The path behind the school was quieter than I expected.
The late afternoon air carried a faint breeze, and somewhere far away came the muffled crack of a baseball bat striking a ball.
I followed the faint smell of dust and grass until I reached the row of old metal bins tucked in the corner.
Just as I leaned forward to lift one of the lids, a soft sound stopped me.
"Meoow~"
A cat?
Then, after a brief pause.
"Nyah~ Nyah~"
…A person?
I leaned sideways and peered around the corner.
And there she was.
Kido crouched low on the ground, her uniform skirt brushing the dirt, and a small gray kitten rolling over in front of her.
She held up her hands in little paw shapes, quietly mimicking its sounds. The kitten batted at her fingers and meowed again, its tiny red collar jingling faintly.
The girl everyone called distant and perfect was kneeling in the dirt, meowing back at a cat like a child.
Then, inevitably, the kitten noticed me.
It froze and its gaze flicked to the side.
Kido followed it.
"Ah."
Our eyes met.
"Ah."
After a few seconds of paralyzing silence, Kido finally snapped out of it and her face went crimson red.
"Na–Naoki?! What are you– how long have you been standing there?!"
Kido's eyes darted between me and the cat.
She tried to clear her throat, but her voice came out two octaves higher than usual.
"This–" She struggled to say while looking back and forth at the cat. "Isn't what it looks like! I was, uh, just… testing a theory!"
"…A theory?" I replied with a bit of hesitation.
"Yes! About feline response patterns! For, um… science."
An awkward silence followed.
And soon the kitten meowed again.
Kido deflated immediately, realizing how weak her excuse was.
"Oh god…" she muttered as she sank down, pressing her hands over her face. "How much did you see?"
I scratched the back of my neck. "Just the part where you were… communicating..."
She groaned softly, a muffled "Just kill me now" escaped through her palms.
Soon a small gap between her fingers revealed an embarrassed frown directed at me, "You know it's rather rude to watch other people secretly like that…"
"Sorry," I replied without even realizing.
For some odd reason I felt guilty even if I hadn't done it on purpose.
"I was just uh… taking out the trash… It wasn't my intention to just interrupt you and your little cat friend…" I continued.
"C-cat friend?! W-what ever could you mean?!" Kido replied with a shaky voice.
"I-I'll have you know I plenty of other friends! It's not like this cat is my only company."
She couldn't even look at me in the eyes as she said that.
This poor girl…
That cat is her only friend isn't it…
I let out a sigh and walked closer.
Soon I was crouched in front of the kitten and the pitiful girl next to it.
As I tried to pat the small kitten, it quickly took cover behind Kido's leg and hissed at me.
"Dolly!" Kido called out, scolding the cat.
"He's quite cautious around strangers, isn't he?"
Kido slowly lowered her hands and glanced at the kitten now curled beside her shoe.
"Yeah… he usually doesn't let others get close to him…"
She stroked its head, and the kitten purred loudly. "I think he used to belong to someone. But he's been around the school for months now, always running and hiding from people."
"Well he sure seems to like you a lot. You even got to name him." I replied.
A soft smile formed on Kido's face, "He wasn't always this friendly with me you know? And to be honest… it was just a coincidence that I found him."
"At first, he wouldn't even get close to me." Kido said as she turned to the sky, as if reminiscing about something. "Maybe he was hurt or abandoned by its previous owner… but he always seemed afraid."
The kitten stared at me meanwhile, as if examining my face with curiosity.
"It took a long time to build up his trust. Sometimes he even bit or scratched me whenever I got too close… but in the end, it was worth it. Now he's happy every time he sees me."
Kido seemed happy and proud as she said that and soon the kitten climbed into her lap, kneading her skirt with tiny paws as if to prove her point.
Kido meanwhile laughed faintly at its actions.
It was the kind of laugh one would miss if they weren't listening closely.
"In the end… I guess he just wants company." She said while holding the cat. "Though… I suppose everyone does, right?"
I wasn't sure if she was trying to tell me something indirectly, or she truly was talking in general.
Regardless, I still felt guilty and I didn't know what to say in response.
And for a while, neither of us spoke.
The wind stirred, scattering a few leaves across the ground and the sky was now dimming into the colors of the evening, with the soft orange light now darkening.
