5' 3"
Ethan opened his eyes, still half-asleep, having no clue where he was at first. His mind was hovering somewhere between sleep and reality, which made Thomson create a bunch of theories, each more ridiculous and unsettling than the other one. But one thing was clear: Thomson felt warm and comfortable. That alone was enough to hold the usual flood of bad associations at bay. For once, waking up outside his apartment didn't come with that sick swirl of guilt and regret. However, that peaceful feeling didn't last long. It never did. The quiet, humming anxiety that usually lived in his chest or settled low in his stomach wasn't long in coming, stirring and stretching itself out.
Thomson slowly raised himself up on his elbows. The sight of a familiar room helped, so he exhaled with ease. The usual lump of tension in his throat was still there but decided to shove itself to the background like usual, much rather leaving its stamp on everything Ethan did, whether he was eating an ice cream or arguing with someone he couldn't stand.
They had sex.
The thought hit Ethan so hard that he wanted to jump from the bed, find Morgan, and shove him into a boiling hot shower. For a split second, everything went blurry. A lump climbed up his throat, and his jaw ached so sharply it took him a second to realize he'd been clenching it hard enough to hurt. His lungs locked up, like some invisible hand was pressing down on his chest, cutting off a proper breath. Then his whole body shivered with a wave of cold sweat.
Everything's okay. He's okay.
Thomson forced himself (another day of forcing himself to do anything, nothing new) to sit up. Morgan wasn't hard to find. He was curled up comfortably in a chair, one knee pulled to his chest. The smell of something warm and freshly cooked drifted from the kitchen. Plates were already set, which made everything look like Noah had been waiting for Ethan to wake up. He was frowning a little, eyes fixed on his laptop screen. A few reddish marks stood out on his neck. Autumn sunlight spilled in through the wide windows, casting a warm glow over the cats basking on the windowsill, hot breakfast, and Morgan wearing an oversized T-shirt and pajama pants. Ethan stretched out his arms and made a rectangle with his thumbs and forefingers, framing the scene in front of him. Would've made a perfect shot.
"Morning," Ethan managed, pushing the words out with an effort. There was a strange fear that just saying something out loud would shatter the quiet, homelike calm of the moment. But it faded quickly. Morgan turned towards Thomson with a broad smile. If he's smiling, that means everything's fine, right? Ethan already knew he had had an endless list of fears, but he didn't expect sex to be one of the hardest ones to handle.
Well, sure, Ethan did know it wouldn't be easy. But he didn't expect that his worry for Noah would push everything else entirely out of his head. Thomson couldn't actually process what happened between them the night before, at least because every bit of his focus was glued to Morgan and how Noah might be feeling about all of it. Yeah, okay, physically, the whole thing definitely felt good. No doubt about that. How could it not? But did it matter? To Ethan, right now? Not at all.
"Morning!" Noah chirped, then immediately looked like he regretted sounding so cheerful. His face flushed bright red as he quickly turned his attention back to his laptop. "I was just about to wake you up. My mom's about to call. I really tried to rain check, but she started throwing a million questions at me and... well, I panicked and..." He trailed off; his face was getting more and more red as he glanced at Ethan, who was sliding off the bed and scanning the room for a very specific item of clothing. A pair of underwear, it turned out, was folded neatly on a chair, right next to the rest of his Halloween costume. Ethan passed across the tiny apartment completely naked. Morgan kept his eyes glued to his plate until Ethan finally got his underwear back on. Strangely, Ethan's back kept throbbing with a low, stinging ache. It flared up the second he bent down to grab his clothes. Ethan made his way over to the small mirror in Noah's room and froze, angling to get a look at the damage. In movies, scratch marks down the back were usually used to show that a person was a good lover. Maybe Ethan could be proud of himself. But somehow... All he could think about was how no one ever bothered to mention those scratches had a nasty habit of getting swollen. A few marks dotted Thomson's stomach and thighs too, but they were nothing compared to what was going on with his back. It looked like Peanut and Fluffy had been torturing Ethan's back the whole night, and not their owner.
"Noah," Ethan exhaled, throwing a dark look in Morgan's direction. "Cut your damn nails."
