welling tears.
"Well, we'll just have to fix that then," I said kindly. "You should have taken the initiative, yes, but you HAVE teachers to show you how to grow. And that's what I'm going to do." She perked up at that. "What you need to do is pick an area of focus. Your ninjutsu is out, you don't have the chakra capacity. But you can train taijutsu and genjutsu both. I WILL be putting you all through conditioning regardless of your choice, so be ready, but beyond that you need to pick a direction for YOURSELF."
She bit her lip. "I don't know much about genjutsu. Can you teach me?"
"Unfortunately not," I admitted. "But Kakashi-senpai can. He's an expert. Alternatively Kurenai Yuuhi of Team Eight is a genjutsu mistress. I could ask her to give you some pointers. Your chakra control is excellent from what Naruto tells me, and you could be a devastating combatant with the aid of a few strong genjutsu.
"Or there's iryojutsu," I continued. "Medical ninjutsu. Every good team needs a medic, and chakra control is key. Personally though, I would recommend you do both. Healers are vulnerable, and being able to hide yourself while treating allies is an invaluable skill."
She nodded quickly. "I can do that!" she cheered, her fist pumping in the air. "I can learn to heal and do genjutsu."
"I believe you," I told her supportively. "But until you DO…" I reached up and slipped my jacket off before unclipping an unobtrusive band from around my waist. I tossed it aside and there was a crash as the heavy weights smashed into the ground, creating a small crater. I grinned at her. "Conditioning," I told all three of them. "Let's get going."
Leaning down, I pushed up onto my hands and set off at a brisk handstand walk towards the edge of the clearing. I stopped about ten feet out when I realized they weren't following. "To clarify, anyone who isn't within a mile of me when I finish, and lapping doesn't count, will do double training tomorrow." I heard yelps, and then the three of them dragged themselves out of the forest, barely able to stay upright.
I couldn't help but laugh at the kids fumbling and almost falling over. I had a long way to go but…maybe Kakashi wasn't such a dick for this after all. This might actually be fun.
AN:// For anyone wondering, the new summon is coming up in a few chapters, and as of the advance chapters the Wave mission just diverged hard lol. I don't follow canon rails in any of my stories, so for anyone asking, no, that isn't happening. However, the MC just arrived, and hasn't done much related to the main plot, so not much has changed from his presence yet. The butterflies are butterflying now though, and the changes are coming lol.Last edited: Jan 11, 2026 Like ReplyReport Reactions:Hiroshima911, Taylor Klatt, Tsureai and 1,136 othersMalcolm TentDec 16, 2025NewAdd bookmarkView discussionThreadmarks Chapter 11 New View contentMalcolm TentMonkey with a typewriter.Dec 18, 2025Add bookmark#779Team eight. Sensei: Kurenai Yuuhi. The current target of my outing today. Not in a romantic sense, but because I had a request to make of her on behalf of my student. I checked around town looking for her, and was pointed in the direction of training ground seven. So, since I was on my own for the day (I may or may not have started sending my a clone to guard duty), I decided to go looking for the mistress of illusion.
What I found was…a bit of a shock. In the show, Kurenai was always measured, serene, and coldly efficient. She was a reasonably warm person to her students, but she wasn't really…approachable. Which was why her current predicament was so surprising.
"I told you to watch where you were going, Kiba," she scolded gently as she pried what looked like organic needles from the wincing Genin. "Just because you're in a hurry, doesn't mean you can ignore what's happening around you. You're a shinobi now, and you're responsible for more than just yourself. Now, what should you have done before rushing into the bush?"
"Asked Hinata to scout ahead," he responded sulkily.
She rolled her eyes. "Or stopped to pay attention yourself. This team is an elite scouting unit in the making, Kiba. Your enhanced senses are your greatest asset. As a genjutsu user, I'm the best possible sensei to help you take advantage of those senses, but the best sense of smell or hearing in the world won't help you if you don't USE it." She pulled another needle free, then patted him on the shoulder. "Alright, you're done. Now send Akamaru over."
"Did you get fleas again, kid?" I asked lazily as Kiba stood up. "You know Hana has some shampoo for that."
He froze, then spun and glared at me. "Kai you bastard! What are you doin' here?"
