The pain feels hot. I think I can describe it like that. It feels different from what the bullet has left on my thigh. It doesn't feel like hot iron branding, but as the buzzing of the device fades, I do feel like some heat is swimming there, along with the pain that has grown to a ceiling-like threshold.
"Done. Here, take a look."
I look over my left shoulder to look into the mirror Cece is holding up behind my shoulder after placing her work tool down. I see the reflection of the patch of bruised skin, with, tattooed in the middle, the closed, bright colored lotus flower in the midst of blooming as it sheds a petal at the bottom and that looks about to drift away. It spreads while resting on the patch of deep darkness where it might have connected with the stem.
"So, is that you rising above the filth? It is beautiful, like you."
I smile at the compliment, and wince slightly. But I refrain from raising my hands to my newly pierced ears. I look into the mirror in front and see the white dressing around my wounded ear lobes.
While still sitting with my chest against the backrest of the turned chair, I watch Cece put down the small mirror and take out gauze to cover the new element on my skin. After she is done, I stand up, and wear my jacket over my sleeveless crop top again, zipping it only to the bottom of my top this time, around the middle of my abdomen.
I turn to look at the big woman.
"Thanks for the compliment, Cece. You have done a good job bringing what I want to life."
"Hehe, as you say, it is my job."
Taking her gloves off after laughing, she continues:
"Make sure to take care of yourself before you heal. Don't do strenuous exercises and don't try to soak in water, but I don't think I need to emphasize the last part."
She points at my bandaged thigh, at the last part. I look down with a smile, unbothered. That attitude get Cece's smile to widen, as she continues:
"Don't scratch it and wear breathable clothes. If you have any questions after you leave, you can call me, or look it up on the web."
"I will. Then, see you later."
She nods, and I nod to the other two in the shop, before I open the door to step into the coldness of the evening again. If not for the road and the traffic… Scratch that, if it was not in the city, I would have called the air fresh.
I stop my act of taking a deep breath. I only breathe lightly, taking in the lingering cold to fight back the new pain from three parts of my body. I take another path to walk home, but still do not walk by the road. At the same time, I follow the thoughts floating around to avoid paths devoid of people.
Keeping my hands in my pockets, I calmly look around as I go. At some point, I pause. My winding path has taken me to the park closest to home. It is there that I have spent a while getting used to a noisy world, while at the same time trying to step into it consciously. That was months ago, after returning from the beach with Liz.
I take a turn to walk among the trees and the vegetation. Since it is not that late, the park has plenty of activities going on, whether in groups, in couples, or solo.
The liveliness is somewhat reassuring. It is in those times, when most are simply looking for quiet or are feeling joy from companionship that the noise around is lighter, less dark, less filthy, but only less, not totally free of it.
'Heh, she will be alone soon.'
I take a deep breath, and don't even try to find the source of that thought. The incident at the hospital has made me decide to remain above the darkness like that of an abyss that seems to be the essence of the world, but that hasn't made me decide to be the light either. That would be too tiring, especially for my weak and still helpless self.
The image of Liz, bloodied and in pain on the floor, that has been haunting me comes to my mind, and I look forward to keep walking, my expression unchanged.
Stepping out from under the trees, I orient myself, and take the path home, this time, without avoiding the road. It doesn't take long to arrive before the door I have closed some hour or two ago, and I unlock it to go inside, to the warmth of home.
Liz is not on the ground floor. I pass by my room, have a quick wash while being careful of all the sensitive parts on my body. They seem like badges for the new year.
I let out a laugh that is almost amused, before I find something comfortable to wear, dry my hair, and go to Liz's room after picking up the book I will read after finishing the one I have left in her room.
When I go there, I find her with glasses on her nose, and she is reading one of those thick books of medicine we have at home. I recognize that one as a book on neurology that we have taken out of mom and dad's room. While she has taken mom's book on medical science, I have taken dad's book on informatics and engineering.
The memory pulls my mood down for a bit. The room we had been avoiding, we have finally gone through it more thoroughly after coming back home.
All the memories, the personal belongings, the significant or even insignificant things, that have dredged up our grief that has melted into the background of our lives over the months that have passed.
I take a light breath, and push the memory of that quiet day aside, before going to lie down on the side of the bed that has become mine. That thought makes me smile, before I interrupt Liz's reading after a while when she still doesn't leave her focused stated:
"Sis, you made a promise."