"Okay," Noah nodded instantly, pulling both knees to his chest and looking guilty, yet adorable. Ethan couldn't have stayed mad at him even if he'd wanted to. And honestly? He didn't want to. He turned back to the mirror. In addition to the scratches, his chest and neck were covered in hickeys. Thomson was staring at his reflection, slightly baffled, and wondered who'd actually been fucking who the night before. Judging by the state of Ethan's body, it looked like he was the one who'd gotten thoroughly railed. So it was even funnier to see Morgan blushing to the tips of his ears and hiding behind his own knees like he didn't know what had happened. Well… At least physically, Noah looked totally fine. Ethan had been scared it might be the opposite. He was scared before, during, and after that whole thing. The way how relaxed Morgan looked confused Ethan even more. However, the haze of anxiety was fading slowly, just enough to let other memories float back in. Actually, Morgan hadn't looked the least bit miserable last night. He was far from it. People don't orgasm out of obligation, right? They definitely don't beg for 'more,' either. Everything's fine, Ethan. Everything's just fine.
He is fine.
"Mom's calling!" Noah dropped his feet to the floor and spun the laptop around so he was the only one visible on camera. "Please put something on!" he practically begged. Ethan silently pointed at his boxers. I already have something on, actually. "Something besides that!" Noah hissed. "How am I supposed to talk to my mom when you're standing there half-naked? Especially with one part of your body saying 'good morning'?!"
Morning erection was just a sign that his body was functioning properly. There was nothing strange about that in Ethan's opinion. At least definitely nothing to be embarrassed about.
"With your mouth?" Ethan offered helpfully. "It's surprisingly good at basic tasks like that," he added, instinctively licking his dry lips. Morgan's face twisted into a ridiculous mix of righteous indignation and sheer panic.
"Morning, M-Mom!" Noah blurted out, answering the video call. He tried to keep his eyes locked on the screen, but they kept flicking back toward Ethan. Well, he had no other choice but to show some mercy and pull on his pants. Ethan decided to ignore the T-shirt folded neatly in his gym bag. Once Noah was off the call, he'd ask him to take a look at his back and do something about it. It was starting to hurt worse by every minute.
"Yeah, everything's great! How about you guys?" Morgan's voice sounded like he was in a perfect mood. It was a good sign.
He is fine. He is okay indeed.
...But am I?
Ethan stared down at his palms, trying to make sense of the rush of emotions crashing over him in waves. It was some mix of satisfaction and pure, animal panic. The sharp flashes of last night kept colliding with memories from a part of his life he'd rather erase completely. He felt a lump in his throat again. His breathing picked up. The trembling inside wouldn't stop. For a second, Thomson thought he was about to vomit but—
But then Morgan's loud laughter pulled Ethan back into the reality of the room. The nausea eased a little. Ethan took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
I'm okay too.
"You look somehow different today," a woman's voice came from the laptop speaker. Ethan sat down across from Noah and looked at the breakfast. Judging by the amount of food, Morgan was either trying to show gratitude… or forget his trauma.
Stop. Just stop it.
He is fine.
"Different? What do you mean?"
To Ethan's right there was some old notebook and a dull pencil, which Thomson used immediately. "She means you had sex last night and it SHOWS," he wrote on a blank page, then turned it so Morgan could read it easily. Noah glanced over and then choked on air instantly. He suddenly lost the ability to speak normally, and that familiar flush bloomed across his cheeks again. Morgan mumbled something unintelligible in response to his mom's question and tried to change the subject. Ethan then turned his attention to breakfast, picked out the toast that looked the most burnt, and took a massive bite loud enough to give away his presence. Noah looked outraged. What are you trying to do? it said. Ethan didn't have an answer. Maybe he just found the whole situation funny. Or maybe he wanted Morgan's mother to know her son wasn't alone. And wasn't going to be alone again.
"So, how are things with your boyfriend?" the woman asked cheerfully, trying to get some update on her son's life.
"Y-yeah, things are great," Morgan replied in a restrained manner.
"That's it?" Her voice sounded a little worried. While listening to the conversation, Ethan imagined what it would be like trying to talk to his mom about this relationship. She would've worried too and asked over and over if he and Morgan were doing okay.
"Noah's such a polite, sweet young man! I really like him!" she'd say. "Just don't hurt him, okay?"
The previous version of Ethan that died with his mom might've hurt him. Thomson was glad to be rid of a few shady character traits, though he still believed the price for that change had been steep. He wanted to believe that everything he'd suffered through was worth it, at least because it led him here, sitting in this little kitchen next to the kindest person he'd ever known. But there was nothing worth his mother's death. Even if it brought Morgan into his life.
"What else do you want me to say?" There was a hint of irritation in Noah's voice now.
"What do you mean, what else?" the woman asked. "Every time we talk about Ethan, you go on for half an hour about how wonderful he is! Of course I'm going to worry if all that admiration suddenly dries up."
"Oh, so I'm won-der-ful," Ethan wrote.
