Working has become tiring. Getting tips is nice, and I loved learning how to make new drinks at first, but nowadays it's hard just to leave the house. Maybe I need to take some time off. Why am I even working so hard, anyway? It's gotten even harder lately, since I can't seem to get my mind off Valin.
I returned home and opened the door to find him in his usual spot on the couch, shouting:
"How the f**k did you miss?! He was right there! There's no hope for you. Just uninstall the game!"
I shut the door, which made him look up in my direction. "Bye," he muttered, closing his laptop and removing his headset. Then, more warmly, "Welcome home! How was work?"
His expression turned sweet. If he had a tail, I'm sure it would've been wagging. I sat down beside him and said,"It was boring... And it's getting hard to get up in the morning to go…"
Should I mention it's because I miss him? Or would that be too clingy?
"Then quit."
I gasped and turned to him. "What?! But I need to make money and build a résumé! I need things, and I need to move!"
"…Just stay here. I'll get you whatever you need."
He mumbled this shyly while avoiding eye contact.
"But… what if I trigger you again? Aren't you worried?"
My heart hurt bringing this up. Part of me wondered if he forgot what happened between us. I'm scared he'll realize how dangerous a relationship with me could be—when all I want is to stay with him. My question made him click his tongue.
"Neuroplasticity," he said.
I blinked at him in confusion, so he explained, "I had to change the way I think about you. I can't try to feel what you're feeling, but I can care about your happiness just because you're important to me. If you can be open with me, I'll be fine. I can care about your feelings—I just can't relate to them. So never be afraid to talk to me. I'm happy to know your thoughts, no matter what they are. I'm not dumb enough to make the same mistake twice. And I'm not a fan of pain."
"You're… really putting in effort. But I… also want to keep working so I can get something for you. A gift!" I blurted out, nervously playing with my fingers.
He perked up and closed the gap between us."Something for me?"I nodded. "What would you like?"
He tapped his chin and glanced at me."...Nothing. Though I'd accept anything you give me."
I could tell he was holding something back. He only recently learned how to do that.
"Tell me! I'm saving up—even if it's expensive, I'll try!"
"I… want to… hear your sweet voice screaming my name."I blushed."I want to have my way with you, for hours on end, in multiple positions, until you can't take it anymore—and mold your body to mine completely. I want to see how pretty you'll look gagging on my—"
"I—I meant something I could buy... w-with cash!" I interrupted, my face burning.
He frowned. "Nothing."He grew quiet, then sighed and turned on the TV.
"…Okay um… what… are we?" I asked, needing clarity. It's about time we had this conversation. I need to know before I say anything else. I can't be afraid forever.
"…You're my girlfriend, aren't you? I thought that's why you moved in with me."
I punched his arm."You never asked me out!"
He rubbed where I hit him. "I asked you to live with me! Of course I want to be with you. We kiss every day… and you said you liked me… Did only I think we were together? That's kind of embarrassing…"
I kissed him suddenly and said,"We're together! I want to be with you too!"
"Oh, that's good."He seemed only slightly relieved and just continued browsing for something to watch.
He doesn't get what I mean… Or he'd be more excited. Do I have to be even more direct?!
"Let's… have sex, Valin."
He crushed the TV remote in his hand the moment I said this, making me yelp. After shaking away the shards of plastic, he silently picked me up and carried me into his room. He laid me gently on the bed, then got up and touched the headboard and the walls. They began to glow faintly and hum.
"What are you doing?"
"Putting up a fortification barrier. Would be a shame to break our new home... and bed."
"You're making me more nervous! Just so you know!" I shouted.
He stood at the foot of the bed, looking down at me fondly."You're so cute… Spread your legs."
I shut them tight in nervousness. My heart felt like it was going to burst.
"Val!"
He quieted me with a kiss. His hand slid under my skirt, stroking me through my underwear at first, then underneath. His touch was so precise, it was like he knew my body better than I did. I stopped protesting, and his lips only muffled moans. My thighs parted instinctively—and that's when he stopped kissing me and moved his mouth elsewhere.
He wasn't exaggerating when he said he wanted to kiss every part of me.
