Jason's P.O.V
"You aren't getting it!" Ace shouts at me. "You're crazy! These ideas that you conjure up. You're perverse, wild, thoughtless, and downright weird!" I say defensively. Ace rolls his eyes. "How many times do I have to remind you that these are your thoughts?" I shake my head and rub my hands over my face. "This subconscious meditation thing clearly isn't working," I say, referring to a technique Ace taught me to do that allows us to communicate without switching who controls my body.
I meditate in my subconscious and talk to an unruly version of me. Ace permanently has his ears and tail out, his hair is disheveled, his tie is loose, shirt untucked, and he constantly has a gleam of mischief in his eyes. What makes it all the worse is that he has my face and body. It's hard enough to look at, and even harder to hear the things that come out of his mouth.
"We like her," Ace says in a soft tone. His tone always gets soft when he refers to or mentions Soren. "There's no way we can be the same person if you don't feel anything for Saiya," I tell him sternly. I love Saiya, and I will not be told otherwise. Not even by myself. "I'm not saying we don't love that woman. I'm saying she's a non-factor."
"That doesn't even make sense!" I yell and feel my hair going grey. "Let me try to make this as clear as possible for you. You grew up shutting me out. You ignored your instincts and relied purely on logic, while a normal werewolf grows up with ALL of their emotions intact. The good and the bad. You, on the other hand, take whatever emotion is most convenient and push back anything that'll disrupt your perfect image of yourself. Since loving that woman is part of your perfect image, it's a part of yourself that you've accepted. Meaning, me, everything you want to deny, doesn't include that woman. I'm not saying she doesn't mean anything to us, I'm saying she's not what you have to accept. She's not what's keeping us from becoming one."
"I care for Soren, I really do. But not at the same capacity that you do." I try to explain to Ace, but all he does is roll his eyes so far back that I think they're about to get stuck for a second. "Why the hell are you so hard-headed?" He growls, and I reciprocate the action. "You're the one who isn't understanding anything." Ace gets out of his chair and walks through this black empty space that is my consciousness.
"Fine, let's try a different approach. Even if our thoughts aren't the same, we share the same body." Ace stops in front of me, and the chair he was just sitting in magically teleports to his side. God, I'll never get used to that. Ace sits in front of me and puts his hands on the sides of my head. "Remember when we were at our lowest and she made us feel like we were normal?" Ace takes his hands away from my head, and when my eyes reopen, instead of a black background, the memory of Soren and me talking when I told her I'm a werewolf plays instead.
"She forgave us, offered her help, and told us that while our behavior might've been extreme, it was only natural to wolf-out at our parents since every child has their tantrums. She made us feel relatable. Something we never felt before until that moment." My heart slowly starts to pick up pace as the memory is laid out in front of me. "She did," I say absent-mindedly.
"Or when she stayed with us all night during our transformation. And even the little details like how she lights up the room with her smile, how safe we feel when she's around, how sexy she gets with that mouth of hers when we argue, the urge to hold her and never let go, and all of the dirty thoughts you have whenever she's beneath us." Multiple memories of Soren play around us, and I can't help the tight feeling in my chest, and my breath becomes more rapid.
"Yes! That! That is what I'm talking about." Ace says with a satisfied grin. I stare at him in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about?" My frustration is at a climax, and I'm utterly torn. "The quickening of your breath and the tightness in your chest is what I feel. It's our connection to her. Let it in. Embrace it." My vision starts to blur, and the room around me starts to spin. "I-I can't. I can't do this." Everything shatters like glass, and I awake with a gasp in the real world. "Jason, snap out of it!" Trevor yells.
The room is still spinning, and I can't grasp what's happening. "You're okay. You're fine. Breath in and out. In and out." I try to do as Trevor says and manage to get my breathing down to a normal rate. Trevor releases a sigh of relief. "You aren't taking this well," He states the obvious. "No shit, Trevor. I don't know what the hell is going on anymore." I comb through my hair in frustration. I sit on the floor and lean against the lower board of my bed. I spread my legs and dip my head in between them.