"Shut up!" Noah scribbled back in all caps and underlined the words three times.
"I didn't actually say anything."
"Shut up anyway!"
"We're good, Mom," Noah said with a smile, staring at the screen, clearly deciding that whatever Ethan had to say could wait. The conversation quickly shifted to relatives Ethan had never heard of. Thomson wasn't paying attention and focused on watching Morgan's emotions that were changing one another on his face. Noah smiled when his dad came up in their dialogue, rolled his eyes at the mention of an aunt, and frowned when his mom brought up his grandmother. The woman must've picked up on the shift in her son's mood, because she switched the topic again with a chirpy tone.
"Oh no, have the cold nights still not put all the bugs to sleep? You've been bitten again," she clucked sympathetically.
"Huh?" Noah didn't catch it at first, but when he looked more closely at his own image on the screen, he flinched and leaned back from the laptop. Of course his mom had mistaken the hickeys on his neck for bug bites. However, his mother wasn't that naive. Maybe she just wanted to steer the conversation somewhere a little more… interesting.
"B… bees, probably," Noah mumbled, instinctively scratching at the marks on his neck.
"If those are bee stings, then I must've been attacked by a swarm of hornets," he wrote on the paper.
Noah chewed nervously on his lower lip.
"Mom, I'm sorry, but I promised… um, I've got plans with Ethan, and I really should get going," Noah was a terrible liar. Or, at least, he was awfully awkward at that.
"Oh, of course, sweetheart! Tell Ethan I said hi!"
"Thanks," Thomson said a moment before Morgan slammed the laptop shut.
"Ethan!" Noah hissed, clearly pissed. Thomson popped the last bite of toast into his mouth casually.
"Yes, sweetheart?" he mimicked Noah's mom's tone. "Consider it my tiny act of revenge," he added when he saw just how annoyed Morgan actually was.
"And what, exactly, are you getting revenge for?"
"My back."
Morgan froze instantly. He chewed on his bottom lip for a couple of seconds before answering.
"I'm pretty sure I can make it up to you," he finally said. Ethan froze with a piece of bacon halfway to his mouth. He didn't expect Morgan to start flirting so soon. It hadn't even been a full day since they'd had sex. Thomson assumed Noah would need at least a week to recover after what he'd been through before letting him anywhere close again. But clearly, Morgan wasn't planning on waiting for a week. After he jumped up from his chair (considering how smooth it looked, Noah had no issues in the intimate parts of his body. Which meant Ethan did everything right. He was okay.), Noah circled the table and stood in front of Thomson.
Ethan remained silent and waited for whatever was coming next. He looked calm, though it was far from the truth. After a brief pause, Noah finally slid onto Ethan's lap, facing him. He wrapped his arms around his neck, careful not to touch the scratches on his back.
"Dirty move, Morgan," Thomson muttered, resting his hands on Noah's thighs.
"Learning from the best."
"Was that supposed to be about me?"
"Who else?"
"I'm suing you for slander. I'll win so much in damages you'll have to sell yourself into slavery to pay me back."
"Hopefully to you?"
"Obviously."
"Then bring on the lawsuit. I win either way."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Sure as he—Achoo!" Noah suddenly sneezed. Of course it hit Ethan right in the face. Thomson flinched and wiped his face with the back of his hand.
"Shit, sorry," Noah mumbled and started frantically dabbing at Ethan's face with a napkin. But the moment he finished, he sneezed again. "Oh my god, shit…" he sniffled with his stuffed nose.
"You're burning," Ethan said, touching his forehead.
"Oh… th-thanks," Noah grinned stupidly.
"I meant you've got a fever, Morgan," Ethan said, frowning.
"Ah. Oh. Uh…"
"Someone's late-night swim might not have been the best idea."
"What? No! I'm fine!"
He was not fine. But thankfully, it had nothing to do with Ethan.
5' 8"-5' 9"
Noah caught a mild cold, but Ethan reacted like he was coming down with the plague. He told Morgan to lie down and stay put. Then Thomson had a quick trip to the pharmacy, and in the evening he even made some chicken soup for Noah. Ethan stayed over at Noah's on Saturday and then on Sunday too. The way he was acting could make you think that leaving Noah alone for five minutes might kill him. On Monday Noah felt perfectly fine. However, Ethan insisted Morgan should stay home one more day. It was sweet and also a little weird. Beneath Ethan's usual calm, there was this subtle panic. No matter how many times Noah reassured him he was fine, it didn't seem to help. And Ethan kept bringing up the pool like he was trying to convince himself that that was the cause. Of course, it was just a matter of time when Noah would catch a cold after that swim. It seemed like a logical explanation. Then why was Ethan so worried? Did he actually think it was his fault? That a little fever and a runny nose were signs of something way worse and that Ethan must've infected Morgan with some mysterious illness? It sounded ridiculous. And yet, judging by Ethan's behavior, those exact thoughts were running in his head.
