"Joonhyung, where you going?"
"Huh?"
Where am I going?
Church, duh.
I'm pulling on clothes when Juha speaks up.
Summer's made my clothes looser, thinner.
By August, I might just be naked.
"Where you headed?"
"Church, just for a bit."
Church?
Juha raises an eyebrow.
*You go to church?* her face says.
Haven't been in ages, honestly.
Used to go a bit because of my mom's side.
After my parents' divorce, barely went.
Maybe a few times when my uncle dragged me.
"Why church?"
"Uncle asked me to drop by."
Wouldn't go otherwise, honestly.
Had some friends there as a kid, but…
Haven't seen them since middle school. Probably awkward now.
"Never knew you were Christian."
Not really.
Just go sometimes 'cause of my uncle.
Church wasn't bad, no real bad memories.
Couple of weird ones, but that's old news.
If they ask me to come, I go. No pressure, so whatever.
"Just go occasionally, y'know…"
Kinda nervous, though.
Not about church, but the people.
Wonder how they're doing.
Was pretty tight with some back in elementary and middle school.
By eighth grade, I stopped showing up, and things got distant.
*Tap tap.*
Pick the cleanest, most proper outfit I've got.
Can't show up looking like a bum after so long.
Hair's bugging me today, too.
"You sure it's church?"
Yeah, it is.
Guess I look like I'm headed somewhere else.
Finish up, step into the living room.
Yoo In-ha's out for something. Juha's alone, eating ice cream, staring at the TV.
Yo, weren't you practicing food truck cooking? Your food sucks, practice!
…Would get me killed if I said that.
"Heading out."
"Grab Melona on the way back."
Melona?
Now I want one too.
Wait, hold up.
If my uncle drops by, what then?
Haven't seen him since high school, but…
If he swings by with fruit or some shit, it's gonna be chaos.
'Fuck.'
Whatever.
If he comes, I'll stash these two outside.
---
Whoa. Been forever.
Stepping off at the church, my heart's racing.
Adults gathered for service crowd the entrance.
Cold sweat's creeping in.
Used to be no big deal, but…
After my family fell apart, seeing people greet each other like this makes me sweaty.
*Zip.*
Sneak through a gap at the entrance.
Don't want anyone recognizing me.
'Mmm…'
Church smell.
That distinct woody scent hits my nose.
Past the foyer, into the main sanctuary.
Through the open door, people are scattered in seats.
Not many inside yet.
'Phew.'
Less people, less stress.
Take a quiet seat in the back corner.
Dust flutters on the desk.
*Swipe.*
Desk feels welcoming, weirdly.
Big sanctuary, stained glass, calm main hall.
Soft music soothes my nerves.
Used to love this vibe.
When life got messy, sitting here quietly was nice. The space itself felt good.
After prayers, hanging in the youth room, chatting with friends was the best.
Was super close with those kids from elementary school.
Messing around, running to the playground after.
'Hmm…'
Got hesitant in middle school.
People at the entrance would give pitying looks.
Awkward hellos, pretending it's fine, but it wasn't.
That's when I stopped wanting to come.
Even the fun youth room felt off.
Could see it in their faces.
They tried acting normal, but you could tell they'd heard the rumors.
No one badmouthed me, but… I just couldn't go in.
Once they knew, they couldn't treat pre-rumor me and post-rumor me the same.
'That's how it was.'
Feels easier now, though.
Been so long, I'm over it.
…Or am I?
Maybe it's 'cause I'm nearing military age, all like, *What you gonna do, huh?*
Hearing friends are already going makes my heart race.
Don't wanna go… don't wanna…
"Hah."
People start trickling in.
A few adults from my childhood glance my way.
Close my eyes as the seats fill up front to back.
The quiet, calm vibe's nice.
---
"Joonhyung, you doing okay?"
"Yeah, I'm… fine."
Not sure if I should say I'm fine.
If you knew what I'm dealing with, you'd faint.
Won't mention it…
"Good to see you after so long."
The deacon smiles, patting my shoulder.
Feels kinda nice.
Pastor and deacon haven't changed a bit.
"Come talk if you've got worries.
Always here."
Awkward smile.
Always got worries, but talking won't fix 'em.
They're good people, though.
"School life okay?"
Uh…
Pretty okay, I guess.
Staring at the cross behind makes my heart sting.