I'd already orgasmed twice before he even penetrated me.
I woke up the next day locked in his embrace. I had no idea how much time had passed. Valin was smiling at me and playing with my hair.
"I guess cuddling isn't that bad."I looked up at him and sat up, pulling the covers over my chest.
"I... don't want to go to work today," I mumbled.
"Then don't," he replied easily.
After that, I mounted him and leaned down, determined to return the same passion he had shown me earlier—locking my lips to his. Needless to say, I know I'll be chewed out for skipping work, but being with him is so intoxicating that I'm not ready to stop yet.
The next morning, Valin came with me to work. We kissed outside the back door of The Happy Café before parting ways—he headed off to the library.
"So you're saying you were sick?" my boss asked.
"Vomiting profusely, ma'am. I couldn't even reach the phone."Kari tapped her desk.
"Doesn't your boyfriend live with you? Couldn't he call on your behalf?"
"Uh... n-no... he was sick too... we were very sick together," I stammered, my lie making my cheeks burn.
"Alright... I still have to write you up for not calling."I hung my head and apologized, then joined my coworkers to help open the shop.
"I saw you and your man making out outside," Aliyah teased.
I blushed. "Oh... I thought we were alone."
"I thought he was the shy type, but he looked real comfortable with you."My heart was racing. I almost told her what really happened yesterday but... I need to stick to my story.
"He does get social anxiety. Pretty bad."
"At first, I thought he was just rude, but then I saw how he is with you. I knew he's nothing but a big softie."I walked away, flustered.
"Oh stop, I'm trying to work!"She laughed.
"How young is he, anyway?"
"He's only three years younger than me... so, 21."
"Yeah? That's his car you drive to work every day too, right? If he was a little taller he'd be perfect. What is he, 5'9"?"That's when I stopped walking and turned to her.
"He's already perfect."She stopped stocking the shelves and smiled at me.
"Aww, you're so in love!"
"Shut up!" I shouted in frustration.
Aliyah changed the subject to an affair the manager was apparently having with the new hire. She'd seen them kissing in the cold storage.
When my shift ended, Valin came to pick me up. His shirt was off, but he had a tank top underneath. As he walked in, eyes that had once ignored him now couldn't look away. He came directly to me and asked,
"Are you ready to go?"He was clutching his shirt and a thick book titled Quantum Theory.
"Yes... put your shirt on." I instructed.He groaned and rubbed his hair. It had grown—about three inches—and curled slightly at the ends.
"Fine."He got dressed and waited for me at an empty table.
As I packed up my things, Aliyah came to me and whispered, flushed, "I see what you were saying now..." her eyes locked on him.I walked away and left a note on the manager's desk, then met up with Valin and left.
As soon as we stepped outside, his hand was on my ass.
"Hey! Sir, we are in public!" I scolded.
He pecked my cheek, removed his hand, and said,"Don't call me sir... ma'am."He was right—I don't like "ma'am." Lesson learned.
"If it makes you feel better, you can grab me too. Touch me as much as you want."I blushed and looked away.
"What? That's not the issue? Hmm..."
Being in the car alone with him was harder than I thought. I felt tense and excited. So as soon as we were parked, I grabbed him by the collar and planted my lips on his. We barely made it into the door before going at it like rabbits in the entryway. I never would've believed this man could make me feel such intense lust. If I'd known it would be like this, I never would've said no to him.
We ended up taking a shower together, then fell asleep curled up on the couch with a movie playing in the background.
Valin woke me early the next day.
"You're going to be late for work."
"Oh... I quit," I replied grumpily.
"What? Why?" he asked.
"You said you didn't want anything... and it's embarrassing to admit, but I can't stand being away from you for hours. So I quit. Maybe one day I'll work from home... or do something else."I yawned. Valin yawned in response and sat up, smiling.
"I'll order us some food, then. What are you in the mood for?"
"I'll pay for it... I want burritos and nachos... and mango salsa too!"I was worried he'd be disappointed that I stopped working, but he didn't seem disappointed at all. In fact, he seemed happy.
"I used to want to be a singer," I admitted. "But... that dream feels far away now."