Noah finally managed to get out of the house on Tuesday. Even then, Ethan, who drove him to campus, made him check his temperature again before letting him go to class.
"I'm completely fine," Noah smiled, watching Ethan fuss.
"Still, I think you should see a doctor," Thomson continued to insist.
"I said I'm okay!"
Ethan walked Noah all the way to the entrance, somehow resisting the urge to check Morgan's pulse every three seconds, and only then left for his own classes.
Noah had a hard time believing his suddenly active sex life was noticeable to anyone. His mom's comment about him looking 'different' didn't ring a bell. But then Andrea picked up on it. Then Scott. Even Nicole, distracted as she always was, pointed out that something in Noah had changed. Was it really just the sex? No, Morgan denied that was the reason. The change had nothing to do with losing his virginity. It was joy and the kind of happiness he had never felt before. Or maybe he had, though he forgot about that. Sure, intimacy took its part, but that wasn't the core of it. It was Ethan's trust. That was what really made Noah feel so happy.
"Now, tell me. What exactly happened?" Andrea demanded during their lunch break.
"I caught a cold," Noah said lamely, already knowing his friend wouldn't buy it.
"The more stubborn you are, the more I want to know everything!" Andrea said, flipping her giant wave of curls over her shoulder. "C'mon, just tell me already. I'm dying to know!"
"Oh, maybe you and Ethan…" Scott mentioned still being busy picking the raisins out of Andrea's muffin—she hated them. "Did you two… you know…" He didn't get to finish. To Noah's surprise, the awkward moment was interrupted by Rufus Hughes walking up to their table.
"Hey. You mind if I sit here?" Rufus asked, shifting from foot to foot.
"Go ahead," Noah nodded.
"What, your muscle-bro crew finally kicked you out?" Scott snorted, nodding toward the table full of basketball players. They kept glancing over and giggling hatefully. Rufus took the hit from Scott without flinching. He didn't even respond, just sat down next to Morgan and turned toward him, locking him in a steady, unblinking stare. It made Noah a little uncomfortable.
"I wanted to apologize for what happened," Hughes mumbled.
"Never mind," Noah waved it off.
That pool incident ended up giving him three unforgettable days filled with nothing but care and attention. It felt so nice; Noah wouldn't have minded being sick for another week. As long as Ethan didn't keep spiraling into dark thoughts and beating himself up about some basic cold.
"What happened?" Andrea perked up. Oh. Right. Noah still hadn't told his friends the full story about the Halloween party.
"Well… uh…" For some reason, talking about it in front of Rufus felt awkward. Which made it all the more surprising when, after a tense pause, Hughes started explaining it himself. That was Andrea's cue to go off. She didn't hold back, letting out a furious rant and shooting the basketball guys a glare that could've set them on fire. Scott just rolled his eyes like, "Exactly what I'd expect from those idiots." Nicole decided to stare angrily only at Rufus.
"I… God, was I really that much of an asshole this whole time?" Rufus muttered, assuming Nicole's silence was a demand for repentance.
"What do you mean by was?" Scott said, frowning. "You still are."
A flicker of irritation mixed with guilt passed over Rufus's face.
"I had no idea…"
"Had no idea about what exactly?" Scott snapped. "That throwing someone into a pool at the end of October wouldn't make them happy? Or that if you constantly call someone names, they're not gonna enjoy it? Surprise!" Scott could be vicious with his words. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn't.
Rufus didn't have a comeback. Lately, he just looked… lost. Like the ground under his feet had shifted, and he had no clue what to do about it. Noah knew he probably shouldn't feel sorry for him. But he did.
"You know, we all screw up. But realizing it is already the first step, right?" He smiled as he said it. Rufus gave him an exhausted look and then squinted:
"Did something happen?" he said, almost under his breath. "You look different."
"See? Even he noticed!" Scott rejoiced triumphantly. "You're radiating shameless happiness!" he stated.
"Why shameless?" Noah laughed, scratching his nose, clearly embarrassed.
"Because you're making us way too curious, however, you refuse to satisfy that curiosity!" Andrea chimed in. Scott shot Hughes a thoughtful look, clearly debating whether it was safe to say out loud what he really wanted to ask. But Rufus looked too depressed and was busy with picking at his food with a blank stare, so Scott figured the risk was low. He suddenly turned to Noah and blurted:
"So? Did it happen?"