I get a call and smile when the name pops up. Trevor leaves me to my devices. "Hey, you," her sweet voice is laced with exhaustion. "Hey, babe. How has your day been?" A small gasp is heard from the other side of the phone. "Jason, you sound terrible. What's going on with you?" She prods. "I'm fine, just a little stressed with work." I hate lying to her. I'm the worst fiancé ever. I lied to her about everything, and now I have feelings for her sister. 'So you finally admit it,' Ace says, and it feels like salt in an open wound.
"Jase, you can tell me anything, you know that, right?" My heart clenches, and I put my fist in my mouth for a brief second to gather myself. "I love you so much, you know that?" I ask her. I need to hear her say yes. "I know you love me, but I don't know if you trust me. You're distant, Jason. We used to call every day, and we'd talk about how our days went. Now we barely talk, and when we do, you're always so secretive. What's going on? Did you kill somebody? Do you need help burying the body?"
Her voice is slightly panicked, but she sounds ready to help. It's incredibly endearing. I can't help but laugh. "You would help me if I killed somebody?" I grin. "I mean, yeah. You're my fiancé." Right then and there, my heart drops. The call is silent for a second, and Saiya calls out to me to make sure I'm still here. "Would you help me only because I put a ring on your finger?" The thought slips out before I can stop it. I quickly scramble to take my words back, but I refrain from doing so. I need to know.
"Jason, I'm not doing anything just because I feel like I have to as your fiancée. I know when to draw the line. I'm your fiancée because I love you. I don't love you because I'm your fiancé, and don't you ever forget that." Her stern tone takes me by surprise, and I have to make sure the caller is actually Saiya. I blow out a full-blown laugh. "Holy shit, Saiya. I'm so taken by you, you know that?" I can practically see her blush, and she starts to stutter.
"You can't just say those things, Jase. You know I'm easily flustered." For the first time in hours, I genuinely smile. "That's why I do it. You may not know what's going on, but know that you always make it better. Always," I whisper the last part in hopes that she understands just how badly she affects me. "I wish that I could do more. I wish that you would trust me enough to stay by your side and confide in me. I wish Soren didn't know something about you that I don't."
My heart clenches, and I wish I were there to console her. "I do trust you to stay by my side, and that's part of the problem. You say you know when to draw the line, but what if you don't? What if you stay so you don't feel like a bad person? You're going to have questions that I just don't have the answers to yet, so please just wait a little longer. I want to be able to tell you everything and figure out who I am. So please, just a little longer. Please." I beg and hope she understands.
"I never said I was going anywhere. Stop making decisions for me. If you don't want to tell me because it'll help you, then I'm okay with it. I'm not okay with you not telling me because you're afraid of how I'm going to take it. I love you." I straighten my back, reinstated with new vigor. "This is all going to be over soon. I love you, too." And with that promise, our call ends. It isn't long before Soren's last name appears on my phone.
A part of me that's been shoved deeper down jumps around in excitement. Ever since our video call last night, we decided we would do this every night. "Ugh, I hate you," she groans the words out. I can't help an eye roll. "Shut up, you love me. You literally can't go a day without talking to me." I get up from the floor and walk towards the kitchen in search of something to eat. "I know, that's why I hate you. Shirtless, again I see?" I grin and angle the phone so the rest of my lower body can be seen. "Enjoy it while you can, darling."
It's her turn to roll her eyes. "Oh, whatever would I do without your six pack? Hm, possibly exactly what I was doing before I knew those things existed. I was fine before seeing them, and I'll be better after they're gone. How do you have those things anyway? You literally don't work out." She strays from her insult to a genuine question. "Wouldn't you like to know?" I tease, knowing what her response will be. "No, I asked for absolutely no reason." Her response is laced with sarcasm.
"Don't say that like rhetorical questions don't exist."
"Well, this ain't one of them, so answer the fucking question."
"Ah, I'm getting a sense of deja vu from this conversation. Anyway, I did have a life before I created this company. I was kind of a gym head, and my body needs to be able to withstand my shifting. I still go to the gym from time to time." I open my fridge and see leftover groceries from when Soren and I went shopping. That was fun, I smile. "Ah, yes. Young Jason, what an enigma. What were you like back then?" She churns in her bed and stares at me in wonder through the phone.