"You're still a singer, even if you're not famous. Your voice is beautiful. And I'm happy that you sing only for me."I turned to him, surprised.
"You sing while cooking and cleaning—you even dance sometimes. It's adorable. And don't worry, if you still want to be a singer... I will support you."
I hadn't realized he'd been watching me. Now I felt self-conscious.
Valin got up from the couch and walked to the desk, beginning to write in a book.
"What are you writing?" I asked.
"These are my Snowe notes. I want to make sure I keep the info up to date."After about five minutes, he handed me the notebook.
The first page was an intricate sketch of me, along with notes about my likes and dislikes—some I never told him. My favorite foods, restaurants, most-ordered meals, flowers, perfumes, and even which movies made me cry.
"Did you draw this?" I asked first.
"Yeah... oh, I'm sorry. Is that something I should've asked permission to do first?"His response made me laugh, which caused him to pout.
"I just... it's so detailed. You're a great artist."
"I like art," he admitted, still pouting.
"I wish I could draw," I said, flipping to the next page. There was a drawing of me asleep on one side, and on the other, a list of things to avoid saying, topics that upset me, and things that cheer me up.
I almost cried... I just realized how hard Valin fights against his vow, just to be with me and keep me smiling.
"I could teach you," he offered.
I wiped away a sneaky tear. "You must like teaching."
He shook his head. "I don't. But I have more patience for cute things... and nothing in the world is cuter to me than you."His words struck me hard.
The next page had a list of my favorite places to be kissed, and a note in red reminding him that I'm shy and inexperienced. I was too bashful to read the rest, so I closed the notebook and handed it back. Once he took it, I kissed him—stunning him for a moment—then quickly turned and flopped onto the couch, embarrassed.
"Sometimes you're so sweet... I can't stand it," I mumbled, covering my face.
Valin lay at my side, pressed up against me, and stroked my forehead before kissing it.
"I like to study a lot of things... math, chemistry, physics, music, art... but you are my favorite subject. I love learning new things about you."
I rolled onto my side to give him more space and grumbled,"I must be incredibly boring compared to those."
He chuckled slightly and leaned down over me, smiling.
"That's true... which makes it so perplexing that I find you so intriguing. Maybe... it's just because I love you..."My whole body heated up like I was in front of a furnace. He kissed me, and as he pulled away I whispered,
"I love you too..."We both blushed. "What if... your book gets full and you run out of things to learn about me?"
"Impossible. We're always changing, and I plan to witness every subtle change you go through... for the rest of our lives."
He's turning me on again, but I have zero energy left to do anything about it...
A little while later, the doorbell rang. Assuming it was our food, I opened the door—only to find Zai standing there.
"I heard you moved in with Valin... It's been a while." His eyes scanned over my body, so I quickly covered up. Then he stepped inside.
"What are you doing here?" Valin hadn't come out of the bedroom yet—he was still getting dressed—so Zai and I were alone, for the moment.
"Wow... you look good. Better than the last time I saw you. How've you been? I just wanted to see you, if that's okay."Me? Not his brother? I feel like we barely had two conversations before he left.
"Don't compliment me and... that doesn't make sense," I replied, baffled.
"I tried to stay away... but I failed. I..."Then he hugged me tight. I could feel his heart racing against mine—his warmth."If I knew you'd end up with Valin, I never would have left."
I pushed him away."You should go," I said, disturbed.
"Please, just talk to me," he pleaded.The sadness in his voice didn't make any sense to me.
"Go!" I shouted, and he hung his head sadly—then vanished into the wind.
That was... strange. Has he really been thinking about me this whole time?
I remember how I felt when I first saw him. When I first laid eyes on Smoke, I thought he was handsome, so I was shy. When I first saw Raijian, I noticed his looks too—but my heart felt cold. Perhaps because of what I'd just escaped.But Zai… when I saw him for the first time, our eyes met, and I felt a rush of energy flood through me. I found myself wondering how it was possible for one person to be so beautiful.And yet—I ran from him at every chance. Every time he started a conversation, a voice in my head screamed at me to leave, to reject him. That voice didn't shut up until he was gone.Though the attraction was immediate, perhaps it wasn't just me who felt it… but him as well.
