Doyoung was always full of energy, whether that be three hours into a social gathering, at the end of a sport's tournament, running on no sleep or even after an exam, he would always be, as some may put it, shining.
So for those who weren't with him much, they would never see or maybe even think that a quieter and more serious side of him existed.
Even Minju who had known him since middle school found his alter ego fascinating, and almost funny.
Sat on the cafeteria chair, it wasn't a smile that was plastered on his face but rather stress and confusion. The research paper that was due in a few hours sat on his screen, having no more than three sentences typed against the white background.
The girl that'd been observing him for a while as he switched between tabs and jotted down references in the wrong format was lightly tapping her fingers against the table, waiting for him to break concentration without knowing how long it would take.
Whenever Doyoung was like this, close to nothing could break his focus. One time he had even 'finished' a paper when the power in his house had gone out. When in reality his laptop had died mid-way through too and he just kept typing on a dark screen, relying on his memories for research tabs that he couldn't open.
Minju knew even if she said something right now, he wouldn't be listening but decided to ask anyway, probably just to entertain herself.
"Why'd you turn her down?"
She turned her body sideways, almost as if ready to answer for him but quickly paused and sat upright as she made eye contact with her brother.
"What are you doing..?"
"Nothing."
"Are you talking to yourself?"
"No.. Technically I couldn't because you interrupted me," she mumbled.
Jumin who was still looking at her with a bewildered expression muttered a 'whatever' as he set his bag down. Noticing Doyoung's calmness, this would normally be where he started teasing him and trying every possible way to get his attention but today he didn't seem to have the energy to do so.
Realising how off it was for the both of them to be so quiet, Minju casually exposed her brother. "I heard you got her number."
"Who?" Jumin asked absentmindedly.
"The girl from the group date, who else?"
"Ah right, yeah."
Suddenly, the fingers that had been typing nonstop on the sleek black laptop froze in mid-air and Doyoung looked up from the screen. His eyes were laser sharp, now directed at Jumin as if saying he had his full attention right now.
He spoke uncharacteristically soft and quietly. "You got her number?"
Jumin nodded.
"Why?"
His lips parted, about to answer but nothing came out. Even though he knew someone may ask, he just didn't think it'd be Doyoung and he didn't think it would be this soon. A sharp pain rose through his chest as he took a deep breath.
"Why are you asking that?" Minju slapped Doyoung's arm lightly as she noticed Jumin's discomfort. "It's obviously so they can get to know each other."
But Doyoung rambled on, just like before, nothing was getting through to him. "You hardly spoke the entire night so why would you exchange numbers? What would you have to talk about if you couldn't find anything in common then? You're not going to date anyway so don't give her false hope like—"
He paused as he saw a pained look on Jumin's face. Now it was Doyoung who felt the pain in his chest.
"Sorry." Doyoung muttered as he packed up his laptop. The cafeteria was as noisy as ever yet he couldn't hear a single thing as he left in a hurry.
-
"Seeing the facts are similar to the case we discussed yesterday, normally this would be a binding precedent but if we see here, the victim wasn't present until after..."
Nari felt the professor's voice fade out as something else caught her attention.
Younghee looked at her in surprise as she grabbed her hand out of nowhere.
"Why are you wearing a couple's ring?"
"Ah that, Mina gave it to me. Something about matching or something. Oh, that reminds me," Younghee reached for her bag and retrieved a small box. "Here."
Inside the velvet box was a fluffy brown bear bag charm with a small blue scarf that matched Nari's eyes.
"What's this for?"
"It's a bribe."
"A bribe?"
"Stop hanging out with that Sooah girl."
Nari blinked, taken aback yet not so surprised. She chuckled as she leaned her head on the table, looking at Younghee from an angle with a grin. "Fine, then you have to do something too."
"What is it?"
She was about to say something but after a moment pressed her lips together then shook her head, "no, it's nothing."
Most of their classes were over for the semester and for Younghee, that criminal law lecture was the last class she had. Of course, had Nari not signed up for a language class, she would've been free to leave too.
Ugh.. why did I sign up for mandarin again..
She glanced over at Younghee then groaned at her own thought.
It was for you yet you can't even remember.
Since Younghee was unoccupied for the rest of the day, it wasn't hard to convince her to walk Nari to her class, rather, it may have been much easier than it should've been. Normally, Nari would've been happy with how quickly she agreed but something about her response felt off.
She brushed off the strange feeling and gave her a small wave from inside the classroom as her peers started taking their seats.
"You have weird taste."
At first, though the voice sounded familiar, Younghee didn't think it was directed her but as she turned around, it became obvious it was. She had long forgotten Minju was in the same class, but she was more distracted by what she had just said. "What do you mean?"
"Why do you always date people you barely know? Be it then and now, you always date strangers when you know there are people who actually like you."
