Chapter 46
When Kakashi returned from helping Choza with the training, he didn't expect to find a warm house. The chill inside was completely gone. He was so accustomed to it that its absence took him by surprise. First, he checked to see if Haku was okay. Then he encountered another surprise: Haku was sleeping with a white dog that had some black spots.
Where did that dog come from? What happened? Kakashi placed his groceries in the kitchen, where he discovered a bag of dog food along with a note. It was a brief note from the Third Hokage, instructing him to keep more snacks in the house, and the dog was a gift from him, so he had better take care of it or there would be hell to pay.
What did the Third do? And that didn't look like a normal dog either. Kakashi silently approached the bed where Haku and the dog were sleeping. He had to walk around the empty bowls and packets to get closer to them. They were both unaware of his presence, deep in sleep, even though it was still early evening.
Kakashi carefully petted the puppy but couldn't pick it up since Haku was holding it tightly. Kakashi had never seen Haku sleeping so peacefully before. Leaving a note, he decided to visit the Third and get some answers before they woke up. He wanted to find out what the Third did to Haku.
…
Kakashi had some trouble finding the Third, as he wasn't at his office or home. However, he noticed a speck of light coming from the Hokage monument. Curiosity piqued, he went to check it out, only to find the Third sitting on the First Hokage's stone head, gazing over the village while smoking his pipe.
"Sit down, Kakashi," Hiruzen said as Kakashi approached him. "Let's watch the village for a bit before you start questioning me. I think it's alright to slow down once in a while; to reflect on the past and the future, or to forget it and focus on what is now and in front of us."
"We were taught to think on our feet, to make decisions in the blink of an eye," Kakashi replied as he sat down next to the Third. "Not making a decision or taking action was worse than making a bad one. We could never allow our enemies to make the first move; we had to dictate the battlefield."
"Uncertainty was, and will always be, our greatest enemy," Hiruzen said. "We fear what we don't know, and we can never know what tomorrow will bring. We would rather live in the past, even if we despise it, because it is familiar and comfortable to us. Tell me, Kakashi, what do you see down here?"
"I know what answer you want to hear, Hokage-sama, but I still don't see it. I don't see the family you're talking about. I only see my duty, my mission, and nothing else."
"You're right; the old me would probably say something about how this is our home and our family. But people change. In the past year, I probably changed more than I have in my entire lifetime. As I walk through these streets, I see the future of these people, corpses left behind by my failures. That's what I see, Kakashi. Every day, I fear their daily lives will cease to exist. Leaving only vague memories behind."
"How do you handle it?" Kakashi was visibly shaken by what he heard, as he had never seen the Third look so old and worn. It made him realize that the man sitting before him had witnessed more death than anyone else. How could he perceive life normally?
"I don't know," the Third answered. "I carry that fear with me everywhere and ignore it as much as I can. I lie to myself. Otherwise, I wouldn't have the courage. And what kind of life would it be if we lacked the courage to attempt anything? I move forward with fear and accept it. I don't know how much I can handle; maybe it will break me one day. But for today, I will continue to move forward."
"I'm sorry, Hokage-sama," Kakashi cast his eyes down in shame. "I'm sorry I couldn't help you with your burdens. I'm not strong enough. I'm just a pathetic excuse for a shinobi who doesn't have enough endurance to keep moving forward."
Kakashi could feel his hands shaking as the past gripped his heart. Obito, Rin, Minato-sensei, and Kushina. He failed them all. He had never been fast or strong enough to protect them. He couldn't even keep his promise. He was and would always be powerless when it mattered most.
"It's alright," the Third said, placing his hand on Kakashi's shoulder. "It's fine even if you take small steps forward. And it's alright to stop completely. Whatever you decide to do is fine, Kakashi. Because I will be here; I promise you that. Take your time and learn how to take those steps forward. If it hurts so much that you can't even move, it's okay to ask for help. You asked me how I handle it? Looking down on the village, I suddenly realized how. It is because, no matter what, I have you and the others to hold me together. Just as you have me, and now Haku and others. Never forget what you have."
Kakashi continued to sit there even after the Third left. He wasn't sure what else to do. He wasn't prepared for this conversation, and he probably never would be. However, it made him accept that he needed help and that maybe it was okay to ask for it. Perhaps it wasn't a sign of giving up, as he had thought.
…
"Hokage-sama," Hiruzen looked up to see Shizune barging into the office. "The official from the capital has arrived."
"Sooner than I expected." There are still several hours until evening, and Hiruzen still needs to perform more calculations to determine how much funding he can afford to lose. "He will be coming here, won't he?"
"He is on the way; he refused to settle in first," Shizune replied. "I couldn't even convince him that you are busy, Hokage-sama."
