Golden Week flew by—too damn fast.
Nights were packed at the bar: endless drinks, drunk salarymen, tourists, tips piling up in my pocket like they were trying to bury me. Between that and the side jobs the yakuza kept throwing my way, the cash was stacking higher than I expected.
Yeah.
It was finally time to start paying back what I owed.
They kept me on lookout duty—standing in the shadows, surveilling the streets, making sure no one interrupts while Tetsu and the others handled the real work.
It paid well enough.
Tetsu pulled me aside once, voice low: "You're staying out of the killing and the heavy lifting. That's the deal."
I didn't argue.
Honestly, I was relieved.
No telling how far I'd go if they let me in any deeper.
And yeah, the money actually came in handy for once.
Bar tips, yakuza side gigs, YouTube ads finally kicking in — nothing crazy, but the cash was stacking.
Maybe I'm not blowing up yet… but I'm eating now, bitch.
Not trying to flex, but I went stupid on clothes and shoes.
True Religion jeans, Amiri bone denim, Balenciaga tracks, some Off-White pieces, all the brands I used to scroll past on my phone like they were another planet.
Now they're just sitting in my closet like they belong there.
Feels weird.
The good kind of weird.
But still weird.
And so, here I was on the last day, strolling around Matsumoto Castle like I owned the place.
Kids pointing fingers, whispering, "That's him…", they wanted to be like me. A couple of teens stopping dead in their tracks, phones out, snapping pics of me without asking.
I even got pulled aside by some pro photographers. I let them take pictures. Why not? It's free content.
And there I was, planted on a bench, enjoying a couple of free hours before my last night shift…
"Onii-chan?"
Kaede froze mid-step.
A sharp pang shot through my chest. Part of me wanted to pull her into a hug, despite all the hell she'd caused. Part of me wanted to strangle her where she stood.
"Hi—and bye, Kaede," I said flatly, already starting to turn.
"Wait!" she yelled, desperate, yanking my hand before wrapping her arms around my stomach. She blocked me from leaving.
I froze. This was Kaede? The sister who usually acted like I was invisible?
"I just… want to talk," she muttered, voice low.
I sighed. Tsk. Fine. Might as well hear her out.
"Sure," I said, eyes glazing over as I stared at her tiny arms. "But first… can you let go of me?"
"S-sorry!" she stammered, letting go instantly, cheeks burning.
I caught her left arm before she could pull away completely.
"O-Onii-chan?" she squeaked, voice small and startled.
I blinked.
I don't know why I did it.
I sat back down on the bench, my grip on her wrist steady but not tight, guiding her to sit beside me.
She didn't resist.
She just sat, eyes wide, cheeks still flushed, looking at me like she wasn't sure if this was real.
I let go slowly.
The space between us felt smaller than it should have.
After I let go, her palm brushed the spot my wrist held, light, almost testing.
"Does it hurt?" I asked, voice lower than I intended.
"No… it's kind of… nice," she admitted, hesitation still in her tone.
Nice? I blinked, caught off guard.
"…You touched me first," I muttered, more to myself than to her, my voice low and reluctant.
Kaede let out a small laugh—quiet, almost shy.
"So, what's up, little princess?" I said, voice dropping back to flat. "What could a screw-up big bro possibly do for you?"
The warmth from earlier iced over fast.
Too dangerous. For me. For us.
For a second, though, she blurred—right there on the bench—into the little girl who used to chase me down the hallway, bawling her eyes out over some tiny fuck-up, convinced I could fix anything.
Kaede's gaze fell, sadness flickering across her face.
Then it hardened.
"Onii-chan…" she said, quieter now, but steady.
"You're Forsaken, aren't you?"
Yeah… I should've seen that coming.
Really.
So now what?
I met her gaze head-on, not looking away this time.
"If I was," I said, giving a lazy shrug, "what would that change? You gonna look at me differently?"
Her expression softened, something fragile settling in her eyes.
"Yeah," she said quietly.
Then she looked at me like she always used to—like she was tired of pretending.
"Because, Onii-chan… you're such an idiot."
I blinked.
"Why are you telling me this?" I murmured, voice low, trying to piece together what I just heard.
I knew she hated me.