The only sounds that could be heard were the faint rumbling purr of the kitten and every so often the miscellaneous noises coming from clubs practicing from afar.
How awkward…
I stayed there crouched, trying to think of something interesting or clever to say. A way to stir the conversation and end this silence that became more and more unbearable by the minute.
But nothing came to mind… and that's just the reality.
Unlike novel protagonists I don't know the exact words I should be saying to her right now.
Words of comfort? Make a joke? Blurt out a cringy heartfelt apology? Sympathize with her? Tell her the truth? Lie to her?
I don't know.
These situations are just painful reminders that nothing is ever straightforward in life and there isn't a magical line that can fix everything or undo our actions.
I also don't know if what I'm doing is the right thing, nor what I should do from now on.
Hell, there's not even dramatic or emotional music playing for us, and no one else to help me figure out what to do.
All that truly remains is just this awkward and uncomfortable silence...
I know better than anyone else that there truly is no correct choice.
I've seen it firsthand with those three… and yet… I can't help but think.
What is the correct choice?
This girl is blatantly suffering in front of me, and somehow, I'm meant to deceive her even further?
Can I really do that? All for the sake of avoiding this so-called cliché life? All to protect my peaceful high school career?
Ha~
Why can't this type of situation just stay in novels…
In that brief moment, a bitter memory from my old school came to mind.
A girl with black hair speaking with an indifferent demeanor, 'Why do you even bother to help them? You never get anything in return.'
I wonder, what did I say back then again?
That's right,
I…
"Kido"
"You know…" Kido interrupted, almost absently, "there's this old saying that cats forget their owners after three days."
Her tone was thoughtful, almost sad.
"…Is that true?" I asked, trying to sound normal, but the words came out quieter than I intended.
She nodded slowly. "It's kind of ridiculous, right? A cat can spend years with someone; being fed, cared for, loved. Then just three days apart, and… poof… they forget all about you."
The kitten pawed at her sleeve as if asking for attention, but she didn't respond. Her eyes had gone distant, fixed somewhere else.
"It doesn't make sense," she continued, her voice trembling just a little. "Because I think… it's not that simple…. some bonds don't fade, even if people do."
I could feel the weight behind her words.
Kido finally looked down at the kitten again and forced a smile. "Cats remember. Maybe not everything, but they remember the warmth, the voice, the feeling of being cared for."
The wind shifted again, brushing her hair across her cheek. She tucked it behind her ear, but her expression stayed faintly melancholic.
"I'm sure of it," she said. "They remember… right?"
For a long moment, we just stood there, crouched next to each other, me still holding onto a half-empty trash bag like an idiot.
"They do." I finally replied. "That whole deal of cat's forgetting someone in three days is just a myth. So… cheer up alright?"
Kido looked at me for a moment before making a soft calm smile.
She exhaled softly and stood up, dusting off her skirt.
When she turned to face me, the melancholy was gone, replaced with a calm, knowing expression.
"I know why you're here," she said.
I could feel my body tense up.
"…You do?"
"Yeah," she said quietly.
"My father… he sent you, didn't he?" Her voice sounded tired. Like she'd been expecting this all along.
But the worst part was the fact that I couldn't deny it.
Kido seemed to realize from my silence that she was spot on.
"You don't need to apologize for anything; in fact I should be the one saying sorry… I acted before thinking and caused you trouble." She said while slightly bowing.
Say something.
Kido then let out a soft sigh. "As for whatever my father threatened you with, don't worry about it anymore. I'll take care of it."
Say something!
She gave a small, practiced smile, "Anyways, you don't need to concern yourself with me anymore. So if that's all, then I guess we might see each other around. Oh and please don't say anything about the cat, I wanted to take him home, but it seems he likes it here."
Kido turned around and slowly began to walk away. Meanwhile, I just stood there gritting my teeth in silence.
"See you, Kurogawa-kun"
This should be a relief, I thought. The whole problem solves itself. No more rumors. No more trouble.
But as I watched her walk away, that familiar, uncomfortable ache twisted inside me.
A stupid, annoying, frustrating, feeling, that always manages to find me.
A feeling that I detest.
This is it.
I got what I wanted, a free way out.
So why do I feel angry?