I look back on past me and inwardly cringe. "I was pretty much the same, except I was in my experimental phase. I tried all kinds of looks." It doesn't take long for Soren's imagination to run wild. "Did you have an emo phase? Oh, what about a nerdy phase? You would look so cute in a cardigan," she gushes, but I don't see the appeal. "No, I never had a cardigan phase," I correct her before she takes this and runs with it.
"You didn't deny the other phases, though. I'll have to see pictures of it now. How was your first time with a woman or a man? I don't judge." I don't know why, but I'm momentarily stunned by the subject change and directness. "Right out the gate, huh?" Soren shrugs and looks at me expectantly. "It was...something. I didn't really know what I was doing. My first time was with somebody experienced, so she tried to guide me, but I didn't really know what she was telling me. According to the rumors she spread, it was the worst night of her life, and I'm just a pretty face with no skills." Soren visibly winces. "Yikes, that must've been embarrassing. I would've transferred schools,"
I chuckle and shake my head as I whip out the ingredients to make rice and steak. "It wasn't that bad. I didn't take you for somebody to be bothered by such a rumor."
"I mean it's not a rumor if it's true. At that point, it's just embarrassing, and I'll have to hide away in a hole until it blows by." The steak is pre-made so I don't have to do much. "Hey, you! I bought that for myself! You can eat the deer in the woods or some shit, but you leave my steak alone!" She threatens, but it only comes out as a cute pout to me. "My house, my food. And it was bought with my money." I sneer. "You think you're so slick. Just you wait, Jason." She mock-glares at me.
"Speaking of which, what are we going to do after this spell breaks? You know the effects will be worse than usual, and we won't be able to stay apart." My words dim the playful mood, and Soren goes silent for a while. "Honestly, I don't know, but I see you've made progress." I'm confused by her smile. "What progress? And why do you look so happy?"
"Jason, look at yourself in the video call," I stop what I'm doing and pick my phone up from the counter. Her eyes light up in fascination, and I do as she says. I look at myself in the camera, and specs of gold swirl in my dark blue eyes. I drop my phone in shock before quickly catching it midair. "My eyes, they're..." I don't finish my sentence. What does this mean?
'It means you're starting to accept parts of me,' Ace says in my head. "How did you do it, again?" Soren asks. Again? "Ace showed me how to slip into my consciousness. That's where he showed me the thoughts and emotions that I've been suppressing. I let some of them in, but I don't think I've changed."
"Of course you don't think you've changed. Even if you don't fully acknowledge your other half, it's still there. Those are still your thoughts. But to an outsider like me, I see the difference. You divulge my antics a bit more. You're more, I don't know, sassy? It feels like the stick has been taken out of your ass." I produce a small laugh before a small blush creeps onto my face. I clear my throat and avoid eye contact. "Oh my god, Jason. Are you blushing?" She teases and gets up from her bed and moves to the kitchen. I puff out my chest and growl. The action is natural, and I don't have to consciously think about it.
"So what feelings did you have to accept?" Her voice fades out as she distances herself from the phone to rummage through the fridge. I clam up. I just recently acknowledged my feelings for Soren in my head, but I haven't said it out loud. She pulls out a giant jar of apple sauce and grabs a spoon before digging in. The face I give her makes her scoff and roll her eyes. "Don't judge," she hisses. I raise my hands in surrender. She leans against the counter and waits for me to answer her question. I admire her figure in silence. The cleavage of her breasts, the dip in her waist, the curve of her hips, and her long legs exposed by her shorts. Her soft lips open and close as she puts the apple sauce in her mouth and swallows it.
I feel like I'm stuck in a trance until she says something to snap me out of it. "I feel like you're undressing me with your eyes." A deep blush spreads across her face, and she looks away in embarrassment. I chuckle at the meek action. "Damn, I really am attracted to you," I sigh, but can't help the smile that pulls at my lips. She sputters and chokes on her applesauce. "Geez, we've always known that we have a sexual attraction towards one another, but for you to be so direct and okay with it. I've been away from you for two days, and you've already changed."
