"Hm?"
I turn in surprise, and see sadness, worry, and apology in Liz's eyes. I pause, then react, a beat slower than I should have actually. But even though I did nothing, I have been getting used to having others' thoughts coming to me on their own, and my head can be said to be stuffed all the time, so I don't react immediately. But then I get it, and I understand.
I open my mouth, but the words get stuck in my throat. I remember the accident with dad and mom. I admit that I felt anxious at first. Proof is, I couldn't have ridden the taxi to go to the airport without her that day when we were going to the sea to spread the ashes. Actually, if I have not been in such a dazed state of muddlehead grief after leaving the hospital and holding the funeral, I don't think I could have even ridden in a car. We might have had to walk back the kilometers separating the hospital from home.
However, the warmth and affection we shared after that really healed me. They melted the lump that had been suffocating me, and gave me a harbor to anchor myself in. That is why I have been able to sit in cars later with no trouble, whether at the back or the front.
I look deep into Liz's eyes, and hold her hand with mine with a smile that carries all the softness and gentleness I can show.
"I have overcome that, sis. I did so long ago, thanks to you. Thank you."
Liz looks into my eyes, searching for any falsehood or slight doubt, and only shakes her head when she finds that I'm not just trying to reassure her. Her hair moves like dark tides, and she looks at me gently, but sadly, and still apologetic.
"I only regret that you had to go through that. I wish I had been there in your place. I wish I had not gone to work instead that day."
I immediately shake my head. Just thinking about the four of us in that accident that day instead of only the three of us, my heart twists inside my chest, and I'm flooded with dread. I survived only by chance, falling into a coma due to shocks, both physical and psychological. But had Liz been inside the car too that day, she might have suffered grievous wounds, or worse, died. And I might have failed to survive too, or at best, come out of the accident with more than simply torn skin and a not-too-heavy fracture.
That makes me think of a movie we have watched where a daughter survived the accident that killed her father, but lost a leg before surviving. I am already lucky, and…
"Sis, I'm happy you didn't come with us that day. Don't say that again."
Saying that, I pull her arm to cradle it against my chest, and rest my head on her shoulder. We fall silent at the back of the car, as the scenery outside keeps passing by. Looking away from the road, I meet the gaze of the driver, and frown.
He immediately averts his eyes, but my frown doesn't go away right after. My gaze lingers on the back of the man's head, then I break the silence between Liz and I.
"Sis, after you get better, teach me how to drive. Dad and mom are not with us anymore, so the duty has become yours."
I feel Liz freeze slightly, then she laughs, her characteristic gentleness back online.
"Alright, it has become my duty, and I will make sure to complete it."
"Hehe…"
We descend into silence again, and this time, for the rest of the trip. When we arrive, I immediately move to pay without waiting for Liz, then I help her down from the car. She looks at the car going away, and smiles at me:
"Did he think something impolite earlier?"
I glance at Liz, then at the rear lights lighting up as the car slows down, then turn to our house. But Liz doesn't seem to want to drop the subject, as she looks at me, her smile turning deep and meaningful.
"Usually, even when you are not in the mood to smile, you know to thank people and show gratitude even out of politeness. But you simply hurried to pay earlier."
I glance at Liz again, and simply mutter:
"I hurried to pay because you refused to use my money for the shopping of new clothes when we went to the mall. Don't think too much."
Liz's meaningful smile simply deepens. It pricks me so much that I almost regret having been happy that she is an insulator like I am supposed to be. I take a deep breath, and hold her by the arm to support her, even though she can walk on her own with some effort now.
Fortunately, as I lead the way, she finally changes the subject.
"Alright, I won't ask again. I just think that our little Maxine will not lack courtesy for no reason at all. However, I didn't use your money for our shopping because it is not your turn to bear the burden of the family yet. Your task for now is to learn well, and plan a good future for yourself. After that, I won't refuse any responsibility you want to take. Until then, be patient, okay? And be proud of your ability to earn some financial independence on your own, no matter how small."
I fall silent for a moment, then pout:
"It is not small."
Liz pauses, because it is indeed not small. Talent, knowledge and experience have mixed to allow me to get some really substantial commission at the mall, and I might have been promoted or in the midst of getting a promotion if not for my part-timer status.
As I smile with pride, I feel Liz's gaze slide to my chest, and she laughs:
"But it is really small."
I swear, I feel like a veil of red has fallen on me. The murderous desire from some time ago comes back, stronger this time, and I turn to glare at Liz, and I suddenly take hold of the butt that had gotten an injection just earlier, and squeeze it.
"Ah! Ha~ Stop! Stop! I surrender! Max, I surrender! They will grow big, okay? You are still young, they will grow big. I will even help you."
I glare at Liz for a while longer, then take her words for it and ignore her smiling face.
"Humph!"
I leave her to walk by herself, and walk in front to unlock the door, amidst the sound of her laughter mixed with soft whining sounds, which I ignore.
I take a deep breath, and push open the door.