"I got my hands on a shock collar, I thought your poor sensei might need it," I grinned. "But it seems like she's keeping you in line just fine." Turning to her, I smiled apologetically. "Sorry, me and the brat go way back, his sister and I were on a Genin team together. Hope I'm not distracting from your lesson."
She chuckled warmly. "Not at all. Or rather, sometimes a distraction isn't such a bad thing. You must be Kakashi's new kouhai. Is it true you told him off for being a terrible teacher?"
"You bet," I said sardonically. "Because I'm always smarter than everyone else. Even myself."
That got another laugh, though it didn't interrupt her skilled probing of Akamaru's coat as he sidled up next to her.
Kurenai was…stunning. Like she's hot in the show, sure, but seeing her in person was different. Intoxicating. Her lips were full and drew my gaze, her body an extremely alluring mix of curve and toned muscle, and that bandage wrap dress didn't exactly hang like a potato sack. But the kicker was her eyes.
Those red, red eyes. I'd heard jokes that she was related to the Uchiha because of those eyes. That she had a sort of half assed Sharingan. But I'd seen Kakashi's Sharingan during training yesterday, just for a second, and the two were night and day.
The Sharingan was BRIGHT red. Like a fire truck or a cooked lobster. Kurenai though, her eyes were dark and deep. Like red wine from a bottle you're not supposed to be drinking.
Luckily, I didn't have to ACTUALLY stare at her to take in the view. I was watching her tend to Akamaru, but I was able to pick up all the details with my enhanced perception. Allsight once again coming in clutch as my favorite skill, thanks Master.
"So, did you come here to make fun of Kiba?" she asked wryly. "Or were you hoping to tell me off next? Going on a tour of the village, critiquing all the Jonin-sensei?"
I laughed. "Not at all. I think I've done enough of that for a lifetime. I'm lucky Kakashi is too lazy to put me through a wall. I actually came to talk to you about one of my students. Sakura Haruno?"
She raised a perfectly sculpted brow at me. I tried not to flush at the intense gaze of the world's most elegant ninja supermodel. Dear gods she was pretty. Wait, did she have me under genjutsu? No, there would be literally no point. This was all natural somehow. The woman could teach fucking classes…and probably did, actually. How to turn men into gibbering idiots in one eyebrow raise or less.
"I'm sure you've noticed I have my own disciples," she said apologetically. "I can't really afford to take on another student."
"What if we traded?" I nodded to her Genin. "Kiba could use some toughening up, and I train with Hinata's cousin sometimes, so I know how to handle her taijutsu. I don't know much about Shino, but I'd be happy to have him around. The more helpers I can find for my brats the more fun it'll be to see the looks on their face when I bea- I mean, responsibly educate them on the fundamentals of unarmed combat."
That got a genuine smile. "I suppose if Kakashi is letting you train those kids you must have something going for you." Her eyes raked over my admittedly MUCH more shredded form. "You're certainly in admirable shape."
"Thanks," I told her cheerfully. "It was miserable and I absolutely would NOT do it again. I WOULD, however, force YOUR kids to do it. You know, out of spite."
Her laugh this time was silvery. "You're funnier than I expected Mikado-kun. Very well. We can try an exchange. But just once. If it doesn't work, then I'm afraid I can't waste the time giving you a second chance."
"Don't worry," I winked. "I make a good first impression."
She rolled her eyes at that, but I saw those full pink lips quirk up at the edges. "Ugh. Don't be gross, Kai. I can smell your urge to mate from here." Kiba's face was curled into a grimace. "I'm totally telling Hana."
"If you feel the need to tell your sister every time I find a woman attractive, you're going to be busy," I said shamelessly. "We live in a ninja village. Everyone is in incredible shape and most of them come from clans that have been selecting for the prettiest spouses around for generations." I shot Kurenai a teasing but apologetic look. "Sorry if Kiba just let out the big secret, but you're a beautiful woman."
She seemed surprised I hadn't broken down or stammered at his challenge, and I saw a spark of interest in her eyes. "I know," she acknowledged. "But most men don't have the nerve to say it to my face the first time we meet."
"I thought we'd already established that I'm too dumb to know how to talk to powerful ninja," I laughed. "Apparently I put my foot in my mouth around beautiful kunoichi too."
