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"If you don't mind me asking. Has there been any progress with the black wall in your brain?"
"We're making progress," Takuma replied after taking a sip of water from a glass sitting on the side table beside his recliner. He resisted the urge to look at the other recliner where his clone was sitting before, as Grey appeared in his vision through a genjutsu. The memory remnant didn't like the Yamanaka iryō -nin very much and thus stayed quiet and out of sight during the visits.
"So you're getting along with your new doctor?"
"I think so, yeah."
Inenpachi was the one to discover the existence of Grey and the black wall inside the central hub of his mind. They had planned to work together to resolve it, but Takuma decided to end the consultation. Takuma stated that he didn't feel comfortable having a doctor-patient relationship while they were collaborators on the Shadow Clone Jutsu research. Being a consummate professional, Inenpachi had gracefully stepped back, understanding how those two separate things might interfere with each other.
In truth, Takuma had no problem with it. He simply didn't have a way to explain Grey's existence. And the one thing Grey wanted from him was to keep away from what lay beyond the black wall, and thus he wasn't very thrilled about having a mind-walker poking around. He had no choice but to terminate that relationship. It was a compromise he had accepted to maintain a peaceful existence.
To build up the lie, he told Inenpachi that he was seeing someone else, provided to him by "work." He wasn't going to discuss the details with him because it was personal, but simply not giving the name of the iryō -nin he was seeing was utterly strange. At first, he thought about giving the name of someone working with ANBU, who was not only bound by the standard doctor-patient confidentiality but also, because they worked with operatives, kept the patient's identity a secret.
But then he realised it would be a problem if Inenpachi met someone one day and his name came up in a conversation. The ANBU iryō -nin would be utterly confused as to why Inenpachi thought he was a patient, and that might cause some problems for him within ANBU, so he decided to dig a little deeper to find someone associated with ANBU who wasn't stationed in the Hidden Leaf Village, so that the chances of them crossing paths were low.
After doing all that research and finding someone believable, he decided it was all too convoluted and that the risk still existed, so he just gave him Sango's name, a.k.a. Copperhead. She wasn't qualified to deal with his issue, but she was someone who would come to him before sounding the alarm in ANBU, giving him a chance to convince her to keep it to herself—and that was a kind of risk he was willing to accept.
"I hope you're diligent with your visits, Takuma. I know many of your type, and they can often neglect things that aren't work. Even if the progress is slow, you should keep going. The involvement of chakra can come with various complications," Inenpachi said.
Grey spat. "He sure talks a lot."
Takuma ignored his companion's displeasure and nodded.
He didn't know if Inenpachi believed him because he had given him a list of Yamanaka who could help him, because, as he said, the black wall was clearly a construct born from chakra and a Yamanaka would be better suited to help him than another iryō -nin with similar expertise. Of course, that wasn't an option for Takuma, or else he would've just continued working with Inenpachi.
By the time he had left the clinic, it was already late in the evening, as their appointment was set up late in the after-work hours for both of them.
"Is there something we can do?" Takuma asked Grey, who hadn't disappeared.
"Why? Already tired of me so soon?" Grey said. Seeing his own face staring at him with such a guarded look was certainly a new experience.
Takuma sighed. "Keep your insecurities to yourself, will you? You said it yourself. What lies beyond the wall is not good, so is there a way to, I don't know, chisel it out while leaving you intact? I don't want… You shouldn't have to suffer."
If given the choice, he would've liked it if Grey and any complication attached to him didn't exist at all. The reality of his situation was that he was in a body not his own, and it came with baggage. If there were a way to lighten that baggage, it would benefit everyō ne.
"There's no way. I'm it—the black wall and the memories. Getting rid of it means getting rid of me. You chip away at them, you chip away at parts of me. So, no, you're stuck with me."
Takuma didn't want to accept that, but he also couldn't do much else.
"Three clones. That's already a lot, more than anyone should need, and you still want more. I realise I've never asked you why you're so adamant about it. What's the hurry?" Grey asked. He was always poking at him about how much time he spent at work or training, neglecting other aspects for them.