A flash of another girl's face crossed my mind, her shy eyes hidden behind thick bangs, sitting alone in the old school library.
Followed by a girl with white hair crying quietly behind stage, and finally a short-tempered brat standing under the rain.
I couldn't do anything back then…
No… that's a lie.
I simply didn't do anything back then.
I just walked away.
And now here I was again. Making that same choice.
"...I really am a piece of shit, aren't I?" I muttered to myself.
Man this rom-com stuff is not for the faint of heart.
I could very well be putting in danger the peaceful life I wanted to have.
Hell, this could very well mark the end of my social life.
However, at least right now, one thing is clear.
Letting that girl walk away, right here, right now, is not an option.
Before I knew it, my hand moved on its own. I reached out and grabbed Kido's arm.
She froze, startled, her eyes wide as she turned back to me.
"Kurogawa…?"
This is why I hate these damn heart felt situations…
Alright viewers, you want to know another reason why these God forsaken cliches should stick to novels?!
You want to know huh!?!!
Cause otherwise, you're forced to say embarrassing and cringy lines that won't let you sleep at night!
I met Kido's gaze head-on and continued holding onto her arm with my grip being firm but gentle.
"You aren't a bother to me," I said.
The words came out steadier than I expected.
"Huh?"
Kido looked confused by what I had just said.
"I'm saying, that all that talk of you causing me trouble is nonsense alright?" I continued.
Her eyes seemed to shimmer for a second as she heard me.
"Frankly, all that deal about our promise of marriage, well… I did forget it… no point lying about that" I said as I scratched my head nervously.
"And... maybe I also forgot about you too…"
Kido seemed unimpressed by my words.
Listen I never said I was any good at this talk no jutsu crap alright?
"But I can't let you leave this place thinking I despise you, or that I don't want anything to do with you or anything similar for that matter."
Her lips parted slightly, like she wanted to say something.
But before she could I let go of her arm, and in one swift motion, I slapped both of my cheeks with full force.
"W-what are you?!" Kido exclaimed surprised.
I exhaled softly.
"Enough with this melodrama," I muttered. "I always hated this kind of thing anyway."
Screw this God of romantic comedy.
If this world wants to force this situation on me, then I'll do it on my own terms.
I could feel my face beginning to burn up.
Alright time to say more embarrassing stuff.
You've trained for this, you got this.
"Your father did send me. But everything I'm about to say isn't cause he threatened to break my legs, nor cause he tried to blackmail me. Rather, it's cause…"
Shit, how can rom-com protagonists do this on a daily basis.
"It's cause… I want to be your friend!"
Kido seemed flustered by my sudden declaration, not as much as me though.
Damn it, this never gets any easier.
I bet my face is flushed from embarrassment.
And here I thought I had built a tolerance for this type of situation…
"I won't lie, at first, I did consider going along with your father's plan. But I realized that I'd rather live my days as an outcast than try to deceive the girl that I used to play with in her garden."
Kido blinked in surprise and remained silent for a bit.
Then, to my astonishment, she let out a small laugh.
"So… you remember?" she asked, voice trembling between relief and disbelief.
I nodded. "Bits and pieces. Not everything though. But enough."
She looked down for a moment, a faint smile tugging at her lips. "It seems I wasn't wrong then… You are still the same person from my memories after all…." She muttered.
"Well the same person might be a bit of an exaggeration…" I said while averting my eyes.
But Kido stared at me pouting with a frown as if saying, 'let me have this'.
"Yep, still the same person." I smiled nervously.
She let out a sigh and continued listening.
"My point is, I hope you don't think you are being a nuisance or a bother to me, or that I hate you for some strange reason."
I scratched the back of my head and turned away, "So um… don't leave."
Kido let out a small scoff, "No, I guess I was wrong after all. You have changed, it seems you've grown." She said with a warm smile.
She then proceeded to put her arms behind her, and turn away from me, "In the end, you were right. It has been far too long. Those two kids who met all those years ago are no more."
"I guess not…" I replied. "But… even if they aren't the same anymore, their friendship still remains… right?"
"So, what do you say, we can try to you know, resume our friendship and whatnot…" I asked hesitantly.
Kido turned to face me, with the full might of the sun making her emerald eyes shine.
She then took a small breath, straightened herself with renewed resolve and walked a couple of steps closer.
