He gave a bitter smile and said in a forcedly relaxed tone, "You see, I'm just such a despicable person. I fear your disgust, fear that my wife won't want me. Even knowing that bringing this up will make you sad, I still did so. Such a selfish person as I am really isn't very good."
He maliciously disparaged himself, using an indifferent tone to cover up the confusion in his heart. He had a scale in his heart, on one side, there was continuing to hide the truth, which would gradually exhaust her patience with him. Once that patience was used up, he would probably be finished. On the other side of the scale, there was honesty, letting her see just how vile he could be, which was undoubtedly risky.