Takuma gazed up at the sky and the stars. Even though they were in a major city, the starry sky was still visible, in all its majestic beauty.
"I wonder if there's something out there," Grey commented. He only saw what Takuma's eyes were seeing.
"Probably. It'd be too arrogant to think we are the only ones out here. As for whether we'll get to meet them, I don't know. Probably not." Takuma shoved his hands into his pockets. "To answer your previous question, I see grave danger in the future that I want to be prepared for. Not only to protect myself, but also to protect the people I care about." He looked around the busy market street, with families out to eat or shop, workers returning home, and friend groups starting their evenings. "And protect the ones who can't protect themselves and rely on us. That's what they say, right: it's the duty of the strong to protect the weak."
He thought about how he would feel about seeing these people who were just living their lives being hurt in one of the many threats Hidden Leaf Village is sure to face in the future. It didn't feel good. The thought of it made his heart and stomach sink. If he could do something, he would rather do it to protect all these people.
Not to mention, it was literally his job to do those things.
He was a former Police Force officer and now an ANBU operative.
"The Hidden Leaf is strong. Do you think it wouldn't survive? Because the way you live sure makes it seem like that," Grey said.
"The Hidden Leaf is strong; it'll survive, but what about the people like Maruboshi, Taro, Arisu, Ai, Nenro, Masaaki, Anko, Mikoto, Iori, Daiki, Kameko—what if one of those individuals doesn't? I don't want to lose the people I care about. The bigger whole might continue to exist, but it wouldn't be the same if my people weren't there…"
The Hidden Leaf Village was his home and, despite its faults, he had come to accept and love it. It was also home to many people he cared about. He wanted to protect it for them, too. And with what he knew, it would be in severe danger on several occasions.
"Wouldn't the future always be full of danger and uncertainty? How long are you going to keep at this?" Grey asked.
Until the curse of his knowledge ran out. However, he couldn't say that, so he said another truth, "Until I can't keep going."
"And if the end of that is a long and deep burnout?" Grey asked with a hint of anger-laced worry.
"Let's just hope that it doesn't come to that," Takuma said. He recognised why Grey was feeling irritated on his behalf. Every day, he ran the risk of running himself into the ground, but he didn't feel like he had much choice in the matter. When someone knew what was coming, if he wasn't in complete denial, he had to prepare for it in earnest unless he was willing just to give up.
"Let's hear it from you: how do you want me to live my life?" he asked.
Grey was always telling him to have more fun and was generally sick of him working all the time.
"Maybe it's because I don't have access to that part of your memories, but I just don't think it's worth it."
Grey had absorbed a lot of his memories in an attempt to gain power to protect himself, but they were limited to the memories of the time after he arrived in this world. He was blind to Takuma's meta-knowledge of the world or the fact that he was from another world.
"You say that you want to protect those precious to you, and that's a noble goal, but is all that worth it when you and they are barely part of each other's lives? When they look back, would they remember you taking part in their moments of joy and sadness? What about you? What will you see when you look back at this part of your life?"
Takuma thought about how he would remember these days, and it was frankly depressing when he realised it would be through the memories of his vendetta against ROOT and Shimura Danzō. Or it would be thinking about the stress and pain he took on while trying to rebuild himself as a fighter and reach new heights.
Would he be proud of his work? Yes, most definitely. But it'd be a lie to say that the memories of this point in his life would be joyful ones.
"If you told them the reason why you're away and not with them, do you think they'd appreciate it or would they rather have you be with them?" Grey asked.
It was all but a rhetorical question.
"What I'm doing is important."
"I never said it wasn't. I just disagree with how much importance you give it when there are other matters of value as well."
When he didn't get a response, Grey disappeared. What was Takuma to say to refute that? He had a few words, and those he had wouldn't convince those who didn't know what was to come.
Takuma paused for a moment before continuing. He couldn't afford to stop. As long as they survived the future, they would have the rest of their lives to appreciate and be together.
He walked alone through the market street, surrounded by people in the presence of their friends and families, all of them happy and content.
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