The following is an official communication from the Inter-Universal Public Relations Division Regarding Wishes, Chaos, and Emotional Reader Reactions.
Greetings, valued reader entity.
We understand you may currently have:
Questions
Concerns
The urge to scream into a pillow
Strong emotional investment in several characters who, legally speaking, belong to the universe and not to you
First, allow us to reassure you:
Everything is going exactly as planned.
For certain definitions of "planned."
(Definitions subject to revision. Possibly already revised. Please don't worry about it.)
📣 We Are Now Accepting Questions!
Yes!
At long last, the Cosmic PR Department has decided to open the floor to audience inquiries.
Do you want:
Clarification about rules?
Insight into wish mechanics?
Emotional comfort?
To yell at us about why we keep letting the chaos escalate?
Wonderful!
Please submit all questions clearly, loudly, and with appropriate existential intensity.
However…
📌 Important Policy Disclosure:
We will be cherry-picking questions.
Aggressively.
Joyfully.
Selectively.
We will absolutely:
Ignore questions we don't feel like answering
Answer serious questions with humor
Answer humorous questions with ominous foreshadowing
Pretend some questions don't exist because mystery
This is called "narrative management."
We are professionals.
🗂️ What Happens to Unanswered Questions?
They are:
Filed in a crystal archive labeled "We'll Get To It Eventually Maybe"
Reviewed by three celestial interns
Forgotten temporarily
Rediscovered dramatically
Used later for emotional impact
This is healthy storytelling.
Probably.
🛎️ Customer Service Tone Assurance
We value your curiosity.
We delight in your confusion.
We deeply appreciate your increasingly unhinged investment.
Without you, the universe would continue existing exactly the same…
…but it would be significantly less entertaining.
So please, by all means:
Ask.
Wonder.
Speculate wildly.
Get attached.
We'll be choosing the questions we find amusing helpful enlightening narratively delicious.
❤️ Thank You for Your Patience
On behalf of:
The Department of Cosmic Complaints
The Bureau of Narrative Consequences
The Division of "We Promise This Is Going Somewhere, Stop Panicking"
And the Office of Dramatic Irony
We thank you for your cooperation.
Please continue reading.
Please continue caring.
Please continue emotionally suffering.
It sustains us.