"You're not doing so bad," she said with a slow smile. "We'll see you tomorrow for our joint lesson. I'm sure you have all sorts of entertaining exercises for Kiba to try. Not that you would ever stoop so low as to get revenge on a child."
Kiba's eyes widened. "Wait…what? Kai? Kai, she's joking right? You wouldn't beat me up because I tried to play a joke on you, right?"
I walked over to him, smiling kindly down at him as I placed my hand on his shoulder. "Kiba, of course not. I would NEVER do that. I'm going to beat you up for education. I'm going to ENJOY it because you tried to play a joke on me."
His eyes widened in panic, but I just winked at Kurenai. "I'll see you tomorrow Kurenai-sensei, I look forward to our next meeting."
She smiled back, and I turned and strode away, ignoring Kiba's increasingly desperate cries for mercy. But not because he'd tried to play a joke on me. This just happened to be my teaching style. Honest.
As I stepped out of the training ground, I froze, eyes narrowing as I scanned the trees. "You know," I said dryly. "It's creepy to follow people who work for you. I mean, it's also creepy to follow people who DON'T work for you, but this adds shades of 'hostile work environment' that I think you'd rather avoid."
There was a swirl of leaves, and Kakashi appeared next to me, facing the same direction. I resumed my walk and he tagged alone. "Hitting on Kurenai," he said with a chuckle. "You've got balls, kid. I mean, I knew that after you told me off, but trying to bag the ice queen? I'm almost impressed. You know she has a thing with Asuma, right?"
I shrugged. "Way I hear it, he kind of just dances around her. Besides, I didn't see no ring. If she tells me to back off I will, if not I'd be stupid to miss a chance with her. Surprised you haven't taken a shot, honestly."
"She's close with Anko," he admitted. "We're…complicated. It'd be a mess, and I like Asuma well enough anyway. Not worth the hassle."
"Should have known the guy in the full time face mask was a masochist," I snorted. "How many times has she bitten you during sex? Because if the answer is zero I'll buy you lunch for a year at Ichiraku."
He snorted at that. "A gentleman never kisses and tells. Especially when the number is too high for him to remember."
"You're a wild guy, Kakashi," I laughed. "So, did you get what you needed following me? I'm sure you're just looking out for the kids, but I'd like to know if I'm going to have an audience next time I'm chatting up a beautiful woman."
He shrugged. "I mean, obviously I can't know you're on the up and up just from following you once. But I didn't see anything too suspicious. Except your use of a certain forbidden jutsu. But then again, I'm not the one you have to convince. See, I'm not JUST here to follow you. I'm also here to give you a summons."
I was a testament to my nonsense that it took a minute to realize what he meant. Of course, after I DID my heart all but stopped. "Ah. You mean…"
"You're in close proximity to two of the village's biggest assets." He said bluntly. "I transferred you because you seem like you can do a lot of good for those kids in ways I didn't consider. Doesn't mean you still didn't need to be vetted, and now that you've passed, Lord Third is interested in meeting you in person."
My blood ran cold. Hiruzen was…complicated. I mean I respected what he was capable of, and even a lot of what he'd done. Yes, he'd fucked Naruto over, but realistically, once Danzo leaked his identity there was no good way to handle it. If he'd taken Naruto in personally Minato's enemies would have found and murdered the kid, and that was WITHOUT them knowing he was a jinchuuriki.
But despite that…he was fucking terrifying. I didn't want to be in his PRESENCE at all. Not even given I was planning to save his life if possible during the Konoha Crush. That old man was scary smart, and VERY ruthless when he needed to be.
He was also my boss, so I smiled and said. "Of course, I'd be honored to come meet the Hokage." Judging by his eye smile, Kakashi knew I wasn't excited about it, and was relishing in my misfortune. We turned and headed for Hokage tower. "Also, if I meet Anko, I'm telling her you admitted you'd have totally tried to fuck Kurenai if they weren't friends." He froze, and now it was HIS turn to look horrified. I stepped out into my flowing water footwork with my body flicker active and sped off towards the Hokage tower, ignoring Kakashi's outraged shouts as he chased after me. Worth it.Last