I just never thought she'd say it out loud like—
"I didn't push that chair because I hated you," she said quietly.
Her voice trembled.
"I never hated you."
A pause.
"Why… why can't you understand how I feel?"
Her voice cracked on the last word. Tears were shining in her eyes, spilling over before she could stop them.
My heart broke.
But my head just… refused to accept what I heard.
"But you said—" I started, the words dying in my throat.
"I know what I said!" she snapped, cutting me off.
Her voice cracked immediately after, like she hated herself for raising it.
"I know… I know."
Her hands clenched into fists at her sides.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said that to you."
She swallowed, forcing the words out one by one.
"I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I'm sorry I acted like you didn't matter."
Her eyes trembled, tears finally spilling over.
"And I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to say this sooner."
Her voice dropped, barely louder than a whisper.
"I was scared, okay?"
I sighed. I didn't find any lie in her voice, but...
"It's not like I don't get it," I said quietly. "But if I forgive you now…"
I paused, choosing the words carefully.
"What am I supposed to do the next time you decide I don't exist again?"
My voice stayed even, almost calm.
"That's the problem, Kaede.
I shrugged.
"You already threw me away once.
What's stopping you from doing it again?"
The silence stretched.
Neither of us moved.
Cause saying anything else would mean admitting we both still wanted to fix something that might be broken beyond repair.
Kaede wiped her tears with the back of her hand, then looked up at me and smiled.
It was a simple smile.
The kind she used to give me when we were kids, before everything went wrong.
"I… I wouldn't forgive myself if I pushed you away again," she said quietly.
Her voice trembled, but she didn't look away.
"Maybe you are a delinquent now. Maybe you've changed. Maybe you're… scary sometimes," she admitted, searching for the right words. "But… I think we just kept saying those things about you until they started to feel real."
She swallowed.
"Even when they weren't."
Then, suddenly, Kaede grabbed the sleeves of my hoodie, pressing her small frame against my chest.
Her palms clenched the fabric like I might shatter if she didn't hold on.
"Please… don't disappear again. Not yet."
CRACK.
A sudden pang slammed through me. Hot, dumb tears spilled, forcing me to face a truth I'd been denying for too long.
I still care.
Why do I still care?
Why the fuck do I still care?
As if on cue, three words flashed through my mind—uninvited, unwanted, but undeniable.
I love you.
It pissed me off.
Of course I do.
Of course I can't help it.
You're my sister, damn it.
That's the problem.
So what am I supposed to do with that feeling?
Lean into it?
Trust it?
Let it pull me back in again—
just so you can throw me away the next time it's convenient?
It's not that I want things to stay as they are. I'd take you back if I could. But I can't.
So, if I can't take you back and I can't let you go either... I'll test you. See how much you can carry before you deny me again.
Even if, some part of me wanted you to pass the test. Even if I knew, even if you pass it, things will never be the same again.
I patted her head, gently, like I used to do when we were kids.
She flinched, but didn't let go.
Not yet.
"Honestly...," I sighed. "I wish I could hate you. It'd make things easier. But guess what? I can't."
Kaede let out a small laugh, breath shaky, fingers tightening in the fabric of my shirt.
"Me too," she murmured.
Her voice was soft—but steady.
"I hate the way you hurt yourself and act like it doesn't matter."
"You two made me believe it didn't," I muttered.
Then I clicked my tongue lightly.
"Oh. And don't tell Mom we met."
"W-why?" Kaede stammered.
I shrugged.
"She asked the school for my new address. That's… inconvenient. The less you two know, the better."
Kaede held my gaze. Her eyes dropped for a second—processing—then she looked back up, something resolute settling into her expression.
"I understand," she said quietly. "I won't tell her anything."
"Good."
I checked the time. 5:25 PM.
Shit.
I pulled out my phone and ordered an Uber.
"Onii-chan?" Kaede tilted her head, blinking.
"Gotta go," I said, standing up. "My boss'll kill me if I'm late."
More dread slipped into my voice than I intended.
I reached into my wallet and handed her a 10,000-yen bill.
Her eyes widened.
"Buy yourself something nice," I said.
"Thanks...," she muttered, taking the bill shily.
Then I unlocked my phone again.
A pause.
And quietly, without looking at her—
I unblocked her on LINE.