Younghee was about to ask her how she knew about Mina but quickly realised people knowing made total sense, that was the whole purpose behind them going out anyway. Still, it had barely been a few days since they started seeing each other.
The fashion department's scary when it comes to spreading gossip.
"It's just easier this way."
"It's a bit unfair though, on... Never mind."
The last bit has remained in Younghee's mind as she stood by the classroom. No matter how much she thought about it, she couldn't make sense of what Minju was trying to say.
Unfair?
On who?
If you're bound to breakup anyway, then isn't it better to date someone who isn't attached?
Through the small opening in the door, she saw an empty seat in the lecture hall. The class was small so that definitely wasn't the only one but it was because that was where she had always looked that her eyes were drawn to it instinctively.
It was the place where the person she'd usually wait for sat, and maybe her absence hadn't dawned on her much yet but today, it felt more overwhelming than ever.
It was during times like this where Younghee thought she was free - though in reality, that feeling wasn't freedom, it was simply desperation to flee reality. To bury herself in a fantasy where she wouldn't need her to survive. An always short-lived fantasy.
But before that realisation could sink in, the sound of the bell echoed in the hallway and the crowd of students that followed shortly after pushed past her. It was only then she noticed she'd been stood in the same spot for an hour. Something so unlike her that even she couldn't explain why.
I was supposed to go over the slides from the last seminar.. fuck, what the hell am I doing?
She was becoming increasingly frustrated because today wasn't the only time she had zoned out for hours on end, thinking about nothing, and it was starting to affect her studies. Fortunately, the law department held their end of term exams earlier than all the others so this wouldn't affect her grade this semester but who knows how long this will go on for?
Even if I manage to keep up with the rest of the reading, that alone won't be enough for the January exams.
She sighed, trying to gather her thoughts as a short buzz came from her phone. All her efforts to do that however went in vain as she looked at the text message.
Ah seriously, what is going on?
Brother: I'll be back Friday. Come home for a few days then.
"Like hell I will," she mumbled.
"Will what?" Nari asked, waving bye to Minju who was hurrying off with the student council committee.
"Nothing. Have you got any plans for winter break?"
"Not really but I'm going back to England."
"When?"
"Probably on the last day of term, why?"
"Nothing." Younghee sighed.
She didn't know when Ari was going to be back and with Nari gone so soon, it was going to be harder to avoid going back if she didn't have an excuse.
-
The door to Nari's apartment was shut just as quickly as it opened with a loud thud. At the same time, Nari felt her legs give away as her back was pushed against the door. The hand that was caressing her body was smooth but cold and rough with it's touch, making her flinch at even the slightest movement.
"Mm! Ha... hands..."
"Hm?"
"It's too cold.."
Younghee chuckled in a low voice. Her hands moved up, ignoring the silent protest that came in small whines. She lifted Nari's shirt and held it up to her mouth, smirking as she bit down.
"Then is this better?"
"Mm? Mmm!" Nari jolted as she felt a wet and warm touch against her chest. Her shirt wasn't enough to entirely cover the view as she could still see the mischievous grin on Younghee's face.
The teasing continued as she felt a leg push deeper into her inner-thighs, coming closer and closer until the arousal was starting to break her mind and she lost her grip on the piece of clothing.
"Ha..."
Just as Nari felt her vision start to cloud, Younghee sat up, seemingly smiling at how out of breath she already was. Nari wrapped her legs around her, trapping them in a tight space before Younghee could back away.
"Why—"
"Do you still feel guilty?"
Her heart that had been beating rapidly was now doing so for an entirely different reason. She had forgotten what always followed doing this. The guilt that eats her alive for days and the avoidance of whoever Younghee was dating at the time. Although that feeling was never strong enough to stop her from repeating the same mistake, sometimes she wished it was.
At least then, Nari would be able to fear her own decision.
But is it so bad when you were mine first anyway?
-
Feeling the morning sun on her face, Younghee rolled onto her sides. She slowly opened her eyes as her hands felt the empty mattress besides her and sat up.
"Why are you up so early?"
Nari looked at her through the mirror, buttoning her blouse as she spoke. "Doyoung wanted some textbooks so I thought I'd give them to him before going to class."
"Is that so?"
It was clear Younghee was uninterested as she lied back down, though something else seemed to be bothering her.
"So what's your answer?"
Nari paused as she grabbed her bag. "To what?"
"To what I asked yesterday," Younghee rested her chin in her hand, her arm propped up against the bed as she stared at Nari. "Do you still feel guilty?"
"Yes."
Nari's response came almost immediately with no hesitation but that wasn't what shocked Younghee, rather, it was how indifferent she looked despite her answer.
"I see. Well, you don't need to."
Before Nari could ask what she meant, Younghee had already pulled the blanket over her face and stuck a hand out, waving her goodbye.
"Have fun, be back for lunch."