Finally she smiled.
"No."
"…huh?"
Did… did I hear that correctly?
"We can't go back to being childhood friends. That part's gone."
"Oh… fuck."
Isn't this-
Isn't this supposed to be the part where we reconciliate…?
"Did you really think apologizing and then trying to be all emotional was going to be enough to make up after what you made me go through?" She asked with a sneer.
"Of course not…"
I definitely did.
"And also you haven't even addressed the most important issue in all of this."
I haven't?
"Um… and that is…?" I hesitantly asked.
"My feelings for you."
Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that.
"About that…"
"Don't worry, that part is also gone." She replied coldly and abruptly.
Ouch…
"So… does this mean we ain't resuming our friendship from all those years ago…?"
"Yep." She replied with a smile that made me flinch back.
So this is what it feels like to have an invisible stake thrown at your heart.
Kido seemed to realize what I was thinking and not long after, as if not being to hold it in any longer, burst out laughing.
I just stared dumbfounded at her reaction.
She continued giggling for a bit, but soon enough she regained her composure.
"Instead—" She hesitated for just a second, then smiled, a genuine, gentle smile that reached her eyes."—let's start anew, as strangers."
The words hung in the air, simple yet heavy.
"Wat."
Kido began to walk closer and closer until she was right next to me.
"I'm saying, let's become friends. Not as childhood friends that once knew each other, rather… as strangers who are getting to know each other for the first time in highschool."
The breeze pushed her hair softly as she said that.
"Oh... So that's what you meant."
"Did you panic thinking I was about to turn you down completely?" She smirked.
"No of course not… alright maybe just a bit."
"Your expression was quite funny I must admit."
For a moment, I just stared at her. Then I felt the corners of my mouth tug upward. "You really don't make things easy, do you?"
She giggled softly. "I could say the same for you."
We both stood there awkwardly before she extended her hand toward me. "Then let's do this properly. I'm Kido Tomiko, and I hope we can get along."
I looked at her hand for a moment before taking it. "Naoki Kurogawa. Pleasure's mine."
Her grip was warm and steady.
Nothing like the melancholic girl I'd seen crouching beside the kitten.
For the first time this entire week, I felt relieved.
I was finally going to sleep well tonight.
"So… what now?" Kido asked, looking a bit embarrassed from our handshake.
"Good question." I replied while scratching the back of my neck. "For starters I should probably throw this trash away."
I walked to the bins nearby with Kido and the kitten following after.
As I opened the lid and put the bags inside, Kido tugged my uniform from behind.
"Um… Naoki... Actually, there's something I'd like to ask of you…"
Her cheeks were red while she pivoted her foot on the ground shyly.
Oh god. Seems like she's about to say something troublesome.
"Well since we're friends now, I'll try my best to help you." I replied with a smile.
As long as it's not too annoying that is.
"Well then… Please…" she struggled to say.
In one sudden motion, Kido did a 90-degree bow.
"Please help me make 100 friends!!!" She exclaimed.
"…One…hundred…?"
"I'm really bad at socializing and talking to others so… I was hoping you could help me." She said while hiding part of her face behind the sleeves of her uniform.
I finally snapped out of my momentary stun from her request.
"Hold up- there's way too many problems with that request! Like getting sued, but to begin with, why do you even want 100 friends?!"
"Isn't that the average amount of friends someone has…?" she asked innocently.
This girl really is hopeless.
"Listen, at most you only need one really good friend."
As I said that, Kido seemed a bit deflated, like she really wanted me to accept her request.
"Ha…but since you really want to make more friends, then I guess I can help you get two or three friends at most. No more, alright? After that it's all up to you."
She soon proceeded to light up like a beacon and nod in agreement.
I could see a fire slowly lighting a blaze in her eyes.
Well I guess this isn't too bad.
"So when do we begin?" She exclaimed as we walked back to the main building.
"Hmm… well let me find some suitable people first."
I guess that Lulu girl from before would be a good place to start… now that I think about it, I don't even know her real name.
"But can you do all the talking?"
"What? But you're the one that wants friends."
"Well my people skills are a bit…"
"Ha~ fine…"
"Yes!"
Only time will tell if my decisions are the right ones.
At least, one step at a time, we're working to better understand ourselves, both her and me.