The silence that's all their was. My shallow breath could be seen in a cloudy fog from the cold. The hardiness of the stone where I lay and most importantly its coldness. Thats all my mind could still process.
When did its start?
Why?
Its unclear of who's fault its was. Back then I was a child how could I understand all these complicated thought's or these incomprehensive adult. My story I feel like its ended before its even start. I didn't give myself even a chance... To go forward.
Was I lazy?
Scared?
Was I a coward?
Listen here I don't see myself as some kind of villain or hero I was just... There. Doesn't make sence either way. Theirs so many question I wanted to ask. To myself, my so called family, those "normal" peoples I see crossing the road whenever I go outside or even those fanatics religious believers. So many have story's but not many are willing to reveale it. Its almost like admitting something bad you did because you know YOU will be judge no mater what. Positively, negatively and not many are mentally strong enough to bare with its burden.
Theirs no happyness, no joy, no sadness or anger. I can't feel any of those. I did at one point I just can't remember how its feel or when its started or ended. I had many names over the years but most never even make it out of my mind. Its like they gave up too.
"Ray?"
The raspy sound and how badly damaged my vocal cords were could be heard.
A single drop of salty tears falling to the ground.
*plup*
The wierd sounds of water hitting water was actually really comfortable to my hears. 'Huh the ground is actually uneven and there's actually little puddle of water all around me! how befitting urff' I though bored out of my mind. Ray... I had hope no no no I should say I had expectations for you. what a disappointment. Hope I lost it when I was barely a toddler as adult started to lie trying to make me believe in their little holiday story. In fact its seem more like they were trying to convince themself that their was something special happening in their life or that they were happy or something. Its was wierd really wierd. I think that's when I start having enmity with humanity as a whole. Woaw woaw woaw! I know! I know its a bit extreme even more for a child that doesn't even know anything yet about where or what is. But as knowledge can be a blessing its is also a curse and many forget about the second part or if they know its hidden somewhere in their subconscious unbenknown to them. 'Remembering is really starting to get harder urff' I'm so tired. 'What a joke if I sleep now will I even wake up?'. Consciousness, memories, feelings everything's was just slowly fleeting. A mind that's was once held for its creativity was slowly poison and kill by it.
"The mind is just left in a scramble eggs for I'm just mumbling what's barely left of my consciousness Ray... farewell"
And as darkeness take over me in the corner of my eyes I could see him sitting on a chair creepily staring at my from this cave like basement corner long ago taken over by nature. 'Right we are still in the ruin' and where there should be a roof their was a hole to the stary sky.
'Dear moon, spare me from nightmare'.