"Well, it's not like Ace and I haven't had multiple conversations about you. In order to get back to Saiya and find myself, I have to acknowledge the fact that I like you, Soren. As more than just a friend. Tell me it's wrong to love Saiya and like you at the same time." I can't help the searing guilt that comes with the admission of my feelings. "It happens all of the time, Jason. I've never been in love, so I can't tell you much. I came into your life at an important time and have been there for you. It could've been anybody. There's nothing unique about me, Jason. And if it was Saiya that appeared at your door that day, I'm sure you'd love her all the more."
"That's where you're wrong, Soren. Everybody develops feelings for a person out of circumstance. Something brought them together, and they had a moment that set off a chain of reactions. But you're not going to develop feelings for every person who does something nice for you. It's you, Soren. The way you talk, how caring you are, your humor and sympathy, and on occasion, apathy. It's the way you feel in my arms." Everything that I never wanted to admit to myself comes spewing out. It feels good to get it off my chest, but it also terrifies me.
"I-I had no idea you felt that way. So you're saying that even under different circumstances, you'd have the same feelings for me?" She nervously fidgets, something rare for her. "Yes, just please tell me that I'm not in this alone. Tell me that you also feel what I'm feeling." I plead. I guess misery does love company. I bitterly chuckle. "...You're not alone in this, Jason. I don't know what I feel for you, but as much as I hate to admit it, it's more than sexual attraction. If we're both feeling the same thing, then I can assure you it's nothing worth ruining your relationship with Saiya over. We have a crush on each other. Whether that's wrong or right, I don't know. It's not like any of this was intentional, but if it's tearing you apart, then we should keep our distance after everything blows over."
She doesn't sound confident in her words, and I can see her mulling over the situation. "Do you really want that?"
"Of course not, Jason. That's the problem! I hate this. I hate not knowing. I hate not being in control. All of this is new to me, and I wish somebody had all of the answers for us." Her voice becomes softer as her exhaustion seeps through her words.
"Tell me,"
"Tell you what?"
"Tell me everything you like about me."
She hesitates before taking a deep breath. "I like how safe I feel in your arms, how you caress my body, our silly fights, your loyalty, and how understanding you are at times. I like our lighthearted moments when it's just us and no one else. It feels like there's nobody else in the world. And it feels nice that you trust me completely, even when you're being overprotective.
-I like how clueless you can be at times. I find it kind of adorable, albeit frustrating. You mean well, and your intentions are pure. And ironically, I like how good you are with my family. And I don't want to live in a world where you hate me. When we bumped into Saiya while shopping, and her friends were giving you reasons to hate me, I could only pray that it wouldn't get to you. I like how you defend me even though you don't always agree with my decisions. Jason, I-I like everything about you. You're a good guy, but I don't think our feelings run deep enough for it to be a huge concern. While I like you and our dynamic, I can live without you. I don't want to, but I can. And we don't know how strongly we truly feel for one another because of this mark. It may react to how we feel, but it also enhances our reactions towards each other. We never would've kissed or had that moment without its influence. So maybe we should hold off on this until it's gone."
I've never seen Soren so vulnerable. I can't help my silly grin. "You like every single thing about me." I wiggle my eyebrows, which makes her hunch over in laughter. "Wipe that boyish grin off your face, Madden. And stop that thing with your eyebrows!" Her words only spur me on further, and her smile damn near wipes me out. "You should smile more."
"You should make me smile more. All of this frowning is giving me wrinkles. And don't just brush off the last part of my little speech."
"I'm not. I agree that we should revisit this matter after the mark disappears."
Comfortable silence falls upon us, and I make my dinner, but exchange the steak with pork chops. It isn't until I finish my dinner that Soren starts to talk.
"So what else did you have to face? I'm sure our feelings for each other weren't the only thing you suppressed."