Everyone—except Hughes, obviously—immediately knew what he meant.
"Well…"
"Well?!"
"Well, we… uh…" Morgan choked on air, feeling his pulse jump and a wave of heat wash over him. Good thing Ethan wasn't around for lunch today. If he were, he probably would've checked Noah's forehead for a fever again and would've definitely felt something. Or worse, Ethan might've jumped in before Noah could say a word and just announced to the whole cafeteria something like, "Yeah, we fucked. Are you happy? What's next? Are you gonna sue us?"
That thought made Noah smile. However, he never got a chance to actually answer the question. Luckily, it wasn't needed. Andrea let out a squeal so loud it made people at the tables next to them flinch and glance over, whispering among themselves about the weird group at the center of it all.
"No way?! When?!"
"I think it's obvious," Scott said with a tone like he knew it all. "They left the party together, didn't they?"
Andrea squealed again. Hughes, clearly still out of the loop, looked from face to face like he was trying to guess what they were talking about.
"Oh my god, Noah, I'm so happy for you!" Nicole clapped her hands like a kid, which looked adorably funny. "You and Ethan make such a great couple! I'm just so glad you finally found your soulmate!"
Noah had almost forgotten about Nicole's thing for soulmates and that kind of fluffy nonsense. Usually it just made him smile. But today it was different. Soulmates, huh? That word had never meant much for Morgan before. But now… now he felt something else.
"So, how was it?" Andrea finally collected herself from the first show and was already itching for every juicy detail, right there in the cafeteria.
"It was… great," Noah managed, not quite knowing where to look. Apparently, he wasn't quite ready for this level of oversharing.
"Of course it was great. He's got nothing to compare it to. So even if Thomson's, you know…"—Scott showed his pinky, instead of finishing his thought—"Noah would still be satisfied."
"Oh, the wisdom of the real sex giant," Andrea chuckled.
"Huh? What? Wait, what do you mean?" Scott snapped to attention. "Hold on! Are you saying I didn't… Or did I do something wrong?! Wait a minute!"
Andrea and Scott launched into a playfully heated discussion, full of half-sentences and inside jokes that made absolutely no sense to anyone listening in (like Rufus, for example). Eventually giving up, Hughes turned back to his tray and started eating. Nicole, still smiling, was asking Noah gentle questions about him and Ethan—skipping the obvious, more sensitive topics. And all of a sudden, Noah was hit with this overwhelming wave of love for the whole group. How lucky he was to have these people. To be surrounded by friends. To be sitting there, all of them, at one table. It was the best feeling in the world!
"I'd love to stay longer, but I gotta hit the library. I need to write a paper on Monet's work by Friday as an extra credit assignment," Noah said even though he really didn't want the lunch to end. It was just one task in a long list of things he'd fallen behind on these past few months. And he really couldn't afford to let them pile up any further.
After saying warm goodbyes, Noah headed up to the campus library. There, he got handed a stack of supposedly priceless volumes (according to the stern librarian) and settled in at an empty table tucked away in the bright, quiet space. He genuinely tried to focus, but his thoughts kept drifting back to Ethan. To those few days they'd spent together. And every time they did, he'd catch himself smiling again. Forty minutes of pointless effort resulted in a single half-decent opening sentence for the paper. Noah leaned back in his chair and reached for his phone, planning to text Thomson and ask something, anything; it didn't matter… But instead he found out a message was already waiting for him. And it wasn't from Ethan.
The nickname 'Master' was lit up on the screen, just above a profile pic of someone in a hood with their face hidden in shadow. Noah instantly put the phone down and pulled back like it might physically hurt him. His good mood, so solid just minutes ago it could face anything, started to sink. Now what? Should he read it? Should he tell Ethan? Or maybe Andrea, Scott, and Nicole? What the hell was he supposed to do?
"Even if it is that Master, and even if he sent something nasty… it's not like it's going to kill you, right? Come on. Be brave," Noah told himself.
He picked the phone back up with trembling fingers and opened the chat. He wasn't expecting anything good—but what he saw was a hundred times worse.
"Break up with Thomson or everyone sees the photo. If you tell him about this message, everyone sees the photo. If you tell anyone at all, everyone sees the photo :) You don't want to drag him down with you, do you? ;)"
Right underneath that was the photo in question.
There were Noah and Ethan.
In the car.
From the night Noah gave Thomson a blow…
Noah threw the phone back onto the table, pulled his knees to his chest, dropped his forehead onto them, and burst into tears.