"Don't worry," Hiruzen said. "He won't do much today, only introduce himself. You'd better go and ensure his accommodations for the stay are well prepared. Remember, the best food and the best drinks. Nothing less than the best for our guest."
Hiruzen had been in a good mood yesterday and even today, though he knew what was coming, and not wanting anything to ruin it, he prepared himself. Even though he wanted to smoke, he decided he needed to stay focused. He could not let the official walk all over him without getting something in return. Unlike the Daimyo, it would not be easy to impress him. The game was on.
…
"Phew."
Deep breath, in and out. Hikari Saito was an older man who yearned for nothing more than to retire and spend his days with his beautiful wife and family in the countryside. He didn't seek to make any contributions and didn't need a promotion; it would only make it harder for him to retire. He had been working under the Daimyo for forty years now.
As luck would have it, he drew the short straw this time. Damn his luck. And damn that straw; he felt guilty for drawing it. Well, there was no other way to get someone to do this. The Daimyo wasn't going; the other nobles weren't going to do it either. So, they pushed the responsibility onto the petty officials, and neither of them wanted to do it either.
Who in their right mind would want to meet Hiruzen Sarutobi? Even if they managed to forget that he was a God of Shinobi, what did that even mean? No one wanted to mess with him after he was summoned to the capital last year. That was a disaster that everyone in the capital was aware of. The financial damage was somehow recoverable, but the emotional scars from that day still lingered.
And now here he is, heading into the lion's den to reprimand the lion for what one of his cubs did. Why did the procedures even exist? They couldn't just ignore it if they wanted to maintain their diplomatic relationships with the Land of Rice Fields. Even if they considered that it was more worthwhile to let go of those relationships than to talk with the Third Hokage. Damn cowards, didn't dare to summon him to the capital.
"Deep breaths."
Saito was panicking again. Why did Minato have to die? He was just a bright young man, so understanding, willing to listen, and eager to help when problems arose. He was like an angel to them, unlike Hiruzen Sarutobi. That demon—no, he wasn't a demon. Sarutobi was a god looking down on them, judging them as if they were mere children. How could he reprimand such a man?
"Hikari Saito, I presume?"
"Yes, that's me," he replied, then realized to whom he was speaking.
"Hokage-sama is waiting for you, though he expressed that the journey here could not have been easy, and if you want to rest, we have everything prepared."
"No, I am alright," Saito replied. "It is still work hours, and I must conduct myself professionally."
"Very well," a young woman, a teenager, smiled genuinely at him, but Saito did not trust her.
All shinobi were masters of deception. The sooner he finished his business, the sooner he could run to his wife and cry about how distressed he was. As he drew closer to the office, he felt more tempted to abandon everything and accept the offer to rest and delay this as long as possible. But his experience told him it was better to rip off the band-aid quickly without hesitation.
"Hello, Hokage-sama. I am Hikari Saito, and I represent the Daimyo."
"Heh," the chuckle made Saito's knees weak. "Welcome to Konoha. I hope your journey here wasn't too unpleasant. Can I offer you anything, perhaps a drink?"
"No, I'm fine," Saito replied as he took the offered seat. He didn't think he could summon enough strength to stand. "I come regarding your former student's actions towards our allies. The Land of Rice Fields is justified in seeking some form of justice."
"Justice? If that were the case, they would have already executed their justice and not wasted time looking for someone to blame." Hiruzen's reply made it hard for Saito to breathe. "Let's not play these games. What do they want?"
"A direct apology from you, along with an acknowledgment of Konoha's failure to contain Orochimaru. They want every bit of information about Orochimaru- his ninjutsu secrets, files from his missions, and operations while he was a Konoha shinobi. Also, the use of your shinobi to protect the borders and trade routes."
"What was the Daimyo's reply?"
"He is delaying it, but he wants to placate them and has no intention of starting any aggression."
"And if I refuse the conditions?"
"You are in no position to do so." It was now or never; he had to do his job and make Hiruzen Sarutobi realize he needed to take responsibility. "We are prepared to strip Konoha of funding and autonomy if you can't do what is necessary to maintain peace between our allies. It is your fault for not keeping Orochimaru under control and for not eliminating him when you had the chance."
He said it. He stood up, pointed his finger at Hiruzen Sarutobi, and voiced his concerns as he had practiced. He had done his job, and no one could ask more of him. Now he was free; he could return home to his wife. So, why was Hiruzen looking at him that way? Those eyes were fixed on Saito, so menacingly that Saito felt faint. He would be able to return home, right?
A.N. Please check out my new story, too. And as always thanks for reading and supporting me, so I can continue writing without any worries. If you want more, up to seven advanced chapters, you can support me on pa treon. com \ ironwolf852.