"Well, I also have to accept my...perverse side," I feel a small blush creep up my neck. "Oh, you must think you're a saint. I've heard you flirt, Madden. If you're telling me there's a more perverse side of you, then the world isn't ready for it yet." Her theatrics make me feel a little better. "I haven't fully accepted everything yet. The furthest I've gotten is admitting my feelings for you. The other things are for a different day."
"Mhm, understandable. You know, I'm curious now. What do you dislike about me, Madden?" I dramatically scoff and take a seat. "How long do you want to be here?" She gives me a deadpanned face. "Uh uh. Don't act like you weren't just fucking me with your eyes and complimenting my personality." I choke on my spoonful of food and accidentally burn my tongue. "I wasn't thinking of having sex with you." I furiously gulp down my water. A satisfied grin settles on Soren's face.
"Well, first off, I hate that. Your words are so vulgar. You're hard-headed, you don't listen, you refuse to let me protect you, you always think you're right, you get mad any time I call you out, and you're rude." I huff and try to cover her previous comment with my insults. "Do you feel better?" She grins and cocks a brow. I don't know why my blush deepens, so I just focus on cooling off my food. "Well, I hate that your natural instinct is violence, despite you claiming to be a regal and calm guy. I hate how dismissive you can be, your bad attitude, how you feel the need to be in my business, and your undying will to control everybody."
"You're one to talk."
"Ha ha. Maybe we don't like each other because we're similar in some aspects."
"I think we've made it very clear that our feelings for one another are anything but dislike."
"Make no mistake, even though I like you as a whole, you're still infuriating and there's a lot left to be desired." At this point, I completely forgot about my food, fully invested in our argument. "A lot left to be desired? You seem to desire plenty from the looks of it," I smugly grin. She gives me a look before looking down at herself. Her eyes slightly enlarged at the sight of her hardened protruding nipples. She raises her brows then looks at me, completely unfazed. "Like what you see?" She flirts with a look of innocence despite her personality being anything but.
"And if I do?" I push. She stumbles over herself, surprised at my response. "You know, I don't think I like this new you very much." She pouts as she closes the jar lid for the apple sauce and puts it back in the fridge.
I chuckle and say, "So you can dish it but you can't take it." I spur her on and she cocks her brow with a smirk. Not the reaction that I was expecting. "Now we both know that's not true. We also know that if we really do go at it with everything we have, then I'm going to end up underneath you in your bed."
"And that's a bad thing, why?" I joke. "You're exhausting. You know that, right? And you seem to be accepting that perverse side of you just fine." She plops on her bed and rolls on her side in a fetal position. Her raven hair falls between her hazel eyes, and her breasts are pushed together as she curves her body. "Don't you find it weird how different everything is? Normally, at this time, we'd be pulling an all-nighter at the job and leaving around the same time. Now we're facetiming each other while making sexual remarks." She describes the dramatic shift in our relationship.
"I don't think about it often. After you found out that I was a werewolf, I knew that our relationship would never be the same, and that I wouldn't want it to be."
"What do you mean by that?"
"After getting to know you, working with you became fun. Despite what you might think, I don't like a monotonous relationship. I like getting to know my peers, and I was dedicated to building a relationship with you when I found out you were Saiya's sister. Family is important to me, and I value relationships. I wanted you to feel comfortable around me to a certain extent."
"Mhm, well, I didn't know what to think at first, and I still don't. Sometimes I hate your guts, and other times I like you. What I find endearing about you, I also find annoying. I can't wait for us to finally have a clear mind and think this through without the mark's effects."
"I agree. I can only hope Saiya understands when we tell her."
"Well, think of it like this. If you could marry me right now, would you?" I don't have to think about the answer before it comes flying out of my mouth. "No,"
"OK, now I'm slightly offended that you came to that conclusion so fast." I bashfully chuckle and slightly cringe. "Sorry." She smiles and waves me off, letting me know it's nothing serious. "I should be going to bed. We both know how early we have to wake up tomorrow."
"Goodnight, Soren."
"Goodnight." The house is void of sound, and my heart feels empty. I place my dishes in the dishwasher and lie awake in my bed until sleep takes me.