(MC POV)
Grass.
Dirt.
Rocks.
And blood. Not mine, thankfully. Though the scent was way too fresh for comfort.
I blinked. My vision swam, bright light burning behind my eyelids. Cold air nipped at my skin. The scent of earth, copper, and ash hit all at once, grounding me fast. The sky above me was a bright, cloud-smeared blue, the kind you'd see in high-definition anime before something exploded. Birds chirped. Leaves rustled. Somewhere nearby, someone screamed.
I sat up slowly.
"System-tan," I muttered, "where the hell am I?"
❖ "You're in the Hidden Leaf outskirts! Welcome, Master~! We've arrived roughly twelve years before the start of canon, and—oh look! A dead ninja!"
"…What."
❖ "Yup! That body over there with the kunai sticking out of his chest? Certified non-playable character. Don't worry! You're safe. For now. Mostly. I gave you passive death resistance until you open your inventory. Teehee~!"
I scrambled to my feet. My outfit looked like something out of an elite Uchiha clan cosplay—long coat, bandaged arms, shinobi pants tucked into sandals. The fabric moved with me like I was born to wear it, but I couldn't help the weird mix of awe and imposter syndrome crawling up my spine. One second I was a guy in sweatpants dodging bills, and now I looked like a fanfiction OC with plot armor and drip.. Long coat, bandaged arms, shinobi pants tucked into sandals that somehow didn't feel awful. I looked like I knew what I was doing. I absolutely did not.
❖ "You look hot, by the way. I gave your character model the highest ratings in beauty and intimidation. You can make grown men question their sexuality now!"
"...That's oddly specific, but thanks?"
❖ "You're welcome, Master~! Also, your chakra reserves are currently three times that of Hashirama Senju. You're basically a walking nuke with sparkly hair."
"Oh good," I said flatly. "Nothing says subtle infiltration like walking hair glitter and a chakra signature detectable from orbit."
I turned in place, surveying the area. I was in a forest clearing. About twenty feet away, a kunai quivered in a tree trunk. The dead ninja System-tan mentioned lay slumped against the roots, headband cracked, eyes empty. I tried not to stare too long at the blood. It was still wet.
"Friendly neighborhood shinobi warfare, huh?"
❖ "Oh, yes! You're in the tail end of the Third Great Ninja War! Surprise~! But don't worry—your stats are higher than 99% of everyone on this continent. Think of this as a tutorial zone… with live ammunition."
Great.
❖ "Also, I upgraded your lungs so you won't breathe in toxic chakra smoke! Yay, ninja asbestos protection!"
"...What?"
❖ "Nevermind~!"
I exhaled and brought up my HUD. A crisp, blue-lit interface filled my vision like an augmented reality overlay. Stats, inventory, shop, skill tree. Beautiful. Glorious. Terrifying.
❖ "I added voice commands! And I respond to kisses now!"
"I'm not kissing my interface."
❖ "Not with that attitude, you won't."
I ignored her.
My stats were… absurd.
[Satou Tanaka]
Level: 1 (But don't let that fool you)
Race: Supreme Soul Reincarnator
Chakra Capacity: 1,000,000+ (Overflowing)
Affinities: All (Yes. ALL.)
Inventory: Empty (Get looting!)
Shop Points: ∞
Skills: [Observe], [Universal Mastery], [Manual Skill Scaling], [Luck Manipulation], [System-tan's Love Overdrive (?)]
❖ "That last one activates if you get fatally wounded. I go berserk. Like, delete-the-enemy's-soul level berserk. Romantic, right?"
"…Remind me never to break your heart."
❖ "Too late. You forgot to say 'good morning' when you woke up."
"Are you serious—"
❖ "Kidding~! Mostly."
I closed the interface and took a breath. Air was thick with tension, and maybe a little ozone. Chakra was floating in the air like dust motes. This world was alive in a way mine never was. It buzzed.
And then—rustling.
I turned, just in time to see three figures flash into the clearing. Konoha ninja. Flak jackets. One of them had a bleeding arm.
They saw me.
Their chakra flared. Hostile. Intent like knives pressing against my skin.
❖ "Would you like to pretend to be a survivor? Or obliterate them with sparkly overkill? Choices, choices!"
I raised my hands slowly. "Hey, friends. I come in peace. Definitely not looting corpses or anything."
One of them shouted. "Identify yourself! Which platoon?!"
Crap. Think fast.
"I'm a special jounin!" I yelled back. "Uh, Root Division! Secret ops! Can't disclose more due to… y'know. Secrecy."
❖ "Master, you are literally glowing. Like, your hair is glowing. They probably think you're a Tailed Beast in disguise."
"Helpful commentary, thanks."
The leader hesitated. "Root...? We didn't get word of any Root operations today."
"Exactly," I said, deepening my voice, "because we're good at our job."
Silence.
Then the ninja slowly lowered their weapons.
"…Carry on, shinobi," the leader muttered. "But if you're lying—"
❖ "Say something edgy!"
"Then I'll be the last lie you ever hear," I said, trying to sound cool. Cringe. Immediate regret.
The group vanished into the trees.
