My phone buzzed on the table. Which was weird, because I'm sure I haven't paid my bill in three months. I didn't even have Wi-Fi.
I dragged myself over to it like a corpse crawling to its own grave and blinked at the cracked screen.
[ SYSTEM NOTIFICATION – SELECTED CANDIDATE ]
[Initializing Transfer…]
[Initial Role: Wandering Merchant]
[Beginning Trial Sequence…]
I squinted. "…I beg your pardon?"
The screen lit up, actually no, exploded. Flooding the room with a blinding light that felt like someone shoved a flashlight through my retina. The air buzzed like a broken microwave, the walls folded inward, and I swear I heard someone whisper "oops" in the static.
And then—
Everything. Went. Wrong.
The floor disappeared. My body twisted. My stomach flipped inside out. Gravity lost all meaning and my brain decided to take a vacation without telling me. I screamed something poetic like "WHAT THE FU—"
***
I landed face first in sand.
Sand.
Not concrete. Not my room. Not even hell. Just… sand.
The sun was violently bright. Everything just looked over saturated as if someone had put a filter on the world. And the heat cooked me alive from the inside out like I was a sad burrito someone forgot in the microwave.
I sat up slowly.
"What the hell…"
I looked down to find myself wearing a sad beige robe, tied with a rope around my waist. Boots that didn't fit, they fit as if i had pasted leather into my feet. A satchel full of… meat jerky, a canteen, and a single silver coin. There was also a suspiciously labeled scroll titled "Newbie Guide for Useless Merchants."
What was it trying to imply…?
My hands were shaking. My voice cracked.
"…This isn't happening. This is not happening. I'm hallucinating. Yeah, maybe that expired bread finally killed me. Yeah that has to be it, otherwise there's no way something like this would be happening."
A loud DING echoed in my head, and a transparent window popped into my vision like a hologram:
[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION]
- Your emotional state has reached critical failure. To preserve your sanity, you have been transferred to a alternate universe. Six powerful emotions, each manifesting as a sentient Jewel, must be recovered and connected. Each Jewel contains a trial shaped as an unresolved emotion. Success will restore balance. Failure will result in irreversible collapse.
[Main Quest: Locate the Six Sentient Jewels]
- Find the six sentient jewels to be able to return to Earth, otherwise you will be met with death.
- 0/6
[Side Quest: Jewel of Rage]
- Head to the west and find the jewel of rage in Pinto Town.
- Location: Sanctuary of Ra
I slapped the box away with a trembling hand. It vanished. Somehow that made it worse.
"I'm hallucinating. I'm dreaming. This is just a coma. Any second now I'll wake up in the ER, right?"
Nothing happened.
I sighed. Then screamed. Then sighed again.
"…Fine. I guess I'm in a magical desert now. Sure, maybe my head accidentally got stuck in the concrete mixer after passing out, this must be a dream."
***
After walking for hours under the merciless sun, dragging my boots through burning sand and questioning every life choice I had ever made, I finally spotted something on the horizon.
A village.
My cracked lips barely allowed me to mutter, "If this is a hallucination, I hope it comes with cold water and better Wi-Fi."
The village was surrounded by crumbling sandstone walls and an iron gate guarded by a man with arms like tree trunks and a beard that screamed "I eat rocks for breakfast."
As I approached, he raised an eyebrow. "You're late."
I blinked. "…Huh?"
"You're the merchant from Liran, right? The one with the supplies and armor for the knights?"
Now, I could've corrected him. I could've said, "No, sorry, I'm just a heat-stroked nobody who fell through a magical toilet and landed in your desert."
Instead, I smiled and nodded like the lying bastard I was. "Yep. That's me."
He squinted, then shrugged and opened the gate. "Good. The troops were starting to feel impatient. Hurry to the camps before sunset."
"On it," I said. Inside, I was screaming.
***
The village was a maze of beige buildings, open stalls, and people in loose robes selling fruits, herbs, scrolls, and a suspicious amount of goat figurines. The locals gave me a few nods but didn't question my existence.
I spent some money buying a robe with a hood, but i figured it would help me blend in better.
I wandered around, trying to look like I belonged while also not dying from internal panic. Eventually, I made my way to a well and asked an old woman selling spices:
"Excuse me, ma'am… Where can I find the, uh, local religious building?"
"The Sanctuary of Ra?" she asked, smiling with full teeth.
"Yes! That one!"
"Up the hill, past the sun altar. Big golden doors. Can't miss it."
"Thank you. May your goats prosper."
I had no idea if that was appropriate, but she seemed pleased.
***
When I reached the Sanctuary, I suddenly started to feel nauseous. The air shimmered with heat, and something pulsed beneath the earth, a kind of hum that made my chest tighten.
The Sanctuary towered over me, with golden symbols etched into stone pillars, and priests in white and gold robes moving in and out like bees. Whatever was inside very well protected.
There was no way I'd get in without a reason.
And then it hit me.
"I could become a priest and get in without any trouble"
So smart of me hehe.
I approached one of the priests who looked young enough to be gullible but old enough to have authority. "Hello, holy one," I said, clasping my hands awkwardly. "I've… seen the light."
He blinked. "You have?"
"Yes. I wish to dedicate my life to Ra. To… illumination. To warmth. And, uh, robes."
He eyed me. "You don't seem like one of our faith."
"I'm a convert," I said, sweating. "A passionate one. And I would like to take the priesthood initiation test."
Please buy it.
There was a long pause. Then he nodded slowly.
"You'll need approval from Elder Kareth. If he deems you worthy, you may begin the trials."
Trials?
Oh no.
Why is everything in this world a trial?
Still, I smiled. "Where can I find him?"
He pointed to a chamber at the side of the temple. "Inside. But speak respectfully. He is known for testing one's spirit."
"Of course," I said, bowing awkwardly.
Then I turned, heart pounding, and thought to myself:
"Fake priesthood. Secret agenda. Magical jewel hidden in a holy site. Yeah, this can't possibly go wrong."
And with that, I stepped into the temple, lying through my teeth, pretending to be devout, while secretly planning to steal the most sacred object they had.
Yup.
Totally normal Tuesday.