The food arrived a little later, around the same time Valin came downstairs. We sat together on the couch and ate, watching the news.The weather always seemed to fascinate him.Talking about what just happened would probably kill the mood. I needed to get my mind off Zai, so I asked,"Valin… would… you ever get married?"
He scoffed."Nope. What's even the point?"
His answer made my heart sink a little, but then he turned toward me and pinned me to the couch by my shoulders."But… I do want to have a big family—and lots of children. With you."
I gasped, and he started kissing my neck."...We can start right now."
"D-don't say that," I mumbled frantically, turning my head as he undressed.
"Why not?... I know how Infaniyans work. If you get pregnant, it's only because you want to have my baby."
He wasn't wrong. To prevent unwanted children, Angel cast a spell on all her descendants, so we remain infertile until our minds are open to the idea of pregnancy.He opened the robe I was wearing and smiled.
"I haven't even thought about that before," I admitted, shuddering beneath his touch as he fondled my breast.But... the idea of children running around who look like him... It's a nice one.
"I want us to be a family," he said as he kissed me—and had his way with me there on the couch.With each thrust, he whispered reminders of his intentions. And I whispered back how much I loved and adored him, digging my nails into his back.I know without a doubt... a child was conceived in that moment.
I awoke alone the next day to the sound of someone knocking. When I opened the door, Zai was sitting on the front porch.
"What are you doing here again?" I whispered coldly.
"I just want to talk to you," he replied."I feel like I missed all my chances to have a proper conversation… like something was actively keeping us apart. You don't know how happy I am that you're finally acknowledging me now."
I can't deny it—it was always hard to talk to Zai. Painful, even.
"We should talk with Valin in the room," I said, then called out for him at the top of my lungs.
"Wait… I don't think he should hear what I have to say. He's sensitive."
"Then don't say it. Go home."
His face crumpled with defeat. I felt a twinge of pity for him.
"Well… should we all hang out in the future, then?"
"You came here asking to see me first. You haven't even asked about Valin. I don't trust you. Your intentions don't seem pure... so no."
I can't deny that I'm naturally attracted to Zai—which is all the more reason to stay away.He turned and walked away again. I could tell… he wasn't coming back this time.
"Why was Zai here this time?" Valin asked as he came downstairs, towel still on his head.
"Oh… he wanted to talk to me. You knew he came yesterday?" I asked.
Valin smiled and patted my cheek."I know everything that goes on in my house."
I looked down and mumbled,"Oh… I told him to leave. It felt inappropriate. He wanted to speak without you around and… the vibe was weird. Like he wants to be with me."
Valin's expression darkened slightly.
"I'd rather not… but if he shows up again, there will be a fight."His hand slid down to my stomach, making me blush."I don't want to, though. I hate violence," he added quickly.
"I don't want it to come to that either. But no matter what happens, I'm with you, and on your side. I don't want anyone but you. I love you, Valin."
Nothing else had ever felt truer.No matter how attractive Zai is to me, it's nothing compared to how I feel for Valin… or the anxiety I feel when I imagine losing him.
He grinned widely, then hugged me and tickled my neck with kisses.
"I love you, too," he murmured—barely audible through the sound of my giggles."Also, since we are having a family together, I changed my mind about the whole marriage thing. Your mind is already set on being with me... I might as well make it official.Is that what you want?I feel like I should've asked before blurting out my opinion like that... I'm sorry."
Is Valin... proposing to me?
He slipped a ring onto my finger—a platinum band with a large, clear pink stone.
"I made this for you. I hope you like it."
So he also knows I'm pregnant. That our love is mutual.
He'd be likely to sense new life earlier than most… because of his element.
I started to cry, but before I could reply—The image of him faded, and the world around me became a blank canvas.
END—
"Welcome back, Snowe," the White Rabbit greeted me.Then all my memories collided and blended together. I screamed.
"Now tell me... what choice have you made?" she asked, waiting patiently as I quieted—calming myself from the bombardment of memories.
This is horrible...