❖ "Master~! You're already cosplaying as a broody antihero! I'm so proud!"
I collapsed onto the grass, exhaling hard.
Then immediately sprang back up, realizing I had just sat down next to a corpse.
Gross.
I needed a plan. A base. Maybe a disguise. I wasn't just a guy with powers—I was an anomaly. If Danzo got wind of me, he'd either try to dissect me or adopt me. Neither option was appealing.
❖ "You could always pretend to be a missing-nin from another country! Or a hermit! Ooo! Or a mysterious wanderer with amnesia!"
"I already fake-lied about being in Root."
❖ "Plot twist: You were in Root! Just not from this timeline~!"
"That doesn't even—wait. Can I actually do that?"
❖ "You have a Supreme Soul and Multiversal Narrative Immunity. You can lie and retroactively make it canon if you're dramatic enough."
"...That's terrifying."
❖ "But fun~!"
I sighed again and looked down at my hands. Smooth, steady, glowing faintly. I wasn't just strong. I was wrong. Too powerful to exist in this timeline without leaving ripples.
❖ "Master~?"
"Yeah?"
❖ "You might want to turn around."
I turned.
A massive white snake slithered silently from the underbrush.
Orochimaru's summons. Or maybe just a wild summon. Either way—it locked eyes with me.
❖ "Combat tutorial unlocked!"
"Fine," I muttered. "Let's see what this body can really do."
Time to ruin canon.
Properly this time.
______
I dropped into a loose stance—not because I had any idea what I was doing, but because anime characters always dropped into stances when big trouble showed up. The snake hissed, thick coils sliding over leaves with a sound like silk over glass. It was huge. Like, "could use a small house as a chew toy" huge.
[Warning: This summon has been marked as a high-tier B-rank threat. Not recommended for new players. Please enjoy responsibly!]
"Too late for a refund," I muttered, channeling chakra into my hands without even trying. It surged like a tidal wave—warm, electric, overwhelming. It felt like breathing lightning.
[Master! Would you like to:A) Use a preloaded skillB) Improvise with Universal MasteryC) Talk it out with a big ol' snake boiD) Let me handle it with Overdrive mode? <3]
"B. Let's see what happens."
[You chose violence! Yay! Uploading instinctive ninjutsu...]
Suddenly, I just knew how to form hand seals. My fingers moved like they'd been practicing since childhood. "Fire Style: Great Flame Vortex!"
A towering spiral of fire erupted from my mouth, twisting upward like a dragon with ADHD. It engulfed the snake before it could even lunge. It let out a screeching hiss—then exploded. Violently.
Ash rained down.
Leaves fluttered.
My coat flapped dramatically in the updraft.
I blinked at my hands. "That was... awesome."
[Master, your chakra barely dipped! You're so cool I'm considering changing my alignment from Chaotic Neutral to Chaotic Infatuated.]
"You're already chaotic yandere, don't get upgrades."
[Too late~! Also... there's more coming.]
"What?"
[Another chakra signature just entered the area. Bigger than the last. A lot bigger.]
From the far side of the clearing, a ripple distorted the air. And then he appeared.
Long, pale face. Snake-like eyes. Black hair and a smug aura that could curdle milk.
Orochimaru.
Actual, canon, nightmare-fuel Orochimaru.
"Well, well," he said with a soft chuckle, "that was my summon. Not many can destroy it so... effortlessly."
I stared. He was exactly as creepy as I remembered from the anime. Maybe worse in HD.
[Warning: Major canonical character detected. Interaction may cause butterfly-effect tier chaos. Please proceed irresponsibly.]
"Hi," I said. "Sorry about your pet."
He tilted his head. "And who, might I ask, are you?"
"Name's Satou. Special jounin. Root. Definitely not a multiversal invader with infinite power, nope."
[10% chance he believes you. 89% chance he wants to dissect you. 1% chance he adopts you as his new obsession.]
"You're lying," he said calmly. "But you're interesting, and that makes you valuable."
He raised a hand.
The trees groaned as more chakra surged in. Five white snakes slithered from the shadows, baring fangs.
[Combat alert: Threat level—very rude. Deploying backup?]
"No need." I rolled my neck. "Let's see what else I've got."
With just a thought, I activated [Universal Mastery] again—and the ground answered. Stone spikes erupted in a circle around me. I followed it with Wind Release: Gale Palm, launching myself at Orochimaru with a speed that cracked the air.
His eyes widened.
My fist connected.
The snake man went flying into a tree with a satisfying crunch.
I landed on my feet, stunned at myself.
"Holy crap... I punched Orochimaru. And lived."
[And looked hot doing it! I recorded it for memory bank #69.]
Orochimaru peeled himself out of the tree, chuckling darkly. "Fascinating."
No damage. Of course.
"I'll remember you, Satou."
Then he vanished. Just poof—smoke and gone. No flashy jutsu. No monologue. Just classic snake behavior.
I stood there, heart pounding.
Then I laughed.
Loud. Hysterical. Slightly unhinged.
"What the hell is my life?!"
[OP protagonist life, Master~! It only gets weirder from here.]