Why do I feel like I'm lying?
Been filming OnlyFans, getting my dick wrung out by my delinquent girls. Not bad, though. Haha, what can I do, fuck.
Can't say that.
Church is weird.
Even small lies feel like a stab here.
"It's… not bad. Pretty fun."
"Good. That's a relief.
Lots of kids struggle to adjust these days.
If school's tough or you've got questions, come ask."
Yeah…
Nothing's *too* tough…
Except that time I got dragged around in drag, that was hell.
*Slip.*
The deacon, after glancing around, slips something into my pocket.
Huh? What's this envelope?
"Can't help much, but… You're an adult now, lots you wanna do, right? Have good experiences."
"No, you don't have to—"
"Just happy to see you."
Feels like a lot in there.
Kinda warms my heart, almost teary.
*Hngh, deacon…*
"Stay away from bad stuff. Booze, bars, that kinda thing. Bad influences taint you."
Uh…
Why do Juha and Yoo In-ha pop into my head?
Got two bad influences right next to me… I'll try to survive.
"Did you see Yujung and the others?
They're here today. Say hi, catch up."
"Yeah, I'll head over."
"Great, great. Always waiting for your call."
Deacon smiles, pats my shoulder again, and walks off.
Feels good, somehow.
Fidget with the envelope, climbing the stairs.
'Hah…'
These stairs.
Been forever.
Church's white stairs.
Used to race up and down these like crazy.
So many memories.
*Whoosh.*
The view from the stairwell window.
Things were so good back then.
"---."
"---."
Youth room's ahead.
Noisy chatter spills out.
Peek through the door—lots of new faces.
Room looks the same, though. Used to mess around in there a lot.
[College Room]
Guess I'm here now.
Used to hit the youth room.
Time flies.
'Hmm…'
This room's super quiet.
Are people even here? Sitting around?
Gonna get all eyes on me if I walk in, huh?
Kinda nervous.
"Lee Joonhyung?"
Familiar voice from behind.
Well, not *familiar*, but it's been a while.
Turn around without thinking.
"Whoa."
A face I saw tons as a kid…
An Yujung's standing there.
---
"…"
"…"
Fucking awkward.
College room's nearly empty.
Guess people haven't shown up yet.
"So, uh… you been good?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm good…"
Other old friends here too.
Awkward greetings all around.
Sitting face-to-face after so long, I'm sweating buckets…
"Umm…"
"Umm…"
Short grunts fill the silence.
Nothing to say, fuck.
*What you up to? School. Cool. Where? Some place. Nice. School life okay? Yeah, it's fine. Cool.*
Were we always *this* awkward?
Don't think so.
Did I kill the vibe?
"What's with the silence?"
'An Yujung'.
She sets down a drink, laughing lightly.
She's the only lively one here.
"Been a while, Joonhyung?"
"Y-Yeah."
Forever, really.
Even when I came to church, I'd say hi and bolt, never saw the others.
Everyone's changed a bit.
Yujung too… feels more outgoing, maybe.
"Why don't you come to church? Busy?"
"Not really…"
Just no reason to come.
Yujung sips her drink, lips moving.
Same old vibe, still feels like the group leader. Always herded us around.
"You know Jaesuk went to the military?"
"He did?"
What, already? That's fast.
"Said he wanted to go early, get it over with and work."
Got it.
July's got me freaking out, though. Fuck, do I really have to go?
"When you going?"
"M-Me…"
Why's my throat closing up, fuck?
*Ughhh…*
"Probably after freshman year…"
"Yeah?"
Yujung blinks, chewing her paper cup.
Stop talking military, I'm getting depressed.
So Jaesuk's gone already. Wild…
"Says he's a private first class now, calling all the time."
…Hmm.
Pretty sure Jaesuk had a thing for Yujung.
Probably why he's blowing up her phone.
"Said we could visit his base.
Wanna go sometime?"
"Uh, maybe if I've got time…"
Visiting a base? Sounds awkward as hell…
"But yeah, been a minute.
Why'd you come today?"
"Just… been a while."
Can't say my uncle made me.
Yujung hums, lips twitching. Still got that habit.
"Leaving right after?
Grabbing food with us?"
"Oh, food."
Right, we used to eat together after.
Might as well. First time eating as adults. Hope I don't choke…